Current Events > CYOA: You work at Marsh and just found out your store is closing

(+) Yeah! (+)

After over twenty years of "living" you manage to fulfill your destiny of being a fat failure and find yourself cashiering and stocking at a store that, much like yourself, has a demonstrable trend of rejection from the vast majority of people in your area.

Suddenly your manager Mr. Bussy, an even fatter, balding misery comes up to your line with tears in his eyes

"Corporate just called and said it's over. We're discounting everything and once enough of our greedily marked up inventory is gone, we are to hang up our sweat stained smocks for the last time".

"no" you reply

INVENTORY:
Wallet (ID, $4.14, Social Security card, picture of Emma Watson)
Half a computer science degree
$30,000 student loan debt

Do you:

a) ask Bussy if he's okay

b) let your emotions out and sob

c) mumble something like you have a social disorder and then get back to work

d) go on break

e) other

hump de bump

C
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SmidgeIsntBack posted...

C

You mumble "that sucks" and Bussy understands none of it

"Huh?"

"Haha, yeah"

Bussy stares at you blankly and you accidentally almost look him in the eye

You turn around silently and start thinking about Markiplier

Bussy walks away pondering where he f***ed up so hard that he found himself professionally in charge of worthless people like you

For the first time in hours the automatic door slides open and an obese customer walks in

INVENTORY:
Wallet (ID, $4.14, Social Security card, picture of Emma Watson)
Half a computer science degree
$30,000 student loan debt

Do you:

a) try to save your store by trying to upsell to the fat customer

b) avoid eye contact and look at your shoes

c) open the cash register

d) go on craigslist

e) other

A
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E: set the store on fire in a fit of rage
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SmidgeIsntBack posted...

A

You realize that if Marsh closes down, you'll probably end up homeless. You're literally not competent enough for fast food. At every "restaurant" you've ever worked, you've gotten several angry yelp reviews specifically written to roast you to your core as they had watched you fumble through every order and then unintelligibly stutter apologies to your ex-convict registered sex offender assistant managers

Your mind races as you remember that you're too anxious to shit in public and if you were to lose the squalor you call home, you would die a horrible death as your feces would accumulate in your lower intestine until they began to fester and decompose and inevitably cause you to physically burst, raining blood, guts and rancid logs onto innocent bystanders

Out of sheer terror you approach the disgustingly fat customer

"E-excuse me sir..." you say meekly

"Huh? Speak up son, I can't understand a god-damn word you're saying" replied the man, who had heard what you said but was so disappointed in your general way of communicating that he demanded you try again.

"I s-said excuse me sir, I just wanted to let you know that-"

a) A dozen donuts is a dollar less this week

b) I am inspired by your bravery to show your lard in public

c) I need you to buy as much as you can afford or else I'll be out of a job

d) have an anxiety attack and go non-verbal

INVENTORY:
Wallet (ID, $4.14, Social Security card, picture of Emma Watson)
Half a computer science degree
$30,000 student loan debt

DA
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DA
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teepan95 posted...

D

Your heart starts pounding faster as you see your reflection in the fat patron's poker-style sunglasses. Seeing even a glimpse of nature's practical joke you call a body instantly makes you lose confidence in yourself

"I... s...a...i...d" you blabber followed by some high-pitched squeaks as you forget how to function as a human

The man looks furious now. You wasted his time while also lowering his general opinion of society.

He drops his shopping basket with a loud thud as he stomps toward you

Your eyes widen and you begin squeaking uncontrollably as you try to say words

He grabs you by your collar and shouts

"Kid what the hell is the matter with you, people like you are the reason your toilet of a grocery store is closing and also why the arabs hate us"

You can feel the PTSD start to form in real time

a) screech artistically

b) spit in his face

c) lick his hand

d) reach for a box cutter

e) other

E: Do A, B, and D
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Eevee-Trainer posted...

E: Do A, B, and D

You begin screaming like a cross between a homosexual man who's boyfriend just wiped his meat plunger on their favorite curtains and a howler monkey

Bussy hears your cacophony and starts to power walks toward the action, stopping a third of the way in to wheeze and catch his breath

You begin spitting, more-so because you were vaccinated than because you were defending yourself

The repulsively fat man transcends anger as your beta cuck DNA lands on his veiny forehead

You notice he has a pistol on his hip. Out of pure instinct you reach toward your station where you have a rusty cutter stashed. Your fingers brush it as his grip moves from your collar to your traquea

You manage to get a grip on the blade as the fat fuck begins chocking you hard

a) try to stab him in the eye

b) try to stab his hands

c) drop the cutter and try to fight him off bare handed

d) stab yourself

e) other

E: Go for the throat
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Eevee-Trainer posted...

E: Go for the throat

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SmidgeIsntBack posted...

Eevee-Trainer posted...

E: Go for the throat

As you feel his cheese-dust laden fingers squeeze harder and harder you begin getting flashbacks to that time you hired a prostitute out of desperation to pop your man cherry. She arrived and promptly put you in a headlock, temporarily choking your soul out of your body. When you woke up, your wallet and much of your furniture was gone and replaced with more virginity.

The memory makes you angry. You imagine the disgusting grease pile as the thing you hate most, yourself, and succesfully jam the box cutter through his throat.

With a loud BONG the fatass drops to the floor, gargling as he drowns in his own blood. He isn't quite dead, but you know it won't be long.

Bussy begins screaming and exhaustedly hurries toward the phone, presumably to have you sent to the booty house

Do you:

a) loot fatass's dying body

b) run toward Bussy

c) stab yourself

d) release your Ass Burgers and cry

e) other

E: b and d
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^
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teepan95 posted...

E: b and d

You stare at the sputtering pile of lazy trash, his blood gushing through his partially severed head in a cascade. Having been vaccinated, you feel nothing at the sight of a dying fellow human, but you begin to fake cry in hopes of convincing Bussy to take pity on you.

Bussy only feels more disgusted while hearing your sobs. Clutching his left side, he finally reaches the customer service phone and begins to dial.

You envision a singular, very public toilet in a prison cell and fear rushes through your core.

"What if other prisoners see my micropenis?", you think to yourself.

The notion alone is enough to cause you to stampede toward your manager in a panicked motion. You reach Bussy just as you hear the phone line dialing 911

a) try to hang up the phone

b) assault Bussy

c) lick the blood off your hands

d) try to stab Bussy

e) other

E: Approach Bussy while licking the blood off your hands, then cut his throat much like the maligned fatass that fell first.

No one can see your micropenis

No one.
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Eevee-Trainer posted...

E: Approach Bussy while licking the blood off your hands, then cut his throat much like the maligned fatass that fell first.

No one can see your micropenis

No one.

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teepan95 posted...

Eevee-Trainer posted...

E: Approach Bussy while licking the blood off your hands, then cut his throat much like the maligned fatass that fell first.

No one can see your micropenis

No one.

You tower in front of Bussy fueled only by shame and rage. Thoughts of african american prisoners loudy mocking your genetically pathetic penis race through your mind as you lift your weapon to do to Bussy what you want to do to yourself.

Just a you lift your hammy fist, the smell of White Castle Chicken and Waffle Sliders reaches your nostrils. The fat fuck's blood smelled like the only thing he ever ate.

You're so stressed that your eating disorder kicks in. You can't resist. You begin slobbering and slurping your bloody hands. They taste like metal and your absent father.

Bussy is now so terrified, he goes fully limp like a goat watching the Babadook. His eyes glaze over as his puny mind shuts down at the sight of your social disorder caused inhumanity.

''911 what's your emergency?" you faintly hear

You remove your sausage fingers from your mouth, still dyed a dark red

You move toward Bussy's piss soaked ragdoll body and easily swipe Excalibur through his gullet. He screams MAAAAAARRSHHHHH and GLGLRRRGLGGGHHHHH as his unsweet blood sprays out of his throat hole

The cops are probably on their way

a) talk to the 911 operator

b) go back for seconds of Lardo's blood

c) try Bussy's blood

d) flee

e) other

E Steal money from the registers then flee
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^
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Tagged
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Flintlock_Staff posted...

E Steal money from the registers then flee

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