Current Events > A Foosball Manifesto (alternate title: 'things my boss does instead of his job')

(+) Yeah! (+)

80/80

Weve been playing foosball for a long time and its probably right that we reform or declare some agreed rules for the game. Like anything, the game can be played however you want. This game is collaborative so feel free to voice if any of these rules dont work for you. We do not have game officials or a rules committee. There is no replay. At the end of the day, all these rules are somewhat subjective but the following guidelines should help consistently rule in any game.

Contact with a ball
-There is a difference between you striking the ball and the ball striking you. Common sense has to prevail here. A shot is established when the ball is intentionally and/or forcefully struck from any position. The ricochets and deflections after a shot become incidental contact and are seen as the ball striking you rather than you striking the ball, UNLESS any of the following occur: (1) the shooting team re-strikes the ball towards the defenders goal, (2) the ball is moving at a speed in which its reasonable that another line on the shooting team intentionally contacts the ball towards the defended goal, (3) the defending team takes a new and separate shot towards the other teams goal, (4) the ball becomes controlled by any other players in the game. After any goal, it should be determined where the shot originated and what additional contact took place. The shot can only be reassigned to other lines of the shooting team. The shot cannot be reassigned to the defending team unless the defending team somehow established control and/or possession. All inadvertent contact by the defending team should be considered defensive actions and not a shot.

Penalty Kicks
-There are two types of penalty kicks
oThe first is when the ball stalls out between the goalie line and the two-bar defensive line. If the ball stops between these two lines and cannot be contacted by the defending team, the defending team gets 1 opportunity to strike the line rod to move the ball into play. If the ball is not playable or if the striking action moves the ball by shifting the table, a Penalty Kick is assessed.
oThe second is when the ball is launched off the table and out of play. Guilt is assigned to the original striking party. Immediate put backs from the front lines, deflections, incidental contact, and the wall do not change the Penalty Kick assignment.
oAny game can be played with either, both, or none of the two penalty kicks. All games are assumed to include both penalties unless declared at the start of the game and agreed to by both sides.
-If a successful penalty kick would result in a team winning the game, the penalty kick is moved back to the two-bar defenders and treated like an overtime kick. The kick is also defended from the two-bar like in overtime.

Stalled balls
-If a ball stops on the table and cannot be contacted and does not result in a penalty kick, the re-drop is awarded to whichever teams offense is closer to the ball.
-If the ball stops off of the drop in play, the re-drop is awarded to the other team.
-If the ball stops in the middle of the table during play and not off of a drop, it is awarded to the team whose whole drop is closer to the ball.

Intentional stoppage of play
-If a ball is intentionally frozen in play by the deliberate actions of the two-bar defensive line, possession is awarded to the opposing teams front-line offense.

Settling disputes
-These guidelines will likely not resolve all disputes. Reasonable disagreements will occur. The general rule to follow is that if both parties have reasonably different opinions, they should attempt to agree upon the resolution that has the smallest impact on the game. If its reasonable to assess a goal to two different lines, parties are encouraged to pick the line which impacts the game the least (situationally).

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(quoted box is the full text)

Not even joking

he wrote this whole fucking thing this morning

EDIT: even sillier bad luck - i get called in mid-game because Guy 2 had to tend to something, I grab the rods for ten seconds, and then he comes back because his call got cancelled. fucking slap to the face, walking all the way in and then dejectedly back to my desk. especially because Guy 4 was out to lunch so I would've next in line, BUT NOPE COINCIDENCE OF COINCIDENCES GUY 6 HAPPENS TO SHOW UP TODAY

even funnier bit is the fact that in any other instance, Guy 4 would 100% be down to go wait and take on winners, but in yet another coincidence of the day, he walked back in and got up to leave again because BURGER KING GOT HIS FUCKING ORDER WRONG SO NOW HE'S GOING BACK, which means he's out of commission for another 30-40 minutes between the time it'll take him to go back, then come back and eat.

i mean honestly, what are the odds
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Is your boss otherwise good at his job/efficient
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this gimmick is so weird
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Drpooplol posted...

Is your boss otherwise good at his job/efficient

nope

our team as a whole is hilariously under its number. only one guy out of ten has made their number, and Guy 5 is just a few thousand away from making his. everyone else has no shot. a girl also just put in her two weeks' notice a few days ago because of how little money she's making.

Kaname_Madoka posted...

this gimmick is so weird

ain't a gimmick if it's the truth
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Also what do you do for work/what kind of company is it.
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Drpooplol posted...

Also what do you do for work/what kind of company is it.

Sales job for a reputable cybersecurity company
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Muffinz0rz posted...

Drpooplol posted...

Also what do you do for work/what kind of company is it.

Sales job for a reputable cybersecurity company

Are the actual cybersecurity people at least competent?
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Hey if I apply for your bosses position can you put in a good word for me. I promise to be fair and reasonable with regards to foosball
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DarkDragon400 posted...

Are the actual cybersecurity people at least competent?

oh yeah nobody in this office actually does the tech work, we're all just sales and logistics (shipping out equipment, dealing with return equipment, etc.)

AlisLandale posted...

Hey if I apply for your bosses position can you put in a good word for me. I promise to be fair and reasonable with regards to foosball

absolutely
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Get back to work
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GoIdSocksForWok posted...

Get back to work

no.

on principle, i refuse to work during the time in which my fellow colleagues are playing foosball. why should i have to work more for the same amount of pay?
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oh my fucking god

Guy 4 came back with lunch for him and Guy 2 (i guess that was pre-arranged). so he and Guy 2 start eating, which leaves only three people on the table; guys 1, 3, and 6. Only filler options are Guy 5, a.k.a the guy scraping and clawing to hit his quota by the end of the month, and me, one of the four people who are nowhere close to their numbers.

LO AND BEHOLD GUY 5 DECIDES HE COULD FORSAKE HIS CHANCE AT A TRIP TO COSTA RICA (reward for hitting 100%+ quota) FOR A QUICK GAME OF FOOSBALL
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holy shit my boss actually came over and apologized for bouncing me in such an abrupt fashion
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Muffinz0rz posted...

holy shit my boss actually came over and apologized for bouncing me in such an abrupt fashion

aaaand it's a hollow gesture because i yet again didn't get invited to play for the afternoon sesh
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it's so bullshit how whenever i play and the game takes more than 10 minutes, they start saying shit like "wow he sucks the fun out of the game" and "he makes it take forever"

but when anyone else makes a game go long, it's a "great game, very competitive"
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jesus fucking christ

so Guy 3 does boxing recreationally

and he WON'T STOP TALKIGN ABOUT IT

EVERY FUCKING DAY HE HAS TO BRING IT UP, whether it's "oh yeah i'm sparring today" or "i'm so sore from boxing" or "i took a shot to the ribs yesterday and it hurt"

let me put it this way

if you guys think i talk about foosball a lot - this guy talks about boxing TWICE as much. and also wouldn't pass up a chance to talk about reading Ready Player One, as if it makes him a better person than all the regular moviegoers who didn't read the book
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