Board 8 > What should be our method of administering the death penalty?

(+) Yeah! (+)

If we are to retain the death penalty, how should it be carried out?

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flayed upside down

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CO2 asphyxiation. What are we, amateurs?

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Utah was supposed to have a firing squad execution back in 2019, but then the guy decided to die of natural causes instead.

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Killing them so fast would give them an easy out from the world. No, I propose we do something extra mean to them. Lock them away in a small area where they have no meaningful comfort and have little but their own thoughts to keep them company. They'll spend years coming to grips with the consequences of their actions. They might still be fine with it all, but it won't matter because they're locked away from society. As an extra bonus, they can be made to do things like clean up highway litter or make cheap consumer goods at a rate that would make even the Chinese blush.

Finally, after decades of being denied a means of egress from the situation they have landed themselves in, natural causes will inevitably occur. They will thusly pass on, problem solved, no messing about with expensive injections or messy dull axes or giving lions a taste for human flesh.

Truly, old age is the only way to go if you want to maximize their suffering!

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SovietOmega posted...

Killing them so fast would give them an easy out from the world. No, I propose we do something extra mean to them. Lock them away in a small area where they have no meaningful comfort and have little but their own thoughts to keep them company. They'll spend years coming to grips with the consequences of their actions. They might still be fine with it all, but it won't matter because they're locked away from society. As an extra bonus, they can be made to do things like clean up highway litter or make cheap consumer goods at a rate that would make even the Chinese blush.

Finally, after decades of being denied a means of egress from the situation they have landed themselves in, natural causes will inevitably occur. They will thusly pass on, problem solved, no messing about with expensive injections or messy dull axes or giving lions a taste for human flesh.

Truly, old age is the only way to go if you want to maximize their suffering!

Now hold on. We're not monsters.

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Snu Snu

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We so often neglect to stipulate that the lions should already be hungry. If they're not already hungry, it's going to get awkward for all parties involved.

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Force prisoners to become Detroit Lions fans. Create fake sports news shows talking about how "THIS IS THE LIONS YEAR". Mention how they might sign Aaron Rodgers. Their immeasurable disappointment year after year will be so much suffering that it will be a fate worse than death.

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Ashethan posted...

Force prisoners to become Detroit Lions fans. Create fake sports news shows talking about how "THIS IS THE LIONS YEAR". Mention how they might sign Aaron Rodgers. Their immeasurable disappointment year after year will be so much suffering that it will be a fate worse than death.

As a Lions fan this is some VIIIth amendment shit

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SovietOmega posted...

Killing them so fast would give them an easy out from the world. No, I propose we do something extra mean to them. Lock them away in a small area where they have no meaningful comfort and have little but their own thoughts to keep them company. They'll spend years coming to grips with the consequences of their actions. They might still be fine with it all, but it won't matter because they're locked away from society. As an extra bonus, they can be made to do things like clean up highway litter or make cheap consumer goods at a rate that would make even the Chinese blush.

Finally, after decades of being denied a means of egress from the situation they have landed themselves in, natural causes will inevitably occur. They will thusly pass on, problem solved, no messing about with expensive injections or messy dull axes or giving lions a taste for human flesh.

Truly, old age is the only way to go if you want to maximize their suffering!

Damn, I didn't even do a crime, and all of this is my punishment too.

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Ashethan posted...

Force prisoners to become Detroit Lions fans. Create fake sports news shows talking about how "THIS IS THE LIONS YEAR". Mention how they might sign Aaron Rodgers. Their immeasurable disappointment year after year will be so much suffering that it will be a fate worse than death.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynY2begPzoM

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Drowned in malmsey wine

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Reading redsox posts

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Overdosing on helium.

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Beaten, slowly and methodically, with a spoon.

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Squid Game
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The Sheriff of Nottingham had the right idea about spoons.

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Starvation in a room filled with gold

I need to know why this is one of the options

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VintageGin posted...

I need to know why this is one of the options

According to a story that is probably unreliable, it's how the Mongols executed the last caliph in Baghdad when they conquered it. Put him in a room with his gold and no food and left him to regret his prioritization of wealth in life.

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Cement shoes is the obvious answer here.

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Llarian posted...

CO2 asphyxiation. What are we, amateurs?

I've heard that nitrogen poisoning is less agonizing. People pass out without realizing it's happening and die a few minutes later. I'd rather go with that.