Current Events > Yeah I think I'm officially done with her.

(+) Yeah! (+)

CSCA33 posted...

edit: you posted a second reply before my reply***
You are completely avoiding the question and missing the point.

And you have a clear aversion to commitment that needs to be addressed if you ever want to seriously get married.

Are you just not going to live together until marriage? These are recipes for disaster

I have no problem moving in together. I just dont want to be committed to anyone I dont think Ill marry.

bsp77 posted...

Grow up and learn how relationships actually work

What sacrifices? Just not screwing other people? That's easy

You could screw other people if in a poly relationship, but I don't think you want that for the eventual marriage.

You can't have it both ways. Once again, grow up.

not even not screwing people, I have very close friendships and work relationships in my career with Ive either slept with, could sleep with at any time or just a generally inappropriate relationship.

dynamics that I would have to change because I feel inappropriate having them if I was to seriously date.

when I thought me and Nicole where going to get more serious Ive curtailing those relationships.

Its just hard for me to see me removing those relationships for someone whod be just a girlfriend.

NoxObscuras posted...

But as has already been said, being in a serious relationship is how you find out if they're someone you want to marry. There's a lot that you won't learn about that person until you get more serious. Trying to avoid that commitment is a recipe for disaster.

And it honestly sounds like you're afraid to commit, out of fear that someone else out there might make a better wife.

Better wife not necessarily just that Ill be giving up a lot.

I knew Nicole for about two years before I really started to take her seriously (which is right around when those topics started) which is why I was so confident in the fact I wanted to marry her eventually.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]



I wanted to marry that woman. I just didnt think she was close to being ready, and she agreed with that assumption. I wanted her to get settled into her career, and figure out who she wanted to be.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


thats not what Im saying, Im saying I dont want to sacrifice anything for someone I dont want to marry

gamepimp12 posted...

I have no problem moving in together. I just dont want to be committed to anyone I dont think Ill marry.

not even not screwing people, I have very close friendships and work relationships in my career with Ive either slept with, could sleep with at any time or just a generally inappropriate relationship.

dynamics that I would have to change because I feel inappropriate having them if I was to seriously date.

when I thought me and Nicole where going to get more serious Ive curtailing those relationships.

Its just hard for me to see me removing those relationships for someone whod be just a girlfriend.

Grow up

bsp77 posted...

Grow up

I dont wanna grow up, cause if I did, I wouldnt be a Toys R Us kid

gamepimp12 posted...

not even not screwing people, I have very close friendships and work relationships in my career with Ive either slept with, could sleep with at any time or just a generally inappropriate relationship.

I should add this this was my post divorce life, and it is admittedly fun. But at the same time, it is transient fun, and ultimately brings little satisfaction or commitment. After getting serious with my now wife, I had to cut some women out of my life because our friendships were not appropriate. That's being mature, and it benefits you in the long run.

gamepimp12 posted...

I wanted to marry that woman. I just didnt think she was close to being ready, and she agreed with that assumption. I wanted her to get settled into her career, and figure out who she wanted to be.

Then you should've been ready for a committed relationship with her. Whether or not she was ready is her decision. If she was too young to make that decision when you met her then it sounds like grooming. If she was mid-twenties then she was not too young to make that decision.

bfslick50 posted...

Then you should've been ready for a committed relationship with her. Whether or not she was ready is her decision. If she was too young to make that decision when you met her then it sounds like grooming. If she was mid-twenties then she was not too young to make that decision.

early 20s when we starting fooling around. Mid 20s now.

I was extremely cautious about grooming her and it was something I tried to avoid. I kept alot of my opinions about decisions she made and things she wanted to do with her life to myself and not to influence her.

bsp77 posted...

I should add this this was my post divorce life, and it is admittedly fun. But at the same time, it is transient fun, and ultimately brings little satisfaction or commitment. After getting serious with my now wife, I had to cut some women out of my life because our friendships were not appropriate. That's being mature, and it benefits you in the long run.

100% and when did you get serious with your now wife.

again Im not saying I cant and wont abandon those relationships, I just dont want to do it for something fleeting.

I would have with Nicole and for the most part I did

gamepimp12 posted...

100% and when did you get serious with your now wife.

Probably not comparable. We had been friends for 3 years first. And honestly I hadn't seriously considered dating her at the time because she was really young and inexperienced and I thought I would just hurt her.

We finally got together in October of 2020 after I drunkenly asked her over to watch a show with me. I wasn't drunk when she came over to be clear, but when I asked her to at some future date, I was. Then I was like, oh shit is this a date? Turns out it was LOL. Next time I saw her (5 days later), we decided to not see anyone else.

gamepimp12 posted...

Its just hard for me to see me removing those relationships for someone whod be just a girlfriend.

If a friend said they wanted to marry person X but person X said they would not be willing to make any sacrifices prior to marriage but then they'd be totally committed once the marriage started, I would advise the friend to not get married to that person. You're too stuck on labels. It was hard to see yourself removing those relationships for her.

gamepimp12 posted...

early 20s when we starting fooling around. Mid 20s now.

I was extremely cautious about grooming her and it was something I tried to avoid. I kept alot of my opinions about decisions she made and things she wanted to do with her life to myself and not to influence her.

Advice is fine. I was worried about the line of "she can date but I was always expecting her to keep coming back to me."

gamepimp12 posted...

Better wife not necessarily just that Ill be giving up a lot.

I knew Nicole for about two years before I really started to take her seriously (which is right around when those topics started) which is why I was so confident in the fact I wanted to marry her eventually.

But why? Why did you want to marry her specifically?

Also, I'm gonna be brutally honest with you about something:

gamepimp12 posted...

So, update I didnt mention, we had spoke about hanging out for my birthday like we originally planned awhile back nothing set in stone just conversations about it, but yesterday she posted her on a date with dude.

If she's posting about him on her socials, that's not just some dude she's casually dating, that's her boyfriend. And often times the whole "I'm not looking to date seriously right now" really just means date you, specifically. That's what it's looking like. So stop this back and forth of being done with her, then not being done with her and just move on.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


I think people are misconstruing what Im trying to say about not wanting to sacrifice.

I have no problem sacrificing, I just dont want to sacrifice for anything short term/dont see a future in. Which is why I typically know my girlfriends years before I date them.

With Nicole I had no problem cutting those relationships out.

I just cant see myself meeting a new girl and cutting them out 6 months into meeting her.

gamepimp12 posted...

I think people are misconstruing what Im trying to say about not wanting to sacrifice.

I have no problem sacrificing, I just dont want to sacrifice for anything short term/dont see a future in. Which is why I typically know my girlfriends years before I date them.

With Nicole I had no problem cutting those relationships out.

I just cant see myself meeting a new girl and cutting them out 6 months into meeting her.

So you take a chance. How it works. You might have to do this a few times until it actually works out.

The alternative, barring the unlikely friend thing (yes, it happened to me), is to never take a chance and never find what you want long term.

Should be an obvious decision

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


you give the most unless advice out of anyone here whos acting like theyre trying to help.

NoxObscuras posted...

But why? Why did you want to marry her specifically?

Also, I'm gonna be brutally honest with you about something:

If she's posting about him on her socials, that's not just some dude she's casually dating, that's her boyfriend. And often times the whole "I'm not looking to date seriously right now" really just means date you, specifically. That's what it's looking like. So stop this back and forth of being done with her, then not being done with her and just move on.

So its 4 reasons I wanted to marry her, not in order.

Shes beautiful
shes kind

we are very similar people, to the point we feel like kindred spirits. We have really similar interests, hobbies and sense of humors. The biggest thing is were both very confident relaxed cool under pressure people facing outward but thats kind of all a show masking how insecure and neurotic we can be in general. (Based on the way she acts you wouldnt think it, but shes cried and had panic attacks about me multiple times, and bothers her friends and parents about me often, similar to how I do yall)

That similarity lead to a closeness and trust as friends which lead to the two of us telling each other a lot of really personal things. To the point we hold most of each others secrets. Shes the only person In the world that knows everything about me and thats why her lying was such a big deal to me.

ALSO shes not actually posting him in the pictures, at least not publicly, shes posting herself in his house, or in his car or at his gym or on their dates.

one of the conversations weve had prior to this is that we take dating each other as a more serious step than dating someone else because of our history together.

its easier for her as a 25 year old woman to date a 28 year old guy who just wants to have fun with her, Vs the 32 year old guy who she knows wants to marry her at some point.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


and thats why I say I have a lot of inappropriate relationships, and upuntill Nicole I always had a ex I could go back to at any moment (I kinda ended everything with them cause of her)

Bump

Sounds like you two are not meant to be if being in a relationship with you is a chore or hardship in comparison to dating someone else. That has nothing to do with wanting to get married one day as a relationship goal, or shouldnt. Thats not to say a relationship is always easy breezy, but speaking generally on the whole relationship and how one feels about it when standing back.

Im not going to bring up the other stuff you mentioned to stand in judgement, youve mentioned self reflecting on the things about punishing her or expecting her to behave a certain way to earn your approval.

CSCA33 posted...

Sounds like you two are not meant to be if being in a relationship with you is a chore or hardship in comparison to dating someone else. That has nothing to do with wanting to get married one day as a relationship goal, or shouldnt. Thats not to say a relationship is always easy breezy, but speaking generally on the whole relationship and how one feels about it when standing back.

Im not going to bring up the other stuff you mentioned to stand in judgement, youve mentioned self reflecting on the things about punishing her or expecting her to behave a certain way to earn your approval.

Being with her isnt the hardship, spending time with her has always been the easiest part of our relationship, it comes natural to both of us.

to a certain extent we both really care about each other we just both arent ready for something as serious as it became.

we where originally supposed to be this summer fling between former coworkers.

I was responding to what you stated earlier, that it is easier for her to date the other man compared to dating you not being easy for her.

If you were meant to be, in love, dating you should be easier than the other guy, not more difficult. Thats including the stated relationship goals where the younger guy just wants to sleep around with no commitment. Relationships are about how two people gel together at the end of the day, other considerations not withstanding.

CSCA33 posted...

I was responding to what you stated earlier, that it is easier for her to date the other man compared to dating you not being easy for her.

If you were meant to be, in love, dating you should be easier than the other guy, not more difficult. Thats including the stated relationship goals where the younger guy just wants to sleep around with no commitment. Relationships are about how two people gel together at the end of the day, other considerations not withstanding.

Yeah, in my experience, truly good relationships are relatively easy.

CSCA33 posted...

I was responding to what you stated earlier, that it is easier for her to date the other man compared to dating you not being easy for her.

If you were meant to be, in love, dating you should be easier than the other guy, not more difficult. Thats including the stated relationship goals where the younger guy just wants to sleep around with no commitment. Relationships are about how two people gel together at the end of the day, other considerations not withstanding.

maybe easier isnt the right word.

its a sense of expectation when it comes to us dating that isnt there in a new relationship.

Between our baggage and the stated implications that if we where to be official, that would be us saying were ready to seriously consider getting married. (Ive actually openly said before that Id we get together officially i dont think wed need to be together for more than about a year before we got engaged.)

gamepimp12 posted...

maybe easier isnt the right word.

its a sense of expectation when it comes to us dating that isnt there in a new relationship.

Between our baggage and the stated implications that if we where to be official, that would be us saying were ready to seriously consider getting married. (Ive actually openly said before that Id we get together officially i dont think wed need to be together for more than about a year before we got engaged.)

So you two are not a good match or meant to be together

gamepimp12 posted...

maybe easier isnt the right word.

its a sense of expectation when it comes to us dating that isnt there in a new relationship.

Between our baggage and the stated implications that if we where to be official, that would be us saying were ready to seriously consider getting married. (Ive actually openly said before that Id we get together officially i dont think wed need to be together for more than about a year before we got engaged.)

Well, that's a good way to scare off just about anyone

CSCA33 posted...

So you two are not a good match or meant to be together

probably, or at best its a slow burn type of situation.

Looking back at our situation, its so many things I could of done better, but the second I fell for her it was nothing I could do to make the situation end up in much different place than it is now.

bsp77 posted...

Well, that's a good way to scare off just about anyone

100%

Were both scared of that step lmao.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/3/374de4e8.jpg

gamepimp12 posted...

100%

Were both scared of that step lmao.

Which is why you should have dated as normal people years ago. You turned this into an impossible situation. If you had just dated her without all these weird rules, and waiting for the right moment, you might actually be considering marriage at this point. Now it will likely never happen. This is your fault. Sorry for being so blunt.

bsp77 posted...

Which is why you should have dated as normal people years ago. You turned this into an impossible situation. If you had just dated her without all these weird rules, and waiting for the right moment, you might actually be considering marriage at this point. Now it will likely never happen. This is your fault. Sorry for being so blunt.

In my defense, at the time she was going to go to med school. In another state and I didnt want to date like that for 4+ years.

I just dont think the situation allowed for anything but a casual fling.

but now where we are almost 4 years later and we know each other so well and have the baggage of exs without ever actually being in a relationship.

gamepimp12 posted...

have the baggage of exs without ever actually being in a relationship.

Why the fuck would you hang out with anyone you have "the baggage of exs" with at all? I would not even hang out with a friend that I had years of baggage and stress from. Another person, doesn't even have to be a friend.

Love is powerful but you can't get addicted to the One True Fantasy. That Fantasy where the guy wants the girl to wake up and realize that he was the right guy all along.

The whole reason this situation is fucked beyond repaid is that you are stubborn and refuse to accept the truth. Not just your horrible dynamic with this person but even to other people. All of your answers boil down to "you're right, but" or "yeah true, but" and you go back to being completely stuck in your own loop.

Try this out. When someone gives you a piece of advice that fits the context of what's going on, and could be true, just type "Yeah, that's true" and DONT add anything else onto it.

That itch you have to write more is exactly why you can't move on.

She's keeping you around as a backup while she looks for the right person. But not a real backup, just an emotional one, of "ok at least 1 guy is obsessed with me, I can find one I actually like". And the longer you wait, the more desperate you are to her.

Master_Kazuya posted...

Why the fuck would you hang out with anyone you have "the baggage of exs" with at all? I would not even hang out with a friend that I had years of baggage and stress from. Another person, doesn't even have to be a friend.

Love is powerful but you can't get addicted to the One True Fantasy. That Fantasy where the guy wants the girl to wake up and realize that he was the right guy all along.

The whole reason this situation is fucked beyond repaid is that you are stubborn and refuse to accept the truth. Not just your horrible dynamic with this person but even to other people. All of your answers boil down to "you're right, but" or "yeah true, but" and you go back to being completely stuck in your own loop.

Try this out. When someone gives you a piece of advice that fits the context of what's going on, and could be true, just type "Yeah, that's true" and DONT add anything else onto it.

That itch you have to write more is exactly why you can't move on.

She's keeping you around as a backup while she looks for the right person. But not a real backup, just an emotional one, of "ok at least 1 guy is obsessed with me, I can find one I actually like". And the longer you wait, the more desperate you are to her.

You use these topics to reaffirm your love to her. Like "oh the better I can contest other people's points, the more true the love actually is". Jeez.

you really missed the mark here.

youre post reads like you only read half the post in the topic and filled in the rest with whatever your opinion was in your head which is fine I cant expect everyone to have even a decent amount of context to give valuable advice.

But you cant have that do that and give advice that wrong and act like its right.

gamepimp12 posted...

I cant expect everyone to have even a decent amount of context to give valuable advice.

Are you sure?

You've given us like forty topics about this girl over the course of several years.

And we keep telling you the same thing, you go "nuh uh," then another topic.

gamepimp12 posted...

you really missed the mark here

The more wrong you think I am, the more right I think I am. You have no ability to agree with anyone so I'll take this as a huge W for me and a big L for you

DrizztLink posted...

Are you sure?

You've given us like forty topics about this girl over the course of several years.

And we keep telling you the same thing, you go "nuh uh," then another topic.

I mean his advice wasnt worth shit, it just wasnt advice youd give with context. No where in the situation have I ever implied I had theoneitis and how I talk about dating other women (and how she got mad when she got reminded of that) thats not a reasonable assumption.

nor is him saying shes never been interested and treats me like a back burner option, when Ive literally seen her have full blown meltdowns about and have heard her act very similar to how I act in her with me about towards her friends.

bsp and gladius where just having a conversation about how I should of just went for the relationship in the first place instead of making a muck of everything and I agree in hindsight.

gamepimp12 posted...

(and how she got mad when she got reminded of that)

Ah yes, more proof that she loves me! She totally does and she'll realize it some day!

gamepimp12 posted...

Ive literally seen her have full blown meltdowns about and have heard her act very similar to how I act in her with me about towards her friends.

Yes, YES! The more people point it out, the more I just know our love is real! I just know it!

Master_Kazuya posted...

The more wrong you think I am, the more right I think I am. You have no ability to agree with anyone so I'll take this as a huge W for me and a big L for you

I literally was in agreeing with BSP and glad, less than 15 post before you made that post.

its weird

TC understands women as well as he does going on break.

gamepimp12 posted...

I literally was in agreeing with BSP and glad, less than 15 post before you made that post.

its weird

I passively agreed with one person one time, which means that I am capable of seeing my wrongs, which means even more that our love is real! I just know it!

Master_Kazuya posted...

I passively agreed with one person one time, which means that I am capable of seeing my wrongs, which means even more that our love is real! I just know it!

okay youre just weird. Moving on..

gamepimp12 posted...

Moving on..

You have no ability to move on lol, nice try

Im literally in another topic, talking very nonchalant about how a girl I was seeing just ended things.

gamepimp12 posted...

Im literally in another topic, talking very nonchalant about how a girl I was seeing just ended things.

You're so cool! I now definitely believe that this girl in this topic is your true love since you have very nonchalant girl interactions too. It's meant to be, just keep at it.

Master_Kazuya posted...

You're so cool! I now definitely believe that this girl in this topic is your true love since you have very nonchalant girl interactions too. It's meant to be, just keep at it.

but you just said I had no ability to move on. Its just weird.

youre acting like you have this big gotcha over me or something

gamepimp12 posted...

but you just said I had no ability to move on. Its just weird.

youre acting like you have this big gotcha over me or something

No you're totally right and you always have been, about everything. Don't let the haters stop you. Keep going for her.

I am sure she will wake up and realize it was you the whole time, I just know it.

Master_Kazuya posted...

No you're totally right and you always have been, about everything. Don't let the haters stop you. Keep going for her.

I am sure she will wake up and realize it was you the whole time, I just know it.

nobody even said that though. Which is why this is weird.