Current Events > Single people: Lol marriage, such a sham. Married people: Lol singles, so bitter

(+) Yeah! (+)

Ad infinitum.

Me: ok
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Except the singles are right.
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Marriage isn't a sham. If you're going to be a long-term roommate with someone you get more money by being married.

Marriage itself is kind of a sham, yeah.

But eventually it'll probably change forms anyway.
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Anisoptera posted...

Marriage isn't a sham. If you're going to be a long-term roommate with someone you get more money by being married.

At the risk of losing it all.

Doesn't sound worth it to me

Anisoptera posted...

Marriage isn't a sham. If you're going to be a long-term roommate with someone you get more money by being married.

To be fair. There's quite a lot of risk involved with marriage and many people just jump in and end up suffering consequences for it. It's really something you have to plan for. Not to mention the current culture in the us for marriage requires a lot of useless spending and being overcharged. So don't really blame who are avoiding it.

Plus common law marriage is a thing in some states.
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I mainly hear married (or formerly married) people complaining about marriage.
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I was listening on the radio this morning to a woman who was calling in complaining that her boyfriend of 5 years didn't propose to her over the holidays, and she's thinking about leaving him. She's jealous that her best friend's boyfriend of one year bought her a ring.

Like...why? I get it's a social construct that's important to women, I get that. But to leave a man that you would otherwise spend the rest of your life with, just because he didn't get you a rock that somehow symbolizes long-term commitment better than an actual, genuine connection?

Really got me thinking.

clearaflagrantj posted...

Anisoptera posted...

Marriage isn't a sham. If you're going to be a long-term roommate with someone you get more money by being married.

At the risk of losing it all.

Doesn't sound worth it to me

That's why you don't rush into marriage. Give it a few years of being together with someone before making a decision.
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Marriage as a thing isnt a sham but too many people take it lightly just so they can have their wedding and get societal approval. Those parts of getting married are fairly secondary to its actual financial importance. And married couples who havent been married for a decade plus yet really cant even talk. Theres a chance they might not have even faced any significant bumps in the road yet that would test their commitment.
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Banjo2553 posted...

clearaflagrantj posted...

Anisoptera posted...

Marriage isn't a sham. If you're going to be a long-term roommate with someone you get more money by being married.

At the risk of losing it all.

Doesn't sound worth it to me

That's why you don't rush into marriage. Give it a few years of being together with someone before making a decision.

Yeah, I see some people get married after only being together for a year... Like what the fuck you barely know them how are you already getting married.

I think a lot of marriages fail because people rush into them way too quickly and don't realize what they're getting into. Be with someone for 4 or 5 years before making such a serious commitment.
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masticatingman posted...

Marriage as a thing isnt a sham but too many people take it lightly just so they can have their wedding and get societal approval.

This. Too many idiots in love treat getting married like it's as simple as becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.
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MC_BatCommander posted...

Banjo2553 posted...

clearaflagrantj posted...

Anisoptera posted...

Marriage isn't a sham. If you're going to be a long-term roommate with someone you get more money by being married.

At the risk of losing it all.

Doesn't sound worth it to me

That's why you don't rush into marriage. Give it a few years of being together with someone before making a decision.

Yeah, I see some people get married after only being together for a year... Like what the fuck you barely know them how are you already getting married.

I think a lot of marriages fail because people rush into them way too quickly and don't realize what they're getting into. Be with someone for 4 or 5 years before making such a serious commitment.

I knew my wife for less than 6 months before we got married, have been married to her for over 13 years now.
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My brother and his 'wife,' have been together for near on 15 years now. They've got two kids, a boy and a girl. They're not married. My 'sister-in-law' has, at this point, given up on him marrying her and she just accepts it. I don't think I ever heard the reason from my brother, but I think it's because he believes it's easier for everybody this way.
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Boo_Guy posted...

a woman who was calling in complaining that her boyfriend of 5 years didn't propose to her over the holidays, and she's thinking about leaving him.

She wants commitment. A ring is the standard symbol that, but a ring itself is unnecessary for a proposal.

A guy without commitment can leave on a whim. Is he waiting for something better to come along or? Is he still unsure about spending the rest of his life with his woman?

A married guy can't leave on a whim (without repercussions). A ring is a decent enough "buy in" but fielded by an unnecessary middleman.

I'm engaged with no ring. Talk (of marriage) is cheap but sufficient, hooray for a spouse who doesn't want a ring because they're afraid they'd lose it.
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It's not a sham and I don't think singles are bitter for the most part. 33+ year old single women probably are at some point bitter about it.
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Marriage is like playing Russian roulette with a five chamber revolver that's loaded with three bullets.

Sativa_Rose posted...

I mainly hear married (or formerly married) people complaining about marriage.

This. I know a whole 2 married couples that havent split apart (obviously not counting newly weds, even though idk any newly weds). When theres a 50% divorce rate in this country, its completely fair to be skeptical of marriage.

@philsov

The dude is not willing to marry her after 5 years because either he feels there are still issues to work out or he does not want to risk loosing his assets.

Other thing is this woman is bitching he did not propose over the holidays, she sounds like a selfish child who is just mad her friend got all the attention when her boyfriend of 1 year proposed to her over the holiday.

I hope the guy in the 5 year relationship bails soon cause he needs to find a woman who is not going to act like an entitled bitch.
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Offworlder1 posted...

@philsov

The dude is not willing to marry her after 5 years because either he feels there are still issues to work out or he does not want to risk loosing his assets.

Other thing is this woman is bitching he did not propose over the holidays, she sounds like a selfish child who is just mad her friend got all the attention when her boyfriend of 1 year proposed to her over the holiday.

I hope the guy in the 5 year relationship bails soon cause he needs to find a woman who is not going to act like an entitled bitch.

Honestly, if a woman is going to leave me after 5 years because I won't marry her, then she didn't really love me. It was all about her.

Such a shallow society we live in.

Im married but I dont think its a big deal if people dont want to get married. Its not the end of the world and its not for everyone. But if someone is against marriage then they need to be upfront about it with their partner and not string them along.

I think I got lucky. I have never been more in love with my wife than now, and it just keeps getting better. It is constant work, but its always a two sided process.

I try to lead by example if I ask my wife to work on something...like she spends too much on starbucks every day.

So I looked at what I spend too much on (food), and told her I'm budgeting $30 a week total for food. I downloaded an app to show her I'm serious about it. Now she is working on it as well because neither of us wants to fail the other.

But its constant...you have to always work at it. And the relationship gets much much deeper than I could have imagined which is nice.

EDIT: But I don't care at all if others want to get married...though I think kids fare better if the parents are married first (statistically I think all parties involved do better).

Thats the point, she is not in love with him if she is aaying Im thinking about leaving him cause he is not doing what I want. Instead of talking to him like an adult she is acting like a bratty child angry she is not getting her way.

The dude sounds like he sees what she is like but might also believe she is crazy as a shit house rat and might go crazy if he breaks up with her.
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Anisoptera posted...

Marriage isn't a sham. If you're going to be a long-term roommate with someone you get more money by being married.

Not really. Some couples even find it advantageous to file singly, which is why they have the option on the form.

Mrs. DevsBro and I have done it both ways and couldn't tell much of a difference.
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When I was single, I wanted to be married. Now that I'm married, I'm truly happy and feel sorry for single people.

There's nothing that compares to waking up every morning next to a woman who knows you inside and out, cares about you, and faces every major life hurdle with you. The same face I see right before I go to sleep at night as we talk about our day knowing she will support me and be there for me, and I with her.

If you aren't feeling that with your marriage, you are either with the wrong person or you have several marital issues to address.

I get some people like the single life, but I hated it. I would never willingly go back to it. I know I married a treasure and I work hard every day to keep her. As she does for me. Marriage is in no way a sham, just that some people rush into it and don't really know the commitment they are setting themselves up for.
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Zanzenburger posted...

There's nothing that compares to waking up every morning next to a woman who knows you inside and out, cares about you, and faces every major life hurdle with you. The same face I see right before I go to sleep at night as we talk about our day knowing she will support me and be there for me, and I with her.

You could get a badass dog instead. Plus, (if you get the right dog) if someone breaks into your home the dog would fight to the death for you and possibly even rip the guy's throat open. Would your wife something like that?
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@Zanzenburger

You found real love is why, I have the same thing with my relationship, but not everyone has found a good partner or partners. The issue is many do rush into marriage and then divorce not long after once the honeymoon phase has ended.

Its also that many only hook up with people who sex is all they really want from a good looking person, not that they have similar goals, hobbies, or thinking.

With my relationship we are almost always on the same page, we keep communication open, and are honest with each other. Many couples just dont want to be alone and just get comfortable with who they are with instead of making an actual bond.
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https://www.askideas.com/media/06/International-symbol-For-Marriage-Funny-Wedding-Picture.jpg
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DifferentialEquation posted...

You could get a badass dog instead. Plus, (if you get the right dog) if someone breaks into your home the dog would fight to the death for you and possibly even rip the guy's throat open. Would your wife something like that?

lol, I had a drugee force his way into our house a few months ago (long story). He ran straight for my wife with a knife and the first thing she did was call on our 70lb dog to charge at him and keep him at bay. Meanwhile, she talked him into putting the knife down while I tackled him to the ground until police came.

So in short, why not both? ;)
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@ModLogic

No marriage in the 21st century ? For shame.
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Offworlder1 posted...

@Zanzenburger

You found real love is why, I have the same thing with my relationship, but not everyone has found a good partner or partners. The issue is many do rush into marriage and then divorce not long after once the honeymoon phase has ended.

Its also that many only hook up with people who sex is all they really want from a good looking person, not that they have similar goals, hobbies, or thinking.

With my relationship we are almost always on the same page, we keep communication open, and are honest with each other. Many couples just dont want to be alone and just get comfortable with who they are with instead of making an actual bond.

This is a good point.

Even as I typed what I did above, I could already see the eyerolls from other posters who read all that lovey-dovey stuff. I used to be ashamed of speaking about my wife that way because society has conditioned us to joke about the chains of marriage and people who romanticize it are naive. But then I matured the f*** up and stopped caring what other people think about my relationship. If you love your marriage, don't be afraid to tell people.

People hear too much about the crappy marriages and build up an unfavorable opinion in their head because they don't hear enough about the good ones.
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Marriage is great, if:

-you live in a rural area
-you live in a society that places importance on strong family ties (i.e. not America)
-you are generally unconcerned about long-term consequence

We live in a time where for the first time in history, more people live in urban areas than not. It's a time of abundance and independence. We're free men and women, and we like variety and freedom. The risk isn't worth the reward IMO.

Offworlder1 posted...

The dude is not willing to marry her after 5 years because either he feels there are still issues to work out or he does not want to risk loosing his assets.

Possibly. Unless you're the radio girl's boyfriend neither of us can say. But I will say that a relationship where at least one of the two is still tepid about the other is a sign in and of itself, yes.

Boo_Guy posted...

if a woman is going to leave me after 5 years because I won't marry her, then she didn't really love me. It was all about her.

A lack of willing to commit is a sign that you don't love her.
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EverDownward posted...

My brother and his 'wife,' have been together for near on 15 years now. They've got two kids, a boy and a girl. They're not married. My 'sister-in-law' has, at this point, given up on him marrying her and she just accepts it. I don't think I ever heard the reason from my brother, but I think it's because he believes it's easier for everybody this way.

That's because when two people really love each other, marriage, as in the state recognizing your union, or no marriage does not diminish that love. I know CE is super bitter about marriage, but it works for some and it doesn't work for others. But it's not a sham. Don't look to get married. Look for someone to share your life with, and the rest of the stuff will fall into place.
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@philsov

I can hardly fault the dude for not wanting to commit to a whiny bratty who bitches about him over the radio.

No sane man would ever give her half his shit with how she acts.

A woman communicates and works with their partner not belittles him on the radio.
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Offworlder1 posted...

I can hardly fault the dude for not wanting to commit to a whiny bratty who bitches about him over the radio.

No sane man would ever give her half his shit with how she acts.

A woman communicates and works with their partner not belittles him on the radio.

To be fair to her, she did say that they do talk about it, but she's tired of talk and wants action. She did say she didn't want to trap him by getting pregnant, which is great. Too many kids born into fucked up marriages because of that.

Sounds like she is just trying to pressure him into proposing, I hope this dude just dumps her ass cause it sounds like she is about to do that ultimatum bs.
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Romes187 posted...

I think I got lucky. I have never been more in love with my wife than now, and it just keeps getting better. It is constant work, but its always a two sided process.

I try to lead by example if I ask my wife to work on something...like she spends too much on starbucks every day.

So I looked at what I spend too much on (food), and told her I'm budgeting $30 a week total for food. I downloaded an app to show her I'm serious about it. Now she is working on it as well because neither of us wants to fail the other.

But its constant...you have to always work at it. And the relationship gets much much deeper than I could have imagined which is nice.

EDIT: But I don't care at all if others want to get married...though I think kids fare better if the parents are married first (statistically I think all parties involved do better).

30 USD for food for two people per week?

Do you have 3 meals?
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Ilishe posted...

Romes187 posted...

I think I got lucky. I have never been more in love with my wife than now, and it just keeps getting better. It is constant work, but its always a two sided process.

I try to lead by example if I ask my wife to work on something...like she spends too much on starbucks every day.

So I looked at what I spend too much on (food), and told her I'm budgeting $30 a week total for food. I downloaded an app to show her I'm serious about it. Now she is working on it as well because neither of us wants to fail the other.

But its constant...you have to always work at it. And the relationship gets much much deeper than I could have imagined which is nice.

EDIT: But I don't care at all if others want to get married...though I think kids fare better if the parents are married first (statistically I think all parties involved do better).

30 USD for food for two people per week?

Do you have 3 meals?

I usually eat 2 or 3 meals, but I'm talking about $30 for myself. My wife is pregnant so we don't really eat the same things as of late

EDIT: and I'm trying to really cut back so its more of a challenge...but I can do it :) so far I'm under $10...though I am eating some meat I have in my freezer. The problem was I would keep buying dinner even though we had it...so its forcing me to use the stuff we have hah

Never had much interest in marriage (or relationships period), seemed like all downsides and no upsides.

If other people manage to make it work, good for them, but I'm not going to pretend that success is the standard outcome.
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Inferno Dive Dragoon posted...

Never had much interest in marriage (or relationships period), seemed like all downsides and no upsides.

If other people manage to make it work, good for them, but I'm not going to pretend that success is the standard outcome.

No upsides? If you had to try and think about potential upsides, you can't come up with just one? :-/

Offworlder1 posted...

Thats the point, she is not in love with him if she is aaying Im thinking about leaving him cause he is not doing what I want. Instead of talking to him like an adult she is acting like a bratty child angry she is not getting her way.

The dude sounds like he sees what she is like but might also believe she is crazy as a shit house rat and might go crazy if he breaks up with her.

I never understood how these relationships go on like that, it sounds like they have very poor communication.

I told my husband that I was marriage minded from the beginning and made sure he was on the same page. We discussed potential marriage very early in the relationship. I didnt move in with him until I confirmed that we were still on the same page with marriage. It wasnt about timing or wanting it right away, we didnt get married until 3 and a half years of being together, but it was something we openly discussed.

If its been 5 years and you are still waiting around and wondering, then it sounds like a sign that there are some other serious issues.

Inferno Dive Dragoon posted...

Never had much interest in marriage (or relationships period), seemed like all downsides and no upsides.

If other people manage to make it work, good for them, but I'm not going to pretend that success is the standard outcome.

How can we know what the standard outcome is if we only ever hear one side of the discussion?

People with struggling or failed marriages are the ones more likely to speak out, so we only tend to hear the negative side. People with happy marriages don't go around boasting about it as it makes other people bitter, but there are plenty of happy marriages out there.

Hell, there's been three posters in this topic alone talking about their happy marriage, which so far seems to be the majority of all the married posters in this topic.
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Zanzenburger posted...

DifferentialEquation posted...

You could get a badass dog instead. Plus, (if you get the right dog) if someone breaks into your home the dog would fight to the death for you and possibly even rip the guy's throat open. Would your wife something like that?

lol, I had a drugee force his way into our house a few months ago (long story). He ran straight for my wife with a knife and the first thing she did was call on our 70lb dog to charge at him and keep him at bay. Meanwhile, she talked him into putting the knife down while I tackled him to the ground until police came.

So in short, why not both? ;)

It's sounds like your dog was the real MVP in that situation. He probably could have handled it on his own.
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Zanzenburger posted...

Hell, there's been three posters in this topic alone talking about their happy marriage, which so far seems to be the majority of all the married posters in this topic.

Get to 2 decades, then see how it goes. My brother married his HS sweetheart, had two kids. He was happy as can be, until year 18. Her dad died, and she took it BAD. Now, he's paying nearly 2 grand a month in child support, and has pretty much vowed off marriage. He has a buddy in the same position.

It's a long game. A decade is impressive, but really not much compared to two or three. I reckon the average for CE posters is about 5 years, if that.

Zanzenburger posted...

Inferno Dive Dragoon posted...

Never had much interest in marriage (or relationships period), seemed like all downsides and no upsides.

If other people manage to make it work, good for them, but I'm not going to pretend that success is the standard outcome.

How can we know what the standard outcome is if we only ever hear one side of the discussion?

People with struggling or failed marriages are the ones more likely to speak out, so we only tend to hear the negative side. People with happy marriages don't go around boasting about it as it makes other people bitter, but there are plenty of happy marriages out there.

Hell, there's been three posters in this topic alone talking about their happy marriage, which so far seems to be the majority of all the married posters in this topic.

Just celebrated 18 years back in October. And yeah I don't really talk much on the internet/strangers about my marriage. Some people haven't been as fortunate and I don't like to rub it in their face or whatever. My marriage hasn't been no fairy tale by any means, but I wouldn't change it for anything now that I have somebody I feel closer to than anyone else I have in my lifetime.
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Zanzenburger posted...

Hell, there's been three posters in this topic alone talking about their happy marriage, which so far seems to be the majority of all the married posters in this topic.

Mines pretty rocky right now. If someone had asked me a year ago, I would have said my marriage was great. But shit happens sometimes. Were working through things and hope to come out on top. But who really knows. Marriage is tough work and not everyone has it in them to deal with both the ups and the downs. Its definitely much more difficult to walk away when youre married, have a house, kids, etc. So I can see why some would want to avoid it.