Current Events > CYOA: You are on the MTV show Catfish

(+) Yeah! (+)

So you've been dating this super hot chick online name Caitlyn for about 2 years now. Her bewbs are amazing, she understands your jokes (which to be fair take a high IQ to understand.) And she even shares your love for underground, indie rock bands like Three Days Grace and Red Hot Chili Peppers. But something is fishy.

Every time you ask her to video chat she says things like, "Why you wanna video chat? It's nighttime and dark lol" bitch ain't you inside? Turn on the light. You think to yourself, in the cool black guy voice you sometimes use only in your head.

Or she'll say her camera is broken. So you bought her a brand new laptop with a camera from Amazon. Unfortunately it was stolen by theives. (She lives in a rough neighborhood, ok?)

You want to marry this woman and move your whole life to another state on the other side of the country so you have to know she's real first right?

Drunk one night, you email Nev &Max from the MTV show Catfish. They agree to have you on the next episode.

Next day they show up at your door all smiling and creepy like. You're sure there is some type of sexual thing going on between them but think it's best not to say anything. There is an eyelash Max's eye, Nev puts his hands on his shoulders blows it out for him. They seem to have forgotten you're even in the room. You finally get their attention and tell your story.

"Hmmm." Nev says, "Let us take a look at everything else you have and we'll see if we can figure this thing out."

You are now Nev.

You and Max are alone now with the info you need to see if Caitlyn is legit. What do you do first?

A) pillow fight with Max to get some ideas flowing
B) Reverse image search. The hidden technology that only you and Max hold the key to
C) Call the lying bitch
D) butt sex with Max. (Not in a gay way tho)
E)???
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goldenBoi45 posted...

bitch ain't you inside? Turn on the light. You think to yourself, in the cool black guy voice you sometimes use only in your head.

lmao

C
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Bump
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C
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C while doing D
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B
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Looks like C is winning. Will check back this evening after work and update
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Imma get me some of dat Max Salt & Pepper
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C
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E

Not be catfished
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C
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B.

The writing was pretty hilarious btw.
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C) Call the lying bitch

It's time to pull out the laptop and the iPhones and get to work! You sit down in the office chair and Max sits on your lap. (Not like, in a gay way. There's only one office chair.) Cheap ass MTV execs, you think to yourself with a boner. You guys open the laptop and start to see what you can find on this chick. Pulling up her name gives the same phone number the idiot has been using to contact her.

Well, might as well call her right? Hit her with that hard hitting interrogation, make her admit she has a penis. If there's anything you can sniff out, it's a penis.

The phone rings and the Catfish picks up.

"Um, hello?"

You and Max start giggling like school girls, you've got her!

"Hey listen, Caitlyn? We have this really sweet guy here and he has been talking to you for over 2 years. Yet no meet up?"

There is a LONG pause, as you hear heavy breathing on the other line. Not the excited kind you sometimes hear from Max during your phone convos at night, no no. This is a fat chick's breathing. This Catfish may turn out to be what we refer to in the business as a "Sea Otter". Large, sweaty, and typically mentally challenged. (They don't club those things for nothing.)

Her voice comes out sounding like a large Hispanic woman on welfare. "Umm, wow, that's like, crazy and stuff. I can't believe he would do thattt, like, going to you guys and stuffff. That's like, ignorant, you guys are ignorantttt."

Max steps in and takes the phone. Hes eating some Christmas cookies and milk even though its march. Ever since he knocked Santa off his roof that Christmas it seems to be his go to snack. His hair just keeps getting whiter and whiter too. Very odd. Although kinda hot, in a non gay way.

"Listen, can you just kind of cut the crap? We know you've been lying, you honestly don't even sound like the girl in these pictures."

"like, oh my godddddd."

There's a click as she hangs up.

So there are obviously some secrets hidden under those fat rolls you can clearly hear over the phone. It's time to investigate further.

A montage of all the cringe texts they've been sending each other plays on the screen as some awful song by Twenty One Pilots or some other shit band is playing in the background..

I need u

I wish you just be right here next to me....

Omggg I miss u papiiii

It's truly nauseating and is a sign of how much MTV has died inside. You look into Max's eyes. Those steel blue, Christmas filled eyes.

"So...what now?"

A) Buttsex already. (Not gay) The Sea Otter can wait
B)Reverse image search. The Catfisherman's ace in the hole
C)Another montage, fuck it it's MTV. No one watching but pregnant teens who dropped out anyways
D)Go to commercial
E)???
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E) Backtrace IP and book plane tickets
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B
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B
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fire_bolt posted...

B

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teepan95 posted...

fire_bolt posted...

B

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nikko004 posted...

teepan95 posted...

fire_bolt posted...

B

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Frogles posted...

nikko004 posted...

teepan95 posted...

fire_bolt posted...

B

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Will update tomorrow. Sorry for the slow pace, busy weekend
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Bump
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A
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bump
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B) Reverse image search. The catfisherman's ace in the hole

It's time to pull out the Big Guns. (you kinda like the sound of that.) You and Max sit in the office chair and get to work. It's time to see just how deep this c***hole goes. Phase 2? Check out her pics. You pull up the email you got from the loser on this episode. (The hell was his name again? Oh right Clyde.) He has a file attached with 3 of her pics for you guys to work with .

Few catfish, (which this chick obviously is, let's be real. You've met our protagonist, he has the personality of a sandbox. Who could love him? Other than some desperate, beached whale?) Few catfish can withstand the sheer brilliance of the tech savvy internet buddy cop team that is Nev and Max.

You were trained for this. Bred for this. Who else but you and Max could literally right click on those pics and reverse image search them. This is what the people come to you for. The expertise. The knowledge. The male jeggings from The Gap with the matching scarves. The hole "package".

You put the cursor over the file. "Well, time to see what the lying bitch looks like. Or pretends to look like."

You click the link.

"Oh wow!" Max says. His eyes wide, mouth open in an "O" shape. (Not like, in a gay way, like he's pretending there's a cock in there, like in a surprised face way.) "Is this really who he thinks he's talking to?"

https://imgur.com/a/dhf2X

https://imgur.com/a/tcCb2

https://imgur.com/a/YrR2q

"......"

"That's like, literally pics of Jennifer Lopez."

What now?

A) Kill Clyde. He's too stupid to live, mustn't let him miraculously spread seed.
B) Call Clyde. Maybe there's a non stupid explanation
C) Call the fat chick back and call her on her shit
D)Kill Max
E)????
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B
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B
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fire_bolt posted...

B

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B
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Will update later tonight. Thanks for dealing with the slow updates, this is my first CYOA and it's actually tougher than I thought lol
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A
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biggity bump
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