Current Events > It's officially over. Why do women lead men on?

(+) Yeah! (+)

For those that don't feel like pouring through my topic yesterday, Joyce said that she just saw us as friends and didn't want a fourth date.

I feel hurt and betrayed because she said that she wanted to save our first kiss for the fourth time we went out. I feel like she was just using her religion as an excuse to lead me on.

Does this happen often? Are all women like this? I'm beyond hurt right now and just feel sad.

I haven't texted her back since she said that. I want to give her a piece of my mind but I don't know how right that would be of me.

I just needed to vent.
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they don't wanna be mean, so they don't outright reject us when they should

but if a woman wants to be with you, you'll know
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No kiss until the fourth date
It was never meant to be
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Just cut all contact and move on to trying to find another girl.

She was good experience, but from what she said, it sounds like you might have to show a bit more physical/romantic interest sooner.
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Didn't she delay answering you on whether or not she would go on a third date too? I think this girl was kinda iffy on you in the first place. That whole fiasco yesterday totally destroyed any chance you may have had though.

Give her a piece of your mind? Wtf?? She didn't do anything wrong! You dated, she wasn't interested, she told you so, so move on.

Read this article TC. I think it will help with your anger

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/eight-reasons-men-need-to-deal-with-female-rejection-better-hesaid/
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PaulWalker posted...

I feel hurt and betrayed because she said that she wanted to save our first kiss for the fourth time we went out.

she said that to avoid having to kiss you in that moment because she didn't want to face head-on conflict

just let it go

Drpooplol posted...

Just cut all contact and move on to trying to find another girl.

good advice. you invested a lot in her OP, so the chances of you being cool with her setting you up with other girls are poor

a lot of my best hookups/relationships were with girls introduced to me by other girls who rejected me, so 'lets just be friends' isnt always a 'fuck you loser' moment

but if you can't be cool about it, best to just walk
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Tell her how mad you are and all dat crazy stuff and maybe you'll appear on reddit

Or maybe you're already in dere lol
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Wasn't meant to be.

When you're with 'the one' things will happen naturally and there will be chemistry. There won't be questions. Sounds corny, but...it happens.
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Hi. Joining in late.

PaulWalker posted...

Joyce said that she just saw us as friends and didn't want a fourth date.

I feel hurt and betrayed because she said that she wanted to save our first kiss for the fourth time we went out

You feel hurt and betrayed that someone who doesn't want to be with you romantically or sexually didn't do romantic and sexual things with you? This is a better scenario than someone who does kiss and be otherwise physically affection for the first few dates and then calls it off, citing minimal physical/romantic interest.

Is there a way to date someone a few times, reject them, and not have it be construed as "leading on?" Serious question.

Edit -- that said, the female MO is generally about de-escalation and lack of confrontation. It's easier to cite religion because if she says "I don't want do" then that'll lead to escalation since you'll ask a bunch of questions about why she feels one way or refuses to do something.

Edit 2 -- And for the record, men do this bullshit all the time too. Tell them girls they love 'em, then after they bang a few times the dudes up and leave. Don't warp this in a way that leads to misogyny because you got rejected.
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Why did you make a new topic?
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On to the next one.

philsov posted...

Hi. Joining in late.

PaulWalker posted...

Joyce said that she just saw us as friends and didn't want a fourth date.

I feel hurt and betrayed because she said that she wanted to save our first kiss for the fourth time we went out

You feel hurt and betrayed that someone who doesn't want to be with you romantically or sexually didn't do romantic and sexual things with you? This is a better scenario than someone who does kiss and be otherwise physically affection for the first few dates and then calls it off, citing minimal physical/romantic interest.

Is there a way to date someone a few times, reject them, and not have it be construed as "leading on?" Serious question.

Edit -- that said, the female MO is generally about de-escalation and lack of confrontation. It's easier to cite religion because if she says "I don't want do" then that'll lead to escalation since you'll ask a bunch of questions about why she feels one way or refuses to do something.

I never even really made it to the end of a date if I wasn't feeling it. I'm sorry. I'm sure you are a nice person, but this isn't going to work. Good luck out there...

There is no reason to make another topic about this with another still going strong, no reason to give her a piece of your mind, no reason to believe she led you on, and no reason to be angry. Its not even over, it never REALLY started as a relationship. You went on three casual dates.

Be an adult and accept this one didnt work out. You made progress. Onward.
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Yup they that. Hope she didn't let you pay for her since you were going on 'friend' dates.
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C7D posted...

I never even really made it to the end of a date if I wasn't feeling it.

That's efficient, but harsh! I at least stick it out and bail at the next exit like a venue swap (ie, don't do out for drinks afterwards) instead of just slamming the eject button.
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Mr_Biscuit posted...

There is no reason to make another topic about this with another still going strong, no reason to give her a piece of your mind, no reason to believe she led you on, and no reason to be angry. Its not even over, it never REALLY started as a relationship. You went on three casual dates.

Be an adult and accept this one didnt work out. You made progress. Onward.

I made a new one because when I looked, people were still replying with what to text her and not even realizing she had said it was over. I just wanted to make it clear.

C7D posted...

Didn't she delay answering you on whether or not she would go on a third date too? I think this girl was kinda iffy on you in the first place. That whole fiasco yesterday totally destroyed any chance you may have had though.

Her grandma had been sick. Unless that was just a lie. She said she was this religious, sweet girl but maybe she wasn't she was at all. People kept telling me that she might be too good to be true and it seems like she might have been.

Drpooplol posted...

Just cut all contact and move on to trying to find another girl.

She was good experience, but from what she said, it sounds like you might have to show a bit more physical/romantic interest sooner.

Trying to find another girl is tough. I've been trying for 25 years. And Joyce was the first one that really gave me a shot. I just feel hopeless again, and there aren't too many options near me in my small NJ town.
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how can it be over when it never began?

did she agree to be your girlfriend?

going on one date is not agreeing to that

so what is over?
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Dude you're in Jersey. That's one of the most population dense states in the country. Why not cast a larger net and expand your search to other towns?
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PaulWalker posted...

Trying to find another girl is tough. I've been trying for 25 years. And Joyce was the first one that really gave me a shot. I just feel hopeless again, and there aren't too many options near me in my small NJ town.

Do this then, if you actually enjoyed her company.

Accept the offer of friendship.
Know that you will not be her man by being her friend.
So, you are her friend, you will hang out with her, but you should not and do not expect it to ever become more. Don't fall in love.

And like the guy above said, she might introduce you to her female friend.
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There's a lot of reasons why women "lead you on" but it's almost never because they intend to lead you on. Mostly people go out of their way to avoid conflict and hope that things resolve themselves without having to have a talk.

It's a hard pill to swallow and you might feel deserving of a more upfront rejection (and perhaps you are), but the thing to understand is how often women deal with things going sour no matter how fairly they deal with it. A lot of the time, if a woman puts it down straight and says "I'm sorry, this isn't going to work out", the hurt feelings the guy has manifest into a whole lot of ugly and unpleasant behaviour. We're talking psychotic rants where the woman is called ugly, fat, a slut, and even worse things like continued harrassment, stalking and abuse. This happens often enough that women go out of their way just to avoid it.

That's why they fade.

Anyway, like I said before, you have the choice of continuing to be upset about something you can't change (not a good solution), or you can take these experiences as having learnt a few things and try again. Ultimately even though you felt invested, did you really lose much in a tangible sense? From my perspective you spent a bit of time and a tiny bit of money on this, and you gained some experience. Next time you do this you'll be a little better prepared.

That's all a good thing. Just take it as a good thing, there will be other girls.
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It's her fault for leading you on but at the same time it's your fault for investing too much into her.
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yoshirulezz1 posted...

No kiss until the fourth date
It was never meant to be

Yeah. I mean if I am not in their pants by the third date I know it aint meant to be, but if you dont kiss them before that well lol.
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Veggeta X posted...

It's her fault for leading you on but at the same time it's your fault for investing too much into her.

I couldn't help but invest my thoughts and feelings into her. She is the first girl that really gave me a chance. I just am (for a lack of better term) pissed off that she did this to me.

I'm worried that the next girl (if there is one) will do this to me too. I feel she was just flat out manipulative.
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She wasn't "leading you on." She was interested, and after a few dates, she's not feeling it. I'm sure your inexperience showed through, and it's probably too much for her to handle. Be glad that she broke things off in a nice way rather than ghosting you.

You've gotta move on. Eventually you'll stop getting this attached after a couple dates, but for now just deal with it.
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PaulWalker posted...

I couldn't help but invest my thoughts and feelings into her. She is the first girl that really gave me a chance. I just am (for a lack of better term) pissed off that she did this to me.

I'm worried that the next girl (if there is one) will do this to me too. I feel she was just flat out manipulative.

1. what did she do to you?

2. in what way did she manipulate you?

3. why should anyone give you another chance when this is the result?
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Keep your head up high

You have done what many cemen have failed to do

You say it's officially over but it never began to start with? You're acting like you're all heartbroken after a lengthy relationship but you two just never really clicked. This is just cringeworthy. I get that you're new but you're not handling yourself maturely. Move on before you end up like one of those people who get stuck on the same girl for years.

So this was a gimmick
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Wotswayla posted...

Give her a piece of your mind? Wtf?? She didn't do anything wrong! You dated, she wasn't interested, she told you so, so move on.

Read this article TC. I think it will help with your anger

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/eight-reasons-men-need-to-deal-with-female-rejection-better-hesaid/

Good list.

Gotta harden your heart sometimes!
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Didn't you say you downloaded tinder in a previous topic? How's that going?
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PoopPotato posted...

So this was a gimmick

If people couldn't tell before, it should be strikingly obvious now that the narrative is going full stereotype.

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I mean seriously how on earth was she manipulative?
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Buzz Killjoy posted...

PoopPotato posted...

So this was a gimmick

If people couldn't tell before, it should be strikingly obvious now that the narrative is going full stereotype.

Even then, women actually have to deal with guys like this constantly, must get really old.
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Did it occur to you at any point that YOU were the one leading HER on as far as the notion that you are actually somebody worth dating?
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The fact that you are feeling the way that you are feeling (pissed off, wanting to "give her a piece of your mind") is exactly the type of reasons why women try to let guys down easy, the way she tried to do for you.

She went on several dates with you and then decided she didn't want to go any further. Just accept that man. Learn from it and move on.
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I once had a coffee date with a guy from college. We started out as friends for a couple of months but I didnt feel anything on the date. He was a bit clingy after too.

A week after the date, I let him know very nicely that I just wasnt into him that way, I wasnt feeling it. He acted like it didnt bother him, and wished me the best.

Then he got his friend to prank call me and say a bunch of obscene things. I recognized it was his friend from some info I had pulled during the call. When I confronted the dude about him, telling him that wasnt cool of him, he flipped out on me, called me a bitch and told me to fuck off.

Those reactions are why women are reluctant to be more forward with rejections.

I literally had a makeout session with this chick, tongue and all, had plans for a second date and then she ghosted me. It was her idea for the second date too.

Shit happens, but you have to pick yourself up and move on.
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*coughing chuckle*
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Returning_CEmen posted...

I literally had a makeout session with this chick, tongue and all, had plans for a second date and then she ghosted me. It was her idea for the second date too.

Shit happens, but you have to pick yourself up and move on.

You probably suck at kissing.
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https://twitter.com/NPREmily/status/932751062808891392
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To put it simply

She was unsure of you for the first 3 dates and didnt want to kiss you yet so shes made up a bullshit story

But she made up her mind and doesnt like you.

Dont take it personally
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Renraku_San posted...

Returning_CEmen posted...

I literally had a makeout session with this chick, tongue and all, had plans for a second date and then she ghosted me. It was her idea for the second date too.

Shit happens, but you have to pick yourself up and move on.

You probably suck at kissing.

I'm good. But the second date was planned after we kissed so nice try buddy.
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its a gimmick you dingbats
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it's pretty funny how many ppl still believe this is real. This dude is as gimmicky as they come. Oh what a coincidence he keeps finding these "religious" girls to go on dates with, and every time he inches a little closer then fucks up and starts whining about how evil and manipulative they are

lmfao as scorpion would say SUCKERS!!!

Returning_CEmen posted...

Renraku_San posted...

Returning_CEmen posted...

I literally had a makeout session with this chick, tongue and all, had plans for a second date and then she ghosted me. It was her idea for the second date too.

Shit happens, but you have to pick yourself up and move on.

You probably suck at kissing.

I'm good. But the second date was planned after we kissed so nice try buddy.

I'm not your buddy, pal.
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r4X0r posted...

Did it occur to you at any point that YOU were the one leading HER on as far as the notion that you are actually somebody worth dating?

This actually really moved me and put things into perspective. I just am upset with myself for letting things end up the way they did.

Muffinz0rz posted...

Didn't you say you downloaded tinder in a previous topic? How's that going?

I had downloaded it before when she stopped responding but ended up deleting it when things with her picked back up again. I plan on redownloading it tonight.

bobbysjoby posted...

it's pretty funny how many ppl still believe this is real. This dude is as gimmicky as they come. Oh what a coincidence he keeps finding these "religious" girls to go on dates with, and every time he inches a little closer then fucks up and starts whining about how evil and manipulative they are

lmfao as scorpion would say SUCKERS!!!

If you're going to make accusations, it would be great if you at least had the correct info. It's only been one religious girl, and we went on three dates together. I'm not sure what to do to prove to you that this is a real situation I'm in, but if you don't believe me that's your choice. The pain I feel is real to me and quite frankly, that's enough for me. Believe me or don't.
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I've been lurking and the immediate 'nice guy' stereotype of becoming enraged after rejection makes me atleast hope this has been a strangely elaborate gimmick. I want to believe that people don't actually think that is an okay response to have, but I know it happens all of the time.
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Megaman50100 posted...

I've been lurking and the immediate 'nice guy' stereotype of becoming enraged after rejection makes me atleast hope this has been a strangely elaborate gimmick. I want to believe that people don't actually think that is an okay response to have, but I know it happens all of the time.

I realize that I may be going a bit overboard, but I just really feel hurt over this. I'm doing my best to not fall into that r/niceguys stereotype though.
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