Current Events > You get paid $10,000 every time you shit your pants in front of someone you know

(+) Yeah! (+)

BUT

* You can't tell them about your arrangement to save face, otherwise the money disappears

* You can only shit your pants in front of someone once to get that payout. If you do it again with that person, you won't get paid

* You need to be at least friendly with someone. You can't just introduce yourself, catch someone's name and then shit yourself - you need to hang out and get along with someone, really get to know them to a friendly degree

* Family counts, but only if you're familiar with them. You can't shit yourself in front of your fourth cousin's daughter's niece who has never met you and get a pay day, unless you've met your fourth cousin's daughter's niece.

How many people do you alienate with your shit antics to get that cold, hard cash?
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i would just make a list of friends called the shit friends for this

Time to invest in some adult diapers and do it all.
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I think I'd do it. You could get a big payday at a family gathering or during your wedding. Then just say you were really sick and it came on too fast or something
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Could I rent out a theater, invite everyone I know, and perform some shitting opera and get $10k for every person that attends?
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HunkDude posted...

i would just make a list of friends called the shit friends for this

Sexypwnstar posted...

Time to invest in some adult diapers and do it all.

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"Oh man, what did I eat? Gotta get to the bathroom before-OH NO!"
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Sexypwnstar posted...

Time to invest in some adult diapers and do it all.

They have to know that you've shit yourself. If you show them the diaper, there's a high chance that they think you're an adult baby fetishist.

Smashingpmkns posted...

Could I rent out a theater, invite everyone I know, and perform some shitting opera and get $10k for every person that attends?

Yeah, sure.

Quick rule patch:

* It has to be in person. Online friends count, but you need to meet them in person and shit yourself to get the money. No group videos, no pre-recorded videos. You can do what Smashingpmkns suggested, but everyone there has to see it in person - no video feeds allowed.
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Actually - last rule patch:

* you can't tip people off that you're gonna shit yourself. You can make it out like you're sick, but doing it on artistic grounds or letting people know that it's about to happen apropos of nothing won't net you the cash. Smashingpmkns' shitting opera wouldn't work, but a one-man show or other performance that has you shitting your pants - that's fair game.
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MrMallard posted...

* You need to be at least friendly with someone. You can't just introduce yourself, catch someone's name and then shit yourself - you need to hang out and get along with someone, really get to know them to a friendly degree

No deal then.

That's a lot of money for something as simple as shitting...
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You never said it wasn't retroactive, so I make a fuckload off of the time before I was toilet trained.
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When the IRS comes after me for suddenly having thousands of dollars show up in account what would I tell them? Given that I cant tell anyone I shit for money.
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i have so many family members who will understand. I'm gonna be rich.
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murrica posted...

You never said it wasn't retroactive, so I make a fuckload off of the time before I was toilet trained.

I thought it'd be obvious that it goes into effect after you accept the deal.

samurai bandit posted...

When the IRS comes after me for suddenly having thousands of dollars show up in account what would I tell them? Given that I cant tell anyone I shit for money.

You have an unmarked, untraceable account at a bank of your choice where all the money goes. No interest, though.
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Find people that are into scat. Befriend them and then pretend to do it to seduce them. But then leave before they do it too.
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Question

Is it 10kp per shit per person or simply 10k per person

i.e. could I gather 100 friends, shit once, and get 1mil or would i need to shit my pants 100 times to make 1 mil

how long is this deal in effect? will i receive payment if i were to trust a risky fart during my future nephews school rendition of dogzilla?
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Chicken posted...

Find people that are into scat. Befriend them and then pretend to do it to seduce them. But then leave before they do it too.

Acceptable, but you need to shit in your pants. Shitting bare-assed doesn't count.
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DAMN_PEGGY posted...

Question

Is it 10kp per shit per person or simply 10k per person

i.e. could I gather 100 friends, shit once, and get 1mil or would i need to shit my pants 100 times to make 1 mil

Per person, so you could gather up 100 people and make a million. But you can only shit yourself once per person - if you shit a second time with the same person, you won't get paid a second time.

dib153 posted...

how long is this deal in effect? will i receive payment if i were to trust a risky fart during my future nephews school rendition of dogzilla?

You can call it off whenever you like. That scenario is bending the rules a little, but as long as your nephew and any other people you know at the showing become aware that you shit yourself, it'll count.

In a scenario like that, however, they'll need to know it was you within the span of 24 hours. If the school covers up who did it and your nephew doesn't know that it was you until a few days later, you don't get the money.
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So I could just discreetly shit myself and excuse myself. This doesn't sound so tough. I'd wear really tight fitting underwear so it didn't risk falling out of my pants on my way to change. Easy breezy cover girl
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Bump
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