Current Events > C/D: If a girl expects you to pay on the first date, you're done with her

(+) Yeah! (+)

I just think that in an egalitarian society, it's dumb to expect the man to pay for everything. She needs to at least pretend to offer to pay at first. If she even implies with her body language that she's expecting free everything, that's a huge red flag.

Exception is if you're dating a single mother. They may have to drop more money on a babysitter for their kids than the entire cost of the date. If the guy pays for everything on that date, that sounds fair. All other circumstances however, no.
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I don't date a lot but I've never really been on a date that expected me to pay
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Why is "No" winning?
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it depends.

if I ask her out, then no.

if she asks me out/suggests we go out, it's not necessarily a yes, but it could be a red flag.
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I think whoever does the inviting should be expected to pay for the first date. Most of the time its the man, but if a woman asks a dude out, she should be willing to cover the meal.
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slk_23 posted...

Why is "No" winning?

If a girl is great in every other way, that's a petty thing to end things over. A lot of girls just have that mindset that the guy should pay on the first date. It doesn't necessarily mean they'll always want you to pay. However, if it's been like 3+ dates and she still expects me to pay, that's a major red flag.

I generally always offer to pay on the first date, but if the girl offers to split then she gets bonus points.

If I'm the one inviting her out I expect to pay
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slk_23 posted...

Why is "No" winning?

Some people are desperate or just "old fashioned."

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There about a 75% chance that I would have suggested that we go, so I usually pay for first dates. Whichever person asks the other should, at least, offer to pay.
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RedWhiteBlue posted...

AlisLandale posted...

I think whoever does the inviting should be expected to pay for the first date. Most of the time its the man, but if a woman asks a dude out, she should be willing to cover the meal.

thronedfire2 posted...

If I'm the one inviting her out I expect to pay

Honestly, in a world where men are expected to do the asking and lead, it's almost always the guy paying. Most women don't approach first. People should be considerate of others from the start and offer to at least pay for their meal/drinks.

I'm a fan of breaking down traditions that needlessly hamper society, and if something unbalanced happens because you're a man or a woman, we should do something about it.

I understand that. More power to ya, my bro.

Personally though, regardless of if its a date or even just a friend, if Im inviting someone, its just in my nature to offer to cover something. Like, a movie. Even if I dont buy a ticket, I at least gotta cover popcorn and drinks.
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I tend to pull the ol I forgot my money and credit cards at home trick, 9/10 times the girl will pay. The 1/10 times when she will not I will leave to the bathroom and just not return nor will she get a second date.
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RedWhiteBlue posted...

AlisLandale posted...

I think whoever does the inviting should be expected to pay for the first date. Most of the time its the man, but if a woman asks a dude out, she should be willing to cover the meal.

thronedfire2 posted...

If I'm the one inviting her out I expect to pay

Honestly, in a world where men are expected to do the asking and lead, it's almost always the guy paying. Most women don't approach first. People should be considerate of others from the start and offer to at least pay for their meal/drinks.

I'm a fan of breaking down traditions that needlessly hamper society, and if something unbalanced happens because you're a man or a woman, we should do something about it.

This is spot on
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boxington posted...

it depends.

if I ask her out, then no.

if she asks me out/suggests we go out, it's not necessarily a yes, but it could be a red flag.

this. like whoever is asking out makes sense for them to pay but like the girl should still offer in most cases.

bad date stories?

asked this one girl out i met online. talked a little bit before and then went to her place and picked her up. she wanted to go to olive garden so we did. she said they had some special like 2 for $20 so i'm like "oh nice she's thoughtful and trying to save me money" then she orders 2 meals for herself and says she's gonna take the other to work for lunch the next day. so 1 huge red flag right there. of course i pay for everything including her 2nd meal. never went out with her again and years later i seen she was still single.

Generally yes, unless there's some reasonable scenario that balances the scales.

For example if I wanted to go on a date with a university student and she said "I'm really sorry, but I'm broke this month and I can't afford to go out" (and that was genuinely the truth), then I would probably offer to buy the drinks because it's no big deal.

I make sure the first date isn't gonna be expensive or overly involved. Don't take your first dates to dinner.

The important thing is, I will happily pay on the first date, but if she expects me to pay then it's a bad sign.
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creativeme posted...

then she orders 2 meals for herself and says she's gonna take the other to work for lunch the next day.

The audacity.
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If you invite someone to something it's logical to assume it's your treat. You wouldn't invite someone to your house for dinner and expect them to so half the cooking.

creativeme posted...

boxington posted...

it depends.

if I ask her out, then no.

if she asks me out/suggests we go out, it's not necessarily a yes, but it could be a red flag.

this. like whoever is asking out makes sense for them to pay but like the girl should still offer in most cases.

bad date stories?

asked this one girl out i met online. talked a little bit before and then went to her place and picked her up. she wanted to go to olive garden so we did. she said they had some special like 2 for $20 so i'm like "oh nice she's thoughtful and trying to save me money" then she orders 2 meals for herself and says she's gonna take the other to work for lunch the next day. so 1 huge red flag right there. of course i pay for everything including her 2nd meal. never went out with her again and years later i seen she was still single.

The mistake was paying for both meals.
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RedWhiteBlue posted...

Honestly, in a world where men are expected to do the asking and lead, it's almost always the guy paying. Most women don't approach first. People should be considerate of others from the start and offer to at least pay for their meal/drinks.

I'm a fan of breaking down traditions that needlessly hamper society, and if something unbalanced happens because you're a man or a woman, we should do something about it.

Well said. Its dumb af to expect whoever asks to pay...when men are expected to do the asking 99% of the time

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knutjob posted...

If you invite someone to something it's logical to assume it's your treat. You wouldn't invite someone to your house for dinner and expect them to so half the cooking.

If I invite someone over to cook dinner I expect them to help with me the cooking

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I guess I and my social surroundings have always been what is referred to now as "old-fashioned" because being a man, I believe I have paid for every date I have been on, regardless of who's idea it was. I should add that paying was never discussed, it was something I was expected to do as the man, and I had/have no problem with that whatsoever. I'm also probably slightly older than most people here, but not dramatically so.
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Yeah, I think it falls on whoever asks to at least offer to pay for everything.

It was a long time ago and I don't really remember, but I think my first date with my wife, while I offered to pay for everything, I paid for dinner and she insisted to pay for movie tickets, or maybe vice versa.
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I prefer it. Grants you the power
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