Poll of the Day > Discuss my piece on meeting Sir Cliff Richard

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Part of my Storytime blog. Tell me it's funny and not homophobic or offensive, please.

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Wanna hear about the time I met Cliff Richard?

It started off when I was dragged, kicking and screaming, into a visit to his vineyard. Cliff Richard is famous for many things, y'know. The absolute least of which is his home and vineyard in the Algarve, Portugal.

In the restaurant that I worked in at the time, there was this woman and son who spent their hard-earned cash to go on Cliff's house and wine tour. I tried Cliff's Vida Nova wine once before and it tasted like burnt hair, so I was never super up for the idea. Also (I hereby apologise to all your grandmas) I was never a fan of his music, tbh.

So this dude and his mother: They'd come over for a holiday at least twice a year and they'd always go on the tour. And they would return to the restaurant for their early supper completely decked out in Cliff Richard merch. We're talking hats, t-shirts and keyrings with our boy Cliff emblazoned upon them, along with two complementary bottles of sewer-infused grape juice.

They were lovely people. And they invited me constantly to join them on the next time they went to fawn over their hero.

One day, they hit me with a classic bait-and-switch.

"We're going to see Cliff's place this Thursday." they said. "When is your day off?"

"Alas" said I. "My day off has been unfortunately changed this week until - uhh, Saturday."

"Oh wait!" they say. "We're actually going on Saturday. Our mistake. We'll pick you up from here at 11am?"

Me: "FUUUUUUUUU- okay, sure."

My fate was sealed.

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Three days later, we rocked up to Sir Cliff's house for the tour.

Initially, a Portuguese dude showed us around the house. We weren't allowed inside obviously. Would you let a bunch of deranged obsessive fans into your house if you were super famous? Fuck no.

Then they showed us the vineyard and gave some speech about Cliff Richard himself adoring the Algarve and his love for the place and it's luxurious cost-effective wines and how he was therefore inspired into designing his own celebrity-endorsed piss water bullshit.

But WAIT, exclaimed the tour guide. We have a VERY special guest this evening. Fresh off his stint in other parts of the world doing the things he is, in fact, inexplicably famous for, Sir Cliff Apparent Wine Connoisseur Richard is here in person.

The collective female octogenarians nearly drowned in puddles of their own making as the man himself appeared before us looking as if the last thing he wanted was to greet 50-odd people who had been prowling around his backyard for 40 minutes.

But Sir Cliff was very gracious about the fact and we all stood in a huge queue, believing ourselves worthy of saying hello to the guy whose UK music sales are third behind only The Beatles and Elvis Motherfucking Presley.

Eventually, it was my turn to shake his hand. I was nervous, tbh. It was like meeting the Queen. (If you know what I mean ;) )

He greeted me warmly, did Sir Cliff. And hugged me closely.

And firmly gripped my buttoc- no, but seriously, we all know that Sir Cliff might be a bit gay. It's not a problem for me, obviously. Kind of hurts that I have to even say that in 2019.

But I honestly reckon the guy deserves more credit. He's a legend. A living legend. (Or a Living Doll, lmao) I've already mentioned his music career prowess and although I personally can't stand any of it, there's no denying he is very popular with a lot of people and a decent chap as well.

I definitely recommend going on his tour and maybe you'll be as lucky as me in meeting the man himself.

(His wine is undoubtedly shit, though.)
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Americans aren't going to care, they don't know who he is for the most part.

I'm offended that you don't like his music, though. I'd totally have been jazzed to meet him.


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ParanoidObsessive posted...

Americans aren't going to care, they don't know who he is for the most part.

I'm offended that you don't like his music, though. I'd totally have been jazzed to meet him.

Fair. Most of my audience are British who live here in the Algarve.

Also, I've never met him. None of this actually happened.
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SpaceBear_ posted...

Also, I've never met him. None of this actually happened.

That doesn't really alter my statement. You're still kind of crapping on his music (a lot of which I like), and I would be jazzed to meet him. The man's had #1 hits in more decades than most people on PotD have been alive. He's literally done something that neither the Beatles nor Elvis ever managed to pull off, no matter how "timeless" people like to think they are.


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