Current Events > Girlfriend of nine years says she doesn't want kids.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'm lost CE. Feel like I wasted a lot of time.
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Adopt one behind her back.

Tadg30 posted...

3khc posted...

I'm lost CE. Feel like I wasted a lot of time.

You should have had this discussion like 10 years ago.

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You don't want kids. All they do is drain your money and lock you down.

Marry her and travel the world together.
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when you were getting together, it should have been a discussion you've had. I'm not saying you had to make it weird. Disguise the subject matter and ask how she feels about kids and if she'd ever have any.

You could have said the two of you were incompatible and moved on. On the ohter hand, if you realized that you're in love with her...I guess go watch "How I Met Your Mother" to try relating to your problems.

I find it hard to believe this was never brought up in any of those 9 years.
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MFBKBass5 posted...

You don't want kids. All they do is drain your money and lock you down.

Marry her and travel the world together.

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How the fuck do you date someone for nine years and this never came up before?
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You will end up like the kidless Dinklebergs, happy and full of money.
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Of course we talked about it before. She was always "some day, someday". I figured we aren't ready yet anyway so we gave it time.

Fast forward today. She definitely doesn't want kids now. Real bummed. I know this may sound weird, but I've looked forward to being a father since i was a kid.
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3khc posted...

Of course we talked about it before. She was always "some day, someday". I figured we aren't ready yet anyway so we gave it time.

Fast forward today. She definitely doesn't want kids now. Real bummed. I know this may sound weird, but I've looked forward to being a father since i was a kid.

Man, that sucks. Should have started with this in the OP. I don't know what to tell you. You can either just stop the relationship now and say you need more and tell her you don't want to push her for something she doesn't want, or you can just compromise and not kids because you're truly in love with her and willing to spend the rest of your life without a child.

Get a dog.

Dump her immediately and find a woman who wants kids.
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Time to go buy a new girlfriend.
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Also wtf how do you date someone for nine years and never marry? Just not the type?
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Carlbertomfg posted...

Also wtf how do you date someone for nine years and never marry? Just not the type?

Took me ten years.
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MacDaMurderer posted...

Carlbertomfg posted...

Also wtf how do you date someone for nine years and never marry? Just not the type?

Took me ten years.

The magic number.
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Youve made this topic before
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Carlbertomfg posted...

Also wtf how do you date someone for nine years and never marry? Just not the type?

It happens more than you would think. Some people just don't care to get married, for whatever reason. I know people who have been together over 10 years, have kids together, but still aren't married. Why they don't, at the very least for the tax benefits, I don't know. *shrug*
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Carlbertomfg posted...

Also wtf how do you date someone for nine years and never marry? Just not the type?

My mom's cousin has been with her boyfriend for as long as I can remember, and they have never married. They're both in their 50s.
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TC, if you guys started dating at say, 20, it means she is 29 now. Her baby berries are about to dry up, anyway. Even if she changes her mind it's too late.

First I heard slumpies.

Then it was neck carpet.

Now I can refer to a womans eggs as 'baby berries'

Fuck off, CE. Fuck off straight to my heart.
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Pretty much how my relationship of 3 years ended with my ex. She wanted children by 32. I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to have children at all and if did, it wouldn't be before 35 (I strongly favored adoption). Relationship gradually degraded until the point where we literally read statements we had prepared for each other over the phone. I was on the toilet at the time
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Decide whats more important. Zero to very low chance of no kids or being with her.
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Carlbertomfg posted...

Also wtf how do you date someone for nine years and never marry? Just not the type?

A lot of people just aren't in situations where they can start a life together.
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I guess I have no room to speak. Marriage is great for the tax breaks but when the relationship brakes it turns into a horrifying nightmare.
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So have kids with someone else. She's unable to provide the literal most important function in a relationship so either she understands as she's not willing, she relents and has kids, or she leaves and you get to find someone else
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She already has you, how many more does she need?

16-BITTER posted...

Trade girlfriends with that CEman whose girlfriend definitely wanted kids and he didn't.

@_Goggalor_

He has me on ignore so someone else might need to do it.
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Corrupt_Power posted...

Carlbertomfg posted...

Also wtf how do you date someone for nine years and never marry? Just not the type?

It happens more than you would think. Some people just don't care to get married, for whatever reason. I know people who have been together over 10 years, have kids together, but still aren't married. Why they don't, at the very least for the tax benefits, I don't know. *shrug*

Yup it really does happen.
I was born in February 81.
My grandma Mary (my moms mom) met & started dating Bill (who i consider my grandfather on my moms side of the family) in March of 81. They never got married the whole time they were together and it wasnt for a lack of wanting to on Bills part, my grandma Mary kept telling him no. She use to say there was no point in them getting married because they were to old and nobody else wanted them anyway.

About 4 yrs ago, Bill asked 1 more & my grandma mary finally said yes.
He passed away the day before they were suppose to get married.

LeadPipeCinche posted...

Corrupt_Power posted...

Carlbertomfg posted...

Also wtf how do you date someone for nine years and never marry? Just not the type?

It happens more than you would think. Some people just don't care to get married, for whatever reason. I know people who have been together over 10 years, have kids together, but still aren't married. Why they don't, at the very least for the tax benefits, I don't know. *shrug*

Yup it really does happen.
I was born in February 81.
My grandma Mary (my moms mom) met & started dating Bill (who i consider my grandfather on my moms side of the family) in March of 81. They never got married the whole time they were together and it wasnt for a lack of wanting to on Bills part, my grandma Mary kept telling him no. She use to say there was no point in them getting married because they were to old and nobody else wanted them anyway.

About 4 yrs ago, Bill asked 1 more & my grandma mary finally said yes.
He passed away the day before they were suppose to get married.

Is this the discarded plot to the notebook? That's so tragic. ='[
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Update. She came to me saying she will have one kid by 30 as a compromise. She knows I always wanted a bunch of kids. I tell her we at least need to try for a boy and girl. She says she hope she gets boy/girl twins on the first try then.

I honestly am still unsure how to proceed. It did put a huge smile on my face, but perhaps she is just saying it to keep me from leaving? Seems to genuinely want to save us tho.

I never wanted to pressure her, either, but she says I'm not. This is something we been needing to square away.
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Maybe her feelings will change after having one, TC
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The classic American kid compromise.
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i know how she feels ... i hate kids and really dont ever want any
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Im with my gf for 8 years and I still dont want kids........ yet.

Tadg30 posted...

You should have had this discussion like 8 years ago.

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Switch her birth control pills with placebos
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This is what happens with racists.
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3khc posted...

Update. She came to me saying she will have one kid by 30 as a compromise.

That'll definitely lead to a healthy parent-child relationship - putting up with having one.
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LeadPipeCinche posted...

[...] About 4 yrs ago, Bill asked 1 more & my grandma mary finally said yes.
He passed away the day before they were suppose to get married.

Jesus, that's fucking rough.

Vulgarn posted...

Maybe her feelings will change after having one, TC

This. My wife and I are kind of in the same boat, but reversed. She's got baby fever really bad, and I'm really unsure still how I want to proceed regarding kids, especially due to our genetics - she has type 1 diabetes, and both of my parents have a raft of pretty non-dismissive autoimmune conditions that I'm constantly afraid I'm going to start showing signs of. Right now we're looking at around the end of next year to start trying to get pregnant. I'm hopeful that I'll be more resolved by then. I know if we do end up having kids before I'm completely confident though, parental instincts are going to kick in and I'll be overjoyed regardless.
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wish my woman didn't want kids, you are one lucky dude
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TC how old are the 2 of you? guessing you been together since teenagers if she's not 30 yet. and at least you get 1. she could open up to having more after have 1 of her own.

Wife told me pretty early on she wanted kids and I was plenty good with that.

Sucks man, but maybe shell change her mind if you really want it.
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