Current Events > Anyone have that Keanu Reeves copypasta?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Where he's at the store and tries to walk out with candy bars? I tried to find it on Google and got nothing.
---

I saw Shia LeBeouf at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didnt want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, Oh, like youre doing now?
I was taken aback, and all I could say was Huh? but he kept cutting me off and going huh? huh? huh? and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like Sir, you need to pay for those first. At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually to prevent any electrical infetterence, and then turned around and winked at me. I dont even think thats a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
---

That's the Maynard James Keenan pasta
---

I was involved in the production of the film 'Point Break' In 1991. During the filming, Keanu Reeves (whose role involved playing rookie FBI agent 'Johnny Utah') was surfing with co-stars when a small child was dragged under the waves and began to struggle to stay above surface.

As his co-stars rushed to help, Reeves held out an arm in front of them, stopping them and was reported saying by Lori Petty (who played the character Tyler Endicott in the film) "The waves have claimed her, let her fight for her own life". The crew, dumbfounded, proceeded to watch her struggle until her body disappeared beneath the waves, lifeless.

We later spotted him outside the child's house, making drowning gestures and thanking the family for their child's sacrifice to the great ocean.
---

that's one of those fill-in-the-blank copypastas where you namedrop whomever is the current fotm household name nice guy

my first time was Bill Murray
---

The original was Flying Lotus.

I have no idea who the original name is. I've seen Shia LeBeouf, Keanu Reeves and I think someone else.

I'm watching John Wick 2 with my wife, so it made me think of that for some reason.

Kitt posted...

I was involved in the production of the film 'Point Break' In 1991. During the filming, Keanu Reeves (whose role involved playing rookie FBI agent 'Johnny Utah') was surfing with co-stars when a small child was dragged under the waves and began to struggle to stay above surface.

As his co-stars rushed to help, Reeves held out an arm in front of them, stopping them and was reported saying by Lori Petty (who played the character Tyler Endicott in the film) "The waves have claimed her, let her fight for her own life". The crew, dumbfounded, proceeded to watch her struggle until her body disappeared beneath the waves, lifeless.

We later spotted him outside the child's house, making drowning gestures and thanking the family for their child's sacrifice to the great ocean.

Lmao, its been years since I've seen this one.
---

I love this copypasta
---

When I was younger, maybe junior high, I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my sister got her hair done. So when there i am, sitting in the waiting area of a hair salon with my niece and who walks in but Keanu Reeves.
I was nervous as fuck, and just kept looking at him, as he read a magazine and waited, but didn't know what to say. Pretty soon though my niece started crying, and I'm trying to quiet her down because I didn't want her to bother Keanu, but she wouldn't stop. Pretty soon he gets up and walks over. He started running his hands through her hair and asking what was wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry or something. So, Keanu put down his magazine, picked up my niece and lifted his shirt. He breast fed her right there in the middle of a hair salon. Chill guy, really nice about it.
---

Darrrrling, you ARE Keanu Reeves!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz4wxyFIAhE" data-time="&start=4369
---

josifrees posted...

When I was younger, maybe junior high, I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my sister got her hair done. So when there i am, sitting in the waiting area of a hair salon with my niece and who walks in but Keanu Reeves.
I was nervous as fuck, and just kept looking at him, as he read a magazine and waited, but didn't know what to say. Pretty soon though my niece started crying, and I'm trying to quiet her down because I didn't want her to bother Keanu, but she wouldn't stop. Pretty soon he gets up and walks over. He started running his hands through her hair and asking what was wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry or something. So, Keanu put down his magazine, picked up my niece and lifted his shirt. He breast fed her right there in the middle of a hair salon. Chill guy, really nice about it.

I've never seen this one.
---

In October 2001, Keanu Reeves met with the families of 9/11 victims. After a brief interview in which he expressed his condolences and hope for closure, he reportedly burst out laughing and made airplane noises and mimicked two planes crashing. He then picked up the child of a deceased victim and whispered into her ear "Your dad's dead, bitch", and proceeded to put on a pair of sunglasses and unleash a barrage of martial arts attack on the small child. She was rushed to the hospital where she was pronounced dead due to extreme trauma. When asked later about the incident, Reeves became visibly sexually aroused and repeated the same attack on the reporter.
---

Kitt posted...

In October 2001, Keanu Reeves met with the families of 9/11 victims. After a brief interview in which he expressed his condolences and hope for closure, he reportedly burst out laughing and made airplane noises and mimicked two planes crashing. He then picked up the child of a deceased victim and whispered into her ear "Your dad's dead, bitch", and proceeded to put on a pair of sunglasses and unleash a barrage of martial arts attack on the small child. She was rushed to the hospital where she was pronounced dead due to extreme trauma. When asked later about the incident, Reeves became visibly sexually aroused and repeated the same attack on the reporter.

Lmao
---