Current Events > Do you enjoy manic episodes?

(+) Yeah! (+)

It's like my brain has no brakes and all these ideas are flowing out of me in a mess that only a hoarder can love.

whenever I tell girls that I have mania they'll be like 'bruh, you got enough red flags to be mistaken for a communist rally" bazinga

is it bad that i'll make a tinder account, lead a girl on for like 2 months then dump her? i'll usually allude to it early into seeing her like "lol, i pretty much abandon everyone cus everyone else would abandon me" then she says 'oooh baby that so sad' then i go all like 'bazinga, ghosted'

? I'm eating cheerios right now and I'm not very cheery. They're even honey-nut but that doesn't help. TFW I miss my ex-gf and that's why I ghost women and do the things I do.
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Should probably talk to a doctor.
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Error1355 posted...

Should probably talk to a doctor.

I did, and all he could talk about is how much weight I've been gaining the past year.

The dude said to me, "Now open your mouth and say oink"
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uhhh I mean manic episodes are the only consistent way I feel good nowadays, but I dunno that I'd say I enjoy them. I'm taking steps to change that as a result and i'd recommend you do the same.
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Is that manic?
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Back when I would have manic episodes they were usually enjoyable but my behavior during them was too risky and dangerous.
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Lost_All_Senses posted...

Is that manic?

it's something. I'm diagnosed borderline personality so whatever that gives me. I think mania is for bipolars only unless I'm mistaken.

But to get to brass tax (tacks?) - Every so often my brain will feel like "whooosh" and it's like flashes of thoughts and ideas are streaming through me and I end up getting super inspired, but bite off more than I can chew. Then I'm like "all these ideas, gotta get things done" and run around like a chicken with no head. Y'know, like when a chicken gets its head chopped off and runs around. Then I'll feel like I'm on top of the world and not sleep at all, still try all those ideas but in terms of actually enacting them it's like 1% at a time then I jump to the next thing.

And then I get laid too much when that happens like that's half of what I think about so I'll go to bars and stuff and be super charismatic to girls.

Then a flip switches, everything crashes down on me, and I'm like "this isn't my house, this is not my beautiful wife...how did I get here??!?" and have an emotional meltdown, call my crazy ex-girlfriend, she'll cuddle me, and then I'll be depressed af for a bit til it comes round again.
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yeah it's enjoyable, but it's risky to give in to it. medication helps for that to keep you stable
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catboy0_0 posted...

yeah it's enjoyable, but it's risky to give in to it. medication helps for that to keep you stable

I don't partake in risky behaviour outside of sex stuff but even then it's not that risky imo. Like the relationships/leading girls on thing is a drag but that's more of trust issues than anything but the episodes play a hand in the sense that I wouldn't bother getting into relationships if it weren't because of them. Like, I said "too much" because my idea of too much is more than one different girl in a month, I'd rather be sleeping with the same girl over and over.

I've taken mood stabilizers before but they don't make me feel anything and I usually can get a hold on it most times anyway. Like, my worst episode was three days of me recording tambourines for a track I was working on, deleting it due to being 4hz or however much out of tune from the guitar tracks, and repeating with a different tambourine until it was right - spent like 500 dollars...

I guess the best way to describe it is hyper-inflated OCD with projects/ideas. I get crazy on the music stuff mostly then overwhelmed because I currently have 37 tracks I'm working on and none are close to finished. It's annoying because I don't have space for all this quarter inch tape.

The worst one involving people was I broke up with my girlfriend, said she was an evil person, and then calling her to take me back like 5 times in a row before saying "i'm getting back with crazy girl instead of you, bye" then she was like "wtf dude, i was gonna talk to you once you cooled off but now I'm done with you cus you basically cheated on me"

and that's the story of my people.
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you're justifying and enabling your own behavior by saying "well it's not that bad" it's still unhealthy
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sorry that was a little to blunt, I do things like that too. even if you aren't actively harming someone else with your behavior, it can still be not what is right for you, ya know?
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catboy0_0 posted...

you're justifying and enabling your own behavior by saying "well it's not that bad" it's still unhealthy

but think of how much music I'll have some day

and like, this probably won't help since it's the same argument functioning alcoholics make, but it's not negatively affecting my professional life. It does my personal life/emotions to a point, but over the last year I've made an effort to not get close to others so as to avoid upsetting them or hurting them emotionally.

Probably more fuel for my newly acquired haters today, but I'm not a good person so the best thing I can do is not get close to anyone. Part of the reason I even act out on gamefaqs and stuff is that it makes it easier for me when I can get others to think "what a piece of shit, I don't want anything to do with him"
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I understand
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I mean I try to take advantage of them, but I know it's bad and I try to go back to balance after a while. I get way too narcissistic and hypersexual, and I also hate waking up with depression and an empty bank account.
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catboy0_0 posted...

sorry that was a little to blunt, I do things like that too. even if you aren't actively harming someone else with your behavior, it can still be not what is right for you, ya know?

Yeah I get that. Not to defend my actions but I'd be willing to say most people don't do what's right for them even tho it may not be apparent that they're causing harm to themselves. Like, judging others and not showing empathy to people you disagree with or may be in a different place in life can be worse than anything because all it does is lock doors of possibilities while throwing away the key.

catboy0_0 posted...

I understand

Thanks, it's a drag but such is life.
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You think you're overflowing with ideas and creativity but it's an illusion. You're not accomplishing anything. It's just a different way to waste time but with obnoxious and incorrect feelings of grandiosity. There's a reason it's a legitimate mental illness that requires intense treatment...
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do I need intense treatment, rikasa?
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rikasa posted...

You're not accomplishing anything

I have close to 40 in progress tracks from this year and 12 completed ones that were finished once I buckled down. Double-edged sword, yeah, but not nothing.
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