Current Events > Im 36 never had a girlfriend and live with my grandmother

(+) Yeah! (+)

Anyone on here as pathetic as me?

You sound like Joseph Joestar

I'm a few years off from you.

GateOfDoom posted...

Anyone on here as pathetic as me?

I'm less than 2 months from turning 40, live with my parents, never had a gf.

Marginally less. Slightly younger and don't live with anyone but cats.

I'm 42, and had 1 girlfriend only for a year when I was 16. But we went to different schools so only actually met up in person a few times. She might as well have been an internet pen pal. We talked on AOL chat, and on the phone more than anything else

And anyway, I kinda want to mention that you might be better off than me. I remember being in a relationship and having that feeling of it. And it sucks when its gone and never ever comes back. Most people get other later girlfriends and move on. But I'm not most people and so I actually regret having the girlfriend . I wish I never knew how it felt. So I wouldn't miss it.

Maybe this only makes sense to me, and sounds crazy to others.

Did you try confidence tc?

GateOfDoom posted...

Anyone on here as pathetic as me?

Have you ever shown interest in a woman?
Are you terrified of rejection?
Were you hurt by rejection?
Are you only willing to settle for a supermodel?

Im 37 and moved back in with my parents to take care of my mother when she had a bad wreck. Just doesnt make sense for me to live alone without being able to drive since I was born legally blind, so I take care of the family financially and to an extent physically and they help me get around when I need to.

But Ive always largely been a hermit so I dont really get out anywhere to meet women, and my attempts in high school, college, and graduate school were largely fruitless because Ive never had good social skills. Ive had a couple of relationships, both of which the girl was the initiator, but the last one was over 15 years ago.

My friend says hes seen women hit on me and I didnt notice so thats how bad my social skills are.

Being single or a virgin doesnt make someone pathetic. There is a lot more to life. Keep working on yourself for yourself and you might be surprised at what happens.

GateOfDoom posted...

Anyone on here as pathetic as me?

Taking care of your grandmother is not pathetic.

GateOfDoom posted...

Anyone on here as pathetic as me?

I am also 36. However, Ive pretty much always got a girlfriend and I dont live with your grandmother.

You guys are a trip. Don't get so down on yourselves. The metrics we generally use to measure ones success are bullshit and remnants of a society better off left in the past.

I'm 36 never wanted a girlfriend and live on the streets.

Diagnosed with Cancer late November, forced to leave my work term 3 weeks before it completed. EI wouldn't support me because I was 120 hours short, which I would have gotten if I was allowed to work, but I had a note from my doctor that specifically stated that "This individual is NOT allowed to work or be around the general public until March, as he is undergoing Chemotherapy". So while my work term paid me for the missing time and gave me a bonus netting me close to 2 grand, I lost out on over 10 grand because of EI being assholes. I needed 600 hours total which is if I can be polite about it, fucking bullshit.

I've appealed it 3 times and each time they come back and say "We cannot change the law, this individual is short hours", so despite me telling them every fucking time that I would have gotten the lost hours if I were permitted to work, they keep coming back with the same thing that they cannot change any laws or bend laws to help someone in an unfortunate situation.

Dating wise, I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 27. That relationship only lasted 2 months and she only wanted me for my car to drive her to pick up diapers because she had a 1 night stand with someone nearly a year before we met. Since then, I've went on dates. One chick threatened to make me disappear and then when I told her to get out of my car she invited me inside her home to "get her pregnant". The following chick drank all the alcohol in my house while I was sleeping, and then managed to have not 1 but 2 alcohol induced seizures.

I finally found a woman who I enjoy being around, but she's a smoker and I can't be around that because of allergies.

So no, you haven't reached pathetic yet.

Girlfriends are overrated jerk off in peace and be glad you dodged a bullet

GateOfDoom posted...

Anyone on here as pathetic as me?

It's not pathetic.

If it makes you sad, then maybe there are things you can do about it.

Where are there girls that are available, aren't single mothers, and don't have weird red flag rules or restrictions like "Not having social media is a red flag, needs to be 6' 3'' tall, needs to be handy"? Asking for a friend.

wanderingshade posted...

Where are there girls that are available, aren't single mothers, and don't have weird red flag rules or restrictions like "Not having social media is a red flag, needs to be 6' 3'' tall, needs to be handy"? Asking for a friend.

Needs to earn at least 100k bare minimum straight out of college.

Some women want to be rich through marriage and I just want to be alive and not alone. We movin' into the prefab neighborhood, girly. Get ready.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

This. Basically can't exist without being reminded of it. No matter where you look or what you do, there's always something to say that you're out of the normal.

eggcorn posted...

You guys are a trip. Don't get so down on yourselves. The metrics we generally use to measure ones success are bullshit and remnants of a society better off left in the past.

I don't think many people realize the mental burden that it builds up over time. They get experience and growth, and have their expectations tempered and can set realistic expectations for themselves, and their relationships. That's healthy and natural.
When denied that, the constant reminder that you can't succeed when biologically driven to do so just builds up a lot of stress. It doesn't stop, it just compounds year after year. It weighs your mind down until the only thing you can believe about yourself is that you're pathetic.

Zikten posted...

I'm 42, and had 1 girlfriend only for a year when I was 16. But we went to different schools so only actually met up in person a few times. She might as well have been an internet pen pal. We talked on AOL chat, and on the phone more than anything else

And anyway, I kinda want to mention that you might be better off than me. I remember being in a relationship and having that feeling of it. And it sucks when its gone and never ever comes back. Most people get other later girlfriends and move on. But I'm not most people and so I actually regret having the girlfriend . I wish I never knew how it felt. So I wouldn't miss it.

Maybe this only makes sense to me, and sounds crazy to others.

They say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

KogaSteelfang posted...

I don't think many people realize the mental burden that it builds up over time. They get experience and growth, and have their expectations tempered and can set realistic expectations for themselves, and their relationships. That's healthy and natural.
When denied that, the constant reminder that you can't succeed when biologically driven to do so just builds up a lot of stress. It doesn't stop, it just compounds year after year. It weighs your mind down until the only thing you can believe about yourself is that you're pathetic.

this 100%. it's not something you can really understand unless you live it. peoples' appraisal of the situation when they haven't personally lived it is almost always way off the mark. like, "oh it's not really a big deal, don't get so down on yourself." just no. you don't understand what it's like, at all.

GateOfDoom posted...

Anyone on here as pathetic as me?

No where near.

KogaSteelfang posted...

This. Basically can't exist without being reminded of it. No matter where you look or what you do, there's always something to say that you're out of the normal.

I don't think many people realize the mental burden that it builds up over time. They get experience and growth, and have their expectations tempered and can set realistic expectations for themselves, and their relationships. That's healthy and natural.
When denied that, the constant reminder that you can't succeed when biologically driven to do so just builds up a lot of stress. It doesn't stop, it just compounds year after year. It weighs your mind down until the only thing you can believe about yourself is that you're pathetic.

This is absolutely true for just about anything in life. Up until last year, I was in the same boat for a different reason.

Im 37 with a six month old. Never really enjoyed the dating scene, faced a lot of rejection in high school, college wasnt much better and it wasnt until graduate school that I finally met my wife. I can count on one hand how many relationships I have been on.

The thing is, it didnt stop there. My wife struggled for five years to get pregnant, and while my friends and family were popping them out like babies came out of a dispenser, I still had this nagging feeling like again I was missing out on some of lifes best moments. Thankfully, both the loneliness and baby thing resolved themselves after countless hours of trying and in the case of the baby, over ten thousand dollars in doctors visits, tests, and procedures. And it was my father in law who gave me some perspective through it all. So Ill repeat what he said to me here.

He said that theres this make believe clock out of there that everyone believes you have to keep up with. Get laid by a certain age, married by a certain age, career by a certain age. Its not true. Your life is going to be exactly what it is, and theres no point on dwelling on what isnt. Dont worry about the clock, it will drive you crazy.

Now, that being said, I would advise the TC to rethink his strategy on how to resolve his current situation. Clearly what hes doing now aint working. And unfortunately, in this economy, to move out of your parents house, you need two incomes, so resolve the girlfriend thing first.

This is a weird gimmick.

FlyEaglesFly24 posted...

This is absolutely true for just about anything in life. Up until last year, I was in the same boat for a different reason.

Im 37 with a six month old. Never really enjoyed the dating scene, faced a lot of rejection in high school, college wasnt much better and it wasnt until graduate school that I finally met my wife. I can count on one hand how many relationships I have been on.

The thing is, it didnt stop there. My wife struggled for five years to get pregnant, and while my friends and family were popping them out like babies came out of a dispenser, I still had this nagging feeling like again I was missing out on some of lifes best moments. Thankfully, both the loneliness and baby thing resolved themselves after countless hours of trying and in the case of the baby, over ten thousand dollars in doctors visits, tests, and procedures. And it was my father in law who gave me some perspective through it all. So Ill repeat what he said to me here.

He said that theres this make believe clock out of there that everyone believes you have to keep up with. Get laid by a certain age, married by a certain age, career by a certain age. Its not true. Your life is going to be exactly what it is, and theres no point on dwelling on what isnt. Dont worry about the clock, it will drive you crazy.

Now, that being said, I would advise the TC to rethink his strategy on how to resolve his current situation. Clearly what hes doing now aint working. And unfortunately, in this economy, to move out of your parents house, you need two incomes, so resolve the girlfriend thing first.

nope. once again, this misses the mark. this is in no way similar to being a foreveralone well into your thirties and what that does to you mentally. it's not just about some abstract societally imposed deadline. it's about the constant struggle with self worth, uselessness, unlovableness, lack of confidence, loneliness. it doesn't get easier, ever. it only gets worse and worse, and the longer it goes on it only makes you think more and more every year that it's just never gonna happen.

DoesntMatter posted...

nope. once again, this misses the mark. this is in no way similar to being a foreveralone well into your thirties and what that does to you mentally. it's not just about some abstract societally imposed deadline. it's about the constant struggle with self worth, uselessness, unlovableness, lack of confidence, loneliness. it doesn't get easier, ever. it only gets worse and worse, and the longer it goes on it only makes you think more and more every year that it's just never gonna happen.

Do you only post on this alt when youre sad?

FlyEaglesFly24 posted...

Im 37 with a six month old.

And here's the punch in the gut reminder for today.

KogaSteelfang posted...

And here's the punch in the gut reminder for today.

Why? Not everyone has or needs to have kids.

Tyranthraxus posted...

You sound like Joseph Joestar

Joseph was half that age in Part 2.

DoesntMatter posted...

nope. once again, this misses the mark. this is in no way similar to being a foreveralone well into your thirties and what that does to you mentally. it's not just about some abstract societally imposed deadline. it's about the constant struggle with self worth, uselessness, unlovableness, lack of confidence, loneliness. it doesn't get easier, ever. it only gets worse and worse, and the longer it goes on it only makes you think more and more every year that it's just never gonna happen.

This. Everyone knows confidence is the foremost requirement for attracting women, and this circumstance makes confidence harder and harder, so its just a destructive and depressing cycle.

Theres also an element of a clock in the kid situation. I honestly dont know if I want kids. On the one hand, I would like to continue on the family name, I feel guilty about not giving my parents grandchildren, and I think having an adult son would be great. In the other hand, I see people with kids and it just looks like exhausting suffering to raise them. So I honestly dont know if I want kids, but Im 37 now, so the clock is rapidly approaching a point where if I decide I want kids I would have to date someone far younger than I am, and where Id be grandpa dad.

I feel incomplete, for sure. I'll be 37 next week.

--Zero- posted...

Do you only post on this alt when youre sad?

my main got suspended for saying something too controversial i guess about a user who no one likes and isn't even here anymore

Not everyone needs kids, but it's weird watching your parents slowly give up on the idea of grandkids. Especially after pushing for so long about relationships and being incredibly nosy every single time you so much as mention a girls name.

Ivynn posted...

Why? Not everyone has or needs to have kids.

The post started off by saying he was in the same boat until a year ago. Then he proceeds to describe how he met his wife in grad school, had several relationships besides her, and how he recently became a father.

None of that is remotely the same, but it is all that I want out of life. He basically just described my dream life that I'd give anything to have.

That's not the same as the only having that in a fantasy. It's just another reminder that I can't, like I described in my earlier post.

I know he meant well, and I don't hold it against him for sharing his experience... But it really did feel like a sucker punch.

PraetorXyn posted...

This. Everyone knows confidence is the foremost requirement for attracting women, and this circumstance makes confidence harder and harder, so its just a destructive and depressing cycle.

yeah. and also, i forgot to mention, in the case of a husband and wife trying to get pregnant and it not happening, and having to face negative emotions because of that, at least you have a partner to help you cope and deal with those feelings. when you're alone, you literally have no one to help you cope with anything and you never have. you can't understand what that's like unless you have lived it.

DoesntMatter posted...

my main got suspended for saying something too controversial i guess about a user who no one likes and isn't even here anymore

Ah okay thats lame. I thought because of the name and sig that the depressing post was like a gimmick lol.

--Zero- posted...

Ah okay thats lame. I thought because of the name and sig that the depressing post was like a gimmick lol.

no, the username is because when i made this alt, it was meant to be a secret alt that i would never post on, so the username literally didn't matter. but when my actual alt AltyMcAltFace got banned while my main was in purg, i started posting on this. then i adopted the sig cuz it's a funny reference and it seemed to fit.

Glob posted...

I am also 36. However, Ive pretty much always got a girlfriend and I dont live with your grandmother.

Why did you post that here?

Be content to watch civilization destroy itself around you.

Can your grandmother fix you up with somebody? Like have her talk you up to one of her old lady friends that has a granddaughter living with her.

My mom used to do that type of thing to me. I remember running by her office to drop something off once and all of the women my age were like pushing eachother aside to talk to me. It had turned out my mom would talk me up at work all the time. I think I slept with like 5 of her coworkers.

bsp77 posted...

Why did you post that here?

because he is utterly lacking in empathy and basic human decency

Am I the biggest loser on the beach?

As an added bonus, all my grandparents are dead. And I had actually asked my friend once before he died to ask his girlfriend if her sister or cousin was single (she definitely had a female relative I was aware of) and she denied their existence entirely to my friend because I assume she was insecure about her because she was a lot smaller and thinner than she was.

I will be 32 in about a month. I still live with my parents despite having a doctorate degree and making six figures. This is partially because of my insane student loan debt, but also partially because I am a manchild who is incapable of performing basic life functions. I got my first "girlfriend" at the beginning of last year at age 30. She was, by FAR, the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Prior to that, I knew that I would never be in a relationship and that I would die a virgin. I wasn't exactly thrilled with my life, but I had come to accept it over time. I was content with my life, despite all of my problems. I was okay with my existence. I actually enjoyed my evenings and weekends playing videogames and watching TV.

I haven't had any friends since I graduated from high school in 2009. Imagine the most socially awkward person you know, and multiply that by 10. That is me, and because of the way I am, no woman could ever want me. It's just natural selection. Again, I wasn't thrilled about it, but I was okay with it.

Anyway, when my coworker asked me out last February, obviously I said yes. She knew that I was a virgin and that I had never been in a relationship before. I got my first kiss, and things actually seemed to be going pretty well. A few weeks later, we tried to have sex. Because of how nervous I was, I couldn't "rise to the occasion." Imagine being a 30-year-old virgin who just got your first kiss a few weeks earlier, and having this happen to you. I was beyond devastated. I felt worthless and like a failure at life, like I literally failed at the fundamental purpose of existing as an organism.

She said she wasn't going anywhere, but she dumped me the next week. I never got another chance. That was the killing blow, and I haven't been okay ever since. We still worked together for four months after that, during which time she was extremely cruel to me and basically just danced on my grave the whole time. I won't go into details here, but it is much worse than anything else that I have written.

I would give anything to go back to being a 30-year-old who is content with life despite knowing that he will never be in a relationship and will die a virgin. I have felt worthless and like a failure at life every minute of every day for a year and a half. The feeling only gets worse over time, as it accumulates every day. I have never hated anyone in my life before all this, and now I hate two people with every fiber of my being: her and myself.

I am the most pathetic person here.

MartavisBryant posted...

I will be 32 in about a month. I still live with my parents despite having a doctorate degree and making six figures. This is partially because of my insane student loan debt, but also partially because I am a manchild who is incapable of performing basic life functions. I got my first "girlfriend" at the beginning of last year at age 30. She was, by FAR, the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Prior to that, I knew that I would never be in a relationship and that I would die a virgin. I wasn't exactly thrilled with my life, but I had come to accept it over time. I was content with my life, despite all of my problems. I was okay with my existence. I actually enjoyed my evenings and weekends playing videogames and watching TV.

I haven't had any friends since I graduated from high school in 2009. Imagine the most socially awkward person you know, and multiply that by 10. That is me, and because of the way I am, no woman could ever want me. It's just natural selection. Again, I wasn't thrilled about it, but I was okay with it.

Anyway, when my coworker asked me out last February, obviously I said yes. She knew that I was a virgin and that I had never been in a relationship before. I got my first kiss, and things actually seemed to be going pretty well. A few weeks later, we tried to have sex. Because of how nervous I was, I couldn't "rise to the occasion." Imagine being a 30-year-old virgin who just got your first kiss a few weeks earlier, and having this happen to you. I was beyond devastated. I felt worthless and like a failure at life, like I literally failed at the fundamental purpose of existing as an organism.

She said she wasn't going anywhere, but she dumped me the next week. I never got another chance. That was the killing blow, and I haven't been okay ever since. We still worked together for four months after that, during which time she was extremely cruel to me and basically just danced on my grave the whole time. I won't go into details here, but it is much worse than anything else that I have written.

I would give anything to go back to being a 30-year-old who is content with life despite knowing that he will never be in a relationship and will die a virgin. I have felt worthless and like a failure at life every minute of every day for a year and a half. The feeling only gets worse over time, as it accumulates every day. I have never hated anyone in my life before all this, and now I hate two people with every fiber of my being: her and myself.

I am the most pathetic person here.

Thats rough. I can relate to a lot of it, though youve obviously had it worse. You have my sympathies.

Honestly, I want to think TV for creating this thread, as even knowing there are other people out there in similar situations has made me feel less alone.

MartavisBryant posted...

I am the most pathetic person here.

That was all on her. She was needlessly cruel, and lied to you. You feel bad because she took an embarrassing situation and stomped on you over it.

Nothing in that scenario makes you pathetic. She's the pathetic one.