Current Events > Can we have a serious discussion about interracial relationships? I need help.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Sorry if the topic title seemed alarmist or misleading. I'm not in the best or most sober state of mind and not sure how best to get it across.

I know I don't make topics very often these days - mostly I just seem to chip in on whatever full-figured ladies get posted around here. I am how I am, but I'm sorry if that's all that gets seen lately. (I swear I'm more than that.)

It's just that I thought I was over something "overheard" today, but four drinks deep, I realize I'm not. I'm just gonna dump my story and see if it makes sense. Please don't be too harsh.

So long story short, my girlfriend is mixed-race. She wound up commenting on an article - I forget exactly what it was - about a black lady being abused in some fashion. She was wondering if it was the same person, because the pictures referenced were very different.

Her treatment was...for lack of a better word, atrocious. Everything from "pay me for your own research work" to accusations of being a "white sympathizer", to not being "black enough" to have a valid opinion...it got worse from there. When I heard the extent to which this discussion turned, I was incensed.

I'm starting to learn that folks that are mixed, in this case black/white, have it especially rough. Not black enough for black bigots, not white enough for white bigots, and $DEITY help their parents or anyone wanting to date them and "pollute the gene pool" further. I've been tracking some of the reactions to Donald Glover lately, and I'm appalled.

I can't stand up for her against POC (and make a difference/change minds), because to that mentality I'm the problem because I'm white. I just don't know how to show support and encourage people to back off without alienating anyone. I've seen her fight her own battles - respectably so - to no avail. Colorism cuts both ways.

I eventually told her it may be best to just cut herself off from that toxicity. I know it's her decision, but what am I supposed to do? I feel kinda helpless, and more than a little indignant. I want to confront these people next time I see them in person, and tell them to back off, but...I have a feeling I know how it will end, and what cards will get pulled and played.

How do I help, not harm? Everything that's right in me tells me to defend my girlfriend's honor, but how do I not come off as "the enemy"?
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Ask her what she would prefer.

My two cents, though.

I dealt with some similar issues with my ex, and my first instinct was to snap right back on everyone. You'll get dismissed because you're white, but those folks who are so consumed with race they will alienate and degrade people because of the shade of their skin are the most divisive, spiteful, worthless people alive.

Fuck them.

They are legitimately toxic.
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Agreed. I said I couldn't guarantee I could stay civil if this happened in person, but I'm still afraid to stand up.
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Nothing else?
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are you upset that online trolls said mean things to your girlfriend...?

that's all I'm really getting out of this
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Any discussion involving race these days is a minefield, with everyone becoming increasingly hostile towards anyone who doesn't think the same as them. I'm hoping things will get better, but I'm not holding my breath.

IMO, just tell your girlfriend to ignore those discussions from now on. They'll just be full of vitriol and bile; she has better things she could spend that time on.
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Steve Nick posted...

are you upset that online trolls said mean things to your girlfriend...?

that's all I'm really getting out of this

If they weren't mutual real-life acquaintances and their acquaintances, I wouldn't be as concerned.

Blitz4532 posted...

Any discussion involving race these days is a minefield, with everyone becoming increasingly hostile towards anyone who doesn't think the same as them. I'm hoping things will get better, but I'm not holding my breath.

IMO, just tell your girlfriend to ignore those discussions from now on. They'll just be full of vitriol and bile; she has better things she could spend that time on.

Agreed. I was looking for input and it looks like we're doing the right thing. Hurts my faith in people, though.
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Dude, black culture is insanely collectivist. It's gotten a little bit better as evident by anime being more accepted, but being slightly different from the norm is going to cause problems. Mixed race folks definitely have it rough since they can't even hide it and we're insanely discriminatory over skin color, from being "not black enough" to being "WAY TOO BLACK". In fact, I remember a time at my job at a restaurant where the staff was teasing my one coworker on how dark of complexion his girlfriend was. One of my staff said she recalled seeing "I saw walking down the street two hot coals". And mind you, just moments ago, we all compared skin colors and I was the 2nd darkest person in the room, my defensive coworker was 3rd.

This is going to be a never ending battle because it's ingrained within the culture, with the underlying root problem of hyper-collectivism. You're better off avoiding it. You'll burn yourself out if you keep fighting it.
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