Current Events > Why do people seem to value looks and money over

(+) Yeah! (+)

Being around people who make you feel good about being yourself?

Why does money and looks even matter if you can't feel comfortable being yourself around someone? Seems like it would constantly get in the way of even enjoying those things.

Im not saying noone has it all. But it's obvious that one these things is way less part of the conversation to a lot of people.

Do you think this is a shallowness society will grow out of?

people value your ability to shitpost on discord and not much else

Cuz you can't fuck a personality

Idk tc

Lost_All_Senses posted...

why does money and looks even matter if you can't feel comfortable being yourself around someone? seems like it would constantly get in the way of even enjoying those things.

I'm not sure I've ever seen a scenario like the one you're describing here. Like, your post assumes that the other person is aware of it, right? But if they aren't...where's the actual harm...? :c

No one wants to fuck ugly broke asses

silverpine posted...

people value your ability to shitpost on discord and not much else

I only do one on ones on discord, so I don't understand this.

NeonOctopus posted...

Cuz you can't fuck a personality

Im not talking about for one night stands. If that's your thing, yeah, it doesn't matter as much.

LinkFanatic posted...

I'm not sure I've ever seen a scenario like the one you're describing here. Like, your post assumes that the other person is aware of it, right? But if they aren't...where's the actual harm...? :c

Huh? This doesn't have to do with self awareness. I'm just saying why put up with a person who isn't actually into what you're into about yourself just because they look good and/or have money. You see it all the time.

And this isn't a topic implying that there's not a bunch of people out there looking for true love without shallow goals. Im just curious why that's not popular.

R1masher posted...

No one wants to fuck ugly broke asses

Not true. You're actually more likely to find a real connection because you have nothing to distract from your personality and likability. Anyone who isn't into those things will move out the way for you. You're just out the running for anyone who favors wealth and looks. Which, there's nothing inherently wrong with if you have the means yourself to get that and find someone with a good personality to go with it. Like I said, some do indeed have it all.

But if you can't, why not just be happy with finding someone who loves you for you and put all that other shit aside?

There's women and men here who seem to have it all, they definitely exist. It's just unrealistic that we're all gonna get with them lol. So, why not focus on the most important of the 3.

Money is very important like a lot of other stuff.

GMAK2442 posted...

Money is very important like a lot of other stuff.

I never implied it doesn't have importance. So, I can't really add onto this. Im simply implying that it's not the most important thing in a relationship. We're past this part of the conversation and into deeper territory

I understand the importance of money when planning for family too. But how would that importance trump making sure they'd have a positive influence as a father?

Stuff like that.

i do feel a little shallow in saying this, but i cannot be involved with someone romantically who i am not physically attracted to.

Men are biologically programmed to value looks above all else. Mammals are programmed with a "spread your seed" instinct, which is why outside of a handful of species the males in almost every mammal species will try to impregnate everything that moves. It's why men prefer younger women, because they have a better chance of producing healthy offspring from being younger and fitter usually. Not to mention the risk of birth defects in children increases every year a women ages past 30 and her chances of getting pregnant decrease each year.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

huh? this doesn't have to do with self awareness. i'm just saying why put up with a person who isn't actually into what you're into about yourself just because they look good and/or have money. you see it all the time.

I guess I'm confused by the whole "it'd get in the way" thing. I presumed that you were trying to draw some sort of causal connection between being comfortable with yourself and being with someone who likes your money and looks over everything else, right? I'm not really seeing how the two relate except maybe in an SO situation. Relationships are always hierarchical and it's not uncommon for people to be in shallow relationships just because they benefit. It's still a valid relationship.

Giant_Aspirin posted...

i do feel a little shallow in saying this, but i cannot be involved with someone romantically who i am not physically attracted to.

Man. As long as you acknowledge we're all somewhat shallow, I respect it. And I completely understand that. But does personality not shape someone's attractiveness to you?

Like we all know Tommy Lauren and Candice Owen aren't ugly women, but it's hard to see them as attractive when they're such bad spirited people.

So, that, but in reverse. I don't wanna throw any women under the bus by giving opposite examples lol. This seems more classy.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

But does personality not shape someone's attractiveness to you?

oh, it certainly does. if a woman is gorgeous, but a total negative nancy, i'd be totally turned off. i guess what i'm getting at is even the most radiant personality can't make up for a lack of physical attraction. at least for me. like, there's this woman i keep running into on local dating apps. we have a good amount in common and she seems pretty fun / cool, but she's completely unattractive to me so i'm not even willing to 'match' with her on the apps.

I'd rather marry my ex-girlfriend who was sweet and kind, than my ex-fiancee who was abusive and crazy.

LinkFanatic posted...

I guess I'm confused by the whole "it'd get in the way" thing. I presumed that you were trying to draw some sort of causal connection between being comfortable with yourself and being with someone who likes your money and looks over everything else, right? I'm not really seeing how the two relate except maybe in an SO situation. Relationships are always hierarchical and it's not uncommon for people to be in shallow relationships just because they benefit. It's still a valid relationship.

I think the confusion is I was talking from the opposite standpoint lol. Like, me liking a woman just for that stuff. I don't really have to worry about the alternative lol. Im also not trying to invalidate anyone's relationship. In the end, I want people to put their pride into whatever will make them happy in the end. But, Im not gonna lie, looking at the world, it seems a lot of people don't understand what would make them happy. Which I know the feeling off because sometimes I find myself confused and not understanding why Im not happy when Im doing something that I feel should make me happy.

Giant_Aspirin posted...

oh, it certainly does. if a woman is gorgeous, but a total negative nancy, i'd be totally turned off. i guess what i'm getting at is even the most radiant personality can't make up for a lack of physical attraction. at least for me. like, there's this woman i keep running into on local dating apps. we have a good amount in common and she seems pretty fun / cool, but she's completely unattractive to me so i'm not even willing to 'match' with her on the apps.

Hmm. I definitely feel you. You ever attempted to think around your established ways? Step out of your own way.

Im not saying it's possible. Just curious if the conscious attempt was ever made.

Not to mention, the less conventionally attractive women you can find attractive yourself, the more you can appreciate the real beauty of natural beauties imo. So, even if you end up with a very conventionally attractive women, you'd be able to appreciate her in ways other men couldn't

Because most people don't know what they want or are constantly changing. Like whoever made them feel good today might not make them feel good a year from now despite nothing about the other person changed. There's a better chance of the other person still being attractive and having money in the future than it is of them making you feel better about yourself. I think

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Hmm. I definitely feel you. You ever attempted to think around your established ways? Step out of your own way.

Im not saying it's possible. Just curious if the conscious attempt was ever made.

have i ever gone out with someone i wasn't attracted to? no, can't say that i have. but, shit, i've been single for so fucking long at this point maybe i should just give that a shot

NeonOctopus posted...

Cuz you can't fuck a personality

You ever been involved in deeply unsettling kinks or fetishes, thats fucking a personality.

Giant_Aspirin posted...

have i ever gone out with someone i wasn't attracted to? no, can't say that i have. but, shit, i've been single for so fucking long at this point maybe i should just give that a shot

Maybe. Just do a few dates without leading her on that it's gonna be something bigger than it might be. You can't stop someone from catching more feelings than you, but you can try to not gaslight it. I don't believe in feeling guilt if you never lead someone on and they just ended up feeling lead on. I been on both sides of that. It's just how it goes sometimes and it's nobodies fault

Looks and money are just an initial unconscious litmus test people have for others, but most close relationships people have in life arent based on those values. No matter how much money one has or how good they look chemistry between two people is a far more complex phenomena and I think people intuitively understand that

David1988 posted...

Looks and money are just an initial unconscious litmus test people have for others, but most close relationships people have in life arent based on those values. No matter how much money one has or how good they look chemistry between two people is a far more complex phenomena and I think people intuitively understand that

I too believe that's the case with a lot. Maybe even most. But, if it's the case, why is a conversation like this the oddity while we have so many topics only showing interest in the looks of women? And it's not just here with introverts having next to no real world experience. With extroverts it's even more one sided at times. They're usually even more jaded becoming even more shallow towards the opposing sex. If we were to simplify this conversation to 2 genders to not get too off topic. I believe it's the same across all genders for the most part with nuances we don't need to discuss here. I don't think our gender defines us in this conversation. As Im a man that's always found himself more in a woman's mindspace with this.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

I too believe that's the case with a lot. Maybe even most. But, if it's the case, why is a conversation like this the oddity while we have so many topics only showing interest in the looks of women?

Probably the same reason something like social media is littered with shitposts, people just enjoy talking about low-hanging fruit when theres no established sense of intimacy and understanding with each other for sincere dialogue such as in a message board or social media. Its fun and easy to talk about in such less serious spaces, but it doesnt mean people dont think or communicate with more depth and substance when it comes to people and situations that are actually important to them.

i guess looks and money matter a lot until you hit a minimum threshold, then they stop mattering at all

David1988 posted...

Probably the same reason something like social media is littered with shitposts, people just enjoy talking about low-hanging fruit when theres no established sense of intimacy and understanding with each other for sincere dialogue such as in a message board or social media. Its fun and easy to talk about in such less serious spaces, but it doesnt mean people dont think or communicate with more depth and substance when it comes to people and situations that are actually important to them.

That's fair. My experience offline definitely contradicts my experience online. But social media still has influence in real life. So, who know where we're headed. Hopefully the youth are learning to be freethinkers with others pushing for being unapologetically yourself.