Poll of the Day > I went to the start of a birthday bar crawl tonight

(+) Yeah! (+)

It was at a pizza restaurant so I went to say happy birthday to the guy and eat dinner. I wasn't drinking but everyone else was. He said he started his day by drinking something called chartreuse and I said I didn't know what that was. He asked if I wanted to order some to taste it and I told him that I wasn't drinking anymore but I appreciated the offer.

He followed up by saying, "Oh come on, it's hardly alcohol." So my ex-boyfriend said, "No, she really isn't drinking." And he was about to follow up with another comment and I just said that I had gotten out of rehab two weeks ago.

His face dropped and he looked... like angry or something. Like I ruined his whole bar crawl or shot a puppy or something. But no one else even cared. We just moved on in the conversation. He acted all awkward for a few minutes and then we all got on with it.

It was kinda weird. Then I left and now they're all getting shitfaced. Thumbs up. Blogfaqs over and out.
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He probably just felt bad for trying to get you to drink

I don't know, he didn't look like he felt bad. He looked legit mad that I said that. I wasn't saying it to guilt him but just to let him know for sure I wasn't drinking.
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did you break up with your bf?
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Good thing he stopped after you said you were in rehab. I bet he was thinking, why did you agree to come when you werent going to drink. Though I think he knew if he kept pushing you, you would have left
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PaddysPub posted...

did you break up with your bf?

He broke up with me. The future of our relationship is unclear right now. But I'm pretty sure we're not getting back together. We had a conversation where he said he is confused about his feelings for me right now and doesn't know what he wants to do.

Ogurisama posted...

Good thing he stopped after you said you were in rehab. I bet he was thinking, why did you agree to come when you werent going to drink. Though I think he knew if he kept pushing you, you would have left

I told them at the beginning I was only going to the first place which was a restaurant bar not just a bar. I was going to eat dinner.
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I think drunk Jen was the birthday president he wanted, if he got mad about that. Sounds like your ex is still a good friend at least.

I have to imagine stopping drinking alcohol is like stopping eating pizza for me, I've done it, but It certainly isn't easy and especially not if other people are eating pizza in front of me, or offering me pizza....so kudos to you:)
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wolfy42 posted...

I think drunk Jen was the birthday president he wanted, if he got mad about that.

I seriously doubt that. I'm not super great friends with the guy.
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Now, I know you went to rehab and such, but are you meeting with a group at all, or do you have a sponsor?

I'm assuming these aren't all your close friends, but rather that you knew one person or something, because they didn't know your situation.... but would definitely be serving yourself better if you at least had a smaller group of friends (or a sponsored group as previously mentioned) that don't drink at all that you can have other types of gatherings and events with every once in a while.

I get that you were ok and made the proper decisions, but being thrown into that type of situation right after your happenings is probably making things harder than they need to be

unsolicited advice, etc

Jen0125 posted...

wolfy42 posted...

I think drunk Jen was the birthday president he wanted, if he got mad about that.

I seriously doubt that. I'm not super great friends with the guy.

How many other girls were in the group? Not saying he was gonna hit on you or anything, just if there wasn't alot of chicks, he might have been unhappy you were not gonna be there etc. Girls make parties more fun :)
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ReggieTheReckless posted...

Now, I know you went to rehab and such, but are you meeting with a group at all, or do you have a sponsor?

Yeah, I go to AA meetings 5 days a week and I have a sponsor. Plus right now I am doing PHP for mental health, just stepped down to IOP. Then after I finish that I'm doing PHP for chemical dependency and stepping down to IOP. THEN I'll finally go back to work and do weekly individual counseling. I'm also finally medicated for my depression.

ReggieTheReckless posted...

I'm assuming these aren't all your close friends, but rather that you knew one person or something, because they didn't know your situation.... but would definitely be serving yourself better if you at least had a smaller group of friends (or a sponsored group as previously mentioned) that don't drink at all that you can have other types of gatherings and events with every once in a while.

There was 5 people including me and the person I was closest to was my ex-boyfriend. But I have hung out with the birthday guy and his girlfriend multiple times and they've been to our house a few times and we've been to theirs. They are more my ex-boyfriend's friends but I like them and wanted to go to say happy birthday.

ReggieTheReckless posted...

I get that you were ok and made the proper decisions, but being thrown into that type of situation right after your happenings is probably making things harder than they need to be

I felt okay mostly. I just wanted to go eat dinner and say happy birthday. Then I left. That's why I didn't go to the rest. I felt a little off when they were all drinking but I didn't show it on the outside. I was a little jealous I couldn't drink but I think that's normal for me since I just got out of treatment. But I'm at home now and I feel fine. Not having any cravings. I'm going to my normal meeting tomorrow and everything.

wolfy42 posted...

How many other girls were in the group? Not saying he was gonna hit on you or anything, just if there wasn't alot of chicks, he might have been unhappy you were not gonna be there etc. Girls make parties more fun :)

His girlfriend of like 8 years was there. There is only 4 people. I guess a bunch of people didn't show up but I'm not sure what is going to happen the rest of the night. I just told my ex to call me if he wants a ride home before midnight so he doesn't have to spend $50+ on an uber because he's like 25 mins up north and it's Saturday on a holiday weekend. If not, he's gonna need to call an uber because I'll be in bed.
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Was the pizza good at least?
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I actually didn't get a pizza. I got a hamburger with brie and mushrooms on it and some french fries. The type of fries they had were my favorite kind which were coated shoestrings so I really enjoyed those. The burger was pretty good but I wish the patty was thicker.
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You probably made him go "if she went to rehab and I drink at a similar level maybe there is something wrong with me."
He only sees you socially drinking I'm guessing, and you probably made him inadvertently question his own drinking which made him make that face.

Some folk are weird like that when you tell them you're not drinking. A lot don't drink or take a break from it for many reasons and you can drink other things than alcohol. Not sure why it's a big deal to them what you drink, even more so if you're in a group. Apparently some folk can only have fun when they are drunk as fast as possible and/or taking drugs. Still the important thing should be you showed your face and helped him celebrate his birthday.
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ASlaveObeys posted...

You probably made him go "if she went to rehab and I drink at a similar level maybe there is something wrong with me."
He only sees you socially drinking I'm guessing, and you probably made him inadvertently question his own drinking which made him make that face.

Maybe. I talked to his girlfriend outside alone when she was smoking and she told me she's thought about whether or not she should go to rehab but then she fights against herself saying she can stop with her own willpower and strength when she knows she can't. They're both heavy, heavy drinkers. And he is always mean to her when they drink out. At his birthday last year she cried at the restaurant table because he was berating her over money in front of everyone. It was sad.
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Jen0125 posted...

I don't know, he didn't look like he felt bad. He looked legit mad that I said that. I wasn't saying it to guilt him but just to let him know for sure I wasn't drinking.

He sounds like a shitty friend. I'd just cut him loose and burn the bridge. His intoxication probably played a big role in his attitude as well. Regardless, you don't need mopey peer-pressure types in your life on the best of days, let alone under the current circumstances.

I find it extremely easy to just think "you suck" and completely remove somebody from my life and feel no emotions about it beyond not liking the person anymore, even if they're family. It's hard for me to put myself in the position of people who aren't like that because I think it's foolish and a form of self-harm to tolerate drama when you can simply avoid it and move on. Trust me when I say it's no sweat once you develop a taste for it.
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Maybe it was weird since it was such a small group. And he would feel weird being the heaviest drinker or something. If there were more people, it probably wouldn't be a big deal if someone didn't drink, but it was a much smaller group... maybe...
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Jen0125 posted...

They're both heavy, heavy drinkers. And he is always mean to her when they drink out.

Oh. Well yeah that's probably why then. As already said it seems you're reminding him of his own problems. Seems he needs a trip to rehab.
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I've been pretty damn lucky since I quit drinking. Literally no one has remotely cared.

One of my friends did ask me if it bothered me that everyone else would continue to drink around me, to which I responded that it would bother me more if people refused to drink if I was around.

I legit don't miss alcohol at all though. Even during the harder life moments the last while (a whole bunch of death in the family), not even a slight desire to drink. I know it's not that easy for most people though, so good on ya.
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Dynalo posted...

I legit don't miss alcohol at all though. Even during the harder life moments the last while (a whole bunch of death in the family), not even a slight desire to drink. I know it's not that easy for most people though, so good on ya.

You don't sound like an alcoholic lol. Just a regular drinker who decided to not drink anymore.
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Jen0125 posted...

Dynalo posted...

I legit don't miss alcohol at all though. Even during the harder life moments the last while (a whole bunch of death in the family), not even a slight desire to drink. I know it's not that easy for most people though, so good on ya.

You don't sound like an alcoholic lol. Just a regular drinker who decided to not drink anymore.

More or less accurate. I definitely drank too much in my University days... But who didn't?

I quit drinking because I noticed a very strong correlation between alcohol and my depression. I felt fucking awful every time I drank. So I just stopped drinking.
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Dynalo posted...

Jen0125 posted...

Dynalo posted...

I legit don't miss alcohol at all though. Even during the harder life moments the last while (a whole bunch of death in the family), not even a slight desire to drink. I know it's not that easy for most people though, so good on ya.

You don't sound like an alcoholic lol. Just a regular drinker who decided to not drink anymore.

More or less accurate. I definitely drank too much in my University days... But who didn't?

I quit drinking because I noticed a very strong correlation between alcohol and my depression. I felt fucking awful every time I drank. So I just stopped drinking.

That's a great idea then. I have a woman in my group therapy that did the same.
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Jen0125 posted...

And he is always mean to her when they drink out. At his birthday last year she cried at the restaurant table because he was berating her over money in front of everyone. It was sad.

Yikes

He has a problem
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Good job sticking with it.
Also, I've also noticed sometimes people seem to take offense when someone else doesn't drink. Kind of weird to me.
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KogaSteelfang posted...

Good job sticking with it.
Also, I've also noticed sometimes people seem to take offense when someone else doesn't drink. Kind of weird to me.

I guess I'll see if that's true for me. Oh well. It's not my problem if it makes them feel some type of way.
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You did good.
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Foppe posted...

You did good.

That'll do, pig. That'll do.
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Jen0125 posted...

I actually didn't get a pizza. I got a hamburger with brie and mushrooms on it and some french fries. The type of fries they had were my favorite kind which were coated shoestrings so I really enjoyed those. The burger was pretty good but I wish the patty was thicker.

What's a coated shoestring fry?
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Revelation34 posted...

Jen0125 posted...

I actually didn't get a pizza. I got a hamburger with brie and mushrooms on it and some french fries. The type of fries they had were my favorite kind which were coated shoestrings so I really enjoyed those. The burger was pretty good but I wish the patty was thicker.

What's a coated shoestring fry?

A shoestring fry but it's coated in something that makes it super crunchy on the outside. I'm not sure what it's coated in though.
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Jen0125 posted...

Revelation34 posted...

Jen0125 posted...

I actually didn't get a pizza. I got a hamburger with brie and mushrooms on it and some french fries. The type of fries they had were my favorite kind which were coated shoestrings so I really enjoyed those. The burger was pretty good but I wish the patty was thicker.

What's a coated shoestring fry?

A shoestring fry but it's coated in something that makes it super crunchy on the outside. I'm not sure what it's coated in though.

Lard.
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Well they're delicious.
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It's like when someone finds Jesus or veganism. It a heightens your feelings about how you think they are living their life, or judging you.

dedbus posted...

It's like when someone finds Jesus or veganism. It a heightens your feelings about how you think they are living their life, or judging you.

Are you talking about their opinion of me or mine of them? I don't have a judgmental opinion of people who drunk just because I don't now.
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Jen0125 posted...

Dynalo posted...

Jen0125 posted...

Dynalo posted...

I legit don't miss alcohol at all though. Even during the harder life moments the last while (a whole bunch of death in the family), not even a slight desire to drink. I know it's not that easy for most people though, so good on ya.

You don't sound like an alcoholic lol. Just a regular drinker who decided to not drink anymore.

More or less accurate. I definitely drank too much in my University days... But who didn't?

I quit drinking because I noticed a very strong correlation between alcohol and my depression. I felt fucking awful every time I drank. So I just stopped drinking.

That's a great idea then. I have a woman in my group therapy that did the same.

Awesome job Jen! I'm proud of you.
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I always thought it was so stupid how people get mad about someone not drinking. Worst case is the sober person doesnt join in the drunken stupidity and you carry on with your drinking.
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SusanGreenEyes posted...

Jen0125 posted...

Dynalo posted...

Jen0125 posted...

Dynalo posted...

I legit don't miss alcohol at all though. Even during the harder life moments the last while (a whole bunch of death in the family), not even a slight desire to drink. I know it's not that easy for most people though, so good on ya.

You don't sound like an alcoholic lol. Just a regular drinker who decided to not drink anymore.

More or less accurate. I definitely drank too much in my University days... But who didn't?

I quit drinking because I noticed a very strong correlation between alcohol and my depression. I felt fucking awful every time I drank. So I just stopped drinking.

That's a great idea then. I have a woman in my group therapy that did the same.

Awesome job Jen! I'm proud of you.

Thanks Susan. :)
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Alcohol is a bitch. I just reached two years sober earlier this month. Good luck! It gets easier.
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McSame_as_Bush posted...

Alcohol is a bitch. I just reached two years sober earlier this month. Good luck! It gets easier.

Nice! That's awesome. Congrats. I'll have two months on June 5th.
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If you're looking for an online resource, r/stopdrinking is a friendly place.
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