Current Events > I keep scaring off people I try talking to lol

(+) Yeah! (+)

Maybe being upfront about my mental stuff isn't the best idea

Probably something about Gamefaqs. I mention it in real life but it's not my pick up line

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Just about having bpd and how it's affected me in the past. I figured it's best to just get it outta the way but it's not turning out well

I don't think there's anything wrong with being honest about any mental health issues you have, but i don't believe you should be bringing it up right off the bat. Give yourself and the other person some time to get comfortable with one another before you start jumping into more personal things about yourselves.

BPD is a very hard disorder to live with, and requires years of DBT. It can make relationships with others (and even yourself) hard to maintain. So try to go easy on yourself if you find you're scarring off some people. You'll eventually meet those who are willing to give you a chance.

Maybe don't lead with that then.

ItsNotA2Mer posted...

Maybe don't lead with that then.

I'm learning that lol

i literally stared at this guy at college for possibly a minute cos I was eager to chat he was drawing I wanted to talk cos he seems cool and I just unintentionally stared a bit long he didnt look up but someone else saw me staring and I felt embarrassed
I scare others with my 1000 yard stare

oi that shit sounds rough. im of the opinion that no one needs to know anyones medical business, but i can see why u'd wanna get something like this outta the way early. cuz if ur discreet about it and it comes out later, suddenly u might find them using it as ammo against u

shit's fucked

Crimsoness posted...

Just about having bpd and how it's affected me in the past. I figured it's best to just get it outta the way but it's not turning out well

Why would people be scared away of big pretty dimples?!?1

Crimsoness posted...

Just about having bpd and how it's affected me in the past. I figured it's best to just get it outta the way but it's not turning out well

Not a knock against you, but a lot of people consider it a major red flag. In recent years, BPD has flared up in relationship advice articles and social media, about how BPD can affect relationships, and has an association with cheating. One of those "not everyone who has it does x, but x is more prevalent among that group" sort of things.

But it's gotta be tough. There's a sweet spot of not being upfront, but not hiding it for too long. I would guess you should wait for the "Hey I like you a lot so you should know this" point, whenever that is.

You gotta chloro 'em first. It isn't 'share time' until they're comfortably down in the well.

i pulled up to someone's driveway at 2am and asked if they wanted to go for a ride in my windowless van and they threatened to call the cops haha idk what their deal was

You got BPD too? Shit sucks.

Cassie posted...

You got BPD too? Shit sucks.

Yeah it's rough and people in here have noted it has a pretty negative reputation

yeah BPD has gotten a pretty negative rep lately. I was talking to a girl with it before covid and we never had any problems. she had problems if her brother or certain other people came around.

but it ended up going nowhere because I wasn't really her type. I've got my own issues >_>

Didn't give up, I'm sure you'll find someone that won't get scared off. Everyone has their baggage, but you seem like a cool person from what I've seen on here.

I've dated a girl with BPD and she was both one of the sweetest, most loving people I've ever known, and an absolute demon who emotionally abused me for two years.

We didn't work as a couple, but she's a good friend to this day.

Don't lead with it, but don't hide it either. If an instance comes up explain the situation or after you get familiar with them, it's okay. I understand wanting to be honest out the gate, but for some reasons humans want to see the fun sides first and can be off putting. Once you bond, it's okay.

I mean, just in general, coming out of the gate with "i have this mental disorder" is gonna be offputting, regardless of what the disorder is

take comfort, CEmen, the CEgals have no game either.

Crimsoness posted...

Maybe being upfront about my mental stuff isn't the best idea

Have you seen Anne Hathaways episode of Modern Love? Actually, as Im writing this I cant remember if she has BPD or something elseso I wont ask how that compares to your experience, but its a really good episode and I want to know if you liked it.

Same except its telling them that because of medical issues that I live with my parents and don't drive because of semi chronic vertigo.

Then if I don't tell them from the get go, they ask why I didn't bring it up from the get go

Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

So it's either be truthful from the get go and possibly scare the woman off or don't tell her and be called a liar because I wasn't truthful from the get go.

It does have a very negative stigma attached to it because of how stressful it is being around someone like that. One of my supervisors at an old job had it, & it ruined my shifts when she was in a bad mood because of the amount of attitude & shit I would get from her because I HAD to be around her.

Medication can help to some extent I know, but you'd really have to go through trials on finding something that fits you best. People who really love & care about you will be the ones who stick around, but finding those people will be like Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill.