Current Events > I fucking hate this 'history repeats' bullshit in my family

(+) Yeah! (+)

I know this isn't apropo to the wacky nature of CE but I literally have nobody else in my life to talk to (that's probably a problem but please, one at a time).

When I was around 10-11, my mom married another guy, with my biological father being spotty in my life (mostly absent, though). My stepdad was a real dickhole. Like--abusive defined. The marriage didn't last for long, but it was enough to put a hurt in my mother and she took out her anger on my for the next five years or whatever. My grandfather treated my mother like shit her whole life. He was just as abusive.

I thought that I wouldn't ever have to deal with this shit as an adult and as a 25 year old I secluded myself from my family and their problems, just leaving things be...until my sister got pregnant. I love my nephew. I love him more than anything. But...I see it happening again. The same fucking thing. My sister is on the prowl for the social life that having a baby as a baby (17) took from her, and is essentially trading her son for it, just like my mother did with me.

Look--whatever happened to me is just that: whatever. I don't care anymore. The past is dead. But my nephew is only five years old I can see the future reforming around the same bullshit, the same skyline I grew up towards. She's dating shitty guys, drinking a lot, getting into law trouble and the person who's suffering is her fucking son and it's killing me. My nephew's father is barely in the picture as well.

Let's take a look at my aunt, too: she has three kids to just as many husbands and is currently married to an asshole who fits the exact mold that her and my mother's father set. My aunt's oldest son is in the same shit canoe, 15 years old and just about dropped out of school and looking to follow the same damn path.

How can nobody fucking see this? How does a fucking mother look at her actions and not see the reflection of what happened to her? How can people be so crass towards children? How is it fucking acceptable to so easily exchange your child's future for your shitty decisions?

I'm in tears right now thinking about how miserable my nephew's future looks against this backdrop and how little I can help it. If I confront anybody about it, with any spectrum of kindness, I'll be set as the villain of villains and told that it's not my kid to raise. He's only fucking five, though. He didn't ask for this life, he just wants to learn, to live and be happy and nobody with fucking AFFORD HIM THAT goddamn it.

It fucking sucks. It's always going to suck because nobody in control can just stop for a fucking minute and corroborate the past with the present, instead only acting on instincts born from anger, fear and abuse. It's fucking killing me.
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Ultimately I suppose it's up to you. An option might be to go to CPS; I don't know if you could have a case for child abuse or neglect, I don't know how that all works, but it can't hurt to try.

Of course like you said it'll vilify yourself to your family. "It's not your child, not your business," "You don't go against family," blah blah blah. The question you need to ask yourself is whether some arbitrary moral code and the favor of family you don't really seem to like is more important than your nephew's well-being.
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I would just do everything you can to make sure he grows up getting the support and stuff he needs, like you may need to take it on yourself to read to him and teach him things, as I think that's gonna be really important with him probably starting kindergarten or 1st grade soon. One random is example is how to tie your shoes, I remember not really having anyone willing to teach me that and it being really embarrassing until my friend finally taught me how in second grade.
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Your families burdens are there own. Not yours. If you spend your life trying to fix their problems they will abuse and slowly kill you.
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UnfairRepresent posted...

Your families burdens are there own. Not yours. If you spend your life trying to fix their problems they will abuse and slowly kill you.

Youre saying its on the kid. I dont think you really mean that.

UnfairRepresent posted...

Your families burdens are there own. Not yours. If you spend your life trying to fix their problems they will abuse and slowly kill you.

Unfortunately this.
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Jerry_Hellyeah posted...

UnfairRepresent posted...

Your families burdens are there own. Not yours. If you spend your life trying to fix their problems they will abuse and slowly kill you.

Youre saying its on the kid. I dont think you really mean that.

Noits on the kids parents and guardians.

Not you.

Stay out of It or call CPS
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