Board 8 > I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls

(+) Yeah! (+)

but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived

Got to appreciate their ingenuity and improvisational skills.

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"I can set you free, mate."
"My freedom was forfeit long ago!"

The only downside to Pringles is that you can't get buzzed off of sniffing them.

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PSN: JDTAY87

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I know I've heard this in stand up but I can't place the comedian

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http://myanimelist.net/profile/applekidjosh
<Die the death>! <Sentence to death>! <Great equalizer is the death>!!

That would explain the layer of green fuzz on every chip.

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Now playing: Super Mario 3D Land, Final Fantasy IV: The After Years (PSP), Final Fantasy V, Saints Row the Third

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You'll never see a sign saying "Escalator: Temporarily out of order." Only a sign saying "Escalator: Temporarily stairs." Sorry for the convenience!

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SmartMuffin - Because anything less would be uncivilized - http://img.imgcake.com/smartmuffin/barkleyjpgde.jpg
http://dudewheresmyfreedom.com/

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...oh, wait it's at home...in the file...under "D", for "doughnut."

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http://img.imgcake.com/alecoweenpngam.png
http://img.imgcake.com/alecpngym.png

PS - this is what the alphabet would look like without Q and R.

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http://img812.imageshack.us/img812/3492/eponaharr.jpg
Nominate E P O N A.

AppIekidjosh posted...
I know I've heard this in stand up but I can't place the comedian

Mitch Hedberg.

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http://img812.imageshack.us/img812/3492/eponaharr.jpg
Nominate E P O N A.

I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry," so it died.

There is a commercial on late-night TV for this thing you attach to a garden hose. It says, "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product." Who the **** would make their plants hard to reach!? That seems so very mean. "I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully, they will invent a product before you shrivel and die. Think like a cactus!"

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Don't worry guys, I have all the clubs

I bought a $7 pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

This product was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one ****ing complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be a *****. The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination. Good luck, ****er. The last payment must be made in wampum!

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Don't worry guys, I have all the clubs

I just bought a two bedroom house but I think I get to decide how many bedrooms there are, don't you?

F*** you, real estate lady! This bedroom has an oven in it! This bedroom's got a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom's over in that guy's house! Sir, you have one of my bedrooms. Are you aware? Don't decorate it!

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Congratulations to Rafael Nadal on a Career Golden Slam. - The Mana Sword

I bought an ant farm. Them ****ers didn't grow ****!

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SmartMuffin - Because anything less would be uncivilized - http://img.imgcake.com/smartmuffin/barkleyjpgde.jpg
http://dudewheresmyfreedom.com/

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

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Don't worry guys, I have all the clubs

I have an oscillating fan at home; it looks like it's saying 'Noo...' so I like to ask it questions that a fan would say 'no' to. "Do you keep my hair in place?" "Do you keep my documents in order?" "Do you have three settings?" Liar! My fan ****in' lied to me! Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't sayin' ****!"

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Don't worry guys, I have all the clubs

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer

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"Occulams razor says you are scum" - masterplum

A tent is a really bad place to have an argument, what am I supposed to do? Slam the flap? Zip it up real quick?

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http://i.imgur.com/6XjQR.gif

At some comedy clubs they pass out comment cards. You fill it out with your name and address, and there's a line for comments for people to put what they think. Sometimes people write negative things, and that's not necessary. I've read some that say "Mitch sucks" but I look up above and it has their name and address. That's right, I do suck, but I've got a lot of free time.

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Don't worry guys, I have all the clubs

I like Kit-Kats unless I'm with four or more people.

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It's F-Zero. F-ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO!
http://img.imgcake.com/RedShifter/straitjacketdswordjpgem.jpg

Red Shifter posted...
I like Kit-Kats unless I'm with four or more people.

Kit kats have "Kit-Kat" engraved in the candy bar. The robs you of chocolate. I wanna go down the kit kat factory and be like "you owe me some letters".

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http://i.imgur.com/6XjQR.gif

I gave a script to this guy who said "I think it's pretty good, but you should rewrite it." F*** that, I'll just make a copy.

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http://img812.imageshack.us/img812/3492/eponaharr.jpg
Nominate E P O N A.

I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say, "Just press two for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough."

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSOC87NkmXc

My hotel doesn't have a 13th floor because of superstition. But come on, man. People on the 14th floor, you know what floor you're really on. What room are you in? 1401. No, you're not. Jump out the window, you will die earlier.
---[insert signature here]
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...Official Espeon of the B/W boards

Hey, I'm working for 50% of the door, then tomorrow I'm working for 50% of the door, then on Sunday, I'm gonna have a door. Think I'll go with the screen door, 'cause it's open, but not for mosquitos!

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http://i.imgur.com/mPr2a.gif http://www.muroepico.com/pictures/238/4e4d2e0faeb6104.gif
Face-Ripper Monkey 2016

I find that a duck's opinion of me is largely influenced by whether or not I have bread

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http://img.imgcake.com/mosdefswaggifes.gif

I wrote a letter to my dad, I was going to write 'I really enjoyed being here', but I accidentally wrote 'rarely' instead of 'really'. But I wanted to use it, I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote 'I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot of sh*t you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator.'

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And if you don't know, now you know.

At some comedy clubs they pass out comment cards. You fill it out with your name and address, and there's a line for comments for people to put what they think. Sometimes people write negative things, and that's not necessary. I've read some that say "Mitch sucks" but I look up above and it has their name and address. That's right, I do suck, but I've got a lot of free time.

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Don't worry guys, I have all the clubs

My girlfriend works at Hooters, in the kitchen!

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http://i.imgur.com/mPr2a.gif http://www.muroepico.com/pictures/238/4e4d2e0faeb6104.gif
Face-Ripper Monkey 2016

Y'know what keeps me from acting? ****ing...auditions.


*blastin' off, yo*

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[Vacant Space For Sale]

In the club when they want to get offstage they turn on a red light that indicated you have five minutes left. Some clubs they'll hold up a candle in the back. That's the worst method because you're up here drinking and you look in the back and see a floating candle. "Aw ****, this place is haunted. I cannot be funny when I'm frightened."

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Don't worry guys, I have all the clubs

I hope I'm not the only one that read this entire topic in his voice.

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skull

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

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Also even I have to give the Rangers credit right now. They're better than we are. - ExThaNemesis

skull_bonek23 posted...
I hope I'm not the only one that read this entire topic in his voice.

i did the same

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2 Up, 2 Down. VA All Day!!
The Previous Post was Brought to You by TheNuggets

Amazing topic

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http://i498.photobucket.com/albums/rr345/Rakaputra/pjbasis.png

I like sports... No I don't, what the ****?

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http://i.imgur.com/6XjQR.gif

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I bought a cake.

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TheRock ~ Slow dramatic zoom-pan. Doesn't phase the hooded man.

You know when it comes to racism, people say: " I don't care if they're black, white, purple or green"... Ooh hold on now: Purple or Green? You gotta draw the line somewhere! To hell with purple people! - Unless they're suffocating - then help'em.

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Don't worry guys, I have all the clubs

I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

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Don't worry guys, I have all the clubs

Texas toast, man, f***ing Idaho potatoes...Denver omellete, s***...Colombian coffee......have some breakfast...

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http://i.imgur.com/mPr2a.gif?tti http://www.muroepico.com/pictures/238/4e4d2e0faeb6104.gif?tti
Face-Ripper Monkey 2016

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

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Don't worry guys, I have all the clubs