Poll of the Day > I feel like Roxas one-hundred and eighteen days after joining Organization XIII.

(+) Yeah! (+)

80/80

It's currently day two of my winter vacation, and I haven't a clue what I am supposed to do. I don't think I'll ever understand how unemployed people can stand doing this for long periods at a time. It's a nightmare. I hate this lack of productivity so much. All I did today was watch my television set, screw around on the computer, and try to read a book on how to program. I must confess that I didn't spend a whole lot of time on the last thing, because I just didn't want to. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'm ashamed to say that I lack the discipline to teach myself things because I'm just too tired to study. This has been the case with me for the past few years, and I'm starting to get sick of it. I know for certain that I've said before on this board numerous times that I'm sick of studying but this is just too big an issue for me to ignore. But it is not like my weariness has cost me any marks in my classes, since my performance has not faltered throughout my college career. Anyway, now it's my vacation time, and now I'm trying to spend it trying to learn a new skill to advertise to potential employers. But I'm just so tired all the time, to the point that I cannot even concentrate.

Not to mention the constant loneliness gets to me and makes me not want to study, as has been the case during my past few semesters. It just makes me panic and sometimes, my mind just wanders to disturbing memories of my past, which further exacerbates this problem of not being able to study on one's own. It's just that when I think about studying, whether it's financial mathematics, programming, or regular coursework, I feel too panicked and pressured to even pick up the bloody book and try. I'm just so scared nowadays, for some odd reason. The thought of studying all alone just makes it easier for me to neglect it altogether because of how miserable I'll be while studying. It's maddening, really, and very troublesome if I still want to go the actuary career route.

Nowadays, I'm just worrying a lot about what the hell I'm going to do post-graduation. I can't decide if I want to go the data science route especially with what little programming experience I have, or if I want to go the actuary route with the lack of tests I have taken and attempted to study for. I just cannot study anymore due to the thought of being in constant solitude while doing it. It scares me, but it's something that I must do and something that many people entering this field must do, and yet I'm unable to do it because of my very messed-up emotional problems.

Anyway, I've been applying to jobs in hopes of finding work for after I graduate but so far, I haven't had any luck with it. And it makes me worry, since I don't actually want to live in this state. It makes me worry even more since I don't even know which state I want to live in, if not here. I've always thought that I'd find work, then be forced to relocate to some other state to do that work; then I wouldn't need to decide where I want to live. Right now, it's like I don't want to live here, but I don't know where else to live. I don't know if I want to even bother applying to jobs out-of-state anymore because I don't know where to look for work. I might settle for getting an apartment with my brother here because I don't need to search for an ideal place for me to live straighaway, in addition to not having to live in utter solitude, which would likely drive me mad. This is my plan so far, but again, I'm having trouble finding recruiters who are willing to hire someone still in college. Maybe they'd be more open once I actually had the degree? I don't know. Anyway, this is what happens when you give me a vacation: I think way too much and end up stressing myself out over the future, in addition to my unstable mental state. So how is your winter vacation, if you have one? If you don't have one, tell me how much I take for granted.

In hindsight, this is nothing like what Roxas felt that day. In any case, I must have these answers.
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Tldr
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I enjoyed the topic title, ok?

EclairReturns posted...

I don't think I'll ever understand how unemployed people can stand doing this for long periods at a time. It's a nightmare.

The alternative is death and I don't plan on dying anytime soon, ok?
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fuck it, get drunk, I haven't had a job in almost 10 years, the party never ends

wwinterj25 posted...

The alternative is death and I don't plan on dying anytime soon, ok?

You can get a job.
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Kyuubi4269 posted...

You can get a job.

That's the idea although one doesn't just magically appear because you want one. Well unless you have relatives and/or friends who can beg you a job, ok?
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wwinterj25 posted...

Kyuubi4269 posted...

You can get a job.

That's the idea although one doesn't just magically appear because you want one. Well unless you have relatives and/or friends who can beg you a job, ok?

Sell drugs, it's easy

Istillhateyou posted...

Sell drugs, it's easy

I'd rather sell my body, ok?
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wwinterj25 posted...

Istillhateyou posted...

Sell drugs, it's easy

I'd rather sell my body, ok?

Also pretty easy, unless your stupid ugly

Istillhateyou posted...

Also pretty easy, unless your stupid ugly

Gay for Pay, ok?
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