Board 8 > ~^~^~Lightning in a Bottle: Inviso Plays Through Final Fantasy XIII~^~^~

(+) Yeah! (+)

Given that SMFFFC has rekindled my giving a shit about Final Fantasy, and I've said several times in recent weeks that I think FF13 has the best playable cast in the franchise (note I have not played FF15 yet, nor have I played FF3), I figure now might be a good time to actually sit down and do a playthrough topic. FF13 suffers from the same issue I have with FF6 in that I really like the game, and I got reasonably deep into it...but then the moment the game opens up and I have a little more freedom as to how to play and what I want to do, I got overwhelmed and have never actually completed the game before. But no longer! Time to kick things off and actually finish a game that could have the potential to be my favorite in the series. Wahoo!
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We open on a train. Somewhere, Selphie has an orgasm. And look at these Mass Effect soldiers walking around with their laser guns.

Alright, Lightning quickly proves to be a badass as she goes all Milla Jovovich on the soldiers, kicks everyone's ass, and commandeers a rifle to kick some more ass. Meanwhile, we're also introduced to Sazh, who comforts a crying child who looks like Tidus, age 5. What I'm saying is that Sazh should've chucked that kid from the train and saved us all a lot of future grief. Don't worry that, Sazh rapidly earns back any cool points lost by not murdering future Tidus, but going immediately into comic relief mode and freaking out about Lightning being almost TOO MUCH of a badass. And finally he goes full-blown "too old for shit shit" and follows her to make sure this bitchy girl doesn't get her ass beat.

Opening cinematic also has some weird portal things that SEEM like they're near enough to the resistance or the rebellion that they would recognize them as a threat...but they DON'T and allow monsters get get summoned? Whatever, it's cool, 'cause Lightning has the smash ball, and she blows shit up all day e'eryday.
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I dont feel like FFXIII ever really gives you much freedom.

I mean, at a certain point it opens up a vast world of nothing, but freedom does not really describe it.

Yeah, Gran Pulse has nothing on the openness of the World of Ruin.
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Okay, I don't know much about fantasy armies and their technology...but this first boss seems...needlessly complicated. Scorpion tail that doesn't physically attack and instead fires lasers...plus two arms with saw blades...and a face that opens up to reveal a laser beam. Like...this is the FIRST BOSS and yet you're giving it enough armaments to take on a full regimen of late-game characters.

Anyway, loving the dichotomy between Lightning's cool, badass persona (grinding down the falling train) and Sazh being a total dork (running down the slope with his guns up.) Also, super racist, giving the black guy guns as his weapon. :P
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Five-starred the first battle. But seriously, that big-ass mech gets taken down by a pair of generic pistols, and a generic sword. Just auto-attacking. This is highly unbelievable.
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Inviso posted...

Meanwhile, we're also introduced to Sazh, who comforts a crying child who looks like Tidus, age 5. What I'm saying is that Sazh should've chucked that kid from the train and saved us all a lot of future grief. Don't worry that, Sazh rapidly earns back any cool points lost by not murdering future Tidus

*topic list*
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Ah, so Lightning WAS a soldier. She wouldn't be girl Cloud very well otherwise.
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Generic enemy time! Buncha auto-attacking and...OH MY GOD! WHEATLEY! SO MANY WHEATLEYS! And they give me potions! More generic enemies, thanks for making me waste a potion when I'm at full goddamn health, tutorial. And then we have a bridge collapse. Thankfully, Lightning has some sort of magic force powers that allow her to fly! But wait...no. Sazh, no! NO MEANS NO, SAZH! Fuck, Sazh grabs onto Lightning 'cause she's bein' a bitch and trying to leave him behind, and he broke her mind powers or something. Guess they'll have to find a new way out of this sticky situation.
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Annnnnnnd I got wiped out on a random battle with three of the robot dog things. THIS battle could've used the goddamn potion tutorial if you're gonna put me up against four enemies at once. Whatever. Time to redo a bunch of stuff and skip the goddamn potion tutorial this time. Kick the dogs' ass and finally reach my third save point.
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Beat a mini-boss/tutorial who went down pretty easily, and now Lightning reveals that she's trying to kill the fal'Cie! But...don't really care about that, because it's time for Snow!
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And now we meet Snow's crew:

Yuj, the blue-haired douchebag that looks like he's straight outta FFX
Maqui, who looks nothing like Commander Chakotay, yet still pisses me off by being a whiny little Tidus lookalike
Gadot, who does not drink coffee and looks like Wakka (never a good association)
And Lebreau...who looks FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.
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We also meet Hope and Vanille, and Hope's mom that Snow totally wants to bang when he's done fighting off the oppressive government.
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Snow's first boss battle is against a Beta Behemoth. Must be the kind of Behemoth that posts on redpill forums.
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Snow tries to be a big goddamn hero, but has butterfingers and can't get a hold on the rocket launcher he was lunging for. Way to go, Snow. Fortunately for him, the big enemy ship that he was trying to attack, rather than just firing its machine guns at him, decides to go for overkill and unleash its big laser. This gives Nora time to come out and blow it the fuck up. So really, dumb decisions all around. But thank goodness moms are tough, or we wouldn't have a chance for Nora to get killed saving Snow's life, thus sparking Hope's story arc.
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Oh man, is this the part where Vanille tells Hope that his mom falling to her death followed by a series of explosions are just "happy fireworks"?
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And now we're back to Lightning, who is fighting X-Game Robot.
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Oh Vanille. You're such a manic pixie dream girl. Just giving Hope a gun, telling him to think about his mother's brutal death later, then running off after a snappy farewell.
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Lightning leaps off a tall structure and does the hero landing because her force field manages to work again. Would've looked real stupid if it was still busted. Speaking of looking stupid, Sazh decides "well if this trained soldier with force powers can survive jumping off a ledge, then so can I!" and proceeds to fall his ass down, only surviving because Lightning left him a landing pad before not giving a fuck and running off.
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The FUCK is wrong with you, Gadot? You're in the middle of a war zone and you decide to dick around and do the fake-out "I'm gonna betray you and pull a gun on you" moment right after Snow got fucked up from a pretty sizable fall?
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Okay, so quick ranking of Snow's friends:

Lebreau > Gadot >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Yuj >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Maqui
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I don't even remember those last two.
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Ooh, now HOPE is playable. This is where the REAL fun begins.
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I love Vanille. She's just such a fun character. Look at her dragging Hope into danger through the power of boners.
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A black screen featuring audio of Hope screaming while Vanille gives stunted screams of "Ah, ah, ahhhhhhh!" It just sounds so dirty.
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Okay, I call B.S. They just did a scene to illustrate where Vanille got her magic lacrosse stick, but then she and Hope get thrown into battle and...he has a boomerang for some reason? wtf?
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Vanille is really good at nipping Hope's whining in the bud. Seriously, just werk it, gurl.
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Pointless Snow segment where he's not interacting with ANY other characters, and then back to fun times with Lightning and Sazh. Sazh is such a hilarious coward who doesn't want to deal with this shit. I love it. Then back to solo Snow. Seriously, what is the point of having him run around by himself like this?
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And now before I head to bed, we switch back to Vanille and Hope, and nothing of interest happens. Goodnight all!
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Holy shit, these are some Silent Hill-ass monsters right here. Thankfully, a real man shows up to handle things, because Lord knows Hope wasn't gonna do it with his goddamn boomerang.
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Hope, seriously, just tell him why you're fucking mad at him goddammit.
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"It's people like you that started the Purge in the first place."

"What do you MEAN, 'you people?'"
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And now we come to the 'walk in a straight line and fight enemies' portion of our game.
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