Current Events > Parents homeless, daughter won't give them a room b/c of her pets.

(+) Yeah! (+)

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uwh6pw/aita_not_letting_my_parents_move_with_me_because/

• The daughter lives alone in a 3 bedroom house, where 1 is an office, 1 is a master bedroom, and the other is a pet room.
• Parents went homeless and asked the daughter for a place to stay.
• Daughter offered the living room for them to sleep on the floor or a spacious sofa.
• Parents said that's very disrespectful, and asked for the pet room instead.
• Daughter rejected. Parents might now be in homeless shelters.
• Reddit is on the daughter's side.

Wow.

She's the asshole, unless there's reasons why she wouldn't want her parents living with her (IE they were abusive or shitty)

on one hand, I feel she should give them the room, if this story is true.

on the other, the parents should take the living room, if they have no other option.

they might even convince her eventually to get the room.

g0ldie posted...

on the other, the parents should take the living room, if they have no other option.

In a purely logical mindset, yes. But life is never purely logical; there is a lot here, with power dynamics and sense of worth.

I side with the daughter too. She didn't want to rearrange an entire room in her house, but was willing to let them sleep in her living room. They chose to go to a shelter than to stay in her living room, because it wasn't the exact thing they wanted.

If she turned a bedroom into a pet room, I'm pretty sure there's no bed in there either. So I really can't take the parents side here.

I just mean that, in homeless shelters, you often hear horror stories - theft, extortion, assault, sexual abuse, etc.

homeless people sometimes decide not to stay in shelters because of those things.

so even if the daughter sucks to live with/Isa miserable person, there's less of a chance (hopefully) the parents have to face those threats.

What an entitled bitch

After reading the post, she is not the asshole. She offered her parents what she had available and they got pissy about it and insulted her. Their relationship has been strained for years. She has no obligation to bail them out after she offered to bail them out and they told her it wasn't good enough and took potshots at her and her lifestyle. They reaped what they sowed.

This is kind of push and pull.

She didn't turn them down outright, she offered something. They declined and she wouldn't compromise any further.

Should she have been willing to give in more for her own parents? I guess, but at the same time it's not like you get to choose your circumstances.

IdiotMachine posted...

Daughter offered the living room for them to sleep on the floor or a spacious sofa.
Parents said that's very disrespectful, and asked for the pet room instead.

lol why are parents always so fucking entitled.

wackyteen posted...

She's the asshole, unless there's reasons why she wouldn't want her parents living with her (IE they were abusive or shitty)

did you even read beyond the title @wackyteen

sounds like they're not close, and beggars are trying to choose. oh well.

Choco posted...

lol why are parents always so fucking entitled.

did you even read beyond the title @wackyteen

No, why would I do that (/s)

The daughter is in the right here but AITA and reddit in general will always back the woman so their opinion is always in bad faith

If the relationship was already strained because of control issues, good fucking on them for standing their ground.

Hm, I'm not sure which side I agree with.

Daughter is being rude/selfish when she has 2 extra bedrooms and is unwilling to rearrange one for her parents. I'm not totally sure what a "pet room" entails that couldn't be moved to another room unless it's some kind of customized environment or something.

On the other hand, she did in fact offer them a place to stay and they refused. They asked her for a room, and she agreed. They chose not to accept it because they had other plans for her home.

Seems like both parties are partially at fault for not considering the other party and being unwilling to compromise. Imo, the parents should take the living room until they can make it her arrangements. But that's just me.

Her parents sound pretty awful from her perspective.

I (37F) am not close to my parents (65F e 67M). One of several reasons is their control and I always hated that. Even living alone, they wanted to control and it took several years (of therapy) to almost completely cut them out of my life and I have lived in peace for 7 years

I'd. Make changes for my mother. But she has always accommodated me to the best of her abilities. If I decided to take my father in he'd get whatever I offered or go the fuck on somewhere. He'd be lucky if I offered anything.

She had been no contact with them for 7 years and needed therapy, the fact that she even offered her living room was pretty generous and the fact that they demanded more and then chose to be homeless because they didnt get it tells me she is in the right here.

In this case, I never would have even taken their call.

She offered them a room and they refused lmao. How the fuck do you turn down a room when you're homeless?

Fuck the parents.

Background_Guy posted...

She offered them a room and they refused lmao. How the fuck do you turn down a room when you're homeless?

Because couch surfing is worse than a shelter, apparently? I dont get it either.

Squall28 posted...

I (37F) am not close to my parents (65F e 67M). One of several reasons is their control and I always hated that. Even living alone, they wanted to control and it took several years (of therapy) to almost completely cut them out of my life and I have lived in peace for 7 years

yeah. This is all I need to know. They're lucky she offered them anything at all.

What's wrong with the living room? Better than being homeless or in a shelter.

DipDipDiver posted...

She had been no contact with them for 7 years and needed therapy, the fact that she even offered her living room was pretty generous and the fact that they demanded more and then chose to be homeless because they didnt get it tells me she is in the right here.

Sounds like they were trying to guilt trip her. They were staying at a hotel, not a motel, after losing the house. The shelter thing sounds like a manipulation tactic.

If my mother was going to be homeless, i'd tell her to go fuck herself too.

stoltenberg11 posted...

What's wrong with the living room? Better than being homeless or in a shelter.

The parents, age 60+, believe it's not good to sleep on the floor or on the sofa, and wanted the privacy of a bedroom. They wanted the pet's room, and have the pets sleep in the living room.

IdiotMachine posted...

The parents, age 60+, believe it's not good to sleep on the floor or on the sofa, and wanted the privacy of a bedroom. They wanted the pet's room, and have the pets sleep in the living room.

Guess they shoulda done that at their own house

I mean me personally, I wouldn't want to see my parents in my living room every time I get out of my room or I'm in the kitchen or whatever. That'd be awkward as fuck.

I'd definitely move shit around to give them (and me) the privacy of a bedroom.

Fair, next

Daughter is 100% right. She's not responsible for them, it's her right to decide what if anything to offer them.

Her house, her rules. She's under no obligation to completely rearrange her lifestyle for them, and from the way they threw a fit when offered the living room, it sounds like they were hoping for it to be a long-term/permanent thing rather than just until they could find a place of their own.

I'm willing to bet they wanted to move in as permanent residents and force her to change everything around what they wanted.

IdiotMachine posted...

I mean me personally, I wouldn't want to see my parents in my living room every time I get out of my room or I'm in the kitchen or whatever. That'd be awkward as fuck.

I'd definitely move shit around to give them (and me) the privacy of a bedroom.

You also have to not let them get too comfortable. If you must give someone a place to stay, make sure to also give them motivation to get the fuck out as quickly as possible. If she gave the parents a bedroom and changed her house around they may want to stay longer/never leave. If she ever took them to court to evict them, the fact they've just been couch surfing vs having a room would make a difference.

I'm with whoever posted that. You should be grateful someone was willing to take you in.

pogo_rabid posted...

You also have to not let them get too comfortable. If you must give someone a place to stay, make sure to also give them motivation to get the fuck out as quickly as possible. If she gave the parents a bedroom and changed her house around they may want to stay longer/never leave. If she ever took them to court to evict them, the fact they've just been couch surfing vs having a room would make a difference.

Imagine seeing your parents fucking when you get out of your bedroom

IdiotMachine posted...

Imagine seeing your parents fucking when you get out of your bedroom

I don't have to, they've been divorced for ages. Dad moved to the other side of the world to escape my fucked in the head narcissist mother.

pogo_rabid posted...

I don't have to, they've been divorced for ages. Dad moved to the other side of the world to escape my fucked in the head narcissist mother.

This turned dark fast.

Completely side with the daughter here. She offered them a place to sleep, and they refused The room is modified for the pets. And its their comfort zone. Why should she have to make her pets feel uncomfortable. Not only that, but she probably doesnt even have an extra bed in their, anyway So, theyd still be on the couch or mattress, but in a room instead of the living room And tbh, I dont think theyd leave as soon as they may say they will Theyll probably try to stay forever

KogaSteelfang posted...

Daughter is being rude/selfish when she has 2 extra bedrooms and is unwilling to rearrange one for her parents. I'm not totally sure what a "pet room" entails that couldn't be moved to another room unless it's some kind of customized environment or something.

Apparently, she has put stuff in the walls for the cats, and a backyard door for easy access for the dogs Which probably cant be easily moved

IdiotMachine posted...

The parents, age 60+, believe it's not good to sleep on the floor or on the sofa, and wanted the privacy of a bedroom. They wanted the pet's room, and have the pets sleep in the living room.

They would probably still be sleeping on the same thing. It doesnt sound like she has an extra bed

IdiotMachine posted...

This turned dark fast.

She was an opiate addict my entire childhood as well. I remember having to scrape her off the floor as a 10 year old a couple time a week for years when she would take vicodin and soma together for her "back pain", and dump her into bed.

Once I moved out (she actually kicked me out at 18 out of a power trip she was on at the momnet) and went zero contact (been around 10 years now), it was the greatest decision I ever made.

The reason why i'm saying all this is many people in this topic are looking at this through the lens of having a healthy relationship with their parents and don't think just hot shit a relationship could be/had been in the past. Hell even mine isn't has bad as some people's situations.

pogo_rabid posted...

She was an opiate addict my entire childhood as well. I remember having to scrape her off the floor as a 10 year old a couple time a week for years when she would take vicodin and soma together for her "back pain", and dump her into bed.

Once I moved out (she actually kicked me out at 18 out of a power trip she was on at the momnet) and went zero contact (been around 10 years now), it was the greatest decision I ever made.

The reason why i'm saying all this is many people in this topic are looking at this through the lens of having a healthy relationship with their parents and don't think just hot shit a relationship could be/had been in the past. Hell even mine isn't has bad as some people's situations.

Yes, I find that any time a child dislikes, has no contact or turn their back on their parent it is more than justified. Most people cannot think about ANYTHING objectively or outside of their own self.

IdiotMachine posted...

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uwh6pw/aita_not_letting_my_parents_move_with_me_because/

* The daughter lives alone in a 3 bedroom house, where 1 is an office, 1 is a master bedroom, and the other is a pet room.
* Parents went homeless and asked the daughter for a place to stay.
* Daughter offered the living room for them to sleep on the floor or a spacious sofa.
* Parents said that's very disrespectful, and asked for the pet room instead.
* Daughter rejected. Parents might now be in homeless shelters.
* Reddit is on the daughter's side.

Wow.

You ommitted the part where the parents have a history of being controlling and emotionally abusive and she had a strained relationship and not talked to them for like 7 years.

This thread is kind of misleading and does not provide all the context. Reading her actual thread Reddit it makes sense why she's doing what she's doing and if I want in a similar situation I'd probably handle it the same way.

Lmao. Got your fucking dogs sleeping better than your parents.

She offered them somewhere and they immediately tried for a free upgrade. Fuck 'em.

IdiotMachine posted...

I mean me personally, I wouldn't want to see my parents in my living room every time I get out of my room or I'm in the kitchen or whatever. That'd be awkward as fuck.

I'd definitely move shit around to give them (and me) the privacy of a bedroom.

Have you had to go no contact with them for 7 years and have multiple years of therapy to get over how they treated you?

I'm assuming not.

She's totally in the right. She offered them a place to stay, and they rejected the offer because it wasn't "good enough" for them. Now they're guilt-tripping her. She says they've used emotional blackmail in the past. Sounds like they're manipulative control freaks. If their relationship with their daughter was already this toxic, they're lucky she even offered anything in the first place. And the fact that they're now throwing a temper tantrum proves she was right to insist on the boundaries they dislike so much.

So fucked. American culture is poison.

I wanna throw up reading that post, I wish I dont raise an evil bitch like her

I dont really see how anyone can see her as in the wrong here Their relationship already seems bad. So, like TheOnionKnight said, they are lucky she offered them anything at all And people expect her to change her whole house just to give them a room. A room that it basically made for her pets A room that probably wouldnt be more comfortable due to the fact that she probably doesnt have anything more comfortable than the couch or mattress downstairs. Next thing you know, the parents want her to buy them a bed to sleep in. And eventually move in No. Nothing she did was wrong She did the right thing in this situation.

I think people are thinking about their parents too much instead of her parent. My parent, I would accommodate. But my parents werent horrible like hers were