Current Events > Home life is the only thing slowing down my transition

(+) Yeah! (+)

Wish I could leave for work and jump into a phone booth and come out presenting female for the day. Just because I'm not feeling mentally prepared enough to have more conversations about my gender identity. But it's only a matter of time since I'm keeping my schedule as far as starting HRT goes. It will be impossible to keep to myself eventually.

You live with your parents?

Spiderman23J posted...

You live with your parents?

Mom and siblings. And I had a really hurtful conservation with my mom and sister a few weeks back where they told me it's gigantic mistake and I should cancel everything and stop talking to other people about it.

I still went and got my haircut this past weekend and somehow they haven't commented on it.

hockeybabe89 posted...

I still went and got my haircut this past weekend and somehow they haven't commented on it.

Ugg I'm sorry. I hope they become supportive and understanding, it's rough to have to live with that

Youre 34-35 and living with your mom and siblings?

LonelyStoner posted...

Youre 34-35 and living with your mom and siblings?

shit rough out here man

hockeybabe89 posted...

I still went and got my haircut this past weekend and somehow they haven't commented on it.

Hopefully this is a good sign.

The seem like the kind of people that could come around in time. Much more slowly than you need, but it's still better than never.

Spiderman23J posted...

shit rough out here man

Shit, tell me about it. Inflation and the housing market is a mfer.

LonelyStoner posted...

Youre 34-35 and living with your mom and siblings?

Dude.

MarcoRubio posted...

Ugg I'm sorry. I hope they become supportive and understanding, it's rough to have to live with that

I mean, that part is a pleasant surprise. I'm not fishing for compliments.

LonelyStoner posted...

Youre 34-35 and living with your mom and siblings?

Yeah. I've talked about that before. It's financially beneficial for us all and came out of necessity a while back.

But I guess that will change if I don't feel very welcome as a woman.

I feel so bad for you.

I guess I just come from a completely different upbringing, and I understand there's people out there like your mom and sister, and much worse, but I can't even fathom a world where a direct family member wouldn't be supportive of this journey you are on.

My heat truly goes out to you.

I'm just some stranger on the internet, but you have an ally in me.

I live in a cheaper state for housing then most and managed to save up enough for a a DP on my first home in only about 2 years.

Its been a year now and lifes never been better. Although I wish I could have brought when interest rates were a lot lower the year prior.

hockeybabe89 posted...

I still went and got my haircut this past weekend and somehow they haven't commented on it.

Well that's better at least. Still not great.

bigblu89 posted...

I feel so bad for you.

I guess I just come from a completely different upbringing, and I understand there's people out there like your mom and sister, and much worse, but I can't even fathom a world where a direct family member wouldn't be supportive of this journey you are on.

My heat truly goes out to you.

I'm just some stranger on the internet, but you have an ally in me.

Thanks. I'm like you. I don't see it as a big deal at all.

I already feel like my mom's gonna be a lost cause. She's like personally offended by all this. I mentioned in my old purged topic that one of the first things she mentioned is religion and how I don't accept her politics. She can say all she wants about "the science isn't supportive" but without conservative Christianity and Republican politics telling her that trans people are mentally ill sex fiends, she wouldn't be so passionate about the efficacy of hormone therapy. She'd rather try to rationalize how I'm confused and misled than change her view when trans people are given a human face right in her own home.

My sister's just like really apathetic to a lot of things. She doesn't get why people care about labels and she thinks this is weird, but she also would literally be fine with me being non-binary or presenting more feminine. Hopefully with time, I can get her to come around on me identifying as a woman, not a man who likes feminine things.

I feel like a big problem is them not understanding that this isn't a discussion. This is me telling them what I feel and what I'm doing about it. I don't care if they "disagree" or "don't care". I do care and I want some caring and support from my goddamn family of all people. "Tough love" when I bring this up isn't making me realize the error of my ways. It's just making me sad that I can't get support after spilling my heart out and allowing myself to be vulernable.

i just want to say i expressed skepticism in the topic when you were gonna come out to your family because i suspected this would be the reality.

i dont even know if you remember, prolly not, i just wanted to say so.

anyway sorry about your family, this isn't something that words can fix, I think.

might wanna start apartment shopping with some friends.

Robot2600 posted...

i just want to say i expressed skepticism in the topic when you were gonna come out to your family because i suspected this would be the reality.

i dont even know if you remember, prolly not, i just wanted to say so.

anyway sorry about your family, this isn't something that words can fix, I think.

might wanna start apartment shopping with some friends.

I don't have any friends that are looking to move.

And the response I got from my mom was unfortunately expected but my great support from friends and co-workers keeps making me ride high and feel optimistic, and then reality crashes down on me.

I really can't overstate to you guys how happy it makes me feel to discuss my transition with people and be treated as the woman I am trying to be. I really wish I could bottle that feeling and show it to my family. There is not a chance in hell that I will "regret" my "choice". My mom doesn't get that most all trans regret is related to trans people feeling so unloved and unwelcome that suffering in the closet would be less stressful to them.

People at work that I haven't come out to have commented on my "cute" new haircut and how "awesome" my curls are.

Gods I wish I had the goddamn courage to just say "fuck it" right now and start presenting as female full-time just like that. Stupid brain, stupid fear of losing the last of my genetic family.

Sadly, phone booths no longer exist

hockeybabe89 posted...

People at work that I haven't come out to have commented on my "cute" new haircut and how "awesome" my curls are.

Gods I wish I had the goddamn courage to just say "fuck it" right now and start presenting as female full-time just like that. Stupid brain, stupid fear of losing the last of my genetic family.

Idk maybe a slow transition might not be as overwhelming for you. But I'm not you so idk.

But at some point it will just be oh they are doing this or that now. No big deal. Then they will start speculating and then by the time it'd all said and done nobody is surprised by this point.

At least I assume how a slow transition would go I could be completely off base. I just know a guy who has his co workers in the speculating phase right now. He's let his hair grow long and amhas started to paint his nails. And I'm saying him cause he hasn't told anyone otherwise so far.

Lol I know a supervisor there though that's gonna be all but hurt If he does come out as trans cause there is a picture of him holding the dude like you would carrying a bride into the room and he's dressed like a fairy with a tutu a tiara and all that. This supervisor is about as redneck as you can get.

The biggest problem I have is that my work schedule is so demanding i don't have time to do any of the things i need to for it.

I've almost fully social transitioned (except for makeup, still learning that) but as far as the medical stuff, I've done the therapy bit but getting a good time to see my Dr is near impossible cause I'm only able to schedule things 2 days of the week.

UnicornRaline posted...

The biggest problem I have is that my work schedule is so demanding i don't have time to do any of the things i need to for it.

I've almost fully social transitioned (except for makeup, still learning that) but as far as the medical stuff, I've done the therapy bit but getting a good time to see my Dr is near impossible cause I'm only able to schedule things 2 days of the week.

I get that I've neglected a lot of my medical needs cause I worked 12 hours a day 6 days a week. Just ain't got the energy for it

Sufferedphoenix posted...

Idk maybe a slow transition might not be as overwhelming for you. But I'm not you so idk.

But at some point it will just be oh they are doing this or that now. No big deal. Then they will start speculating and then by the time it'd all said and done nobody is surprised by this point.

I'm not really that bothered with a slow transition outside of home. Maybe I should have just not said anything and let them be surprised, but I told everyone and now I know my mom is extremely extremely opposed to the idea. So now I'm here worrying about how it's only a matter of time until hormones will make it impossible for me to put off discussing this further, and there's a big argument that probably makes me disown my family and struggle to find my own place. I'm not ready for that. I just want people to respect my identity and value my happiness.

hockeybabe89 posted...

I'm not really that bothered with a slow transition outside of home. Maybe I should have just not said anything and let them be surprised, but I told everyone and now I know my mom is extremely extremely opposed to the idea. So now I'm here worrying about how it's only a matter of time until hormones will make it impossible for me to put off discussing this further, and there's a big argument that probably makes me disown my family and struggle to find my own place. I'm not ready for that. I just want people to respect my identity and value my happiness.

I'm sorry. I don't know that must feel.

I came out to my mom as bi in my teens and it only happened because my bf was living with us and she decided to kick him out. So I was a mess crying and all that. She tried getting upset thinking her persuaded me to be that way.

Later she came out to me as bi herself and I was like bitch what? <_<

If they are negative about there isnt much point in bringing it up with them and imo you should just be you.

josifrees posted...

If they are negative about there isnt much point in bringing it up with them and imo you should just be you.

Yep, you dont owe them/your mom any information about your transition or coming out, especially if its going to cause big problems like threatening your livelihood, having a place to stay, etc. not to mention dealing with the emotional trauma during such a vulnerable time in your life.

I get that, but like, the information is gonna be out there just by virtue of me continuing to transition. That's where my fear is coming from. In my situation, I can't keep it to myself while continuing to transition. I've put myself in a box.

hockeybabe89 posted...

I get that, but like, the information is gonna be out there just by virtue of me continuing to transition. That's where my fear is coming from. In my situation, I can't keep it to myself while continuing to transition. I've put myself in a box.

It sounds like the situation sucks all around. A slow approach might be the best way like I mentioned. If they still flip their lid after that I don't think there was much you could do.

I'm asking this as a 30-something also living at home, this may sound mean but I'm interested in your answer.

Why is transitioning your top priority right now? When did you know it was something you wanted to commit to? How do things work financially?

I'm cis and straight but I can't imagine putting anything over increasing my means given my living situation. Do you feel the same or is it an issue of well-being?

Are your Mom and sister completely in the dark?