Current Events > My wife passed away July 2023 utilizing MAID. Grief and Healing is a journey.

(+) Yeah! (+)

i like the first 4-5 books. idk about 6-7 tho. still good reads.

Reading is interesting with me. It is rarely my first choice to fill my free time but when I do read, I love it and read A LOT.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/d/d9e94dd1.jpg

One last morning here

Beautiful

Get you a tequila sunrise.

https://www.amazon.com/Drakenblud-Malformed-Fantasy-Horror-Novel-ebook/dp/B0C9P9L8ST

Might be too late but it was temporarily free for the ebook.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/d/d9e94dd1.jpg

One last morning here

Wow what a great shot

Mmm hmmm. Got up early enough to get the sunrise. Also got slightly drunk last night so it was a good way to try and sober up fast.

On the shuttle bus to the airport and eventually back to Saskatoon.

This trip was good for me. It was nice to focus on nothing but rest and relaxation with my family. I've also made a promise to myself that the next time I come to Mexico it will be with a partner. I have been to Mexico twice and both times it was without a partner.

Sorry for your loss.

I cant imagine going through this. Im glad she found peace. Hope you have the support you need and are hanging in there, for whatever a random internet strangers thoughts are worth.

Wish you a safe trip back, and sure you will come back with a gal on your arm someday.

I am back home! Went from 27 degrees in Mexico to -27 in Saskatoon. Celsius. Ooooof

February 28th, 2024

I just got back from a week long trip to Mexico with my family. It was an amazing experience to just be able to... rest. I ate, I drank, I went into the ocean, the pool, and I read.

And it reminded me that Ive never had the chance to travel with a partner before. Not with Lindsay and not with any of my other partners in the past. It is something that I realized during the trip that I covet and it was something that I just couldnt do during the time my wife was alive. Honestly had she still been alive I wouldnt have had the opportunity to take this trip. While Lindsay may have told me to go and she would be fine without me, I wouldnt have felt right in doing that.

In writing that letter to Lindsay where I expressed the things that angered me, that disappointed me about our relationship together, it has also made me recognize what I want to happen differently in my next relationship. I think its a really important move forward for me to make. Id like to think that I havent been stuck in the past, but it would be a lie to say that I didnt go through a part of my grief where all I wanted was a healthy Lindsay. That idea never really existed in the first place as by her own admission, she only felt healthy for maybe a couple years of her entire life.

Its more important for me to recognize what elements of our relationship that I really loved and appreciated and use that to inform what happens moving forward. I loved that Lindsay was a caring person despite everything that happened to her. She was the person who wanted to buy donuts for the front staff at the doctors office for doing a good job. She was the person who would always hold the door open for others, reach the top shelf for someone who was unable to do so, and was always really considerate for those around her who were also struggling. I dont know if that is seeing the world through a different lens considering her disabilities, but I strive to find someone who is similarly kind.

Lindsay challenged me intellectually and I LOVED that. Never satisfied with the status-quo or the given story, we would debate about both the silly nonsense and the more important things. We loved to challenge each other with different thoughts and opinions on all things. We were respectful of one another and we never went looking for a fight, but we never backed down if we thought the other was incorrect or missing some key information. She loved a good mystery and watching her mind work through the layers of the mystery to find the answer was exhilarating. I want to find someone who can challenge me in this way.

We never got the chance to take it easy like a trip to Mexico. The only easy thing that Lindsay got I feel in her entire life was me as her husband. I try not to boost my own ego in saying something like that, but Ive come to recognize that I was willing to basically do whatever I had to in order for her to be supported. I worked two jobs, I limited my diet to ensure she would not come in contact with allergens. I stopped using all forms of laundry detergent for her sake. I would wander around dozens of different stores to find the right DIN of products for her to ensure she felt comfortable using whatever it was. I put my family and friends on the back-burner to ensure she was supported and taken care of by me. While Im certainly not perfect, I was the perfect fit for her.

Now its time to find the perfect fit for me. I watched the sunrise on my last day in Mexico... alone. I vowed then and I do now that the next time I watch the Mexican sunrise it will be with my partner beside me.

The colleague I have a thing for got her first pair of glasses ever while I was on holidays. They look so damn good on her.

Atta boy Jeff! You'll know when you're ready, although there will always be a tinge of guilt. She wants you to be happy tho, just remember that

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/2/2d6d20d1.jpg

Feeling pretty good about myself today. Liking this look.

Sorry for your loss. I know its hard and the pain can be unbearable at times, just remember to take care of yourself.

Blizzard snowy day today. My nephew and I went out to see Dune 2, but otherwise just been a quiet day inside.

Yesterday was a continuation of the blizzard and I drove across the city and did a 16 hour shift, shoveling the entire time.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/a/a2f9d19c.jpg

Feel like app dating and stuff like that is inherently just not for me? I've dabbled with Tinder, Facebook Dating app, and eHarmony so far and just haven't really found what I'm looking for?

I'm sorry for your loss, dude.

Hang in there.

I'm doing alright all things considered. Feeling confident.

ProJared just put out his video on FF14 and it plucked on some heart strings.

My wife and I put a lot of time into FF14 in the last 2 years or so of her life. I am so intrinsically linked to her through that game that I honestly don't know if I will ever play it again. To play it without her would just feel so wrong.

I know down the road probably in an expansion or two I might feel differently and with some other friends I might return to it, but there's a couple games like this for me. A few weeks before she passed she beat Tears of the Kingdom. I haven't had the heart to even start it. We played all the Overcooked games together pretty much exclusively, and while I don't know if an OC 3 is coming out, again it would feel weird.

Wonder if that is a normal reaction to a partner dying. There are just certain things that would feel weird or wrong to do without her. Took me a bit to continue with One Piece considering she was the one who got me to start the series and then we were watching it together right up until literally her last day. I have since continued on with it though and have been enjoying it quite a lot.