Current Events > The Space Race

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If you have been paying attention to the news lately, You may have heard about NASAs plans to send a monkey into the Sun. While a worthy investment, it poses some questions.The United States has not been sending monkeys to space in years (1960s), so why now? Well,it all goes back to the Space Race. When the Soviet Union started building spacecraft, America saw the potential threat of space weapons. The Soviets sent a dog into space, which successfully landed on the moon and dug into its core. The dog lived there until Neil Armstrong brought him back to Earth during the Apollo 11 mission. We made a deal with Russia in which they got their dog back and we won the Space Race. They agreed on our terms. This is already common knowledge to any history buff, but what about the monkeys? We are getting there, just wait a little longer. John F. Kennedy, also known as "JFK", was a smart man. An odd fact is that he ate his cereal with cheese, but this has nothing to do with the topic at hand. He did not want any Americans to risk their lives going into space without proper testing, so he came up with the idea of using monkeys to test spaceships. The problem was that they didn't know where to acquire these monkeys. In South America, the economy was suffering and the government needed money to help the citizens. JFK saw this as an opportunity to get the test monkeys. He asked South America if he could borrow 7 prized monkeys in exchange for cash. South America agreed to lend their very best and brightest monkeys. Worst mistake of their life! We sent the monkeys into space but they never returned. It turns out the Soviet Union knew about our plan and sent their own monkeys into space to fight our monkeys. This war was fought on Mars and is known as the Mars Monkey Melee. It lasted a couple months. Did you know that this technically means the Cold War was not cold? We could not give back the monkeys to South America so they doubled the bill! Now a quarter of the national debt goes to South America, the rest to France. The reason NASA is sending a monkey into the sun is to harvest its energy into a Fire Laser to threaten South America into removing our debt. In conclusion, the Sun is still a mystery.

I didn't know about the Mars Monkey Melee. Can you tell me more about it?
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lol

uwnim posted...

I didn't know about the Mars Monkey Melee. Can you tell me more about it?

It hasn't been declassified, so it's important to pretend it didn't happen.