Current Events > I started taking some antidepressants

(+) Yeah! (+)

I have everything I've ever wanted - beautiful wife, three beautiful kids, nice house, nice cars, big yard, the riding lawnmower, a dog, a couple cats, nice climate. Unfortunately something inside of me is letting me know that I don't deserve any of this.

Deep down I know it isn't true, but I can't help but feeling like a total peice of shit. I know the thoughts are wrong, can't get rid of them. Doctor gave me Prozac. Says it'll take a couple weeks to kick in.

Today my son asked me like 15 times to go push him on the swing and I couldn't get off the couch to go do it. I remember when I was younger and all I wanted was to spend time with my son throwing a ball or something with him. I figured I'd do that for hours. But now, I'm going to be the shitbag dad that won't even get off the couch.

I hate this.
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It's all in your head. You can concoct that horse shit. Now just imagine if you use the energy to get off the couch, of which I pissed in while you were at work. So....
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Johnny_Nutcase posted...

It's all in your head. You can concoct that horse shit. Now just imagine if you use the energy to get off the couch, of which I pissed in while you were at work. So....

You pissed in my couch?
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Leight_Weight posted...

Johnny_Nutcase posted...

It's all in your head. You can concoct that horse shit. Now just imagine if you use the energy to get off the couch, of which I pissed in while you were at work. So....

You pissed in my couch?

Well I mean I could. ... Iiiiiii

*throws a 1000 roll black cat up into your ceiling fan to make a getaway*
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I've also lost almost 30lbs. I was trying to lose weight for a little while but now I look like a Holocaust survivor. Someone at work made a joke and said "You don't look like a survivor man, you look like a victim!"

My problem now is I have to literally choke down food. A couple days ago my wife made omelettes with cheese, onion, bacon, green pepper, etc and I couldn't even eat it. I mean jesus Christ I grew up on gamefaqs. I used to eat oreos while I played Final Fantasy or something entire sleeves at a time
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Crono99 posted...

This might seem kind of strange, but... why do you need to "deserve" what you have in order to be happy?

What does it even mean to deserve something anyway? Some people lie and cheat and hurt others all their lives and they don't lose any sleep over it. Some people get lucky and win the lottery. Some people go on a business trip and die in a plane crash. Some people spend their lives helping others then they get cancer and spend their last days in pain.

This is how you need to live.

It's not to say throw responsibility or your moral compass out the window but you need to understand that circumstances and luck play a role. There really isnt a "deserve" because karma isnt real, and life doesnt care. You sound like you have a great life and many people would be jealous of that.
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Yao posted...

Crono99 posted...

This might seem kind of strange, but... why do you need to "deserve" what you have in order to be happy?

What does it even mean to deserve something anyway? Some people lie and cheat and hurt others all their lives and they don't lose any sleep over it. Some people get lucky and win the lottery. Some people go on a business trip and die in a plane crash. Some people spend their lives helping others then they get cancer and spend their last days in pain.

This is how you need to live.

It's not to say throw responsibility or your moral compass out the window but you need to understand that circumstances and luck play a role. There really isnt a "deserve" because karma isnt real, and life doesnt care. You sound like you have a great life and many people would be jealous of that.

That's the worst part. I know it's a good life, I know others would be jealous. I know this is what I always wanted. I know my kids and wife love me.

Unfortunately I can't get my feelings to coincide with the things I know. It's really dark. I've never been one to consider suicide or anything like that
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Remember whatever you've been prescribed will likely take a few weeks for it to fully take effect. Keep your doctor in the loop.
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Leight_Weight posted...

Unfortunately something inside of me is letting me know that I don't deserve any of this

First off, change this to "making me think" when you have these thoughts. Unless you have a very solid reason for not deserving to have anything.
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My biggest problem I feel like is this:

Something small happens in the morning on the weekend. I have expectations about what we're going to do, and some small changes happen. It pisses me off, and then it ruins my entire day. I can't recover from it. And in turn, I destroy my family's day because Dad is in a shit mood. I just don't know what happened to me. I used to pride myself on that I didn't care about what other people think. But now, I can't get past that. I've told my wife this, she knows it. She's great.
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@brestugo posted...

Remember whatever you've been prescribed will likely take a few weeks for it to fully take effect. Keep your doctor in the loop.

Yeah they told me that. I've been dealing with this shit for like 15 years but I just feel like everyone I know is on pills and I was trying to be the man who could do it without that shit. I don't fucking need pills to be a functioning member of society. I don't need pills to be a man. I can fix this shit myself. Going to the doctor makes me look weak. I'm really not happy about going, but I promised her I would
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Leight_Weight posted...

@brestugo posted...

Remember whatever you've been prescribed will likely take a few weeks for it to fully take effect. Keep your doctor in the loop.

Yeah they told me that. I've been dealing with this shit for like 15 years but I just feel like everyone I know is on pills and I was trying to be the man who could do it without that shit. I don't fucking need pills to be a functioning member of society. I don't need pills to be a man. I can fix this shit myself. Going to the doctor makes me look weak. I'm really not happy about going, but I promised her I would

I thought that way once too. Sometimes being a man means getting help. Doing nothing in the face of a problem is weakness. Hang in there and good luck.
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ProfessorKukui posted...

@The_Doge definitely pisses on couches.

Much Slander
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Suck it up and stop fucking up your kids childhood. Even if you have to go cry in a closet afterward, you go push that swing. You can brood on the couch when they move out.
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Depression is no joke. Don't pay attention to people telling you to just "suck it up". I'd also suggest some form of therapy in addition to medication - sometimes just expressing how you feel makes you feel better.

Chicken posted...

Suck it up and stop fucking up your kids childhood. Even if you have to go cry in a closet afterward, you go push that swing. You can brood on the couch when they move out.

Ironic, since a schizophrenic parent is still worse than a depressed one.
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Chicken posted...

Suck it up and stop fucking up your kids childhood. Even if you have to go cry in a closet afterward, you go push that swing. You can brood on the couch when they move out.

TC, do you go to therapy... or is that what you meant when you said "your doctor gave you prozac"? Have you ever sat and talked to someone about what it is in your life that you're missing and/or need to get rid of to help you remedy these feelings?

Because I'm certainly not one to say "suck it up and don't get help", I just think there could be other ways besides putting yourself in the chemical straight jacket that only drugs like prozac provide. My sister has been on it for years and is a total dud of a person now. Plus it's like.. where is the finish line with drugs like that?

Take all this with a grain of salt as I, myself, have never been on anti depressants... but they seem like an all too convenient way to mask the underlying causes of those feelings so you can tell yourself "everthing's fine".

Sure, you have it all... but maybe you could have more? Maybe you're not achieving your full potential and your mood reflects that? Or... maybe it's just a chemical imbalance, what do I know, really.

I'm not trying to downplay your situation... I just got sad when I read you saying "I used to be that kid that played final fantasy all day and ate oreos" lol, it made me nostalgic for those times and made me think "we've all been through tough times, you can get through them too"
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