Board 8 > Let's Rewrite Umineko, Mk. III *spoilers* [let's stomach]

(+) Yeah! (+)

Okaaay.

--
Oh, I am one yet many.

[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]

Just in case I can't update tomorrow.

--
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE] Ace Detective in Sir Charles's Police
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkOj5DAJu2A

"......... Fu, fufufu. Isn't that great?" Krauss spoke to the spirit of the Ushiromiya siblings' private tutor from their childhood, Mr. Fu. "You all sure have grown. I'm sure he'd be very proud of you. I never thought you all would become capable of offering a deal to me." Mr. Fu had been integral to the siblings learning their present day business skills, but he always treated Krauss as his best student.
This was part of the reason for Krauss constantly looking down on his siblings.

Eva looked angry. She had seemed unhappy from the moment Mr. Fu had been brought up. "Toyota, if you accept our conditions, we'll leave the investigation of father's assets to you. However the results of the investigation will be subject to protest." Eva pulled her facial features back into a sarcastic smile. "... It's only fair, right? It would make us so sad if you decreased our shares."

"As a general rule," Rudolf cut in, looking like he was using all his willpower to restrain himself from killing his older brother, "we wouldn't complain. As long as you do it fairly, it's fine." He spoke through clenched teeth, and he could be heard grinding them between sentences. "... As long as you don't do anything ridiculously obvious, we don't plan to say anything."

"'Ridiculously' obvious?" Krauss interrupted. "You mean something as obvious as the fact that-"

"WE JUST WANT THE INHERITANCE QUICKLY!" Rudolf was sweating head to toe. Everyone stared at him with a mixture of confusion and concern, and he tried to compose himself. "We... We don't want it to get all drawn."

Krauss smiled confidently and seemed to take in the moment happily before responding. "...... In the case of a complaint, who would do the second investigation?"

The younger siblings, prepared as they were, had an answer for that question as well. It fell on Rosa to answer this one. She stood up from her seat. "............ It's alright if it's you. This will probably be the first and last opportunity for us to discuss this. ... I don't think it will come to that."

Rosa's accomplices all looked at her shocked. That wasn't what they had decided. It made no sense to let Krauss investigate any protests against his investigation. That completely undermined the point of reserving the right to protest the investigation. They had been betrayed.

"Ohohohohoho, *cackle**cackle**cough**hack**wheeze*!" Eva tried to cut in as fast as she could, and laughed herself nearly into a comma. "R-Rosa really can talk sometimes." She struggled for air as she spoke, not wanting to leave an opening for Rosa to make things any worse. "It's too bad we can't make out what she's saying with that squeaky voice of hers!"

That Krauss was completely not trusted as the oldest sibling is so obvious at this point that there's no need to explain it.

No, the game really says that. What the hell? This writing is so awful.

Now back to the regularly scheduled story.

Krauss, despite being a complete man child with an incoherent sense of logic, had a history of always outwitting his siblings. No one was sure how. Maybe there was a method to his madness. Maybe it was blind luck. But regardless of how, he always ended up with the upper hand.

This was something new for the younger siblings. This was their first time gaining the upper-hand on him. It took all of them working together, and Hideyoshi even tried to help a little too, but they were really doing it. Now Rosa had betrayed them, though. Well, perhaps it wasn't betrayal. Maybe she had just gotten cocky. But she'd given Krauss too much control of the situation. They all felt sick to their stomach worrying that this could come back to haunt them.

All except Hideyosh. "I'm sorry, but the conditions, I say, the conditions still continue, son."

Yesssssss

--
http://img710.imageshack.us/img710/8516/whatisdesiresig.gif

Whoops, mistakes.

Fixing formatting errors and missing word.

--
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE] Ace Detective in Sir Charles's Police
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkOj5DAJu2A

"......... Fu, fufufu. Isn't that great?" Krauss spoke to the spirit of the Ushiromiya siblings' private tutor from their childhood, Mr. Fu. "You all sure have grown. I'm sure he'd be very proud of you. I never thought you all would become capable of offering a deal to me." Mr. Fu had been integral to the siblings learning their present day business skills, but he always treated Krauss as his best student. This was part of the reason for Krauss constantly looking down on his siblings.

Eva looked angry. She had seemed unhappy from the moment Mr. Fu had been brought up. "Toyota, if you accept our conditions, we'll leave the investigation of father's assets to you. However the results of the investigation will be subject to protest." Eva pulled her facial features back into a sarcastic smile. "... It's only fair, right? It would make us so sad if you decreased our shares."

"As a general rule," Rudolf cut in, looking like he was using all his willpower to restrain himself from killing his older brother, "we wouldn't complain. As long as you do it fairly, it's fine." He spoke through clenched teeth, and he could be heard grinding them between sentences. "... As long as you don't do anything ridiculously obvious, we don't plan to say anything."

"'Ridiculously' obvious?" Krauss interrupted. "You mean something as obvious as the fact that-"

"WE JUST WANT THE INHERITANCE QUICKLY!" Rudolf was sweating head to toe. Everyone stared at him with a mixture of confusion and concern, and he tried to compose himself. "We... We don't want it to get all drawn out."

Krauss smiled confidently and seemed to take in the moment happily before responding. "...... In the case of a complaint, who would do the second investigation?"

The younger siblings, prepared as they were, had an answer for that question as well. It fell on Rosa to answer this one. She stood up from her seat. "............ It's alright if it's you. This will probably be the first and last opportunity for us to discuss this. ... I don't think it will come to that."

Rosa's accomplices all looked at her shocked. That wasn't what they had decided. It made no sense to let Krauss investigate any protests against his investigation. That completely undermined the point of reserving the right to protest the investigation. They had been betrayed.

"Ohohohohoho, *cackle**cackle**cough**hack**wheeze*!" Eva tried to cut in as fast as she could, and laughed herself nearly into a comma. "R-Rosa really can talk sometimes." She struggled for air as she spoke, not wanting to leave an opening for Rosa to make things any worse. "It's too bad we can't make out what she's saying with that squeaky voice of hers!"

That Krauss was completely not trusted as the oldest sibling is so obvious at this point that there's no need to explain it.

No, the game really says that. What the hell? This writing is so awful.

Now back to the regularly scheduled story.

Krauss, despite being a complete man child with an incoherent sense of logic, had a history of always outwitting his siblings. No one was sure how. Maybe there was a method to his madness. Maybe it was blind luck. But regardless of how, he always ended up with the upper hand.

This was something new for the younger siblings. This was their first time gaining the upper-hand on him. It took all of them working together, and Hideyoshi even tried to help a little too, but they were really doing it. Now Rosa had betrayed them, though. Well, perhaps it wasn't betrayal. Maybe she had just gotten cocky. But she'd given Krauss too much control of the situation. They all felt sick to their stomach worrying that this could come back to haunt them.

All except Hideyosh. "I'm sorry, but the conditions, I say, the conditions still continue, son."

Save.

--
http://i.imgur.com/CbfFb.jpg

Just in case I don't update.

--
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE] Ace Detective in Sir Charles's Police
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkOj5DAJu2A

Boy he never updates.

--
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE] Ace Detective in Sir Charles's Police
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkOj5DAJu2A

Hmm

--
Black Turtle did a pretty good job.

Oh boy.

--
Oh, I am one yet many.

At the risk of sounding like I'm making excuses (which I am, but still), I've barely been by a computer these past few days except for family matters, so I haven't had the chance to do this. I appreciate the purge-fighting.

--
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE] Ace Detective in Sir Charles's Police
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkOj5DAJu2A

Oh okay.

--
Oh, I am one yet many.

We now resume our regularly scheduled rewrite.

"Our fifth condition: This decision must, I say, this decision must take precedence over Father's will. ......... Later on, we don't want some lawyer to show up all a-hootin' and a-hollerin' about how you don't have to give us the money because of some new fangled doohickey you put in the will."

It seemed to Krauss that Hideyoshi was becoming harder and harder to understand. The Ushiromiya-patented fragmented English that Krauss was accustomed to was being replaced by a more pronounced drawl. Perhaps the stress of the situation was forcing out his dialect more and more. Or maybe it was the exact opposite, and Hideyoshi felt so in control that he didn't feel the need to force back his dialect anymore. Whatever the case, Krauss needed an interpreter. He looked to Hideyoshi's wife, Eva, and without saying a word, she answered him. "Hideyoshi says you no get will later that say you no have to pay us."

Krauss nodded understandingly. "You are quite scrupulous. I'm impressed, Hideyoshi. Your intellect is matched only by your fashion sense." Hideyoshi wasn't sure whether to take that as sarcasm or an attempt to butter him up. "... Then let me ask, if the gold really were found, what would you do?"

The gears in Krauss's head were turning. Well, perhaps gears is not the right metaphor. The hamster wheel in Krauss's head was turning.

Rudolf smiled confidently, though. "As long as you settle this matter with the corresponding payment, the rest of us," Rudolf paused for emphasis, "really," another pause, "don't," pause, "care," and a final pause to drive home the point, "whether the gold appears or not. ...You can think of our share as an advance payment."

"Ohohohoho!" Eva cackled, almost consolingly, if you could ever call a cackle consoling. "It's alright to dream. Your plan is to use the money to go to Delsney Land, right? When you're packing, you might stumble upon the gold by chance." She let out a high-pitched laugh, this time filled with schadenfreude.

Krauss watched her laugh without even flinching.

"...... Let me add two more conditions before I accept. Condition seven: In the event that any sibling other than myself finds the gold, they will immediately turn it over to me."

Eva smiled and responded immediately, almost as if rushing him. "Yes, yes, of course. We'll hold on to it for you. Ohohohoho!" Her victory laugh would not be interrupted.

"And condition eight: I get to plan the activities at our family reunions for the rest of my life."

Eva tried to get her answer out in between breaths of her laugh, refusing to stop. "Y-Ye-hahahaha! Yes! O-Of co-hohoho-ourse you can! Ohohohoho!" If anything, her brother's apparent childishness was only making her laugh harder.

Writer's Note: I have no idea what the narrator is trying to say at this point.

It seemed unlikely that anyone would actually tell Krauss if they found the gold.

Not to Krauss, though. He believed he had foiled his siblings' plot. "Excellent," he thought. "And I know exactly how to make sure somebody finds it.

"Scavenger hunts. Group picnics. Easter egg scrambles. Parent-child sightseeing trips. I'll make sure they cover every inch of the island, not even realizing they're doing it for my benefit."

He was stroking his imaginary mustache again, but his siblings didn't care. They knew they had cornered him. They had caught him embezzling and, under the veil of a compromise, were about to wring an inordinate sum of money out of him.

...... However, they had forgotten a few things.

The three of them and Hideyoshi had forgotten that brilliance's one true weakness is others' stupidity. That there is no way to plan for fools. And that when you have as many bad ideas Krauss has, you must truly be a creative person.

Krauss saw Eva was unable to hide her smile. She was sure of her victory. This only caused him to laugh a little as he spoke.

"Hahaha. Isn't that a great story?"

"Isn't what a great story?" Rudolf looked at him perplexed.

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking of a story only geniuses are allowed to know about. Sorry, I just couldn't pay attention. When you become an adult, it's hard to humor all the crazy things children say." Krauss laughed a hearty laugh and wiped the smile right off his younger brother's face. "But you know..." His face softened, and he wore a much warmer smile. "... I, also, have felt a deep pain in my heart over the way we've grown apart. If by accepting these conditions, everything could go back to how it used to be, with all of us a happy family again, it would make me very happy."

The Ushiromiyas had never been a "happy family," but the sentiment was enough to force his siblings to fight back tears.

"Hmph... idiot," Eva said softly, brushing aside some tears while trying to protect the makeup on her face. "... baka...."

Krauss looked directly at Rosa, who looked the least emotional of the siblings after his touching speech. "Be happy, Rosa! The deal is concluded."

".................." Rosa stared almost through him. It was anyone's guess what was going through her head, but she was clearly not going to be baited into speaking.

Krauss turned his attention to his other sister. Eva is secretly very sensitive and insecure. Krauss knew this, and was sure his speech would touch her the deepest, and yet Rudolf was nearly sobbing after it. "Odd," he thought.

"So like I said, let's finish this deal." Krauss closed his eyes and smiled.

This put Eva on alert. Her tears vanished and an uneasy look took hold of her face. "... My, how obedient. That's not like you, Nissan." Krauss was no longer a lowly Toyota anymore, possibly because of his touching speech.

"That's harsh. You think I have an ulterior motive?" As Krauss saw Eva ready to respond, he quickly added "Of course there isn't one. Only a child would believe I had an ulterior motive. A child who still believes in fairy tales."

'A child who still believes in fairy tales'.

It felt as though only that part was emphasized.

"We're well aware you don't have an ulterior motive, you bastard!" Rudolf had cut in rather suddenly. The color of his face darkened. He heard it as an insult to his maturity. That gave him a sense of urgency. He didn't want it to seem he doubted his brother, like a child. He tried to rush to a conclusion to this near-finished conversation. "Right everyone? Right. Then we're good. So, brother, would you mind signing here? This is a written contract containing the discussion we've been having. There's one for each of us."

Krauss grinned. "Aw, how cute, you got us matching contracts, Rudolf?" Rudolf's face grew even darker. "... Hm, wait." Krauss had a question though. "You said this contract contains the details of the discussion we just had? You couldn't have known ahead of time what would be said here. You didn't use a psychic, did you?" He saw an incredulous look on Eva's face and immediately added, "Of course not. It's a joke. But then who's been keeping track of this conversation and writing down everything we say four times?"

Kyrie, all but forgotten in the corner of the room, raised her hand and waved at Krauss.

why do you post these at 2:30 AM

tag for tomorrow

--
Black Turtle did a pretty good job.

I can't help it if that's the time of day where I have nothing to do but read and write.

--
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE] Ace Detective in Sir Charles's Police
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkOj5DAJu2A

Less writing more reading imo

--
http://img149.imageshack.us/img149/2664/7b7aaa038007832d461b28c.jpg

I'm actually ahead of where I've written to.

I just ran out of things to talk about at one point, got tired of pointing out every poorly written line, and was like "well what can I update with?" And just sort of ended up rewriting the game. And then people seemed to enjoy it, so I kept doing it. And here we are.

--
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE] Ace Detective in Sir Charles's Police
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkOj5DAJu2A

well you're like, a chapter before it actually starts getting good is all >.>

Assuming you're still in the same chapter anyway.

--
http://img149.imageshack.us/img149/2664/7b7aaa038007832d461b28c.jpg

Yeah, well, don't feel forced to keep rewriting it. People here enjoy Umineko readthroughs all the same.

--
Oh, I am one yet many.

I'm enjoying the rewrite so long as anyone else is.

Once everyone's sick of it, I'll stop.

--
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE] Ace Detective in Sir Charles's Police
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkOj5DAJu2A

It's been over a month of them discussing finances. I'd be more entertained by you reading the actual story at this point, but that's just me.

--
No amount of planning will ever replace dumb luck.

Actually, I agree with Ness.

--
Oh, I am one yet many.

Like I said, all you guys have/had to do is ask. I'm willing to do this either way. Rewrite or nitpicky diary.

Although I have to admit I enjoy the fact that someone mentioned that it's been a month of them discussing finances since that's what I feel like every time I start reading the game again. (Just replace finances with whatever the subject is at that point in the story.)

My rewrite has managed to capture the feel of Umineko from my perspective too well I guess.

--
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE] Ace Detective in Sir Charles's Police
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkOj5DAJu2A

All of Episode 1 can't take more than 8 hours to read. I think you're increasing your suffering by re-writing it -- it forces you to sit through the bad pacing for even longer. Umineko definitely does have writing problems, but the story itself is fun. If you re-write it, you'll get so bogged down in the technical things that you're going to kill any enjoyment you're going to get from it.

If you're not enjoying it though, by all means stop. I'd encourage you to at least get through Episode 1, but people are busy.

--
No amount of planning will ever replace dumb luck.

can we just get rad link to play something better

I'm pretty sure he could learn the goddamn language and read something decent in the time he has been spending on this topic argh.

--
Eh? You Serious? Easy Mode? How Disgusting!
Only Elementary School Kids should play on Easy Mode.

Huh? Wrong topic? He's not playing anything...AFAIK.

--
Oh, I am one yet many.

Honestly I'm not even sure what to post. I feel like I should at least read enough that I have something to post about, but from how far I've read so far, I just want to make fun of "MORE THAN ANYTHING

HE REALLY

REALLY

WANTED MONEY"

or however it goes. I have a save state there so I can experience the glory of that scene again later.

Also is Kinzo a pedophile? I feel this is a fair question.

--
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE] Ace Detective in Sir Charles's Police
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkOj5DAJu2A

he is ten pedophiles at the same time

--
Eh? You Serious? Easy Mode? How Disgusting!
Only Elementary School Kids should play on Easy Mode.

MORE THAN ANYTHING HE NEEDED A LOT OF MONEY RIGHT NOW

--
http://i.minus.com/iH9vIGOBoyTQ2.gif