Current Events > Should I cut this girl out of my life? And why or why not?

(+) Yeah! (+)

She's a coworker and good friends with another coworker (fwb, she broke up with her bf of 9 years recently). We've gotten along really well and playfully flirt and tease and talk a lot stuff, she's said stuff like "that was the best conversation I've had with someone since I've been up here", and "I wish I met you first" to me. I've tried to get her back to my place for a hook-up but she sorta leaned towards no because of guilt and it would be weird to have 2 coworkers like that, let alone one.

She's under observation and could get fired for a violation on Friday. So she technically doesn't work there anymore. Which sucks because it was such a careless mistake anyone could've made, and she's really good at her job in other ways. She messaged me first that this happened on Friday because we went out for a coworker night. I asked if she wanted to like talk or meet up or something in person, but she said no indirectly. Apparently she asked the other dude to hang out though and he said no, while we were hanging out. Lol. She then texts me the next morning asking how it was last night and just have a little text conversation. Sometimes she texts me about references to stuff when we hung out or whatever.

I do want to cut her out because:
-it's clear that even though she sees our relationship as unique, she's still putting less into it than I am and is taking my care for her for granted a little
-I think I'm starting to really like her and if she doesn't like me like that, it'll probably just suck going forward
-it could easily turn into a situation where I'm just her therapist and she'll use me like that

I don't want to because:
-she's cool to hang with and we're really similar and vibe well
-she's genuinely a good person and is going through a lot of shit (no work, failed relationship, moved to a new place with now her ex-bf) so I feel empathetic that all this stuff is happening
-She moved up here in September and doesn't have many friends, me being one of her few ones, and it sucks to move somewhere new and have no friends, I've dealt with that a lot
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Up to you.

If you can't help but overthink it and be (relative to her) overly serious about it then yes you probly should. Not cause of anything she's done or said but because it's only gonna cause you misery tbh.
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alt4445 posted...

moved to a new place with now her ex-bf

red flag. Abort.
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CanuckCowboy posted...

If you can't help but overthink it and be (relative to her) overly serious about it then yes you probly should. Not cause of anything she's done or said but because it's only gonna cause you misery tbh.

If I do, when and how should I do it? I feel bad doing it while she's going through so much shit.
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alt4445 posted...

CanuckCowboy posted...

If you can't help but overthink it and be (relative to her) overly serious about it then yes you probly should. Not cause of anything she's done or said but because it's only gonna cause you misery tbh.

If I do, when and how should I do it? I feel bad doing it while she's going through so much shit.

I don't know that you need to do anything tbh. Can just let it fade out. Otherwise just tell her "I think you're a good person but Im worried we want different things out of this and it's not really a beneficial thing for me to get too involved with."
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If you have to ask, the answer's yes
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Unsugarized_Foo posted...

If you have to ask, the answer's yes

Yeah. I voted yes and didn't even read the OP
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Dude, cut her out IMMEDIATELY.

Do not, I repeat, do not let yourself like a girl that will not like you back no matter how hard you try. You will be miserable, if you are one that gets depressed, it will absolutely tear you apart, and you will start thinking about yourself as worthless, which can lead to some very dark thoughts. She obviously does not care that much about you, so it's time to cut her out and save yourself a lot of trouble.
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Unsugarized_Foo posted...

If you have to ask, the answer's yes

I know the best bet is yes, but I was hoping for maybe some people to be like "be patient, it worked out for me" or some shit to give me some false hopes. I'm glad it seems like my gut is right and that I really just should.
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alt4445 posted...

I've tried to get her back to my place for a hook-up but she sorta leaned towards no because of guilt and it would be weird to have 2 coworkers like that, let alone one.

Sounds like you're just after her body and getting mad because she won't put out.
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Op doesnt make much sense. Just stop it dude
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alt4445 posted...

Unsugarized_Foo posted...

If you have to ask, the answer's yes

I know the best bet is yes, but I was hoping for maybe some people to be like "be patient, it worked out for me" or some shit to give me some false hopes. I'm glad it seems like my gut is right and that I really just should.

Yeah, your picker is right on, trust it. Tell your dick to shut up
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Dorfl_2 posted...

Sounds like you're just after her body and getting mad because she won't put out.

I'm after both her and her body. It's not even like her 'body' is amazing lol. I just like her as a person lot and I think she's attractive.
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Dorfl_2 posted...

alt4445 posted...

I've tried to get her back to my place for a hook-up but she sorta leaned towards no because of guilt and it would be weird to have 2 coworkers like that, let alone one.

Sounds like you're just after her body and getting mad because she won't put out.

And? There's nothing wrong with just wanting sex.
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Depends on you. If you want her, act like you're busy. She'll either leave or want more
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alt4445 posted...

She messaged me first that this happened on Friday because we went out for a coworker night. I asked if she wanted to like talk or meet up or something in person, but she said no indirectly. Apparently she asked the other dude to hang out though and he said no, while we were hanging out. Lol. She then texts me the next morning asking how it was last night and just have a little text conversation.

on top of what others have posted, the fact that she won't make time for you but will make time for this other dude should be a sign to put on the brakes.
(maybe i'm misinterpreting and she wanted him to join you guys while you were hanging out? either way, put on the brakes)

-it could easily turn into a situation where I'm just her therapist and she'll use me like that

you're already on the road to this because:

she's still putting less into it than I am and is taking my care for her for granted a little

so she just likes your attention and probably doesn't ever plan on doing the deed with you. i'd just cut out this girl and save yourself the headache.
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bob742omb posted...

on top of what others have posted, the fact that she won't make time for you but will make time for this other dude should be a sign to put on the brakes.

This is the precise moment I was like, oh shit, I gotta do something about this now. Especially when I was just trying to be a supportive human to her situation as opposed to trying to hit her up to hang or something. And that she would deny me only to ask him. I like that he denied her though. He's like "I'm trying to hang out at the bar, I'm not doing all that". Lol.

She's hung out with me like twice with just us and probably 3-4 times when he was there too. She talks about him a lot and was comparing me and stuff which turned me off but she stopped when I called her out on it. She's lowkey obsessed but my thoughts were, just cause she's obsessed with one guy doesn't necessarily mean she has one-itis. Apparently that's not true.

It just sucks because I feel like this happens fairly often to me. Girls that like my attention but don't like me in the same way.
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You can't just be friends?
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thecoolgu posted...

You can't just be friends?

I don't think I'm capable of that. I'm starting to feel myself think about her more and more and how great we'd be together.
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Yes, cut her out of your life. You want more than friendship. She does not. You can always make friends whom you're not physically attracted to.
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bump
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Look, you'll get her when you're rich. So get rich
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alt4445 posted...

thecoolgu posted...

You can't just be friends?

I don't think I'm capable of that. I'm starting to feel myself think about her more and more and how great we'd be together.

Have you ever considered telling her this as to why it's hard for you to just stay friends with her?
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Sad_Face posted...

Have you ever considered telling her this as to why it's hard for you to just stay friends with her?

Yeah. I probably have at max two casual hangouts left in me before it actually gets to be too much. I'll just distance for now, and if that doesn't do it, I'll tell her
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2nd 2 last bump
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G last bump
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