Current Events > vent thread

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alt engaged

Im frustrated. I have been exhausted and unmotivated for ages. I can barely muster the energy to go to an unfulfilling job just to pay bills, and it leaves me so drained that my attempts at bettering myself for a real career are taking forever. I havent done anything truly fun or exciting in months, and certain health problems discourage me from doing the thingd I actually enjoy.

Im tired and weak and Im not okay.
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Edit: oh not that kind of vent? Hang in there TC. Life is pretty shitty, but it could be shittier.
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idk what caused it but about two hours ago i started feeling really depressed...

also last night i remembered something mildly frustrating: when i was in grade school they used to hand out envelopes to the high performing kids to let them know they would be getting awards. one day i got an envelope and was psyched, despite being a terrible student. so i told my parents and they came to the ceremony. my name was never called to go up to get an award, which was kind of sad.

turns out the award was literally just a "is a good sport" or something like that but for whatever reason they didn't end up giving it that year. my teacher made one on a computer and gave it to me after the ceremony, but that wasn't really much better. the worst part is they actually did make it into an award the next year.

i think that is why i am so obsessed with being recognized as intelligent or whatever, obviously not the only factor but yeah.
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