Current Events > First session of couple's therapy today... AMA

(+) Yeah! (+)

This should be fun.

Did it go well? I've never benefitted from therapy. At all.

Is it worse when men cheat or when women cheat

Don't mean this to be rude, but what is your gender? What is your s/o?

What is your therapist?

I've always had a sneaking suspicion that in a M + F relationship that a male therapist might side with the man over the woman or vice versa.

LinkFanatic posted...

Did it go well? I've never benefitted from therapy. At all.

It's later today.

Turtlebread posted...

Is it worse when men cheat or when women cheat

There's no wide generalization that applies to all men or all women.

SergeantGander posted...

Don't mean this to be rude, but what is your gender? What is your s/o?

What is your therapist?

I've always had a sneaking suspicion that in a M + F relationship that a male therapist might side with the man over the woman or vice versa.

I'm M, wife is F, therapist is F.

Sounds tough, but good for you guys for actively working on it.

pinky0926 posted...

Sounds tough, but good for you guys for actively working on it.

bleh

Was the therapist impartial? Having never done couple therapy of the sort that seems like one of the most important things in being able to resolve anything.

Oh nvm just see that you've not been yet, let us know how it goes, always curious about this stuff

How much did it cost? Able to use insurance or have to pay OOP?

Tote_All_ posted...

bleh

I'm guessing this was her idea then XD

lww99 posted...

How much did it cost?

$60 per session, 4 initial sessions then we'll see where it lands.

lww99 posted...

Able to use insurance or have to pay OOP?

Doubt insurance would cover it.

pinky0926 posted...

I'm guessing this was her idea then XD

Sort of. My idea was more akin to "take my needs into consideration and stop treating me like shit", but that was a no go.

Whats your biggest complaint about the relationship? In context of your needs not being met

has she(s/o) said anything similar?

lww99 posted...

Whats your biggest complaint about the relationship? In context of your needs not being met

The relationship is assymetrical, she expects me to do half of shit she does (our kid, basically, which I do), but my responsabilities are my own and fuck me for asking. She also belittles me and treats me badly, which is something I don't do. I have a fuckton of complaints actually, but I guess that one summs up a lot of it.

lww99 posted...

has she(s/o) said anything similar?

She's constantly on edge about me "not doing my half" with our kid, which I do. She's literally accused me of making up I need to go to the bathroom so she has to take care of him.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


That's certainly a possibility, but I guess we'll see. She can be quite rational when calm and presented with objective information, it's just really hard to be objective in shit like this.

Tote_All_ posted...

The relationship is assymetrical, she expects me to do half of shit she does (our kid, basically, which I do), but my responsabilities are my own and fuck me for asking. She also belittles me and treats me badly, which is something I don't do. I have a fuckton of complaints actually, but I guess that one summs up a lot of it.

She's constantly on edge about me "not doing my half" with our kid, which I do. She's literally accused me of making up I need to go to the bathroom so she has to take care of him.

That's certainly a possibility, but I guess we'll see. She can be quite rational when calm and presented with objective information, it's just really hard to be objective in shit like this.

Hopefully things go well for you. Id say keep an open mind about the asymmetrical relationship stuff and try to be as objective as possible thereI dont mean to imply that you are not pulling your weight in this particular instance but its not uncommon for men to overestimate the amount of work they are putting into things like housework or chores related to raising kids, while underestimating the amount of work their partner is doing in that regard. Again, Im not saying this is true for your situation, just something to keep in mind.

As far as the belittling you and treating you badly stuff goes be on the lookout for her reactions to this being brought up. If she starts to deflect or try and paint herself as the victim, start getting ready to bail. Emotional abusers generally dont change unless they are forced to, and going to couples therapy often only makes them worse, because it gives them a new avenue through which to reinforce the psychological power imbalance in the relationship, and a whole new set of tools with which to manipulate their victim.

Sounds very similar to my situation a few years ago. Then we were going to divorce, workplace accident for myself and covid hitting hard. We reconciled and now better than ever.

My insurance covered the cost and co-pay was $20. Dude tharpist was quite unbiased and professional when we were going.

few years back my wife forced me to go to couples therapy, three sessions later we were done (female therapist sided with me on just about every issue my wife had/has with me.
we did learn to preface our sentences with I feel that lasted about three months

Tote_All_ posted...

The relationship is assymetrical, she expects me to do half of shit she does (our kid, basically, which I do), but my responsabilities are my own and fuck me for asking. She also belittles me and treats me badly, which is something I don't do. I have a fuckton of complaints actually, but I guess that one summs up a lot of it.

was she like this before you got married

Romulox28 posted...

was she like this before you got married

We didn't have a kid, had just one dog and didn't own a house, so I guess she wasn't but as responsibilities grew she started showing that.

Regardless of how it goes, props to you for trying something new/uncomfortable :)

Well that went like shit.

Tote_All_ posted...

Well that went like shit.

What happened?

Tag

@R1masher posted...

few years back my wife forced me to go to couples therapy, three sessions later we were done (female therapist sided with me on just about every issue my wife had/has with me.
we did learn to preface our sentences with I feel that lasted about three months

Did you divorce?

Tote_All_ posted...

We didn't have a kid, had just one dog and didn't own a house, so I guess she wasn't but as responsibilities grew she started showing that.

That's how it is, first comes love, then comes what have you done for me lately.

Did the therapist take your wife's side and bash you for all of your faults

The trick is to give the therapist a couple benjamins before the session to take your side

Tote_All_ posted...

"take my needs into consideration and stop treating me like shit", but that was a no go.

sure as fuck sounds like if this is a no-go then you should be out the door

Random question, what do you do TC?

Tag for an update

MrToothHasYou posted...

What happened?

On hindsight it wasn't that bad, it just immediately brought a lot of shit that was "up in the air". I didn't get to say what bothered me too much, we'll have individual sessions next week.

solosnake posted...

The trick is to give the therapist a couple benjamins before the session to take your side

Hehe Ozark.

Cocytus posted...

what have you done for me lately.

This pretty much describes how we feel most of the time.

Alteres posted...

Random question, what do you do TC?

I'm a general physician.