Current Events > I need advice for giving advice to my shy fiance, regarding co-worker friends.

(+) Yeah! (+)

So my fiance's been working at her current job for almost a year and a half now, and enjoys it. She's SUPER super introverted and usually keeps to herself, but doesn't mind her co-workers since they all seem nice, but she's not much for socializing or going out of her way to talk to people.

Turns out despite her being insanely quiet and kind of perpetually having b.o., her co-workers really like her and have invited her out for drinks and stuff a couple times now. She feels really bad turning them down, but she's not into the "going out" thing. (Plus we live like 45 minutes away from where they all live).That said, me and her have also been looking to try and make new friends lately too, so she also feels bad that if she doesn't start taking their invitations, she's killing one of our chances to meet new peeps.

So now they asked her again, she's looking for advice from me, and so far I've told her I don't want her to feel bad, I'm fine with whatever she decides. (Which I know is a total cop-out answer). What do we do? Try inviting them over to our place for something? Are co-worker friends worth it? I honestly don't care much since I've never met them, but I've also never been in a situation like this before.
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bump I guess.
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There's a reason you don't work with your friends.
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I mean, I don't have co-workers. The company I work at has literally three employees, including myself lol. Hence why like I said, I've never been in a situation like it before. But I guess you're saying it's not worth it for her to bother with them?
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are you close enough to her work that you could go to an evening thing? husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. are pretty common at the work get togethers I go to. would you being there make her able to better open up and more likely to go to an event?
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KILBOTz posted...

are you close enough to her work that you could go to an evening thing? husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. are pretty common at the work get togethers I go to. would you being there make her able to better open up and more likely to go to an event?

Probably not. Like, I feel like me being there would just make her even less likely to socialize with them. She's not much of a drinker and doesn't like loud places in general. Personally, I'd go with her if she asked me to, but I don't think it'd make much of a difference.
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I bet TC is white and his fiance is an Asian girl?

Trayvon posted...

I bet TC is white and his fiance is an Asian girl?

Lol, I wish.
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I don't know. It seems like she would be completely out of place going out for drinks or whatever. I've had that issue in the past and there's really no winning. You don't want them to feel bad if you keep refusing, but you can't really say "that's not my thing" or whatever since most people won't get that. You can try to say "I prefer to just grab dinner or hit up a movie/whatever activity" and plenty of people are still cool with that.

On the plus side, if you refuse enough times people eventually just stop asking. Then you can just keep up whatever dynamic you have at work, be nice and friendly and all that but it doesn't have to go any further than that.
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ForestLogic posted...

kind of perpetually having b.o

lol this is strange
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Ultima Dragon posted...

I don't know. It seems like she would be completely out of place going out for drinks or whatever. I've had that issue in the past and there's really no winning. You don't want them to feel bad if you keep refusing, but you can't really say "that's not my thing" or whatever since most people won't get that. You can try to say "I prefer to just grab dinner or hit up a movie/whatever activity" and plenty of people are still cool with that.

On the plus side, if you refuse enough times people eventually just stop asking. Then you can just keep up whatever dynamic you have at work, be nice and friendly and all that but it doesn't have to go any further than that.

That's what I figure too. She's saying she might want to try and invite them over to the town we live in another time, to flip it and see if they'd be willing to drive all the way here. If they don't, she made an effort and doesn't look like a jerk, and if they do, then she hangs out with them and doesn't feel bad.

drunkmuggle posted...

ForestLogic posted...

kind of perpetually having b.o

lol this is strange

She does, which is why I'm surprised they're inviting her out to begin with, lol.
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Does she have a good friend at work she can sit with?

My wife is sorta similar but she can handle going out to work drinks every now and again. She doesn't stay overly late.

If they like her she'll likely be fine. I'm sure they know what she's like.
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I think she shares a cubicle with a cool lesbian chick, but I dunno if she'd call her a friend necessarily. But one of the issues is she doesn't really drink much at all though, bars aren't her scene.
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ForestLogic posted...

kind of perpetually having b.o.,

um wtf