Poll of the Day > I did something really stupid at work today.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I told my boss that I'm not enjoying my job nor am I finding it as fulfilling it as I used to. He told me that that's not typically the type of thing that an employee at work typically tells his superiors. It was then that I realized how embarrassing telling him this was. But he didn't seem to mind, anyway. He then started proposing changing up the variety of work that I do so that I don't find it as mundane or tedious as I claim to do now. I then got really embarrassed; the entire reason that I told him about my feelings at the workplace because I wanted Friday off because I felt so exhausted and wanted a little time off. I then spent the rest of our conversation looking down at the floor, and nodding while he talked. Then I went back to work, and nothing changed. Except now, my boss probably thinks much less of me because I complained about work because I didn't like it. It's very, very likely that other people at my workplace don't enjoy their jobs and they never complain about it. So I'm just the only guy at work who complained about the quality of his job. I mean, two people I know at work had majored in subjects that have nothing to do with what they do now, including the bloke I just complained to. So I just basically complained about my job to someone who probably doesn't like his job either. And now I'm afraid of how he'll see me from now on. People have pulled lots of strings to get me this job, and I'm really taking it for granted.

But the point is, I'm just so tired all the time to the point that it's difficult for me to focus. I feel like I'm going insane sometimes while working, partially because I'm trying to repel some bad memories that repeatedly distract me and cause me distress on a daily basis while at the same time trying to focus. I'm just so tired all the time, managing my bad memories and trying to enjoy life. There isn't really anything to enjoy in my life, nowadays, anyway. I used to like studying math at school and working with Excel, but after a while, I just stopped enjoying doing either of them. I am fully aware that these things are not meant for my enjoyment, but I really had nothing else in my life that made me somewhat happy. I do play video games, but they're only tools to distract me from thinking about my misery and such. I haven't actually enjoyed anything in a while. People always tell me to find something that I enjoy doing. But even if I do find something that has a remote chance of making me happy, there's no one to enjoy it with, so I just end up being sad again. I'm not a fan of that MeetUp site; none of the hobbies featured there seem to appeal to me. And it'd just be such a hassle to locate the meeting sites and have my mother drive me there. I don't like to rely on her so much, either. I know I should really be driving myself places, but I'm just a horrible driver. My mother tells me that my driving is fine when I drive the same road home after work, but I can't really trust anything she has to say about my driving. She'll naturally praise me for anything I do.

In any case, the fact that I still haven't gotten my license makes me worry about how I can ever live alone. In addition to not being able to drive so well, I'm also emotionally frail, and would have no source of emotional comfort to turn to when I'm alone with my thoughts. I will not know how to manage working a full-time mundane job (since I can't even handle this part-time job) post-graduation since I haven't the proper credentials to start a job relating to my career of choice. I just haven't had the time to practice studying. I was hoping to spend the summer vacation learning how to relax because these past few years of going to school have been taxing on my mental state, which is why I didn't study. In short, I have no confidence that I will be able to work a full-time job post-graduation. Nor do I have any confidence in being able to enter the career I wish. I really don't have any confidence in my future at all. Anyway, how was your Wednesday, board?

I must have these answers.
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nope
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HeyImAlex posted...

nope

I don't understand.
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Break up your goddamn posts into fucking paragraphs
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