I hate to break it to you, but there's no food down there, you little a******. Your dumb ass is going to die anyway, and I'm letting you live out of kindness. You haven't the slightest clue how to hunt for food in this world, so don't try to act tough when I come down there to do laundry. I've planned your demise a hundred times over now. I can end you at any time. A single drip of liquid detergent will send you to the next dimension, and I have no problem with sending you spiraling down the drain to your ultimate doom.
You think you're so f***ing smart because you can retreat to your pathetic cubbyhole behind the sink faucet when you're frightened by my presence, but you're not that clever, and I could easily capture you with the most basic of household items and fling you outside. This might allow you to live to fight another day, but you've proven that you can't fight, so what's the point? Newborn kittens are more effective at murder than you, and I'd actually be doing you a favor by putting you out of your misery. You are not long for this world sir, so I suggest that you stay hidden and starve to death as opposed to exposing yourself whenever a drop of water hits your poorly constructed web of shame. Perhaps I'll tear off seven of your legs and feed your dying corpse to one of the larger spiders who had sense enough to hunt for food on the exterior of my house. They work the night shift, and I know their schedule well. Or worse yet, maybe I'll leave you helpless on the ground to be ripped apart by the hungry and noble ants, since cannibalism seems too good for a feeble coward such as yourself.
Take heed basement spider—the bell tolls for thee.
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It will launch for $350 with some Wii Sports s***. I bet my life on it. Damn, that KoolAid guy is awesome - NGamer64