Current Events > Domestic abuse

(+) Yeah! (+)

https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-non-molestation

You should also report him threatening violence against you since you last spoke to the police.

You can drop charges

Also I wouldn't worry about his ex inmate buddies (nobody calls them convicts unless they are old as hell. There is a difference between a convict and inmate) unless it's a gang they ain't chomping at the bit to get locked up again usually.

Sufferedphoenix posted...

You can drop charges

OP is from UK. That's not how crimes work here.

CrustForRevenge posted...

OP is from UK. That's not how crimes work here.

Oh didnr know

Sufferedphoenix posted...

Oh didnr know

Yeah, crimes are prosecuted by the Crown.

Obviously with sensitive stuff like this the police might not prosecute if you ask them but that's up to the CPS.

as someone who is scared of dying right now I can kinda understand how you feel OP

i dont really want it to go this way but I do believe in self defense (as a right)
that is all I can say tbh, and my mother is suspicious of gaslighting too

i suggest having one of the officers stay (if youre brothers situation is predictable by now) and hide in a nearby location to catch your brother threaten the next time

i think this might be possible

OriginalPlain2 posted...

as someone who is scared of dying right now I can kinda understand how you feel OP

i dont really want it to go this way but I do believe in self defense (as a right)
that is all I can say tbh, and my mother is suspicious of gaslighting too

i suggest having one of the officers stay (if youre brothers situation is predictable by now) and hide in a nearby location to catch your brother threaten the next time

i think this might be possible

I highly doubt that. Although, he might be able to record it but that all sounds high risk and unnecessary compared to just removing himself. It seems like the situation is very complicated and TC seemingly doesnt want to leave his house.

The past couple days have been calmer, he stayed last night but went to sleep. I had a proper sit down and chat with my mother and her muslim friend. It was basically spelt out to my mum how this is not right at all. Her friend spelt it out to her how she is enabling him further and gaslighting to defend him. I made it clear that I will do it again if necessary and that he's lucky I didn't call them again after he threatened me again after I gave the statement.

Imagine if my own mother was implicated in all of this due to enabling him, I couldn't live with that. She keeps making excuses for him 'oh it's the drink talkin, oh I don't need this stress'. I said that's no excuse and I don't need anyone's permission to report serious threats against my life. He's a sociopath. My mum's friend validated my abuse by telling my mum that it's clear abuse and I have a right to report threats. I thanked her as it was the 1st time other than a professional that my abuse has been validated. Everyone has shut me down and gaslighted me to enable that monster, they're scared of him basically.

CrustForRevenge posted...

You could speak to the police about getting a non-molestation order against him.

Speak to the housing department about emergency housing. Explain the situation and that it's being investigated by the police.

Hope you stay safe.

That's a possibility although I'd have to go through court proceedings. The police basically gave him a slap on the wrist after I gave the full statement. They even sympathised with him apparently, the officer didn't do shit tbh. She called me to inform me of no further action due to insufficient evidence of direct threats. I regret not recording more all of it throughout the years, my recorded notes are not sufficient evidence unfortunately. She did tell me to email my full notes across to her that I've documented all these years. I read them out to her during the statement but she was basing my report on Sunday's events, on those threats alone. She said the voice recordings from that night were unclear.

I should have reported the threats again after I gave the statement but I was scared tbh. He menacingly warned me "NEVER PHONE THE POLICE AGAIN YOU FUCKIN WORM" and threatened to leather me. I recorded that but I instead turned to Victim Support. If he threatens again I will definitely follow up on my initial statement, and I will inform them of that threat as well. Apparently they open up a new case file for each incident reported so it's all logged. I emailed the local council to inform them about my statement to the police. They told me to call them for an updated housing assessment. I bet they still refuse to support me as the police have insufficient evidence to apprehend him.

NOTE I am asking everyone here , since I don't know if this is good advice.

Could TC get a bat for protection. I don't know if TC can get a baseball bat, but that is easier to swing then a cricket bat.

cjsdowg posted...

NOTE I am asking everyone here , since I don't know if this is good advice.

Could TC get a bat for protection. I don't know if TC can get a baseball bat, but that is easier to swing then a cricket bat.

From what I've been reading here, TC is not prepared to wield a weapon - they should not obtain one.

What on Earth does "You can never forget the past" mean? Did you do something in the past that this is retaliation for?

Winterking posted...

From what I've been reading here, TC is not prepared to wield a weapon - they should not obtain one.

What on Earth does "You can never forget the past" mean? Did you do something in the past that this is retaliation for?

He's been round again tonight but then went elsewhere, my mum told him not to be drinking. I told her I don't want him stayin over but she's allowing him because he's suicidal from his ex girlfriend dumping him. My mum is so narrow minded its a joke, she constantly excuses his behaviour, she's often taken his side and shuts me down completely, invalidating serious threats against me.

She basically repeats herself to me, so every incident she tells me 'You can't forget about the past' when it was just the other day and last sunday. Yet she still repeats this stupid line to me which is pure gaslighting. She's extremely close minded, she has no comprehension of what constitutes domestic abuse as evident in her denial because 'he's never physically hurt you'. My mum's friend even told her that emotional abuse is actually the worst form of abuse as it goes unnoticed, it's all fear and intimidation.

I don't think I could wield a weapon as he would somehow turn it against me for using a weapon. In the UK, self defence is very negligible as far as I know, that's why firearms are strictly prohibited, although there are some people who find access and bypass protocols like that Jake Davison who massacred a village.

So when she says "You can't forget about the past" she's reminding you that he's never physically hurt you before (and thus won't physically hurt you in the future)?

Winterking posted...

So when she says "You can't forget about the past" she's reminding you that he's never physically hurt you before (and thus won't physically hurt you in the future)?

She's seriously deluded. After each incident she immediately tells me to let go of the past, wtf. Years and years of threats and intimidation which I reiterate to her. Even now she's encouraging him to stay over, she allowed him to stay over all last week knowing full well the situation.

Mother's are blind to their son's behaviour. He's threatening, he takes sniff apparently, he's an aggressive drunk. Yet she still blindly defends him and tells him she loves him. Even if he was a serial killer she'd still tell me to let go of the past. I need to request a housing assessment tomorrow. I bet they'll still refuse to support me, the victim in all this who has been threatened repeatedly time and again. It's actually law for the housing association to support someone going through domestic abuse. They expect me to stay in this house despite the presence of the abuser who is actively encouraged to visit and stay over frequently by my deluded, gaslighting mother.

TeamSilent4Life posted...

My mum told me she'll still allow him to come round, she told me to 'GROW UP' and that I can't forget about the past which she repeats to me every time an incident occurs.

So first of all the past certainly can't be forgotten. Forgiveness? Perhaps. I also don't think it's acting like a child calling the police when someone is been abusive towards you constantly.

It's actually law for the housing association to support someone going through domestic abuse. They expect me to stay in this house despite the presence of the abuser who is actively encouraged to visit and stay over frequently by my deluded, gaslighting mother.

Yeah I mean until something physical actually happens (if it ever does) you won';t be high on their list of people to help as others have it worse unfortunately. It seems you have no other option but to stick it out right now although I'd certainly work on living elsewhere.

It's apparent that my mum is part of his abuse and I don't know how to come to terms with that. I came home and saw him sat at the table, I don't know how she expects me to feel when my abuser is still in the house.

My mum proceeds to gaslight me and turns it against me for making her ill. I only ever respond to her rationally, yet I'm repeatedly gaslighted, told that 'he's done nothin to me', that 'I can't let go of the past'. I've lived in fear for years but she completely invalidates this time and again. I've been threatened repeatedly, and lived on edge in his presence.

All summer I was ringing helplines everyday as a cry for help due to the intense fear of being in his presence after he's had a drink. He does all sorts of dodgy shit yet she constantly defends him. She even told him "don't let HIM stop you from comin" referring to me. I told her I'm considering a restraining order against him, she said if I do that then I'm not thinking about her stress. She said it's not abuse because 'he's never hurt you'. She even blames it on my reclusive personality, saying I don't come downstairs which is irrespective of the abuse. She even told me that I'm gaslighting her despite only ever responding to her rationally. She shuts me down repeatedly, even simply responding to her rationally gets me gaslighted. This my own mother telling me this. Completely invalidating the threats, the antisocial behaviour, years of living in fear.

TeamSilent4Life posted...

It's apparent that my mum is part of his abuse and I don't know how to come to terms with that. I came home and saw him sat at the table, I don't know how she expects me to feel when my abuser is still in the house.

My mum proceeds to gaslight me and turns it against me for making her ill. I only ever respond to her rationally, yet I'm repeatedly gaslighted, told that 'he's done nothin to me', that 'I can't let go of the past'. I've lived in fear for years but she completely invalidates this time and again. I've been threatened repeatedly, and lived on edge in his presence.

All summer I was ringing helplines everyday as a cry for help due to the intense fear of being in his presence after he's had a drink. He does all sorts of dodgy shit yet she constantly defends him. She even told him "don't let HIM stop you from comin" referring to me. I told her I'm considering a restraining order against him, she said if I do that then I'm not thinking about her stress. She said it's not abuse because 'he's never hurt you'. She even blames it on my reclusive personality, saying I don't come downstairs which is irrespective of the abuse. She even told me that I'm gaslighting her despite only ever responding to her rationally. She shuts me down repeatedly, even simply responding to her rationally gets me gaslighted. This my own mother telling me this. Completely invalidating the threats, the antisocial behaviour, years of living in fear.

It's probably scary and hurtful to hear but it's time to get out. It seems like a toxic situation and nobody is happy.

CrustForRevenge posted...

It's probably scary and hurtful to hear but it's time to get out. It seems like a toxic situation and nobody is happy.

I'm in touch with a domestic abuse support worker, they supported me at the station. I even told the school were I work about it, the headteacher was supportive and said I'm very brave. Some of them even hugged me. Not many people would have the bollocks to report an abuser, many victims are scared of speaking out against the aggressor for fear of retaliation. I'm still gaslighted by my mum who blindly defends him. She often shuts me down and minimises his abuse, refusing to acknowledge the abuse.

The mens advice line for domestic abuse advised me to refrain from explaining the abuse to my mum. There's no rationalising with deluded people like this, she's extremely close minded. To her it's not abuse because it's not physical, like how narrow minded can a person be. Her attitude is the reason why the abuse has persisted all these years, she's even allowed his ex convict friends in the garden.

It's only just become apparent that my mother is also abusive in all this. Gaslighting is a serious emotional abuse, if I dare to speak up about anythin she gaslights me. I love her but I can't deny what she has done to me emotionally, the way she blindly defends the abuser is deplorable tbh. Have you experienced somethin similar?. My experience at the police station was an experience and life is all about experiences.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


I'm making a conscious decision to avoid any discussion with my mum about this abuse. Even if I simply respond to her rationally, she invalidates me and completely shuts me down. She turns it against me for bringing her stress, she defends that abuser to the hill.

A man will never win an argument with a woman period. The man is always perceived as the aggressor even if responding calm and rationally. It's deplorable how she gaslights me and enables that sociopath but I now refuse to engage with her about it. You'd think she would appreciate me considering I have morals as reflected in my work in schools. Yet she actually cares more about that piece of shit who has threatened people time and again, been emotionally abusive and taken all sorts of dodgy shit. What kind of mother loves someone like that?. A sociopath who brags about stabbing people and has outright admitted he's evil.

He's your biological brother?

faizan_faizan posted...

He's your biological brother?

not sure tbh, he has a different dad but same mum. God must seriously hate me to inflict me with this bastard. My life has been hell tbh, never fitted in anywhere, suffered with mental health and domestic abuse. Society is all fake positivity but life isn't a bed of roses, some people have nothin but suffering in this life. I wish people were more accepting of others but it's not the case at all. I don't believe in equality, if your perceived indifferent in any way you'll be treated as such on a subconscious level.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


ye some mothers will literally defend a son even if they're a rapist or a murderer. That maternal instinct is always there for their son. It's just complete delusion, clouded by their maternal instinct. There's no rationalising with some people, I made the mistake of trying to rationalise with my mum only to my detriment as she gaslights me in favour of an abuser. I can never see her in the same light again tbh, her true colours showed throughout my ordeal at the station. She completely invalidated the abuse as usual which involved serious threats against me. He's evil and even admitted as such, threatening to burn someone's house down, bragging about his knife yet this is the monster she defends, what kind of mother is that.

It's fuckin disgusting tbh how there isn't enough emergency accommodation for men who face abuse. Not all victims of abuse are women yet they receive the most targeted support. There's even a 24 hour helpline designated purely for women, none for men. If this isn't misandry I don't know what is.

Shit, this is still going, huh.

I'd help if I could, tc.