Poll of the Day > Question for those who are/were married

(+) Yeah! (+)

What is it like?

I mean, is it really as difficult as people make it out to be, or is it just something that requires a lot more work people are willing to give
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Not married, but really? Of course it isn't hard, marriage is a just a relationship you've stated you wanted to stay in indefinitely. People who expect anything beyond that, say the relationship changing just because of the status change, are simply sabotaging the relationship.

Relationships are easy as long as communication stays open, establish that and it's smooth sailing.
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Doesnt require much work at all if you find someone who is compatible with you. My marriage has been easy so far. There was some adjustment after our first kid was born, but otherwise its been smooth sailing.
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Haha I started typing my comment before Kyuubi posted and we both ended with smooth sailing
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YoQuieroTacoBel posted...

Doesnt require much work at all if you find someone who is compatible with you. My marriage has been easy so far. There was some adjustment after our first kid was born, but otherwise its been smooth sailing.

that's good to hear. How long have you known the person?

Zangulus posted...

he problem with a lot of relationships is that people think the Honeymoon phase should be permanent. So when they stop feeling that way they go looking for someone else. Love is a choice. A choice to stay by someone even when things arent perfect or going all that well.

Agreed, but I feel like now a lot of people don't see that
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Zangulus posted...

The problem with a lot of relationships is that people think the Honeymoon phase should be permanent. So when they stop feeling that way they go looking for someone else. Love is a choice. A choice to stay by someone even when things arent perfect or going all that well.

Ive been married for 16 years and theres been ups and some serious downs. Yet here we are. Still going strong.

Modern westerners dont know the concept of commitment anymore.
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mastermix3000 posted...

What is it like?

I mean, is it really as difficult as people make it out to be, or is it just something that requires a lot more work people are willing to give

If you are with the wrong person, it is horrible and draining.

With the right person it is all kinds of amazing.
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i lived with my wife years before we actually got married, so there was literally no change at all, ok?

like, really get to know the person before going through with marriage, and it's not hard at all once it happens. all this 'not being under the same roof until marriage' nonsense people tell you only sets you up for a future divorce, ok?
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ZiggiStardust posted...

i lived with my wife years before we actually got married, so there was literally no change at all, ok?

like, really get to know the person before going through with marriage, and it's not hard at all once it happens. all this 'not being under the same roof until marriage' nonsense people tell you only sets you up for a future divorce, ok?

100% agree. You only know someone once you lived with them. I lived with my Wife for 6 months before getting engaged, we will have been married 8 years come June.
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Babbit55 posted...

ZiggiStardust posted...

i lived with my wife years before we actually got married, so there was literally no change at all, ok?

like, really get to know the person before going through with marriage, and it's not hard at all once it happens. all this 'not being under the same roof until marriage' nonsense people tell you only sets you up for a future divorce, ok?

100% agree. You only know someone once you lived with them. I lived with my Wife for 6 months before getting engaged, we will have been married 8 years come June.

exactly. no awful surprises you're now legally committed to that way. like she snores, doesn't like sex, owns a diseased cat, hates pizza, or has a penis, ok?
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Ugh how could anyone hate pizza
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ZiggiStardust posted...

Babbit55 posted...

ZiggiStardust posted...

i lived with my wife years before we actually got married, so there was literally no change at all, ok?

like, really get to know the person before going through with marriage, and it's not hard at all once it happens. all this 'not being under the same roof until marriage' nonsense people tell you only sets you up for a future divorce, ok?

100% agree. You only know someone once you lived with them. I lived with my Wife for 6 months before getting engaged, we will have been married 8 years come June.

exactly. no awful surprises you're now legally committed to that way. like she snores, doesn't like sex, owns a diseased cat, hates pizza, or has a penis, ok?

That's a particularly exact list....
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Jen0125 posted...

Ugh how could anyone hate pizza

fucking right?????

immediate grounds for divorce, ok?
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ZiggiStardust posted...

Jen0125 posted...

Ugh how could anyone hate pizza

fucking right?????

immediate grounds for divorce, ok?

What if they are both Gluten and Dairy intolerant!?!??
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Babbit55 posted...

ZiggiStardust posted...

Jen0125 posted...

Ugh how could anyone hate pizza

fucking right?????

immediate grounds for divorce, ok?

What if they are both Gluten and Dairy intolerant!?!??

Those are already reasons in my book.
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Zangulus posted...

Babbit55 posted...

ZiggiStardust posted...

Jen0125 posted...

Ugh how could anyone hate pizza

fucking right?????

immediate grounds for divorce, ok?

What if they are both Gluten and Dairy intolerant!?!??

Then they can find some other abnormal human to cohabitate with.

You guys must really feel for my wife then! My IBS triggers happen to be, Gluten and Dairy. Gluten Free Pizza without cheese is all levels of awful.
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Zangulus posted...

Babbit55 posted...

You guys must really feel for my wife then! My IBS triggers happen to be, Gluten and Dairy. Gluten Free Pizza without cheese is all levels of awful.

Id rather deal with the IBS personally. A statement I can only make because Ive never had to deal with IBS. But I did have really bad diarrhea for a few years once. So thats close enough right?

No, sadly not, I would just suffer if it was that, bare in mind that some days I can eat what I want an be fine, others I look at milk and vomit!

Symptons can include - Acid reflux, stomach pains/cramps, diarrhoea, constipation, trapped wind, Farts that literally smell like death and can be used as biological weaponry, vomiting, tiredness, depression, rage.

Its awful
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ZiggiStardust posted...

Jen0125 posted...

Ugh how could anyone hate pizza

fucking right?????

immediate grounds for divorce, ok?

I don't like pizza or pasta. I have been told I make good pizza, lasagna and spaghetti. I make these often for my wife and kids, while I make myself something seafood related since my oldest son is the only one who likes seafood.

But I pretty much agree with what Ziggi said in his first post.
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Babbit55 posted...

ZiggiStardust posted...

Jen0125 posted...

Ugh how could anyone hate pizza

fucking right?????

immediate grounds for divorce, ok?

What if they are both Gluten and Dairy intolerant!?!??

Then they need to be segregated from society on an island like we did with Australia.
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Jen0125 posted...

Babbit55 posted...

ZiggiStardust posted...

Jen0125 posted...

Ugh how could anyone hate pizza

fucking right?????

immediate grounds for divorce, ok?

What if they are both Gluten and Dairy intolerant!?!??

Then they need to be segregated from society on an island like we did with Australia.

Clearly someone who has been in the presence of a gluten intolerance fart!
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I haven't because I don't associate with people who can't eat bread or cheese.
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Jen0125 posted...

I haven't because I don't associate with people who can't eat bread or cheese.

The bread and cheese isn't the worst of it though.

Think what beer is made of...... And most alcohol
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mastermix3000 posted...

YoQuieroTacoBel posted...

Doesnt require much work at all if you find someone who is compatible with you. My marriage has been easy so far. There was some adjustment after our first kid was born, but otherwise its been smooth sailing.

that's good to hear. How long have you known the person?

11 years. Married 7.

And I dont mean to paint a completely rosy picture. Like Zangulus, weve had our share of conflict. But a large part of maintaining a long term relationship is knowing when to pick your battles, when to admit youre wrong, when and how to apologize, and when to just shut your mouth even when youre right lol

A lot of living with someone is learning compromise and patience, and being honest, but knowing when honesty can harm a situation and not so much lying to your partner as much as maybe avoiding telling the truth or the whole truth, if that makes sense.

One thing Ive learned is that sometimes when my wife is complaining about work or her family, is that shes not always looking for solutions. Sometimes, she just wants to vent. Blow off some steam. She just wants me to listen, and maybe back her up in her frustration even if I feel theres a better way to cope.

Sometimes, she just wants me to nod and say Yeah! Fuck your boss/sister/whoever! That asshole shouldnt do or say the wrong thing to you! instead of offering advice or a different perspective.

This is just one small facet of a relationship. Its hard to condense all of the intricacies and minutiae of working relationships into bite-sized posts, but if you have more specific questions, Ill try to answer as best I can.

I can say that I agree with Ziggi that you should take time to get to know someone, including living with them, before committing to marriage. And marriage isnt at all necessary. You can have a successful long term, even lifelong, relationship without marriage, including having children and buying a home, etc. It all boils down to your wants and needs and expectations, and whats important to the both of you.

Id like to add, theres an important distinction between the perfect partner, and the perfect partner for you. Your perception of your ideal partner may not be the best fit for you, and thats a tricky concept to navigate. Its important to keep an open mind when dating. Obviously, youre attracted to what youre attracted to physically, and to a certain extent personality-wise. Cant force yourself to love someone youre not attracted to. But keep an open mind. There may be some traits or preferences or ideologies or philosophies etc you feel are incompatible with you, but they may actually benefit you as they can bring you balance and help shape you as a person, if that makes sense.
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No thanks I don't need that kind of negativity in my life, babbitt.
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Jen0125 posted...

No thanks I don't need that kind of negativity in my life, babbitt.

Understandable! Thankfully, Vodka is made from Potatos
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Thank goodness for small favors
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Been with my now wife 14 years got a 12 year old and a 3 year old but only been married 1 year.

Marriage never meant anything to me until I got older saw a few life long friends get married and was best man I understood why it was important.

in our 14 years I think we have had maybe 3 arguments/disagreements that could have lead to our separation but we both didn't want that so we worked though it like there wasn't an option to separate.

I will add that since being married nothing has changed, not even a little from before. my wife is my best friend and the mother of my children I will do her no wrongs if i can help it, and at the same time we both have our own space and time to do our own things.

Too many variables dude. If you find the right person who youre completely compatible with and happy then its easy. If you have had it rough to marriage then itll be hard. Think next time.
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YoQuieroTacoBel posted...

One thing Ive learned is that sometimes when my wife is complaining about work or her family, is that shes not always looking for solutions. Sometimes, she just wants to vent. Blow off some steam. She just wants me to listen, and maybe back her up in her frustration even if I feel theres a better way to cope.

Sometimes, she just wants me to nod and say Yeah! f*** your boss/sister/whoever! That a****** shouldnt do or say the wrong thing to you! instead of offering advice or a different perspective.

Yup, sometimes you're just an ear hole who can listen to garbage that's being said.

Easy peasy. But my wife is a beautiful, awesome person.
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Being married to my wife and loving my wife was and is the easiest and most natural thing in my entire life. Of course you have to compromise and work as a team, but it wasn't "hard". Not for a second.
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SunWuKung420 posted...

Easy peasy. But my wife is a beautiful, awesome person.

i'm sure it was easy for you, but how does she feel that she married a...

...husband?
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Some general thoughts from going through the thread, don't feel like quoting everyone.

I totally agree with that bit about not wanting advice or a different perspective when venting. I think most of the women I know feel the same way. It's just like... I just want to whine to you, okay?! :P

I'm extremely lucky to be married for 16 years to my wonderful husband who already posted good stuff up there. There were a million things against us. We'd only met twice in real life before we got married. (Though honestly, getting used to living with him was relatively easy.) We were under drinking age. I'm mentally ill from being raised by Jerry Springer level crazy people, to the point where almost anyone would have run away from that red flag. And yet we went right into it wide eyed and excited.

Our marriage has been very difficult. I blame myself for a lot of it. But a lot has also been things completely out of our control that we never could have expected or avoided. Financial problems, the horror show of interacting with my relatives, me getting multiple sclerosis... And of course those lovely mental problems of mine. No one ever knew I was going to end up psychotic and in a mental hospital twice.

And yet, here we are. We still love each other. I don't think I married the wrong person at all, life is just random and brutal.

So yeah, marriage can be hard even if you really love the person you're with. It's not just "if you love the person it's easy".
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Ha I know you want to be able to fix what's broken... Welp you got an unfixable wife, the universe is evil. :P
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Jen0125 posted...

I haven't because I don't associate with people who can't eat bread or cheese.

This explains the weekly "Uggghhh I feel sick" posts from Ms. Jen.
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I've only been married a year and a half, but it's exactly the same as things were before so far

We lived together for around 2 years before getting married, and started dating 2 years before that, but if you can live together that's basically what marriage is like. I mean, as long as you aren't being weird about stuff while living together... I mean we basically believed in "whats yours is mine" already before being married

Things will get different with kids, and that will happen in the next 2-3 years or so, but we shall see

Just marry your best friend/the person you always want to be around the most and it's easy as pie

RedPixel posted...

Jen0125 posted...

I haven't because I don't associate with people who can't eat bread or cheese.

This explains the weekly "Uggghhh I feel sick" posts from Ms. Jen.

that's migraines and liquor, man. not bread and cheese.
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I really can't overemphasize how much it's not just easy as pie because you're married to your best friend. Some people are FORTUNATE and don't run into as many difficulties, but life can always make things hard at any time. The real test to me is how you handle it when things aren't easy.
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Moonjay posted...

I really can't overemphasize how much it's not just easy as pie because you're married to your best friend. Some people are FORTUNATE and don't run into as many difficulties, but life can always make things hard at any time. The real test to me is how you handle it when things aren't easy.

yeah. my dad got diagnosed with MS in his early 30s and my mom has expressed how she never expected to have hardship like that in her life and it's really difficult for her to maintain a romantic relationship with my dad even though she loves him. she's more like his caretaker than his wife at this point. it's sad to watch.
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Ugh I'm so afraid of that scenario. I don't want to just be like an elderly parent with dementia. Luckily I'm still early in my progress and hopefully have a long time before I get a lot worse. He needs to help me with things like heavy objects I used to be able to lift... and I'm almost entirely crippled in hot weather, so summer is a nightmare... But at least I can still Mostly do normal things and care for myself. Just more slowly and with more breaks.
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But think about it this way... the person you are with is with you because they are willing to give their life to you. They know that no matter what happens they want to be with you and help you through whatever is going on.

Instead of seeing the negative side of things and the horrible shitty things that happen for seemingly no reason, be positive about the fact that you have your husband there with you no matter how bad things get

medication for people who have recently been diagnosed even in the last 5 years is way more advanced than when my dad was diagnosed in the 90s. he kinda missed a good window to live a normal life with MS so it's been really hard for them. plus he has been really stubborn up until recently about accepting help so he fell a lot and broke a lot of bones (including his back twice) and that causes an exacerbation. then he got guillaine barre (sp?) and that was a nightmare.

hopefully with medication now your progression won't be nearly as bad as him.
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