Current Events > I Was Kind to Nikolas Cruz. He Still Killed My Friends

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https://nytimes.com/2018/03/27/opinion/nikolas-cruz-shooting-florida.html
PARKLAND, Fla. My first interaction with Nikolas Cruz happened when I was in seventh grade. I was eating lunch with my friends, most likely discussing One Direction or Ed Sheeran, when a sudden pain consumed my lower back. The sheer force of the blow knocked the wind out of my 90-pound body; tears stung my eyes. I turned around and saw him, smirking. I had never seen this boy before, but I would never forget his face. His eyes were lit up with a sick, twisted joy as he watched me cry.

The apple that he had thrown at my back rolled slowly along the tiled floor. A cafeteria aide ran to ask if I was O.K. I dont remember if he was confronted for his actions, but in my 12-year-old navet, I trusted that the adults around me would take care of the situation.

Five years later, after hiding in a dark closet at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, I would discover just how wrong I was.

I am not writing this piece to malign Nikolas Cruz any more than he already has been. I have faith that history will condemn him for his crimes. I am writing this because of the disturbing amount of comments Ive read that go something like this: Maybe if Cruzs classmates and peers had been a little nicer to him, this tragedy would never have occurred.

This deeply dangerous sentiment, expressed under the #WalkUpNotOut hashtag, implies that acts of school violence can be stopped if students befriend disturbed and potentially dangerous classmates. The idea that we are to blame, even implicitly, for the murders of our friends and teachers is a slap in the face to all Marjory Stoneman Douglas victims and survivors.

A year after I was assaulted by Cruz, I was assigned to tutor him through my schools peer counseling program. Being a peer counselor was the first real responsibility I had ever had, my first glimpse of adulthood, and I took it very seriously.

Despite my increasing discomfort, I sat down with him, alone. I was forced to endure his cursing me out and ogling my chest until the hourlong class period was up. When I was done, I felt a surge of pride for having organized his binder and helped him with his homework.

Looking back, I am horrified. I now understand that I was left, unassisted, with a student who had a known history of rage and brutality.

Like many pre-teenage and teenage girls, I possessed and still, to an extent, possess a strong desire to please. I strive to win the praise of the adults in my life and long to be seen as mature beyond my years. I would have done almost anything to win the approval of my teachers.

This is not to say that children should reject their more socially awkward or isolated peers not at all. As a former peer counselor and current teachers assistant, I strongly believe in and have seen the benefits of reaching out to those who need kindness most. But students should not be expected to cure the ills of our genuinely troubled classmates, or even our friends, because we first and foremost go to school to learn. The implication that Cruzs mental health issues could have been solved if only he had been loved more by his fellow students is both a gross misunderstanding of how these diseases work and a dangerous suggestion that puts children on the front line.

It is not the obligation of children to befriend classmates who have demonstrated aggressive, unpredictable or violent tendencies. It is the responsibility of the school administration and guidance department to pinpoint those students and get them the help that they need, even if it is extremely specialized attention that cannot be provided at the same institution. No amount of kindness or compassion alone would have changed the person that Nikolas Cruz is and was, or the horrendous actions he perpetrated. That is a weak excuse for the failures of our school system, our government and our gun laws.
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My little sister is now the age that I was when I was left alone with Cruz, anxious and defenseless. The thought of her being put in the same situation that I experienced fills me with rage. I hope that she will never know the fear that I have become so accustomed to in the past month: The slightest unexpected sound makes my throat constrict and my neck hairs curl. I beg her to trust her gut whenever she feels unsafe. And I demand that the adults in her life protect her.

if you think bullying is the issue you probably have a DDIQ
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B-b-but clearly all the dead kids were his bullies
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Yeah, fuck that sick kid
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This they must have bullied him shit is so fucking disingenuous, holy shit.
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she's got more sense than many
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l33t_iRk3n_Rm33 posted...

This they must have bullied him shit is so fucking disingenuous, holy shit.

Blue_Inigo posted...

Yeah, fuck that sick kid

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When I said bullying was a bullshit excuse a year ago I was crucified on this board.
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That's a pretty well written article.
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bullying isn't okay and could cut down on plenty incidents with people who felt "bullied," but it's fucked up to burden children with the job of being stewards of other children's emotions. it's like Lisa and Ralph all over again. but with bullets.
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l33t_iRk3n_Rm33 posted...

This they must have bullied him shit is so fucking disingenuous, holy shit.

it's used to deflect from gun conversations and is a disgusting way to victim blame.
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dreamvoid posted...

l33t_iRk3n_Rm33 posted...

This they must have bullied him shit is so fucking disingenuous, holy shit.

it's used to deflect from gun conversations and is a disgusting way to victim blame.

I think its also used by those who are bullied themselves and sympathize with violent murderers
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E32005 posted...

dreamvoid posted...

l33t_iRk3n_Rm33 posted...

This they must have bullied him shit is so fucking disingenuous, holy shit.

it's used to deflect from gun conversations and is a disgusting way to victim blame.

I think its also used by those who are bullied themselves and sympathize with violent murderers

good point.
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While a better and more attentive school system is obviously the best of all worlds answer, at the same time, I've seen how an overly serious and stifling education system is as well. Sadly that results in a huge array of other problems like unmotivated graduates and higher rate of suicide.

Living life, there are just hopeless people
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shockthemonkey posted...

Yeah its really fucked up that people acted like this kids deserved to get shot because they allegedly bullied this dude.

But better to blame victims then try to prevent the next shooting, right?

uh I don't think anyone is saying that

people think that if we stop kids from being bullied they won't end up being mass shooters. no one is saying the bullies deserved to be killed, especially since he just picked random targets
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ASithLord7 posted...

B-b-but clearly all the dead kids were his bullies

i have to assume the kind of person who'd think this has revenge fantasies of their own
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Bully victim's are more likely to kill themselves than the bullies. Bullying is still wrong and should be stopped

Zikten posted...

Bully victim's are more likely to kill themselves than the bullies. Bullying is still wrong and should be stopped

Nobody is saying bullying is good or should just be accepted but that its a lazy and discredited subject to deflect blame to duhhh
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So if one person is kind to someone, it negates a lifetime of bullying that shaped them into the person they are? How about everyone stops bullying?
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shockthemonkey posted...

being nice to violent scumbags doesnt suddenly make them not violent scumbags.

How very not liberal of you.
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Aside from victim blaming, the biggest problem I have with friends and aquantices using the whole "Don't bully and this would not have happened" stance is they are the same people that talk about how people need to stand up to bullies and those kids who don't are contributing to the pussification of America.
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hortanz posted...

sudden pain consumed my lower back. The sheer force of the blow knocked the wind out of my 90-pound body; tears stung my eyes

The apple that he had thrown at my back rolled slowly along the tiled floor

>_>
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BatmanWTtP posted...

hortanz posted...

sudden pain consumed my lower back. The sheer force of the blow knocked the wind out of my 90-pound body; tears stung my eyes

The apple that he had thrown at my back rolled slowly along the tiled floor

>_>

An apple is a relatively hard object - one being chucked at full force by an unhinged teenager with a propensity for violence is gonna hurt, especially if you're a little girl.
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I don't like how a lot of these "stop bullying, and people will stop lashing out" types aren't consistent. they'll bully and slander other groups well into their adulthood, then cry on social media later how they got fired "cuz Liberals."
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Still more to the problem.

These shooting are a lot more frequent and guns have always been accessible.

There is something else to the puzzle we are missing.
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Darkman124 posted...

ASithLord7 posted...

B-b-but clearly all the dead kids were his bullies

i have to assume the kind of person who'd think this has revenge fantasies of their own

The kinds of people on this site saying its all bullyings fault definitely seem like the incel-who-worships-elliot-rodger types
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ASithLord7 posted...

Darkman124 posted...

ASithLord7 posted...

B-b-but clearly all the dead kids were his bullies

i have to assume the kind of person who'd think this has revenge fantasies of their own

The kinds of people on this site saying its all bullyings fault definitely seem like the incel-who-worships-elliot-rodger types

that's Saint Elliot to you, normie
/s
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People on the left have been talking about bullies for a while. The right called us names and weak. Now these people are blaming bullies. Beyond that These killers are normally the bullies. You normally don't hear about the kid with BO and stutter going crazy and killing all these people.

It is the kids who everyone knew was psycho.
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cjsdowg posted...

People on the left have been talking about bullies for a while. The right called us names and weak. Now these people are blaming bullies. Beyond that These killers are normally the bullies. You normally don't hear about the kid with BO and stutter going crazy and killing all these people.

It is the kids who everyone knew was psycho.

that's a pattern I've noticed, too.

a lot of them seem to come from families with shit history, too.
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Hardcore right wingers: Hurr durr, stoopid kids marching were eating tide pods a week ago, why should we listen to them

Also hardcore right wingers: Those same stupid tide pod eaters should take on the role of personal psychologist to every disturbed little fucknut just in case.

Did he have any guy friends? because honestly this not abnormal behavior for a high school boy. I feel bad for her though and respect her efforts to attempt to reach out, but I think he needed a certain type of support he wasn't getting, and not necessarily something a female could help with if you know what I'm saying.
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ShotOJameson posted...

Did he have any guy friends? because honestly this not abnormal behavior for a high school boy. I feel bad for her though and respect her efforts to attempt to reach out, but I think he needed a certain type of support he wasn't getting, and not necessarily something a female could help with if you know what I'm saying.

Hey man, jsyk, using "female" as a noun in reference to humans is in bad taste.

His problem was entitlement, not bullying. If bullying caused this shit, you'd see far more diversity in the race, gender and sexual orientation of school shooters. Some people are just more likely than others to externalize adversity and be angry at "society" when things aren't looking up for them than others. also, he was a bully himself.
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_Rinku_ posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

Did he have any guy friends? because honestly this not abnormal behavior for a high school boy. I feel bad for her though and respect her efforts to attempt to reach out, but I think he needed a certain type of support he wasn't getting, and not necessarily something a female could help with if you know what I'm saying.

Hey man, jsyk, using "female" as a noun in reference to humans is in bad taste.

uh huh.
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ShotOJameson posted...

_Rinku_ posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

Did he have any guy friends? because honestly this not abnormal behavior for a high school boy. I feel bad for her though and respect her efforts to attempt to reach out, but I think he needed a certain type of support he wasn't getting, and not necessarily something a female could help with if you know what I'm saying.

Hey man, jsyk, using "female" as a noun in reference to humans is in bad taste.

uh huh.

It is. That's how an alien would talk.

_Rinku_ posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

_Rinku_ posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

Did he have any guy friends? because honestly this not abnormal behavior for a high school boy. I feel bad for her though and respect her efforts to attempt to reach out, but I think he needed a certain type of support he wasn't getting, and not necessarily something a female could help with if you know what I'm saying.

Hey man, jsyk, using "female" as a noun in reference to humans is in bad taste.

uh huh.

It is. That's how an alien would talk.

uh huh

i just looked it up and his dad died when he was 6 years old. Thats sad. I think he lacked a decent male role model in his life tbh. That's critical to a young man's devo
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ShotOJameson posted...

_Rinku_ posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

_Rinku_ posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

Did he have any guy friends? because honestly this not abnormal behavior for a high school boy. I feel bad for her though and respect her efforts to attempt to reach out, but I think he needed a certain type of support he wasn't getting, and not necessarily something a female could help with if you know what I'm saying.

Hey man, jsyk, using "female" as a noun in reference to humans is in bad taste.

uh huh.

It is. That's how an alien would talk.

uh huh

i just looked it up and his dad died when he was 6 years old. Thats sad. I think he lacked a decent male role model in his life tbh. That's critical to a young man's devo

You can say that all you want, but it doesn't change reality.

His issues were more extensive than just the lack of a male role model, but I'm sure it factored in.

He was a thug and it isn't the responsibility of other kids to help him turn it around.
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Jokeaccountinc posted...

@iClockwork

whatcha need?

hockeybub89 posted...

He was a thug and it isn't the responsibility of other kids to help him turn it around.

Yup. his brother was also a thug apparently, shit bastard from a shit family.
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.
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50Blessings posted...

When I said bullying was a bullshit excuse a year ago I was crucified on this board.

Definitely the full context here.
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CrimsonRage posted...

Schwarber posted...

That's a pretty well written article.

one thing that these parkland protests/rallies showed me is that kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. it's amazing how well-spoken and articulate some of these kids are.

People are helping them. You ever seen them go off script on camera? It's not pretty.
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HypnoCoosh posted...

Still more to the problem.

These shooting are a lot more frequent and guns have always been accessible.

There is something else to the puzzle we are missing.

There's a lot to the puzzle. People are quick to blame "mental health" as the reason for it but refuse to address the culture we have that stigmatizes it. That "it's all in your head" and to "man up and get over it." On top of that, the lack of decent health care in this country to where these type of people can't even afford to get checked out. Now factor in the upbringing of most of these kids, where it seems parents (sometimes no fault of their own) aren't around. Be it death, abandonment or just being forced to work all the time to make ends meat.

With the ease of access to guns, it's just a powder keg waiting to happen. In the long run, there will be no meaningful change, because the the actual conversation that needs to happen is difficult and time consuming, and people don't like that. I will even pull a slight Donnie here and say the left is a bit to blame as well, as they never want to have the full big picture talk, it's always only centered around guns.
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