Current Events > I'm a super jealous person and a player hater in certain situations(story)

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WALL OF TEXT WARNING WITH NO TL;DR

How do I stop this?

Example: I have a coworker(well, she's my boss lmao) who I'm attracted to and would love to bang. But she's very clearly not interested in me. She likes tall dudes who workout or do farming and shit, which I am not and do not. BUT when I was up for the position of working under her, I was competing with this other guy who is about the same height, and he is fit, and has a more outgoing personality than me and has went to college and shit and was in the army(never saw combat, just went through boot camp basically)

Well long story short he pursued her and they wound up hooking up one night at his birthday party. I wound up getting the job and working under her, but he got to smash and that gutted me. After I got the job he left for other employment opportunities. I've harbored resentment and hatred for him, and sometimes her mixed with feelings of hopelessness and regret that she never looked at me in that light.

Now I'm up for ANOTHER job at the same place leaving working under her for a different position and more money, and the first thing she says is we should call this guy and see if he wants to come back to work because she will be in dire straits when I'm gone and she needs someone with experience who she doesn't have to train so much.

For the most part she's been nice enough to me, sometimes gives too much work and not enough herself, but has treated me fairly for the most part working under her.

But it just hurts like hell that she loves this guy so much. And he was never a jerk to me or anything, but I can't stand him and at this point I can't even look at her. Even if I do take the position and leave her, I won't be able to help thinking about how she must be so damn happy to have him back and she'll never think about me. I know they've hooked up since he left so he'll be really winning here. A decent paying job and gets to fuck the boss.

But I SHOULDN'T CARE. I'll be making more money than her in this new position, will be away from her and him and will finally be able to afford a house and some surgeries I need. But I still feel gutted. How can I stop being like this? This is one of the contributing factors towards my mistrust of women and people in general. It shouldn't be though, I shouldn't give a fuck but I do. I really do and it hurts.

It hurts my ego too because she's banged two coworkers since I've been there. The guy I'm talking about and another guy who she wound up having his kid. One of my coworkers is also her former drug dealer from back in her party days lol. Makes me realize how much of a fucking mutt I must look like and how terrible my personality is.

I guess what I'm trying to get to here is... I'm a loser, a player hater and a sad person.
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To anyone who bothered reading: Im sorry, I know Im pathetic
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I read, no need to apologize.

*also I don't think it is worth beating yourself up over, take the job and be happy.
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Dude stop beating yourself up. Thats why you didnt get the girl bud, you hate yourself, and women can sense that. You need to take a timeout , start lifting weights, and come to peace with yourself.

As for being salty at dude, cmon bro. Even if you had got that girl, it would never match your expectations. And most likely it would have make work a hell you couldnt tolerate, if it went bad. Which it would, because you already thino youre halfway in love with this girl and shes way more mature than you are. Ots a recipe for disaster. Never date at work!

Enjoy your promotion and move on, shes bad for you. Plus she has a baby daddy, thats not ideal either.

Way more mature than he is.

Had a kid from a coworker who is her former drug dealer.

Pick one.
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jeffhardyb0yz posted...

@Alteres posted...

Way more mature than he is.

Had a kid from a coworker who is her former drug dealer.

Pick one.

FC: 5344-2646-0982

Bet your ass.

Gamefaqs.gamespot.com
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That's lame. Well I guess I know how all the male co-workers felt about me when I ended up with the hot girl at work they all dreamed about. I'm not "tall and fit" either. 6 ft and average body type.

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Keith_Valentine posted...

Dude stop beating yourself up. Thats why you didnt get the girl bud, you hate yourself, and women can sense that. You need to take a timeout , start lifting weights, and come to peace with yourself.

As for being salty at dude, cmon bro. Even if you had got that girl, it would never match your expectations. And most likely it would have make work a hell you couldnt tolerate, if it went bad. Which it would, because you already thino youre halfway in love with this girl and shes way more mature than you are. Ots a recipe for disaster. Never date at work!

Enjoy your promotion and move on, shes bad for you. Plus she has a baby daddy, thats not ideal either.

I do hate myself I know I do. I hate that I cant be the person she wants or the personality she wants. I hate that no matter how much I workout and get fit it wont change who I am inside.

Alteres posted...

Way more mature than he is.

Had a kid from a coworker who is her former drug dealer.

Pick one.

No she just hired her former drug dealer. Had the kid with a different coworker. Though Im sure she has fucked her dealer at some point during her party stage.
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She sounds trashy. Hit the gym and move on bro.
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You need to change your mindset. You can either live in a world of abundance, or you can live in her little world.
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Yo you gotta realize that making the move to not working with her is gonna be the best thing for you, it'll take some time but you'll get over her.
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GreatEvilEmpire posted...

You need to change your mindset. You can either live in a world of abundance, or you can live in her little world.

DespondentDeity posted...

Yo you gotta realize that making the move to not working with her is gonna be the best thing for you, it'll take some time but you'll get over her.

Youre right but right now the pain is at maximum.

And I also think about what if I suck at this new job and am way in over my head? Its not like I can just go back to working for her. I am very comfortable with my current job itself, I know how to do everything hell I ran the place when she was out on maternity leave.
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I understand how that feels but holy shit if she is sleeping around then you dodged a bullet, you should not be concerned with this woman, imagine if you got together and she still slept around, because chances are that she would, I do so and which is why I do not have a single gf.

But yes, I understand that it feels terrible even tho you know you should, I was there a month ago and at this point it still feels like that, you just get used ot it and hopefully with time it fades.
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So looks like I'm getting this new job and will be out of there and away from her. This is the best for everyone involved, especially me. It'll be hard at first to stop thinking about how happy she'll be with her new boy toy, but I hope it will fade over time and I can develop a new attitude and not worry about things like that.
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Take the new job and move on from this trashy drug-addicted slut.
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Manocheese posted...

Take the new job and move on from this trashy drug-addicted slut.

I feel the need to give more info on this.

She WAS drug addicted. In her teens, 20's and early-mid 30's. She's 40 now and her only vice is alcohol. Even quit smoking cigarettes.

Anyway, I interview for the new job on Thursday and God I hope I get it. It's heart breaking just working near her at this point.
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Hairistotle posted...

this is great, that means she will be a distant memory in no time

She won't though, that's the problem. I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop thinking about her and I don't know WHY. She has no real idea how I feel, we've never hung out, just always been boss and subordinate. Goddamnit it fucking SUCKS.

Another problem is I'm mostly comfortable with where I work and get along with everyone. So taking a completely new job is giving me major anxiety and I don't know if I'll be able to do good work.

I'm just so fucked in the head right now.
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Hairistotle posted...

what do you do for work? what do you do in your spare time?

I don't feel comfortable talking about my job on here, considering I've been a troll for the majority of my time here and don't want any real life backlash.

In my spare time I do.... pretty much sleep and get on the PC and game. I'm obese as hell trying to lose weight right now via low carb diet.
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She sounds like a nightmare. Take your love of her, pin it to the ground with your foot, then put a spear right through its heart because shes very obviously not worth it. The sooner you realize this the sooner you stop caring. Plenty of fish in the sea and many who Im sure are better than that.

Hairistotle posted...

NOM posted...

This is one of the contributing factors towards my mistrust of women and people in general

this line tells me you think of women as different from men. core of the issue but you might have already known that.

mistrusting people in general is fine and imo the right approach to take. to put women and people in different breaths though - sounds kinda trite maybe but it makes it sound like you don't think of women as regular people.

i was in a very similar situation as you. ended up hating the guy and the girl. moved far, far away and one day my brain just sort of forgot everything. you've got them fake love hormones swimmin up in your head that you gotta clear out. another cliche, but you should go for daily walks. it sounds like bullshit but you will rewire your brain after a week or two of daily 30+ min walks

i'm having trouble articulating myself and my posts might seem scatterbrained, but that's cuz im at work so i'm doing like 10 other things atm. i'll take time to give more consideration to the topic when i get home

I will say I mistrust people in general, men or women. But I think you're also right. For a long time I put women on a pedestal and that attitude never worked out for me, so I began to mistrust them even more and see them as a whole different species. I'm trying to stop but it's hard.
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