Current Events > Is asking a girl out at a gym really taboo?

(+) Yeah! (+)

REMercsChamp posted...

If I want to ask a random married woman out while she's getting gas for her car, or go to someone's house to ask them out, then I will damn well do it, and I don't care what forum user "Asherlee" thinks about it

ew your gimmick is showing...
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Dyinglegacy posted...

Asherlee10 posted...

Here is an easy "stage 1" guide: Don't interrupt someone while they are doing something* to ask them out.

* Something is generally going to be things like at their job, exercising, etc. Times when a person is trying to focus on a task or be professional.

That cuts out just about everything.

If I'm not doing anything, I'm typically at home, and I don't usually run into a lot of people whem I'm setting at home.

Weird, I don't think people try to 'be professional' when they're eating at a restaurant, or relaxing somewhere, or going to a social event.

I'm not sure why you took that so literally. There are times when people are going to be running errands and times when people are just looking to unwind. Just don't do it in the former

Konflikt posted...

Dyinglegacy posted...

Asherlee10 posted...

Here is an easy "stage 1" guide: Don't interrupt someone while they are doing something* to ask them out.

* Something is generally going to be things like at their job, exercising, etc. Times when a person is trying to focus on a task or be professional.

That cuts out just about everything.

If I'm not doing anything, I'm typically at home, and I don't usually run into a lot of people whem I'm setting at home.

Weird, I don't think people try to 'be professional' when they're eating at a restaurant, or relaxing somewhere, or going to a social event.

I'm not sure why you took that so literally. There are times when people are going to be running errands and times when people are just looking to unwind. Just don't do it in the former

No shit, dude. Read what I said above, and you should be able to tell that I wasn't being completely serious.

There's context and exceptions to everything. Even if someone is at work, there may be appropriate times to approach them. Hell, I've known (and I'm sure many of you have known) people that met their spouses at their place of business. If you have even a modicum of social skills, you should be able to judge appropriate terms.
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If you're being serious at all it's still a problem

Listening to music at the gym: Dont bother me.
Not listening to music at the gym: Bother me.
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If you're objectively charming and handsome, there are no rules.

Otherwise, "no" to workplaces or gyms.
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Sniff the gym equipment after shes done using it, she will notice and approach you.
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Konflikt posted...

If you're being serious at all it's still a problem

You can't really be serious about something, and not serious about it.

I'm pretty sure you know that "not completely serious" is a figure of speech.

Goddamn gamefaqs.
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Now you're getting too serious

Eh, I feel like what's being left out to some degree is how you ask them out.

Just for example, I met a girl at the mall not too long ago. She was running an errand and was technically "busy" and in a bit of a hurry which by CE standards means I should have left her alone.

However, she just so happened to stop for a moment digging through her purse and so I approached her. First question I always ask in a situation like that is "Hey do you mind if I interrupt you for a moment". For one it takes away the assumption that I can just interrupt whatever she is doing, and for two if she's THAT uninterested, she'll say that she does mind and we can both just go about our day, no harm no foul.

Getting back to this girl, we began to chat for 5 minutes or so, I got her number, and we ended up dating for a few months and I had a good time and a few new experiences dating her and we still keep in touch.

Point being here, I don't think it's so bad as long as you don't assume you can just take up her time without her permission.

In regards to the gym, as some stated earlier, if she seems serious about her workout or in the middle of a set, then yeah I would be cautious about approaching her. However if she is constantly using machines next to you, it wouldn't be anything IMO to strike up a very short conversation in between sets or maybe at the water fountain. I'd try to build up a rapport with her a few times before asking personally.
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If you're passing by just say hi and give a friendly smile and then move on don't hold it waiting for her to respond. See if she starts noticing you more and more. If you find she no longer works out near you or you don't catch her looking at you then it's a good sign she isn't interested. The only time I ever talked to a girl at the gym was a girl who I had seen at the gym consistently for like 5 months we exchanged looks a lot and I caught her a few times looking over at me from across the gym. I just said hello once and the next day when I was in the stretching area post workout she came over and started stretching next to me and she started talking to me.

Don't start off with a conversation. Even a short one is too much time. Just say hi and at most wish her well on the rest of her workout and then leave her alone from there and just gauge if she looks at you a lot or works out near you when she had plenty of other options of places to workout.
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Asherlee10 posted...

CountDog posted...

Asherlee10 posted...

CountDog posted...

Asherlee10 posted...

CountDog posted...

if she creeps out that's her own problem.

"My impolite behavior is everyone else's problem."

Your words, not mine.

It's what you are conveying.

If that's how you see it.

It isn't a matter of perspective. It's what you are saying.

Don't think of this as in argument because point is moot for most people I meet, which I've learned to mostly ignore, but..

Its what YOU think I'm saying, society can dictate all it wants, but stay out of my brain Thank you. I'm merely asking, and as to what, I'm not even sure yet, why assume, my interests only go so far. Physical attraction is an obvious, for anyone, so no need to be niave.

Honestly I don't go to gym and I could care less about asking anyone out unless it was to find out if we clicked, that's simple, no need to dramatize every thing.

But I digress
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Ask if she likes to be pdihb. You need to be forward.
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I'm gay so the rules are way different, but I have a lot of attractive female friends and tbh I just feel bad for them.
They get hit on on their way to work, when they're stressed about their job.
They get hit on once they're at work, when they're trying to do their job.
They get hit on when they go out to lunch, when they're trying to eat.
They get hit on once they go to the grocery store, when they're trying to shop.
They get hit on once they go their gym, when they'retrying to exercise.

I know, "boo hoo you get hit on" is the response, but they're just trying to get through the day with minimal contact just like the rest of us, but they don't get to. They have to be polite because they'll get called a bitch if they lose patience with guy #1987324 because of the other 1,987,323 men out there who hit on her beforehand.

So yeah, don't hit on a girl when she's in the middle of her workout. There are plenty of other places where she's not going to be in the middle of shit.
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Asherlee10 posted...

1. You see them getting coffee at the same place every morning, ask her out in line or on your way out
2. Happenstance meeting of someone while out and about (I've had several guys ask me out like this and I've always thought it was appropriate). Say you're out at the park and your dog interacts with another dog and you start talking to that person. Perhaps you both hit off. ASK HER OUT! That's a great time.
3. I've also seen people who volunteer together hit it off well and end up dating. That's probably the best way to meet a like-minded person and there would be plenty of appropriate times to ask someone out.

Lol

This is terrible advice, Ash.
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Asherlee10 posted...

It isn't advice. The person asked for examples of times when it might be a good time to ask someone out.

Well, that's how you prefer I suppose but if I followed that way of approaching I honestly think I would be single until now

Almost all girls I have approached...including my current fiance have been just a situation where I've seen them for the first time and just started talking. Just a simple hi and we start talking

I mean I have been politely been shut down a bunch of times but I feel much better knowing I tried then to hope I see her again at the exact same spot where our dogs meet or whatever. That situation almost never happens
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Hinakuluiau posted...

I'm gay so the rules are way different, but I have a lot of attractive female friends and tbh I just feel bad for them.
They get hit on on their way to work, when they're stressed about their job.
They get hit on once they're at work, when they're trying to do their job.
They get hit on when they go out to lunch, when they're trying to eat.
They get hit on once they go to the grocery store, when they're trying to shop.
They get hit on once they go their gym, when they'retrying to exercise.

I know, "boo hoo you get hit on" is the response, but they're just trying to get through the day with minimal contact just like the rest of us, but they don't get to. They have to be polite because they'll get called a bitch if they lose patience with guy #1987324 because of the other 1,987,323 men out there who hit on her beforehand.

So yeah, don't hit on a girl when she's in the middle of her workout. There are plenty of other places where she's not going to be in the middle of shit.

Oh lord getting called a b word. How horrific LOL. Poor women

I wouldn't
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Asherlee10 posted...

Both end up at the same place. Scenario 2 likely got you strike outs with women you probably wouldn't have struck out with otherwise.

To be fair, it likely has gotten him successes with women he otherwise wouldn't have ever seen again as as well
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It's inappropriate everywhere except clubs and bars where you're bound to meet the good ones.
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Just talk to her, man. People talk to the girls at my gym all the time and get numbers or Snapchats. It doesn't hurt to say hello and make small talk in between sets if she's constantly working out near you. Maybe this girl likes you and wants you to talk to her. Just take a risk and if it doesn't work out, no harm done.
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For the absolute most part, yes. Women absolutely don't want to be bother while they're working out and tend to have a negative reaction to it right off the bat given that it's likely happened multiple times to them (often in a meatheaded fashion).

However, if it is as TC describes, and you have a situation where someone is always next to someone else at the gym and you guys chat and are friendly, I don't think that's taboo at all. Start by just chatting with her if the latter isn't the case.
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Asherlee10 posted...

You've been swinging the bat way more than average (even at inappropriate times) and some of those times you made contact with the ball (i.e. got a date) so you consider this a success

Both end up at the same place. Scenario 2 likely got you strike outs with women you probably wouldn't have struck out with otherwise.

This is a success though, even if it only works one in every 100 times, that's still more dates than 0/0 attempts. Dude even met his fiance through this method, it's of no consequence if you strike out 99% of the time.
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EpicMickeyDrew posted...

This is a success though, even if it only works one in every 100 times, that's still more dates than 0/0 attempts. Dude even met his fiance through this method, it's of no consequence if you strike out 99% of the time.

The problem is that you're approaching this from the side of a guy who got turned down 99 times and succeeded once, not taking into account how the 99 women felt about having their day interrupted by someone who was playing the numbers game.
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Hinakuluiau posted...

EpicMickeyDrew posted...

This is a success though, even if it only works one in every 100 times, that's still more dates than 0/0 attempts. Dude even met his fiance through this method, it's of no consequence if you strike out 99% of the time.

The problem is that you're approaching this from the side of a guy who got turned down 99 times and succeeded once, not taking into account how the 99 women felt about having their day interrupted by someone who was playing the numbers game.

Ah, the good ol' Boomhauer approach:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAYBET6rmFo" data-time="
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It's probably inappropriate to ask someone out who you haven't even been acquainted with for a minute, and not just in the gym, but any public place, but if she's at least acts friendly towards you, sure, go ahead if you want.

Also, the jackasses who basically say that any guy who asks out a girl at the gym automatically makes them a rapist needs to shut their ignorant, pathetic white knighting mouths.
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Hinakuluiau posted...

EpicMickeyDrew posted...

This is a success though, even if it only works one in every 100 times, that's still more dates than 0/0 attempts. Dude even met his fiance through this method, it's of no consequence if you strike out 99% of the time.

The problem is that you're approaching this from the side of a guy who got turned down 99 times and succeeded once, not taking into account how the 99 women felt about having their day interrupted by someone who was playing the numbers game.

Unfortunately, as long as the dating expectations stay the way they are, then this is a reality that will never go away.

It's changing a bit, very slowly, but overall the expectation is that men approach women. And I'd wager the vast majority of women prefer it that way in general.
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Squall28 posted...

Darkman124 posted...

depends

if she's walking around with a full face of makeup, not exercising and repeatedly approaching you when youre racking weights she probably isnt there to work out

if she's deadlifting 300# and avoiding eye contact maybe leave her alone

She seems pretty fit and is there to work out. Only reason I'm even considering it is she often walks over and starts working out next to me when there are free machines elsewhere.

You ever consider that maybe she does that because she thinks you won't bother her? Which is to say, maybe she works out next to you specifically because she wants to be left alone and you have a history of not being a creep. I mean, sure, maybe she likes you but I'd think that if she did she'd at least try to chat with you or something.

Hinakuluiau posted...

not taking into account how the 99 women felt about having their day interrupted by someone who was playing the numbers game.

Women can absolutely turn guys down and not feel as if they've been inconvenienced or their day's been ruined.

Give them a little credit.
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Asherlee10 posted...

Hinakuluiau posted...

EpicMickeyDrew posted...

This is a success though, even if it only works one in every 100 times, that's still more dates than 0/0 attempts. Dude even met his fiance through this method, it's of no consequence if you strike out 99% of the time.

The problem is that you're approaching this from the side of a guy who got turned down 99 times and succeeded once, not taking into account how the 99 women felt about having their day interrupted by someone who was playing the numbers game.

Exactly. That is what I was attempting to convey.

I mean, I see where you're coming from, but all they have to say is "I'm not interested" From the guy asking and the girl who says yes points of view, it is absolutely a success and if this is the difference between meeting my wife and not meeting her, who are you to say not to do it.
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Grischnak posted...

Squall28 posted...

Darkman124 posted...

depends

if she's walking around with a full face of makeup, not exercising and repeatedly approaching you when youre racking weights she probably isnt there to work out

if she's deadlifting 300# and avoiding eye contact maybe leave her alone

She seems pretty fit and is there to work out. Only reason I'm even considering it is she often walks over and starts working out next to me when there are free machines elsewhere.

You ever consider that maybe she does that because she knows you won't bother her? Which is to say, maybe she works out next to you specifically because she wants to be left alone and you have a history of not being a creep. I mean, sure, maybe she likes you but I'd think that if she did she'd at least try to chat with you or something.

Well, not necessarily. I've talked to women that have stated that they do stuff like that all the time to get a man's attention or try to give him an opening to talk to them. A lot of women don't like to initiate, sometimes because they feel it's the thing the man should do, sometimes because they are just as scared to do so as many men are.
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I bet the posters ITT that say that asking out a girl at the gym automatically makes you a "creeper" believe that it's 110% okay for a woman to do the same to a man, because according to them, it is impossible for women to be seen as "creepers". Only men.

Double standards at their finest. :^)
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EpicMickeyDrew posted...

Asherlee10 posted...

Hinakuluiau posted...

EpicMickeyDrew posted...

This is a success though, even if it only works one in every 100 times, that's still more dates than 0/0 attempts. Dude even met his fiance through this method, it's of no consequence if you strike out 99% of the time.

The problem is that you're approaching this from the side of a guy who got turned down 99 times and succeeded once, not taking into account how the 99 women felt about having their day interrupted by someone who was playing the numbers game.

Exactly. That is what I was attempting to convey.

I mean, I see where you're coming from, but all they have to say is "I'm not interested" From the guy asking and the girl who says yes points of view, it is absolutely a success and if this is the difference between meeting my wife and not meeting her, who are you to say not to do it.

The way I've seen someone put it was something to the effect of "Even if only 1/10 women wanted you to approach them, if you approach none of them, you're doing so to appease the other 9/10, when your mindset should be about making the 1 happy. Appeasing the 9/10 leaves you where you were to begin with" or something like that. To a degree you have to be a bit willing to potentially inconvenience them for a bit.

Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not saying dudes should be disrespectful or jackasses when approaching women, they should definitely be mindful of the girls time/feelings and have some situational awareness. But at the end of the day it's all part of the way the game is set up currently, a way most of them want to keep it as well.
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Twin3Turbo posted...

Well, not necessarily. I've talked to women that have stated that they do stuff like that all the time to get a man's attention or try to give him an opening to talk to them. A lot of women don't like to initiate, sometimes because they feel it's the thing the man should do, sometimes because they are just as scared to do so as many men are.

You're not wrong. Some women are like that. But what I said was just something to consider and not some sort of obvious truth. It's hard to judge the situation without actually being there. Still, I don't think simply working out next to him is necessarily an obvious sign she has a thing for him. Also, we don't know how many times this happened. Did it happen like twice? Has it happened like 5 days a week for 4 months? Does she interact with him at all outside of that? Does she stare at him? We really don't have a lot of info to go on.

Asherlee10 posted...

It isn't advice. The person asked for examples of times when it might be a good time to ask someone out.

Ergo, you're "advising" him on when.
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Grischnak posted...

Twin3Turbo posted...

Well, not necessarily. I've talked to women that have stated that they do stuff like that all the time to get a man's attention or try to give him an opening to talk to them. A lot of women don't like to initiate, sometimes because they feel it's the thing the man should do, sometimes because they are just as scared to do so as many men are.

You're not wrong. Some women are like that. But what I said was just something to consider and not some sort of obvious truth. It's hard to judge the situation without actually being there. Still, I don't think simply working out next to him is necessarily an obvious sign she has a thing for him. Also, we don't know how many times this happened. Did it happen like twice? Has it happened like 5 days a week for 4 months? Does she interact with him at all outside of that? Does she stare at him? We really don't have a lot of info to go on.

I agree, it could just be coincidence or maybe she really is trying to give the TC an opening. Welp TC, only way to know for sure is to try.
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In communist countries is it acceptable to ask girls out in the breadlines?
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Asherlee10 posted...

Providing examples when examples were requested != advising someone

Well since those examples are not set in stone, you can't pretend it's only answering a question.
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ClockworkHare posted...

Some women actually do hit a gym just to cruise for muscle men.
They also get disappointed when they're NOT approached by any attractive guys there.
Sometimes it even coaxes them to actually work out while on the prowl.
I know; a lot of gay guys do it too. Looking for buff dudes at a gym, wow there might be a chance you'll find some there....

Just don't assume every woman who looks pretty at a gym is hunting for a new boyfriend (or girlfriend). That's stupidly presumptive.

Invite them to chat when it's convenient for them, but don't be a pushy ass about it.
Sometimes what changes a woman's mind about you is your maturity and self control...

This.

If they're interested they'll make an obvious invitation to talk or start a conversation themselves and hope you take it further.
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Asherlee is like the only one in here with good advice.

And also, don't bother anyone at the gym, whether you're hitting on them or not. It's fucking annoying. People are there to work, it's not a fucking social club.
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Asherlee10 posted...

dave_is_slick posted...

Asherlee10 posted...

Providing examples when examples were requested != advising someone

Well since those examples are not set in stone, you can't pretend it's only answering a question.

What are you talking about? Examples are just examples. I am not even sure what you would mean about an example being set in stone. That doesnt make a sense.

You say it's not advice because you're "giving examples" but the fucking question was for advice so please explain how answering a question that was looking for advice, is not advice.
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ReD_ToMaTo posted...

Asherlee is like the only one in here with good advice.

And also, don't bother anyone at the gym, whether you're hitting on them or not. It's fucking annoying. People are there to work, it's not a fucking social club.

Wow sorry for trying to enjoy life...where exactly are you supposed to unwind? Have to be professional at work, have to be serious and professional outside of work. What gives? Maybe we need to implement some of these communist breadlines so we have a place to socialize again.
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