In honor of the the third-season premiere "The Breakfast Bunch" coming out on the 28th, I'm ranking all 31 episodes from the first two seasons of Victorious (not ranking Blooptorious or iParty With Victorious). Yes, I like Victorious. ...mostly for the four hot girls on there.
So without any further ado, let's get this party started!
This topic obviously will contain MASSIVE SPOILERS for the entire first and second seasons of Victorious.
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#31: Tori Gets Stuck
"She can't drive a bus, right?"
While I generally like most episodes of Victorious, this was one of the few episodes I didn't like (obviously, since it's ranked the worst). The episode involved Tori getting the lead role in a big school musical while rival and frienemy Jade ends up stuck as her understudy. This obviously doesn't sit well with Jade and we see a lot of resentment from her as the episode goes on. However, we eventually find out that Robbie needs emergency surgery due to having a toy car stuck up his butt many years ago (one of the few amusing moments of the episode) and he'll need a blood transfusion, which only Tori can give him since they share the same blood type. You know, THAT old cliche. This of course leads to Tori repeatedly attempting to donate blood to him, only to have the blood repeatedly end up getting lost, misplaced, or contaminated. The first pint of blood was misplaced by Jade (hoping to get Tori's part in the play), which, considering the medical implications (risking Robbie and Tori's lives) was pretty low down dirty even for HER. Of course, in the end, the operation is a success, but by that point Tori has ended up donating so much blood that she can't perform in the play. Sikowitz refuses to let Jade perform because she was a jerk throughout the episode, so instead, HE performs the lead role. The episode ends up being an unfunny Shaggy Dog Story. Tori ends up getting screwed out of the lead in the musical, Jade acts like a complete b****, and I was just left with a really bad feeling in my mouth that left me never wanting to watch the episode again. Trina's tuberculosis sideplot was just meh. You know an episode is bad when the PROMO PIC is better than the episode itself.
See what I mean?
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
"There are seven children in a cupcake who need me!"
This episode didn't make me rage like Tori Gets Stuck did, it was just... boring. Yes, an episode featuring Tori, Jade, Cat, and Trina in pajamas for half of it was boring. What an awful wasted opportunity. The episode featured the group building a big cupcake float so that they could appear in a nationally-televised parade. The float breaks down in a bad part of town and the group has to figure out how to get it started again. So yeah... not too much funny material here. There was a subplot where Sikowitz went outside the cupcake and tried to get help from the police, only for the police to think he's crazy and try to arrest him, but I'm not usually too interested in Sikowitz's antics, so I couldn't really find much to laugh at with that storyline. Eventually, Tori goes out of the cupcake and flags down a group of toughs to help fix the cupcake. Again, another supposed-to-be-funny scene where we see Tori, in pajamas, approaching a group of hardcore thugs, only for them to be friendly and help her out. The thing about humor is that it has to be something you don't expect. What else were the thugs SUPPOSED to do to Tori on a TV-G rated show? Obviously we knew they were going to turn out to be friendly. The dialogue between the group inside the cupcake was pretty boring and Cat was incredibly stupid in this episode (yet another episode where Cat seems to be getting dumber and dumber, the ruination of her character). We don't even get to see them in the parade once they finally get the float going! A boring episode with a completely unsatisfying ending.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
This was another quite blah episode in the middle of the first season. Beck gets a role in a movie which Tori ruins by antagonizing the movie's diva of a star. In the absolutely horrid sideplot, Robbie has nightmares about his puppet Rex. The crappy scenes involving Robbie and Rex really dragged this episode down, which is a shame because there were some rather nice Beck and Tori interactions, we saw Tori standing up for Beck and ending up getting the lead actress in the movie replaced by causing her to get shot through the hand with an arrow. While there were a couple good scenes (one of Tori arguing with the lead actress and another with Cat distracting a guard, the mostly boring first couple of acts, combined with the terrible subplot, led to this episode ranking lowest of all the first season episodes for me.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
The first episode on this list that I actually kind of liked, but still wasn't nearly interesting enough to make it much higher on my list. The plot revolves around Tori attempting to get onto the school's ping-pong team (so she can spend more time with her friends), only to discover that the ping-pong team is actually a front for a scam in which the school gives Mr. Sikowitz, Jade, Cat, Andre, Beck, and Robbie $1500 a year for ping-pong expenses, only for them to spend it all to go out to a fancy restaurant. From there, it turns into the standard "go to a fancy restaurant but not have enough money to pay the bill" trope and Tori ends up performing a live song for the restaurant to make up the difference. So while the episode was pretty predictable, it still had some pretty nice scenes. Still, there were some blips in logic. You're telling me that Robbie, who's really dorky and smart, doesn't know that caviar is expensive? It was pretty funny to see Tori demanding Jade's dress (and Jade ending up in Tori's ping-pong outfit). "Jade's dress feels warm" indeed. So yeah, it was a cute episode with a feel-good ending, but just not interesting enough to make it much higher up my list.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
"LOOK! I made my tiger purple! That doesn't happen in nature!"
This episode had a lot in common with Beck's Big Break, featuring Tori getting involved in a Hollywood production (as a stunt woman). Tori realizes that the stunt will require her to fall 40 feet, and of course, she chickens out, spending most of the episode ruminating about whether or not to do the stunt. Like the last episode I put on my list, I didn't really hate it, but it was mostly a blah episode with some nice moments, in this case that came from the sideplot in which we got to see Cat dressing up in various costumes. So yeah, aside from some Cat fanservice, there wasn't too much to enjoy here. Some cute Beck/Tori friendship moments, a couple of jabs from Jade (including a funny scene of Jade kicking Tori off a chair), but other than that there wasn't really much going on here.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
An interesting episode that was probably middling for me until the somewhat clusterf*** ending, this episode did have some funny scenes that make it worth a watch, though it's definitely not one of the best episodes. It involves Tori wanting to do something nice for her teacher Mr. Sikowitz on his tenth teaching anniversary, so she takes him to see a play that ends up being about a man who thinks he's worthless because he's a teacher. After the play, Sikowitz goes into a deep depression, and of course Tori thinks she's at fault, leading to some pretty funny ruminating from Tori as she tries to make things better (and also some funny scenes from Sikowitz moping all over the place). Of course, it's eventually discovered that Sikowitz wasn't in fact sad about the play (in a rather touching scene, he tells Tori he loves being a teacher and that he loved the play). He's bummed out about a breakup with his girlfriend, which ends up being that he's bummed out over not getting to see his girlfriend's bunny... which turns out to be a cat. Yeah, an overly convoluted ending sequence and a mostly crummy sideplot (of Beck and Jade text-fighting, which features a couple of decent scenes) turned this potentially good episode into a bit of a mess at the end. The other sideplot (involving Trina disguising herself as a pizza girl to hook up with a boy) had some fun moments but was mostly pointless.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
"My hair color has nothing to do with my psychological problems!"
#25 is actually a fairly big leap over #26, as in we're now getting to the episodes I actually consider good. The Birthweek Song had a lot of things I liked. First off, there was Tori's performance of "The Reason" (I like when Tori sings, even if the autotune they usually slap on it doesn't do Victoria Justice's voice, well, justice). There was a pretty funny sideplot where Robbie had to help his grandmother learn her computer (as someone who has to help my older relatives use their computers, I can understand exactly where this is coming from), and the fact that Cat was involved made it even funnier, I love Cat/Robbie and think they should get a lot more scenes together. Now, on to the things I didn't like. Trina was... HIDEOUS in this episode, this was easily Trina at her meanest and most selfish and even I didn't think she'd have the audacity to selfishly dismiss Tori's song as "not a real present". Then, when Tori gave her the flash drive with the song on it, she sold the song rights for $500! I wanted Tori to beat Trina's ass after that happened. Obviously that didn't happen. Instead, Tori eventually got the chance to professionally record the song, only for the producers to duck out after learning that Beyonce wanted to record the song instead. So yeah, Trina does something hideous and doesn't really get punished for it, and poor Tori is left standing in a recording booth wondering what's going on. An episode with some great moments that still left a bad taste in my mouth.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
"Bonk. Bonk. They work! This doesn't hurt at all! Bonk! Bonk bonk bonkity bonk bonk bonk! I am a cube fist man! Bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk!"
I don't really like Rex, so a Rex-centric episode isn't really my idea of a good time. Still, there were definitely lots of things to like about this episode, so it doesn't quite rank rock-bottom for me. The episode involves Tori accidentally dismembering Robbie's puppet Rex in an accident with a wind machine, so Rex goes to a hospital and is treated by a doctor. Tori asks the doctor to take Rex off life-support so it will look like Rex has died and Robbie will be weaned off him, but in the end she sees how heartbroken Robbie is and she decides to "revive" Rex by turning the life-support machine back on. It's a surprisingly sweet moment, even if it is just a puppet, and it shows just how much Tori cares about Robbie's feelings, which is also pretty cute. The best part of this episode, however, was the subplot in which Cat ends up in the hospital's mental ward. They put spongey cubes on her hands and she ends up bonking them against her head in an adorable and hilarious scene. Yes, Cat is pretty dumb in this episode, which I don't exactly like, and Jade is quite mean to Cat, but the moments featuring her are still really adorable and it took my mind off the boring and cheesy Rex stuff. Cat definitely saves this episode from being bottom-tier.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
This episode was interesting in a lot of different ways. It's not great, but it definitely has its moments. Helen (AKA the theater manager from Drake and Josh) becomes principal of Hollywood Arts and makes everyone re-audition in order to get back in. This results in Tori being kicked out of Hollywood Arts, though it ends up being that Trina was actually the one kicked out (Helen got their names mixed up). The gem of this episode comes from everyone's re-auditions. Cat gets to cutely show off a range of talents, there's another awesome singing number from Tori, and then there's Jade... Jade's re-audition is a sight to behold. It's a creepy short film where... well, describing it doesn't do any good, you have to see it: I mean.... damn. That was hilarious AND creepy, and I loved Sikowitz's reaction. Trina was also great in this episode, learning karate and kicking the crap out of Robbie. It's nice to see Trina actually COMPETENT at something. There was also a touching moment where we see just how much Tori loves being at Hollywood Arts, she's practically sobbing at the prospect of getting kicked out, and you really feel for her. This was a decent episode sprinkled with some classic Victorious moments, not one of my faves but definitely memorable.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
"Tori, the stage is yours, but you cannot take it home."
The second episode of the series, this directly follows the pilot and shows Tori attempting to complete the "bird scene", a monologue that she has to perform in order to be allowed to perform in plays at Hollywood Arts. We see her trying and failing twice despite performing well each time, providing the conflict of the episode. It's a nice little follow-up to the pilot, introducing a few things such as the Hollywood Arts locker decoration tradition, and it also gives some insights into the characters. Beck's locker, which is completely transparent, is a highlight of the episode, giving a really revealing (literally) look at his character. There's a funny scene where Tori handcuffs Cat to a railing in an attempt to get her to divulge the secret of the bird scene. There's another funny scene where Tori puts a dry erase board on her locker and Jade immediately defaces it, which is good for a laugh. We eventually find out that the bird scene is just a trick to get students to show confidence in their own performances, and once Tori does so, she "passes". The episode is a pretty funny one, though there weren't any really good scenes that stood out, just a couple of decent ones. Overall though, I liked this episode and the scene with Tori's locker at the end was cute as well.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
From: Ry Senkari | #016 Beck's locker, which is completely transparent, is a highlight of the episode, giving a really revealing (literally) look at his character.
Yet he still wouldn't offer up what needed to be done for the bird scene!
-- SomeC - sheer explosives since meeting that crazy hobo. BlAcK TuRtLe grabbed the Guru victory, slow but steady.
"NO! 15 years ago your mother gave birth to the wrong thing!"
A fairly amusing episode featuring Tori in hideous monster makeup put on her by Cat, who accidentally used a really strong type of super glue to attach the makeup to her face. This results in Tori frantically needing to get the makeup off in time to perform in a play the following evening, while Trina and Cat race to Bakersfield to pick up an industrial-strength glue solvent. The highlight of this episode was of course Cat and Trina's antics, the two silly girls were so funny together and there were some pretty golden moments as they raced to get the solvent back to Tori. The rap song between Cat and Trina (culminating in Cat refusing to sing a line because it's "dirty") was a golden moment, and though the rest of the episode paled in comparison, Cat and Trina made this thing more than watchable. The two of them really should have more scenes together in subsequent episodes, their ditziness really meshes and they could do some absolutely golden stuff if given enough screen time. The episode's ending was expected, Tori got the makeup off (though not before having to perform most of the play), and the play was actually a hit even with her wearing the monster makeup.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
"Why, I would never hurt my dear sister Trina! Not me, sweet Sally Peaches!"
A classic "whodunit?" episode, where Tori's sister Trina is injured after an accident on stage caused by one of the gang. They all end up in the guidance counselor's office, where they give their own wacky stories about what happened. Of course, Jade and Tori's stories involve the two of them acting like complete monsters, which ends up being pretty hilarious. Cat is hugging a Labbit throughout the episode (the combination of Cat and a Labbit is incredibly adorable) and her story is an interesting (and canonically confusing) flashback to a Drake and Josh episode. Eventually, everyone is let go and it's revealed that Rex is the one who cut the rope, due to Trina punching him in the face. It seems Robbie has a bit of a dubious streak... still, Trina wasn't BADLY hurt, so it wasn't really out of character for Robbie to sabotage her play. And Trina had it coming, since she kidnapped one of Tori's dolls in order to get the lead in the play in the first place. A generally funny but not great episode.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
"There is no upper hand, I'm giving you mine. It doesn't have to end up wasting your time. There's things that I could say, but hear it my way, I wanna let you know that it's all okay."
A very good character episode that sees Andre developing a crush on Jade after the two bond during a rehearsal session. There are plenty of funny moments (Tori's impersonation of Jade, Cat's moon boots), but this episode also developed Andre's character a bit and showed some good interaction between him and Jade. We got to see a tender side of Jade during this episode during an absolutely beautiful scene where she sang a short snippet of one of Andre's songs, which pretty much caused him to fall in love with her (I can see why). Of course, Andre is quite worried over this because he doesn't want his best friend Beck to know that he's crushing on his girl, leading to some scenes where Andre begs Tori to help him get over Jade. The sideplot was all right, nothing too great but it was funny to see Robbie's collection of Cat cardboard cutouts (and Cat's freaked out reaction). Overall a sweet little episode, nothing really stood out but it was definitely nice to see them doing some different things with the characters and a softer side of Jade.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
While the name of the episode might be dirty, the episode itself involved some good old wholesome family fun... if by family fun you mean scandalous phone conversations and an epic girlfight between Tori and Jade. In this episode, the group is cast for a reality show showing off life at Hollywood Arts... but the producers decide to spice things up by splicing together Tori's phonecall with her aunt and Beck ordering a pizza into a faked invitation from Tori to have Beck over at her house. This of course results in Jade going ballistic, resulting in some of the most epic, hairpulling, shrieking TV fights in Nickelodeon history. ...okay, the Tori/Jade catfight wasn't all that long, and the second one was staged, but it was still a pretty fun moment (and it was cute to see that Tori and Jade enjoyed having a catfight on TV with each other). Hell, the two of them even teamed up to smash a janitor's car... resulting in the two of them having to push him aroun in a wheelbarrow at the end of the episode. Yeah, the episode started as a really epic one but fizzled a bit at the end, and the Trina and Robbie subplot was pretty blah as well. Still, the Jade/Tori catfight alone is good enough to bump this out of the lower tiers, and some of the one off jokes (including Trina's innuendoistic "I wanna be on the wood!") are pretty good.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
"Looks like Tori Vega's prome has turned into one big boopity-boo!"
Ah yes, the infamous Prom Wrecker episode. The episode has divided and enraged fans, and my own feelings on the episode are pretty mixed. Jade has been working on a play for many weeks, only for Tori to schedule a prom for the same night... so of course, Jade tries to ruin the prom, with scary videos, awful music, and a grown man in a diaper. It's all pretty funny, and the song at the end of the episode is pretty good, but what I (and many others) hated about this episode is that Jade got totally screwed out of something she'd been planning for weeks. Tori scheduled a prom and ruined something Jade had been working very very hard on, and we're supposed to root AGAINST Jade when she messes it up? And it's supposed to be funny when Tori names Jade and the diaper dude prom queen and king and the diaper dude carries Jade out of the prom? (okay... it is KIND of funny) So yeah, it's one of those episodes that was hilarious and fun, but still left a really bad taste in my mouth. If it had ended with a touching moment in which Tori apologized to Jade and let her do her play AT the prom, it would've been a top five episode easily. As it stands, it's just mid-tier.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
Another controversial episode, this one involving a confrontation between Tori and Cat. When Tori's old boyfriend hooks up with Cat, Tori realizes she has feelings for her old flame, leading to her becoming more and more jealous of Cat throughout the episode and eventually squirting both of them with cheese fondue at a party. The episode explores Tori and Cat's relationship and shows just how flirty and sweet Cat is. Tori's definitely shown to be in the wrong for hurting her (when she kisses Cat's boyfriend eventually). This leads to Cat ignoring Tori for a while and Tori dragging Cat into a closet, demanding to make up with her. Cat's adorable and heartwrenching "why would you be mean to me?" directed at Tori is a poignant moment, and then of course we get a great scene of Cat decking Tori in the nose (and nearly breaking it!) The relationship between Tori and Cat is really expanded on here and it's great to see the two of them together (their Slap videos are adorable too). The sideplot, involving strange fish that are used to smooth the other characters' feet, is mildly amusing and has a predictable ending (where Beck, Jade, Trina, Robbie, and Andre end up in the hospital with a fungal infection). Jade's feet are cute. Trina's, not so much. Yeah, Dan Schneider probably has a foot fetish. Then again, a lot of TV and film writers seem to for some reason.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
This episode takes place entirely on a plane, and normally that would be a big fat strike against it in my book, but some very funny character moments and Trina pretty much at her best made this episode one of the funniest in the series. While Tori tries to get some work done on a project with her friends over webcam, Trina has to deal with a kid repeatedly kicking the best of her seat. Eventually, she gets up and goes to first class, finding Perez Hilton. The Perez Hilton moments actually drag the episode way down (he's QUITE annoying), as the rest of the episode was definitely top ten material. Cat's funny non-sequitors during the webchat segments are classic Cat, while Jade's insistance on being involved in Beck's webchat made for some pretty funny Jade moments as well. Andre's moments with his grandmother were blah for the most part (pretty much just a repeat of Robbie's grandma's antics from The Birthweek Song), but aside from Perez Hilton, most of the episode was gold.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
"Aww, see! Givin' Tori a big ol' hug isn't such a bad th- ok, that's really tight... Oh God, help me! Somebody do something!"
A one-hour special, this episode involves the group getting locked up in a Yerbanian prison after running afoul of the country's dictator (they blind him and kill his octopus). The episode was pretty fun all around, featuring a couple of great songs (one of them a surprisingly good cover of the Jackson 5's "Want You Back"), although the abrupt ending really dragged this episode down and knocked it out of my top ten. Still quite fun, it was nice to see Trina all protective of Tori after being such a jerk to her for most of the series. There are also some really funny Jade scenes, including one where she hugs Tori and nearly squeezes her to death. The scene where Robbie asks to be put on the male side of the prison is also darkly hilarious. The episode had a lot going on and the "I Want You Back" number at the end was really fun, though they REALLY should've found a way to make the escape more interesting then "everyone just sneaks away into a truck". Sometimes I think Dan Schneider just writes himself into corners and then just quickly comes up with a way to end everything. Also, while there were some interesting scenes inside the prison, most of the prison stuff was pretty boring and the second half of the episode started to drag. Still a really fun hour of TV, though.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
This wasn't that much of a comedy episode, but was a very sweet episode that expanded the friendship between Tori and Jade and showed a lot of cute Jade/Beck moments, so I did enjoy it overall. The episode, as mentioned in the title, involves Jade dumping Beck after he spends too much time with another pretty girl. Later on, however, Jade desperately wants Beck back and comes to Tori sobbing and crying and begging her to help repair the relationship. This is a very cute scene, well-acted by both Liz Gillies and Victoria Justice, and it's nice to see Jade quite vulnerable for once. Later, Jade buys Beck a pet Rottweiler, which she and Tori let into Beck's trailer. Instead of licking Beck's face, the dog ends up mauling Beck's dad, but Beck is touched by the gesture and he and Jade get back together. It's a bit of a dark ending for such a sweet episode, but it was still pretty funny to see Jade and Tori freaking out over the dog. Cat was completely absent from this episode! I was surprised to see that, and Cat AND Tori helping Jade would've bumped this episode up in the rankings a bit. Still, I definitely enjoyed it.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
This was pretty much just a straight-up comedy episode with plenty of zany moments and a rather funny and satisfying ending. The episode involves the group helping a director named Dale Squires with a short film. However, Dale is lazy and spends most of the shoot talking on his phone, so Tori and the others have to do all the work. However, when the film is actually released, Dale takes all the credit, causing the group to want revenge! There's plenty of things to love here. The short film itself is pretty funny (especially seeing Jade slapping Cat over and over again... mean but cute). It's nice to see that Tori is competant at directing a play, and Trina's antics throughout the episode are always fun (here, she's trying to get Dale Squires to hook her up with Johnny Depp). The ending, in which Dale suddenly apologizes and gives the group the credit for the film, only for the group's revenge plan to take place anyway and Dale to get his ass kicked, was hilarious, especially Jade's quote ("even I feel guilty"). So yeah, while there weren't any big character moments, and I did take a BIT of an issue with Jade being so mean to Cat (it was funny, but I didn't think she'd hit her THAT many times), it was a hilarious episode overall.
#11: Wok Star
Another episode featuring mostly hilarity, but with some added Tori/Jade friendship moments, in this episode Jade writes a play but lacks the funds to put it on. Tori ends up getting Jade a producer, a restauranteur who agrees to fund the play with one condition... her daughter Daisy is given the starring role. Daisy (played by Ni Hao Kai-Lan star Lianna Jade-Peters), is a hideously bad actress, and Jade doesn't want her play to be tainted by Daisy's awful acting, so Tori has to figure out a way to get Daisy out of the equation. Funny stuff from this episode included all the Daisy moments (she was very precious even as bad as she was), and Jade's increasing frustration with Tori (this episode REALLY showed off their love/hate dynamic). Then of course there was Trina, posing as a celebrity to provide a distraction so that Tori could get Daisy out of the way. Her ludicrous behavior, which culminated in her pretending to choke in order to further distract the restauranteur (who ended up callously trying to have Trina rolled out the door), provided some great laughs, and the episode's ending, with Jade thanking Tori and actually hugging her, was VERY satisfying. Some slow parts dragged this episode down a bit but there were definitely some golden moments to be had and it's one of the best Tori/Jade episodes.
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Kid: She wrote a bad word! Jade: I write what I feel.
See what I mean?