Current Events > did you grow up in an abusive household?

(+) Yeah! (+)

there was domestic violence nearly everyday when i grew up. Have so much anxiety from that

I'd usually only get food at school and get beaten regularly at home

Trick question, I never grew up

Dad regularly beat the crap out of my mom. One day he just stopped and never did it again. Still wonder how different my life would have turned out if my mom had left. Glad he stopped, of course, but damn...

Was also abused as a child. But not by my dad, not physically, and not by a family member. Other than that don't want to talk about it. Finally have mentioned it to some family and I've sorta worked through it. Likely a reason for being hospitalized a couple years ago. Getting better at coping but still struggle with it.

Enderknight17 posted...

Dad regularly beat the crap out of my mom. One day he just stopped and never did it again. Still wonder how different my life would have turned out if my mom had left. Glad he stopped, of course, but damn...

That was 30 years of my life. Everyday dreaded when my dad came home. He'd blow up at the drop of a pin and I had to be ready to stand between them

Was also abused as a child. But not by my dad, not physically, and not by a family member. Other than that don't want to talk about it. Finally have mentioned it to some family and I've sorta worked through it. Likely a reason for being hospitalized a couple years ago. Getting better at coping but still struggle with it.

Glad to hear you're trying to confront it.

emotionally yeah

No. My parents understood that violence would only get them in trouble. So they got creative. One time when I was being as asshole kid, my dad shut off the power to my floor of the house, bolt locked the electrical breaker box, handed me a lantern and a vacuum with a 30 foot extension cord and told me the only way I'd get power back was if I cleaned my room to his liking. (No, I didn't live in a mansion, my floor was my bedroom, a bathroom and an unfinished basement).

I would say more neglect than abuse. Though the violence from my brother did cause a persistent state of fear and anxiety at home.

Ive experience several forms of abuse growing up and lets leave it at that

My dad could be verbally abusive at times, his rages were very scary. He used to threaten to kill me a lot but never actually did much beyond spanking me.

I had an abusive sister who moved in with us when I was in high school (she's 20 years older than me) who also had very scary rages. She went through psychotic breaks but refused to get help, and ended up homeless recently after trying to kill my mom and ending up in jail.

It seems like my life wasn't that bad compared to many others, but I remember being suicidal as a child, so I was sensitive enough for it to affect me. I actually just recently got diagnosed with complex-PTSD and am doing EMDR for it. Hopefully it helps.

Yeah, dad is a narcissistic sociopath. He can't comprehend or care about anyone outside himself. To him, we're just belongings. He's cruel, hateful, and violent. He always has been.

With his first wife, when she said she wasn't happy with him any more and she went to stay at her parents place. He followed and arrived right after. He got his baseball bat and said he was going to kill her and her parents, then proceeded to smash out all the windows and windshield of her car. Idk how that situation was resolved, that's as far as anyone's ever mentioned to me. But they did ultimately divorce.

Then it's the same deal with mom. Once they married, he constantly threatened her. That if she ever left him that he'd kill her parents and hang himself on their deck with a note saying it's all her fault.

Then my brother and me were born. He adores my brother, but despised me. I got the blame for everything going wrong in his life. He's find any excuse he could to insult me, constantly told everyone how pathetic and stupid I was. He never wanted to let me be seen because he was ashamed of me.

If me and mom ever went anywhere, like to the store or church on Sunday, he was waiting for us at the door with a gun. He'd interrogate us to find out who we spoke to and what was said. Kept telling me that he wished I was dead, and that he'd piss on my grave. He'd beat me just because he felt like it.

He used to tell me he hated me for not looking like him. He wanted me to have black hair and blue eyes like he does, but I have brown hair and green eyes instead. Several years ago he was cussing and insulting me, and I just straight up asked him why he treats me so badly, and he answered "It makes me feel like a big man."

So, yeah. Not even getting into the worst things he's done. I have tons of mental issues now, and I don't know how to properly function around others. It's literally halted my life in it's tracks, and I don't know how to break free.

no violence, but an extremely volatile and unstable atmosphere.

Holy crap you've guys been through some awful shit

KogaSteelfang posted...

So, yeah. Not even getting into the worst things he's done. I have tons of mental issues now, and I don't know how to properly function around others. It's literally halted my life in it's tracks, and I don't know how to break free.

Have you ever tried Therapy? That helps.. And just get away from your dad.

There was a lot of yelling.

Yea!

Arcanine2009 posted...

Holy crap you've guys been through some awful shit

Have you ever tried Therapy? That helps.. And just get away from your dad.

I tried once, after a total mental breakdown and people from here insisting. I stayed for around 6 months then stopped because it wasn't a good match with the therapist. That's been quite a few years ago, and I've been hesitant to try again.

Chesh posted...

It seems like my life wasn't that bad compared to many others

meh never made sense to me to tier rank different sorts of trauma from an objective standpoint. What matters is how the events impacted you. Just because someone had it worse from an external observer doesn't undermine your experiences in any way

KogaSteelfang posted...

So, yeah. Not even getting into the worst things he's done. I have tons of mental issues now, and I don't know how to properly function around others. It's literally halted my life in it's tracks, and I don't know how to break free.

Sorry to hear that. Have you tried using ChatGPT as a form of therapy?

no, I grew up in several different abusive households

I wouldn't classify it anywhere near abuse but my mother became extremely emotionally unstable in my adolescence and lashed out at me and my brother frequently and it was almost always uncalled for.

Dad was a different story but even though I only saw him on weekends here or there he was pound for pound worse than my mother as her moods could at least be somewhat predictable. Dad was both poorly equipped to handle children with extremely low patience and a parenting style that could charitably be called old fashioned. Add a control freak personality and alcoholism into the mix and it made everything even worse.

I don't want to imply that my parents were or are awful people because they aren't. Both did (and still do) love me and my brother and show a lot of caring in their own ways. Knowing that I have a great deal of their personalities inside me is a big reason why I don't want to have children and fuck up in the same way they did. My brother seems to have learned a lot from what they did right and wrong but my nephew is only 13 months old right now so the jury is going to be out a while on that. FWIW he's more involved with his son than our father was with us.

WalkingLobsters posted...

Sorry to hear that. Have you tried using ChatGPT as a form of therapy

I've never used it at all. I'm a little sed on how it could work as a therapist? Just tell it how I feel? See what it says?

WalkingLobsters posted...

Sorry to hear that. Have you tried using ChatGPT as a form of therapy?

This is a horrible suggestion. ChatGPT is not emotionally or intellectually intelligent. It doesn't understand what you say to it. It just creates convincing text and often makes stuff up. It's fine for generating code snippets for something simple (if you check it...) but it isn't for anything like therapy. Doubly so because it logs everything you do with it and has tons of gates placed on what it can't "talk" about.

My dad was a strong believer in discipline, but he was defintely not abusive.

darkmaian23 posted...

This is a horrible suggestion. ChatGPT is not emotionally or intellectually intelligent. It doesn't understand what you say to it. It just creates convincing text and often makes stuff up. It's fine for generating code snippets for something simple (if you check it...) but it isn't for anything like therapy. Doubly so because it logs everything you do with it and has tons of gates placed on what it can't "talk" about.

it cant replace a therapist but its actually very good when it comes to just giving people positive affirmations about things

yes to the max then the foster care system but I've worked hard over many years of healing unfortunately healing is different from person to person so there's no one way to follow that path. therapy would be the easiest option but it costs a ton and you have to find a good match. online resources are abundant but the single most important piece of advice is that healing can only happen if you are willing to work hard and face hard truths. for those of you with me on this healing path... it may feel like it's the worst thing in the world but there is another side and it will get better keep fighting and never give up! easier said than done I know but I'm rooting for y'all

I imagine there is trauma caused by something. I don't have any memories of my childhood prior to about 13 years old.

No.

I didn't have much of a father figure though. My actual dad bounced before I turned 3.

My understanding of him though is he wasn't violent or abusive so if he had stuck around it is unlikely I'd have been a victim of abuse. My mom would have killed him if he laid a hand on me though. Hell, she told her own dad if he laid a hand on me, she'd kill him.

My mom never laid a hand on me for punishment. She didn't believe in physical punishments.

So I grew up in an abuse free household for intents and purposes.