Current Events > (blog) saw doc about transitioning today, accidentally outed myself to my family

(+) Yeah! (+)

You are very beautiful. Also good luck.

pinky0926 posted...

You are very beautiful. Also good luck.

thanks!

took a half day and picked up my patches b/c i was a nervous wreck and didnt sleep all night

ya i dont have any friends

wish I had your courage to go out alone.

too bad we dont live close, Id hang with ya.

ArsGoetia posted...

robot voice: your estradiol twice weekly patch is ready for pickup and your out of pocket cost is zero dollars

That's what I like to fuckin' hear.

DarkProto05 posted...

ya i dont have any friends

wish I had your courage to go out alone.

too bad we dont live close, Id hang with ya.

hell ya
my secret is i just drink and no longer give a shit what anyone thinks
saturday i went to a rando bar id never been to before and danced to a misfits cover band until the lights came up lol

also idk if its psychosomatic or what but i feel different already. my floor level libido is now nonexistent

That's awesome - having a rough go at work, it's really nice to see someone having a positive time

ArsGoetia posted...

i woke up on a bathroom floor._.

It's all good, it's when you accidentally permanently etch the bathroom floor that you have to worry.

Rotterdammerung posted...

It's all good, it's when you accidentally permanently etch the bathroom floor that you have to worry.

personal experience or reference i am too uncultured to understand?

i also got doc to also prescribe me anti-alcohol abuse medication that makes it so i have fewer cravings for alcohol and don't feel drunk if i do try to drink. started today, don't feel like drinking yet but it's still early

ugh
i knew i shouldn't have gone to the cosmetic surgeon
when he was doing the fillers for my nasolabial lines i said that i didn't like that one side was a bit more prominent than the other
he said "well i could point out a dozen asymmetries in your face" and now it's all i can see and have spent the morning obsessing over getting a nose job, chin reduction, jawline shaping and eyelid lift
if i dont get a handle on this dysphoria shit i'm gonna end up a jocelyn wildenstein lookalike

ArsGoetia posted...

"well i could point out a dozen asymmetries in your face"

Yeah, that's really not the best way to respond to someone.

ArsGoetia posted...

also idk if its psychosomatic or what but i feel different already. my floor level libido is now nonexistent

That's a very commonly reported effect. It happened to me as well. I welcomed the change, male libido always felt fucking gross to me

ArsGoetia posted...

also idk if its psychosomatic or what but i feel different already. my floor level libido is now nonexistent

Gwynevere posted...

That's a very commonly reported effect. It happened to me as well. I welcomed the change, male libido always felt fucking gross to me

Amen sisters

also..

dysphoria can be a real bitch sometimes.

You make a good looking male and a good looking female. Best of luck.

I'm proud of you TC, keep up the good work!

Everything about you (inside and out) seems beautiful. I am continually amazed at the courage of these stories.

Humbling to say the least. May you find peace of mind and super good luck to you.

Gwynevere posted...

male libido always felt fucking gross to me

i never had one. mine has always been very low and now its just nonexistent and kind of freaking me out. my lack of desire for sex has always been the death knell of my relationships but who is going to want to be with someone who won't/can't have sex at all? not like im winning any awards for personality lol im an absolute fuckin basketcase with crippling insecurity and contradictory vanity

sorry kinda freaking out about it

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]



see the fucked up thing is i enjoy sex from a bonding/intimacy/romantic perspective, it's just that it does absolutely nothing for me physically (i can perform i just don't enjoy), to the point that i usually cant wait for it to be over shortly after it start. i love being close to my partner and making them happy, but sex as personal gratification just feels pointless at best and disgusting at worst.

i didnt "finish" until the 4th person i'd slept with, and to do so i had to mentally work myself up so hard that i gave myself something called a thunderclap headache b/c i forgot to breathe.

ive been with dozens of ppl and the only time ive ever "finished" and didnt have to work myself there mentally over an extended period of time, was when i was high on ecstasy and had a one night reunion stand with an ex who was a sex worker.

women partners typically accuse me of not being attracted to them or being a closeted gay man in denial, but ive been with men, women, trans women, been in every role and position, so its not a matter of me being in denial about my sexuality or anything.

sex and how desirable i am as a sexual partner are just like the only reason ive ever had relationships at all. people only like me when they think i'm pretty. no offense to the lovely ppl ITT, but this topic is a prime example. this is the most anyone has talked to me on gamefaqs in 20+ yrs and at least a quarter of the posts are ppl just telling me they think im pretty or saying they'd have sex with me. and i aint offended or anything, dont get me wrong. id be lying if i said i didnt appreciate the ego boost atm

but tbh losing my sexual identity entirely is not something i know i'm prepared for. dying alone is one of my biggest fears

my understanding about the common loss of sex drive on HRT is that it tends to be from lower estradiol levels combined with lowered testosterone. (doctors tend to be overly cautious about prescribing more effective doses because they often approach their treatments with knowledge of what cis women would need for a hormone treatment)

its also not something that is permanent for everyone. give it some time at least as it can improve by itself

AnsestralRecall posted...

my understanding about the common loss of sex drive on HRT is that it tends to be from lower estradiol levels combined with lowered testosterone. (doctors tend to be overly cautious about prescribing more effective doses because they often approach their treatments with knowledge of what cis women would need for a hormone treatment)

its also not something that is permanent for everyone. give it some time at least as it can improve by itself

they gave me the highest dose of estradiol afaik, and didn't start me on spiro. she said she wants to "maximize" my estrogen before starting t blockers b/c studies have shown that starting them in conjunction causes the breast bud to fuse prematurely inhibiting natural breast growth

and like my problem is, its not just libido. ive lost all romantic desire as well. all i want to do is huddle on my couch with a blanket and watch tv. i never watch tv. havent in years

had a lot of pain last night in my groin which i hear is a common side effect
freaked me out really bad, almost went to ER
feels okay this morning i guess

bleh
my halloween contacts finally came in and they dont fit right so i look walleyed
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/9/9f3a0fc2.jpg

ArsGoetia posted...

had a lot of pain last night in my groin which i hear is a common side effect
freaked me out really bad, almost went to ER
feels okay this morning i guess

Kind of interesting for that to happen so early. That's usually a sign of atrophy after prolonged use of HRT and or prolonged non use of the equipment itself.

Also, on the subject of libido, it's possible it may come back once your body gets accustomed to your new hormone regimen. and you may feel better about it, if it aligns more with the libido that your body wants to feel

Nice contacts btw, I actually quite like them

Gwynevere posted...

Kind of interesting for that to happen so early. That's usually a sign of atrophy after prolonged use of HRT and or prolonged non use of the equipment itself.

hmmm. maybe it's b/c im already on a form of antiandrogen? not like im sexually active or really into self pleasure tho

Also, on the subject of libido, it's possible it may come back once your body gets accustomed to your new hormone regimen. and you may feel better about it, if it aligns more with the libido that your body wants to feel

i guess it was just scary b/c it was so sudden that all i could think was it was only going to get worse

ArsGoetia posted...

hmmm. maybe it's b/c im already on a form of antiandrogen? not like im sexually active or really into self pleasure tho

i guess it was just scary b/c it was so sudden that all i could think was it was only going to get worse

I can relate, although you will want to probably at least once a week, if you can. This is important to prevent atrophy because you will no longer get spontaneous daily erections during the day or when you wake up, or at all anymore.

KitKats posted...

you will no longer get spontaneous daily erections during the day or when you wake up, or at all anymore.

i've never had those i can't relate
mine are solely due to direct stimulus and completion has always been an effort

Did you get a panel done before starting HRT for a baseline? Spontaneous erections are a normal bodily function, that would be highly unusual to not get them.

There could also be some underlying unknown intersex condition, too.

omg
im not gonna do anything about it b/c its 9am and im hungover AF
but im actually aroused atm >,>
i'm not busted
yay

ArsGoetia posted...

omg
im not gonna do anything about it b/c its 9am and im hungover AF
but im actually aroused atm >,>
i'm not busted
yay

<3 happy for you!

ArsGoetia posted...

omg
im not gonna do anything about it b/c its 9am and im hungover AF
but im actually aroused atm >,>
i'm not busted
yay

oh shit! thats huge, good for u!!

AnsestralRecall posted...

<3 happy for you!

Dungeater posted...

oh shit! thats huge, good for u!!

thanks!!
i feel "normal" again
i guess my body just needed to balance out a bit. im on like 6 different scripts right now and it's hell

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


i can now confirm 1
but they got suspended before they could read my response lol

told some of my irl friends yesterday. the two girls i told were super supportive. my guy friend said "ok. nice boobs." lol

bleh
one of the girls told a lot of people and now i'm a lot more publicly 'out' than i wanted to be :/

I'm late to the party, but you're fine as hell TC.

ArsGoetia posted...

bleh
one of the girls told a lot of people and now i'm a lot more publicly 'out' than i wanted to be :/

oh that is seriously fucked...i'm sorry. i'm not gonna patronize u with unwarranted advice or anything, but she fucked up bad

Mr_Karate_II posted...

I'm late to the party, but you're fine as hell TC.

thx dog

Dungeater posted...

oh that is seriously fucked...i'm sorry. i'm not gonna patronize u with unwarranted advice or anything, but she fucked up bad

my fault tbh, i'm well aware she's a compulsive gossip and have known so since we dated half a life ago
she doesn't mean any harm, i don't think she can control it tbh

ig u could say u could have been more prudent, but that dont make it ur fault

still, im not gonna harp and make ur thing into my thing. just sux is all, i hope it doesnt bite ya too bad

Dungeater posted...

ig u could say u could have been more prudent, but that dont make it ur fault

still, im not gonna harp and make ur thing into my thing. just sux is all, i hope it doesnt bite ya too bad

its not so much biting me as it is just annoying atm b/c now ppl wanna talk to me about it, ask me my pronouns and stuff, what my new name is, etc.
and these are conversations i just really dont wanna have because they dont like the answers lol

anyways, homegirl either feels bad or is hella drunk b/c she called me at fucking 4am and woke me up
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/d/d880b5bd.png

lol
i rented a hotel room 2 hrs away and went dancing at a goth club
dont really remember much of last night but my ankle is the size of a baseball
from texts to friends i apparently didnt get back to my hotel room til like 5 am
i vaguely remember being dragged around by a homeless guy while he tried to force me to put my PIN in the ATM

Ok Tagged...

been having lots of sex dreams ._.
i've never had sex dreams in my life
it's weird and i don't like it

my other topic purged and i wanna keep this one alive til i see doc again on the 27th cause i'm sure i'm gonna have questions

ArsGoetia posted...

i vaguely remember being dragged around by a homeless guy while he tried to force me to put my PIN in the ATM

WTF though? You need to be more careful.

ItsNotA2Mer posted...

WTF though? You need to be more careful.

idk how to not overdrink
i dont eat before i drink as a rule
and once i start drinking idk how to stop
i apparently did a smart thing tho
my friend in NOLA said i called her and asked her what the pin to the card was and she (apparently) caught on immediately, told the guy to fuck off, got me an uber back to my hotel, and stayed on the phone til i fell asleep
i dont remember any of it but phone logs support her story. love her shes wonderful

need to learn to get drunk without blackout. you just gotta.

could try something like "only 1 drink every 30 minutes" or something.

Robot2600 posted...

need to learn to get drunk without blackout. you just gotta.

could try something like "only 1 drink every 30 minutes" or something.

i will subscribe to your newsletter if you can teach me to keep time while drunk

use the stopwatch app on ur phone

Robot2600 posted...

use the stopwatch app on ur phone

you cant hear it over club PA tho