Current Events > Did Jesus do any other cool things with his powers?

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YoshitoKikuchi
05/11/19 10:50:29 PM
#1:


Other than walk on water and turn water into wine?
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MrK3V
05/11/19 10:50:55 PM
#2:


he got nailed and still didnt lose his virginity
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SiO4
05/11/19 10:51:40 PM
#3:


He came back from the dead, that was pretty dope.
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dr_marble
05/11/19 10:52:24 PM
#4:


It doesn't get any cooler than killing a fig tree
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Reis
05/11/19 10:52:27 PM
#5:


he was a Stand user
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au_gold
05/11/19 10:52:28 PM
#6:


His carpentry was on point.
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Tyranthraxus
05/11/19 10:52:36 PM
#7:


He beat the shit out of some moneylenders with a whip
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It says right here in Matthew 16:4 "Jesus doth not need a giant Mecha."
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boxington
05/11/19 10:52:56 PM
#8:


didn't he bring a dude back to life, and exorcise a bunch of demons and have them enter some pigs and then have them all drown themselves, or something like that?

edit: and bring sight back to the blind

I've never read the NT, but I heard some stuff along those lines.
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Zikten
05/11/19 10:54:19 PM
#9:


boxington posted...
exorcise a bunch of demons and have them enter some pigs and then have them all drown themselves,

I always hated that story. Why the fuck did he have to kill those pigs?
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CyricZ
05/11/19 10:55:17 PM
#10:


Reis posted...
he was a Stand user

He-- GOD DAMMIT you beat me to it.
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PiOverlord
05/11/19 10:56:21 PM
#11:


Feeding thousands with barely any food.
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CapnMuffin
05/11/19 10:57:48 PM
#12:


boxington posted...
didn't he bring a dude back to life, and exorcise a bunch of demons and have them enter some pigs and then have them all drown themselves, or something like that?

I've never read the NT, but I heard some stuff along those lines.

Yes. Lazarus.

He multiples the loaves and fish. Also there were quite a number of miracle healings, including leprosy and blindness or reattaching an ear. Interestingly there was one instance where someone was healed by touching him secretly but Jesus felt his power go out of him.
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Vicious_Dios
05/11/19 10:58:32 PM
#13:


Zikten posted...
boxington posted...
exorcise a bunch of demons and have them enter some pigs and then have them all drown themselves,

I always hated that story. Why the fuck did he have to kill those pigs?


Because they were legion, for they were many.
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boxington
05/11/19 10:58:36 PM
#14:


Zikten posted...
boxington posted...
exorcise a bunch of demons and have them enter some pigs and then have them all drown themselves,

I always hated that story. Why the fuck did he have to kill those pigs?

idk, maybe it's because they were seen as unclean animals
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#15
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Delta_Force
05/11/19 10:59:20 PM
#16:


Wore socks with sandals and didn't piss anyone off!
Truly a miracle.
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Strider102
05/11/19 11:00:16 PM
#17:


He fought Manbearpig
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Touch
05/11/19 11:01:05 PM
#18:


He turned water into funk
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gunplagirl
05/11/19 11:01:08 PM
#19:


He's a trans man. Only had DNA from his mother.
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Delta_Force
05/11/19 11:02:29 PM
#20:


gunplagirl posted...
He's a trans man. Only had DNA from his mother.


That doesn't make him trans, that just makes him half a man.
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Zikten
05/11/19 11:03:02 PM
#21:


boxington posted...
Zikten posted...
boxington posted...
exorcise a bunch of demons and have them enter some pigs and then have them all drown themselves,

I always hated that story. Why the fuck did he have to kill those pigs?

idk, maybe it's because they were seen as unclean animals

This is why I have gotten more and more anti religious the older i get
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Freddie_Mercury
05/11/19 11:04:22 PM
#22:


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gunplagirl
05/11/19 11:05:19 PM
#23:


Delta_Force posted...
gunplagirl posted...
He's a trans man. Only had DNA from his mother.


That doesn't make him trans, that just makes him half a man.

God doesn't have human dna, Jesus only had his mother's dna. He'd be a clone of her. A woman.
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Zikten
05/11/19 11:06:11 PM
#24:


Or he has God DNA. If Jesus was real I always thought his dna in a microscope would look pretty wild
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#25
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Delta_Force
05/11/19 11:08:23 PM
#26:


gunplagirl posted...
Delta_Force posted...
gunplagirl posted...
He's a trans man. Only had DNA from his mother.


That doesn't make him trans, that just makes him half a man.

God doesn't have human dna, Jesus only had his mother's dna. He'd be a clone of her. A woman.


So you're saying Mary was an alien...
It all makes sense now! Thank you Space Jesus!
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gunplagirl
05/11/19 11:10:09 PM
#27:


Zikten posted...
Or he has God DNA. If Jesus was real I always thought his dna in a microscope would look pretty wild

God has no physical body and that's why he needed to clone Mary in order to create a living avatar for His power.

Think about it like this. Jesus gets a thorn of crowns, is whipped, gets crucified. Isn't scared or bothered by the blood because Jesus had menstrual cycles. Also would explain why Jesus was loving, forgiving and actually supported sex worker rights. Not exactly a thing many cis men, even leftists, are 100% behind.
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Kitt
05/11/19 11:10:53 PM
#28:


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gunplagirl
05/11/19 11:11:21 PM
#29:


Delta_Force posted...
gunplagirl posted...
Delta_Force posted...
gunplagirl posted...
He's a trans man. Only had DNA from his mother.


That doesn't make him trans, that just makes him half a man.

God doesn't have human dna, Jesus only had his mother's dna. He'd be a clone of her. A woman.


So you're saying Mary was an alien...
It all makes sense now! Thank you Space Jesus!


Jesus was an undocumented immigrant, alien is the modern term.

#America #Imarriedmytruck #mtndewIVs
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Delta_Force
05/11/19 11:12:11 PM
#30:


Ok so what you're really saying is that Jesus was Mary's daughter-brother? Or is that son-sister?
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IHeartRadiation
05/11/19 11:13:04 PM
#31:


He told a dead body to stop sleeping and she got up.
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I don't get it either.
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gunplagirl
05/11/19 11:14:05 PM
#32:


Delta_Force posted...
Ok so what you're really saying is that Jesus was Mary's daughter-brother? Or is that son-sister?

Trans son.
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#33
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au_gold
05/11/19 11:15:19 PM
#34:


We dont know for sure what Jesus identified as.
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dr_marble
05/11/19 11:15:37 PM
#35:


Wait, where did the alien thing come from?
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#36
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Delta_Force
05/11/19 11:24:51 PM
#37:


IHeartRadiation posted...
He told a dead body to stop sleeping and she got up.


That's not true, he was never married or had a sexual life.
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gunplagirl
05/11/19 11:28:44 PM
#38:


dr_marble posted...
Wait, where did the alien thing come from?

Jesus illegally immigrated between various parts of the middle East and North Africa.
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Reis
05/11/19 11:29:27 PM
#39:


gunplagirl posted...
dr_marble posted...
Wait, where did the alien thing come from?

Jesus illegally immigrated between various parts of the middle East and North Africa.

and then he somehow ended up in America
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dr_marble
05/11/19 11:31:57 PM
#40:


gunplagirl posted...
dr_marble posted...
Wait, where did the alien thing come from?

Jesus illegally immigrated between various parts of the middle East and North Africa.

Oh, I was picturing probes and lasers
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IHeartRadiation
05/11/19 11:43:50 PM
#41:


Delta_Force posted...
IHeartRadiation posted...
He told a dead body to stop sleeping and she got up.


That's not true, he was never married or had a sexual life.

Jesus will remember that
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I don't get it either.
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dj1200
05/11/19 11:55:11 PM
#42:


He healed people.
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SiO4
05/11/19 11:58:54 PM
#43:


Has anyone brought up Water into Wine? That was pretty dope as well.
---
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DirkDiggles
05/12/19 12:00:53 AM
#44:


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Feline_Heart
05/12/19 12:05:33 AM
#45:


There was a lady who was on her period for 7 years straight and after she touched his clothes, she was healed
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gunplagirl
05/12/19 12:29:11 AM
#46:


Reis posted...
gunplagirl posted...
dr_marble posted...
Wait, where did the alien thing come from?

Jesus illegally immigrated between various parts of the middle East and North Africa.

and then he somehow ended up in America


Only in the book of Mormon which has one m too many. "Hey guys I know I've been charged and convicted on petty scams before but I found these golden plates that nobody can see and I can only read, and I can only read them once, definitely the true word of God check it out!"
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DD Divine
05/12/19 3:45:12 AM
#47:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QW2Wh1OZBA" data-time="


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LordFarquad1312
05/12/19 3:57:02 AM
#48:


The apocrypha is where all the good shit's at

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infancy_Gospel_of_Thomas
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itachi15243
05/12/19 4:17:14 AM
#49:


He healed/regenerated whole body parts
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gunplagirl
05/12/19 4:18:45 AM
#50:


itachi15243 posted...
He healed/regenerated whole body parts

But could he have a hole whole? ;)
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