Current Events > Is life really better with a gf

(+) Yeah! (+)

It's alot nosier, thats for sure.

fuck that shit.

Logically speaking if you actually find a good partner then you in essence double your income.

If you find the right girl, yes

Depends on if you want one or not. I can't imagine it improving my happiness though. I'm anti-social and have no interest in sex, so I can't think of a possible way a girlfriend would make me happy.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

It's a state of mind. I had nothing but shitty relationships until like three years ago when I met my current gf.

But I came to the realization about loving myself when I was in my early 20s, after dating my first "real" girlfriend for two years. At the time, I had no confidence, was very depressed and lonely, and had told myself that if I wanted to be happy, I needed to have a girlfriend--and that if I had a girlfriend, I would do absolutely everything in my power to keep the relationship going, because the alternative was loneliness and depression again. That was my mindset.

That's the mindset that got me into that relationship, and it's the mindset that prevented me from ending it much sooner than I did. I was terrified of being alone, of being 'single' because being single meant being a loser whom nobody loved enough to date. That's how I felt.

But through constant emotional manipulation, insults, belittling, etc., on top of being cheated on at least three different times, I came to realize that I wasn't happy even with a girlfriend. I stayed with her for those two years because I was afraid of being alone. Every time she said something cruel to me, I thought in the back of my head..."I don't think that's true, but if I argue with her, she might leave me." So I just took every abuse she served up, every disrespectful mistreatment, etc... always to avoid being lonely.

Then one day after undergoing one of our weekly "breakups" I came to the realization that...if I were alone, I wouldn't have to deal with her abuse and manipulation anymore. I could just be myself and be free and do what I wanted. So...when she came back and said she wanted to be together and not broken up, I told her no. And it took a lot of strength to say no. It took two years of abuse and resolve to say no...but I said no because I learned that I'd rather spend time with myself than with someone who doesn't respect or appreciate me.

Ever since then, I've treated myself with respect and love. Not arrogance, but compassion. I accept me for who I am. Even if I enter a room where nobody likes me...I still like me. That's the key to confidence, in my experience. Liking yourself, loving yourself, appreciating yourself. It's not about money, or success, or accomplishments...it's about acknowledging that you're a human being with feelings and independent thought.

There will always be at least one person capable of loving you, and that person is you.

Its both a good thing and kind of a sucky thing that I learned at a young age (seriously, Im talking high school) that dating wasnt for me. Ive definitely tried over the years, for sure, but every experience with it has been miserable. Its not like theres been a balance of well, that one didnt work out, but then the next couple were pretty ok, and then there were some bad ones, and then a good one, etc. theyve all been awful.

I guess theres just something wrong with my wiring that makes it not click for me. And Im not saying Im flawless or anything either lol. I definitely have really weird quirks and am very particular about stupid shit (and Im not attractive enough to get away with it lol).

The good news is, Im not miserable. I actually enjoy spending time by myself; getting to do whatever I want whenever I want, not having to answer to anybody (which I get enough of at work and had enough of when I lived with my parents).

It does suck sometimes, but mainly because I let those thoughts of why was I never good enough for anyone? Whats so wrong about me? thoughts creep in occasionally, but Ive made peace with it, accepted it, and am making the best of it.