Current Events > Was I wrong to do this?

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tremain07
12/02/17 1:24:31 PM
#1:


My birthday is coming up in a week and four days, I told my brothers and other family members not to celebrate it because there's nothing to celebrate, they ask me why and I just ignore their calls and now they're all sending me texts calling me selfish and cold hearted. I don't understand it, why am I the bad guy because I don't care about the day I was born? It means nothing to me, I wish I could just take it back instead.
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boxington
12/02/17 1:28:07 PM
#2:


it's probably because others don't see it just being about you, but celebrating you (if that makes sense) and/or finding an opportunity to have a good time
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r4X0r
12/02/17 1:30:06 PM
#3:


It isn't your lack of caring about your birthday that pissed them off, it's your lack of caring about their caring of you. These people care about you and you're telling them to bugger off. That's called "rude."
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tremain07
12/02/17 1:32:02 PM
#4:


r4X0r posted...
It isn't your lack of caring about your birthday that pissed them off, it's your lack of caring about their caring of you. These people care about you and you're telling them to bugger off. That's called "rude."

I'm not telling them to bug off, I'm just saying there's nothing to celebrate about this. I didn't even say something like "leave me alone" or "Fuck off" to them. I would never say that and yet somehow this makes me selfish and rude?
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BuckVanHammer
12/02/17 1:34:21 PM
#5:


Are you always an asshole to your family are is this new?
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tremain07
12/02/17 1:35:51 PM
#6:


This is the first time I've done this, see birthday settings are a time to have fun, but this time, I'm really not feeling it, there's nothing to talk about, there's nothing to explore and most of all, seeing them as I am now just hurts.
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BuckVanHammer
12/02/17 1:36:56 PM
#7:


tremain07 posted...
This is the first time I've done this, see birthday settings are a time to have fun, but this time, I'm really not feeling it, there's nothing to talk about, there's nothing to explore and most of all, seeing them as I am now just hurts.

You tell them that?
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tremain07
12/02/17 1:41:30 PM
#8:


No, they don't need to know about this, it'll just lead to them worrying over something that can't be fixed.
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TheDarkCircle
12/02/17 1:44:48 PM
#10:


Man the fuck up. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to do anything for your birthday. But ignoring their calls or texts? Stop being a brat. Tell em it's all good, and you just want to have a chill day and not do anything.

For someone who claims to not want to make it about you, that's all you seem to be doing when you're blowing off people who are going out of their way to let you know they care. Grow up and live in the real world.
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tremain07
12/02/17 1:54:55 PM
#11:


TheDarkCircle posted...
Man the fuck up. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to do anything for your birthday. But ignoring their calls or texts? Stop being a brat. Tell em it's all good, and you just want to have a chill day and not do anything.

For someone who claims to not want to make it about you, that's all you seem to be doing when you're blowing off people who are going out of their way to let you know they care. Grow up and live in the real world.

So you tell me to stop being a brat and your solution is for me to just lie to them. You hypocrite, but I guess being one is part of the real world.
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TheDarkCircle
12/02/17 1:55:59 PM
#12:


tremain07 posted...
TheDarkCircle posted...
Man the fuck up. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to do anything for your birthday. But ignoring their calls or texts? Stop being a brat. Tell em it's all good, and you just want to have a chill day and not do anything.

For someone who claims to not want to make it about you, that's all you seem to be doing when you're blowing off people who are going out of their way to let you know they care. Grow up and live in the real world.

So you tell me to stop being a brat and your solution is for me to just lie to them. You hypocrite, but I guess being one is part of the real world.


Lying and not being a whiny pathetic clown aren't same
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Resolution
12/02/17 1:59:00 PM
#13:


You need to tell this to your therapist. And if you're not seeing one, go see one.
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tremain07
12/02/17 2:00:45 PM
#14:


Resolution posted...
You need to tell this to your therapist. And if you're not seeing one, go see one.

Sure, let me just dip into the magic money fund you assume I have to go to one.
TheDarkCircle posted...
tremain07 posted...
TheDarkCircle posted...
Man the fuck up. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to do anything for your birthday. But ignoring their calls or texts? Stop being a brat. Tell em it's all good, and you just want to have a chill day and not do anything.

For someone who claims to not want to make it about you, that's all you seem to be doing when you're blowing off people who are going out of their way to let you know they care. Grow up and live in the real world.

So you tell me to stop being a brat and your solution is for me to just lie to them. You hypocrite, but I guess being one is part of the real world.


Lying and not being a whiny pathetic clown aren't same

You know what, shut up. You have nothing to offer besides annoying ass insults and I have nothing more to say to you.
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Resolution
12/02/17 2:05:52 PM
#15:


Well what I suggest you do is talk to a hotline and figure out steps to see one. Cause a therapist is the only person who's going to help you. You are hysterically nihilistic and it's not doing you any favors. You need guidance. You need a damn life coach. And you're not going to find one here.
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ChewedMint
12/02/17 2:06:35 PM
#16:


tremain07 posted...
TheDarkCircle posted...
Man the fuck up. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to do anything for your birthday. But ignoring their calls or texts? Stop being a brat. Tell em it's all good, and you just want to have a chill day and not do anything.

For someone who claims to not want to make it about you, that's all you seem to be doing when you're blowing off people who are going out of their way to let you know they care. Grow up and live in the real world.

So you tell me to stop being a brat and your solution is for me to just lie to them. You hypocrite, but I guess being one is part of the real world.

How would any of that be a lie?
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CharlesBronson
12/02/17 2:08:54 PM
#17:


get a job and pay for a therapist
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ImTheMacheteGuy
12/02/17 2:09:31 PM
#18:


I feel this same way as you but I'm very open and vocal about the degree to which I don't give a fuck about my birthday. I don't ignore calls generally but I do ignore facebook happy birthday shit, not actively though per se. I just don't go on facebook more than a few times a year and it wouldn't make sense to reply to a January message if I don't see it until May or August or whenever...

Man, darkcircle is triggered as fuck wtf lol
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tremain07
12/02/17 2:11:31 PM
#19:


ChewedMint posted...
How would any of that be a lie?

Because it's not "All good" it's not a "chill day" it's all fucking lies.
CharlesBronson posted...
get a job and pay for a therapist

WOW! That's so fucking easy! You're a miracle worker! Are you jesus in disguise?
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refmon
12/02/17 2:12:38 PM
#20:


Edgelord
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TheDarkCircle
12/02/17 2:12:58 PM
#21:


ImTheMacheteGuy posted...
I feel this same way as you but I'm very open and vocal about the degree to which I don't give a fuck about my birthday. I don't ignore calls generally but I do ignore facebook happy birthday shit, not actively though per se. I just don't go on facebook more than a few times a year and it wouldn't make sense to reply to a January message if I don't see it until May or August or whenever...

Man, darkcircle is triggered as fuck wtf lol


nah it's all good. It's just clear from his posts he's not a good guy, GREAT guy like you @ImTheMacheteGuy
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tremain07
12/02/17 2:15:41 PM
#22:


refmon posted...
Edgelord

Go learn what words mean. I'm not an edgelord at all.
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ImTheMacheteGuy
12/02/17 2:26:56 PM
#23:


TheDarkCircle posted...
ImTheMacheteGuy posted...
I feel this same way as you but I'm very open and vocal about the degree to which I don't give a fuck about my birthday. I don't ignore calls generally but I do ignore facebook happy birthday shit, not actively though per se. I just don't go on facebook more than a few times a year and it wouldn't make sense to reply to a January message if I don't see it until May or August or whenever...

Man, darkcircle is triggered as fuck wtf lol


nah it's all good. It's just clear from his posts he's not a good guy, GREAT guy like you @ImTheMacheteGuy


He should just be more open about how he feels. If they don't know why they're being ignored, of course it will seem rude. He should just tell them he doesn't want to talk to anyone about his birthday on his birthday, and in the event he picks up his phone if they call, they shouldn't expect him to be all celebratory.

It's a 2 way street. I'll be accommodating to my family, knowing they give a fuck about my birthday, but I expect them to respect the fact that I don't. My birthday is in a little over a month and it will be the 14th in a row that's meaningless to me because 21 was the last milestone that had any relevance.
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goldenBoi45
12/02/17 2:27:05 PM
#24:


Tbh TC you sound bitter af and I think this is about way more than your birthday. You clearly have a negative attitude. I haven't heard you say one positive thing in this topic
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tremain07
12/02/17 2:35:23 PM
#25:


There's really nothing positive to say about this situation.
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Corrupt_Power
12/02/17 2:35:48 PM
#26:


How old are you turning?

I can understand not wanting to fake happiness for what's supposed to be a happy occasion, when you don't really care about it yourself and are in a depressed state on top of it.

I can also see how an outsider can see that as selfish - someone who doesn't understand depression would only be able to see it as preferring to be alone and stewing in your depression. It's just something they'd have no frame of reference for.

The only thing I can recommend is to see a therapist, or a doctor about medication. I can't judge the validity of anyone's depression but my own, but if yours is truly chronic and crippling, you have to do something about it. It's difficult, I know, but if you have a decent support structure you might be able to have someone help you - take you to appointments, make sure you're scheduled for your next one, etc. If you can't afford it, talk to therapists and doctors about financial assistance.

The biggest hurdle is wanting to do something about it. I'm on both Prozac and Adderall now, and although I feel better than I ever have in my life, I still have vast, sweeping bouts of apathy. But once you figure out what you need to cope, riding out those storms is easier. No matter who you see and what you try though, it all amounts to nothing if you are not able to commit your entire being to taking control of your depression.

For what it's worth, environment plays a large part as well. I wasn't able to truly say I had a good handle on my depression until I moved across the country for a few years. I've since moved back to my hometown and can still say with confidence that I have a handle on myself.
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tremain07
12/02/17 2:37:31 PM
#27:


I'm turning 29 and in a pathetic state for someone of my age.
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Corrupt_Power
12/02/17 2:44:00 PM
#28:


tremain07 posted...
I'm turning 29 and in a pathetic state for someone of my age.

I'm 26 myself, and looking back at just a few years ago, I considered myself pathetic as well. I lived with one parent or another until maybe 2, 2 & 1/2 years ago. Even when I moved across the country, I had a parent who moved there several years before I had. It is never too late to make a real, dedicated effort to better yourself.
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CharlesBronson
12/02/17 4:12:11 PM
#29:


tremain07 posted...
ChewedMint posted...
How would any of that be a lie?

Because it's not "All good" it's not a "chill day" it's all fucking lies.
CharlesBronson posted...
get a job and pay for a therapist

WOW! That's so fucking easy! You're a miracle worker! Are you jesus in disguise?

what's so hard about it the unemployment rate is only 4.1%
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Resolution
12/02/17 5:24:10 PM
#30:


tremain07 posted...
ChewedMint posted...
How would any of that be a lie?

Because it's not "All good" it's not a "chill day" it's all fucking lies.
CharlesBronson posted...
get a job and pay for a therapist

WOW! That's so fucking easy! You're a miracle worker! Are you jesus in disguise?


Ok, just ignore the actual productive post so you can react harshly to an unproductive one. Makes perfect sense.
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TheVipaGTS
12/02/17 5:25:57 PM
#31:


People want to spend time with you to celebrate you and just told them to fuck off and then ignored them completely when they asked why...yes sorry but Id say you were wrong. Not wanting to celebrate is one thing. Ignoring them is another.
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Electrokinesis
12/02/17 5:31:22 PM
#32:


You could also mope about it all. Why not, right? Takes no effort whatsoever.
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12amMadman
12/02/17 5:36:05 PM
#33:


not necessarily in the wrong but you're probably causing drama.

Would think you're depressed if you were my family.
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idadpb
12/02/17 5:41:41 PM
#34:


tremain07 posted...
You hypocrite, but I guess being one is part of the real world.

Yeah, pretty much this. Welcome to the hypocrite club.
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