Poll of the Day > I have gotten to the point where I'm starting to hate everything

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'm sick of life and getting rejected and feeling like no one likes me (for friendship or a relationship) and all the unjust things that happen in this piece of shit world, though mostly I just hate god/the universe/luck/whatever it is that led us to this point

How do I get out of this?

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I think there is probably therapy to help incels.

Think more about the positives in your life. You have a job, have good enough health and are somewhat young. You can fix what makes you unhappy but that will take time so focus on loving yourself. Find a hobby that you might enjoy and join some meetups around that hobby, get a pet, go out on walks or take up mindfulness. Loads of positive things you can be doing that will help your mentality if nothing more.

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wwinterj25 posted...

Think more about the positives in your life. You have a job, have good enough health and are somewhat young. You can fix what makes you unhappy but that will take time so focus on loving yourself. Find a hobby that you might enjoy and join some meetups around that hobby, get a pet, go out on walks or take up mindfulness. Loads of positive things you can be doing that will help your mentality if nothing more.

I try, I really do but I keep getting disappointed by it all, and I feel so alone

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Therapy. That's essentially what you're seeking out already by coming to us. But you already know PotD isn't the best place to come for this sort of stuff. A real professional is your best bet at getting your mind on track.

If you can't afford therapy my recommendation is to do some shrooms or ketamine or something in a nice naturey area, find a good book on mindfulness and meditation, and stop drinking alcohol.

Seems like you're always putting too much stock into having relationships. Being alone sucks and isn't really good for almost anyone but there are probably some underlying issues there. It's also pretty common nowadays in general, unfortunately (and not just because of covid).

It sounds like youre putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be a very specific type of person that lives a very specific type of life. That would start to make anyone sad and feel like they are suffering as time goes on.

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stop being such a basic bitch, and upgrade yourself. make yourself valuable to someone you love instead of just being a useless drain, like you have been for literal years, ok?

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CoorsLight posted...

Seems like you're always putting too much stock into having relationships. Being alone sucks and isn't really good for almost anyone but there are probably some underlying issues there. It's also pretty common nowadays in general, unfortunately (and not just because of covid).

I'm more upset with most of my friends getting distant for no reason, they leave me on read and never want to hang out, I get life is busy but it's been months and can't seem to make new friends to make up for it

Mead posted...

It sounds like youre putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be a very specific type of person that lives a very specific type of life. That would start to make anyone sad and feel like they are suffering as time goes on.

I didn't think it was too much to ask for, everyone else has friends and has relationships, that's normal

Aculo posted...

stop being such a basic bitch, and upgrade yourself. make yourself valuable to someone you love instead of just being a useless drain, like you have been for literal years, ok?

I've been trying, I've put so much effort into being better but have gotten nowhere, it feels like I'm just spinning my tires

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Muscles posted...

I didn't think it was too much to ask for, everyone else has friends and has relationships, that's normal

it isnt too much to ask for but you might be trying so hard that you arent really being yourself

you certainly arent alone though, a lot of adults feel the way you are describing

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I realized that years ago, now I'm always authentic, though you could be right about trying too hard, what's the line for trying too hard and trying enough?

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Muscles posted...

I didn't think it was too much to ask for, everyone else has friends and has relationships, that's normal

I don't have any friends and haven't had any type of real life relationship since a kid outside of family. I have acquaintances but don't really see them all that much. None of this really bothers me though. I'm happy enough spending time with my family or just time by myself. If I happen to meet someone to start a relationship with that's great but I'm not going to let the fact that hasn't happened yet run my life. Doing that will just make me depressed and probably make my problems a lot worse. Working on myself, enjoying life as much as I can and working on my problems is I can is all I can do when things are not going my way.

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Dont you have a daughter?

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wwinterj25 posted...

I don't have any friends and haven't had any type of real life relationship since a kid outside of family. I have acquaintances but don't really see them all that much. None of this really bothers me though. I'm happy enough spending time with my family or just time by myself. If I happen to meet someone to start a relationship with that's great but I'm not going to let the fact that hasn't happened yet run my life. Doing that will just make me depressed and probably make my problems a lot worse. Working on myself, enjoying life as much as I can and working on my problems is I can is all I can do when things are not going my way.

I've tried that but I can only go so long until I get back to this state

rexcrk posted...

Dont you have a daughter?

No, my ex lied to me, she's some other dudes

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I would recommend starting a journal and writing five things that you're grateful for or good things that happen each day

One thing I know is that you cannot please everyone. Something that seems good to one person will make another hate you. There is no end to suffering in this world. Everything we have can be taken away, including life. Death is the only certainty, yet I look forward to when its all over. Not because I made a difference, but because Ill finally be able to rest from all the trouble.

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Do you have any goals? Perhaps if you think of something to accomplish, you'll meet people with similar interests. It's hard to get into something, but I'm sure there's somewhere in your life you could set a goal that you'd be excited for.

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Just don't go hating like NMB did

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get some therapy, start working out and stop trying to link your happiness to the opposite sexes perceptions of you, ok? be happy with yourself before you look for someone else.

get it under control while you can, otherwise before you know it youll be an impotent alcoholic line cook, ok?

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JigsawTDC posted...

you can't afford therapy my recommendation is to do some shrooms or ketamine or something in a nice naturey area

I think you were doing well up until this point lol

idc what gwyneth Paltrow says, doing drugs when youre in the midst of a mental crisis is a bad idea

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ReturnOfFa posted...

Do you have any goals? Perhaps if you think of something to accomplish, you'll meet people with similar interests. It's hard to get into something, but I'm sure there's somewhere in your life you could set a goal that you'd be excited for.

I second this, outside of being in a relationship really think about what it is you want out of life and work towards that. I was in a relationship funk since August or so, feeling the same way you do, I just got out of it in January/December by focussing on my own goals that I could achieve with or without a relationship.

I mean lets put it this way I would actively avoid rom coms and dating shows because it would just remind me of my shitty relationship history and current situation. But yeah focussed on my goals a little bit and it made me happy, eventually things turned themselves round relationship wise.

Bro just do you, do something that makes you happy and ideally that requires some level of effort so you can get that sense of achievement cos it seems like that would go some ways to making you not feel like absolute shit.


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1. Hit the gym
2. Diet
3. Lift your fucking head up
4. Flirt with every girl behind every counter(for practice not for results, although if theyre really receptive feel free to go to the next level)
5. Have a 5 year plan; make more money and be able to show off your stability

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I don't know if it's the same for you, but as someone who enjoys games, I really like looking at numbers (like getting higher stats in a game, beating your average KDA, increasing your win rate, etc.). You can get into lifting and exercising and watch the weights you lift increase, mile time improve, or weight go down. You can also plan your finances and watch yourself meet the milestones you set up.

Seems like a lot of life is setting goals, meeting them, and then setting new ones. And going against the grain a bit, it's also important to know when to drop them, I think (you can always pick it back up again later).

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HornedLion posted...

1. Hit the gym
2. Diet
3. Lift your fucking head up
4. Flirt with every girl behind every counter(for practice not for results, although if theyre really receptive feel free to go to the next level)
5. Have a 5 year plan; make more money and be able to show off your stability

Bro therapy

I have a wife and kids and I still hit this point. I think it is part of being older.

I despise people and only have a couple of 'real' friends - and they are people I have known since grade school and rarely talk to any more. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

HornedLion posted...

5 year plan

You mean like China.
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South Park did it first.

As others have mentioned, therapy is useful. I struggle with it because it's not a cure all easy miracle drug but it's better than nothing. And it sucks how much it costs but what value is your brain? Everything.

There's a lot of solutions out there, and therapy can help figure out what you need. Look at positives? Sure might help some. Some need to just acknowledge the world is a shit place and where you go from there. Some need exposure therapy to make things hit less hard. Therapy helps you figure that out but you might have to shop around for that.

No one here is qualified. If they were they would say you need to see someone in a professional context.

But. You want to do something. You want to get out of this. Get professional help and you can. If you can't afford it, really really can't not just it would hurt but can't, then... Find a support group would be my suggestion. You have to be wary about those being echo chambers and enabling. Examine if it makes you better or worse. But I've found some that make me better while still being a place people can vent

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FatalAccident posted...

I think you were doing well up until this point lol

idc what gwyneth Paltrow says, doing drugs when youre in the midst of a mental crisis is a bad idea

Who is taking advice from Gwyneth Paltrow? That lady is quackier than Sunny. Anyway, I disagree with generalized blanket statements. Drugs can both contribute to and alleviate a mental health crisis, both depending on the drug and the particular crisis. Try telling someone having a panic attack that they shouldn't take their Ativan. Or that a depressed person shouldn't take their anti-depressants. Or the autistic person in the midst of a meltdown shouldn't take that hit of weed that they know will immediately relieve their explosive anger. Medicine is just socially acceptable drugs.

And sure, psychedelics have a much greater risk for a bad trip during times of mental strain, but that's not really the concern here. A bad trip can still be beneficial. Psychedelics force perspective change, which it's clear Muscles needs to some degree. Obviously it's better to do these things guided with a professional (guided ketamine therapy is very popular right now and can definitely help if you've got $3-5k to shell out), but that's not an option for everyone and there's other ways people can pursue it. Again, my first suggestion is therapy. That's always going to have the strongest and most lasting results, but you're being willfully ignorant if you think the benefits of psychedelics are non-existent or that the only people suggesting and advocating for it are Gwyneth Paltrow types. I'm not advocating for blind drug use to solve your problems. I recommended two very specific substances, in specific settings, with other synergetic activities to supplement.

HornedLion posted...

1. Hit the gym
2. Diet
3. Lift your fucking head up
4. Flirt with every girl behind every counter(for practice not for results, although if theyre really receptive feel free to go to the next level)
5. Have a 5 year plan; make more money and be able to show off your stability

I have started doing both 1 and 3 recently, it hasn't seemed to help much, which has only makes it even more disappointing

kukukupo posted...

I have a wife and kids and I still hit this point. I think it is part of being older.

I despise people and only have a couple of 'real' friends - and they are people I have known since grade school and rarely talk to any more. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

I don't hate humanity, I just hate the predatory side of it, like tyrants, sex traffickers, and bankers. I feel like a majority of people are at least somewhat good, but are still flawed and selfish beings that can easily be led to do terrible things (source: the Milgram experiment)

grimhilde00 posted...

As others have mentioned, therapy is useful. I struggle with it because it's not a cure all easy miracle drug but it's better than nothing. And it sucks how much it costs but what value is your brain? Everything.

There's a lot of solutions out there, and therapy can help figure out what you need. Look at positives? Sure might help some. Some need to just acknowledge the world is a shit place and where you go from there. Some need exposure therapy to make things hit less hard. Therapy helps you figure that out but you might have to shop around for that.

No one here is qualified. If they were they would say you need to see someone in a professional context.

But. You want to do something. You want to get out of this. Get professional help and you can. If you can't afford it, really really can't not just it would hurt but can't, then... Find a support group would be my suggestion. You have to be wary about those being echo chambers and enabling. Examine if it makes you better or worse. But I've found some that make me better while still being a place people can vent

Therapy is definitely something I want to do, but it's not financially viable right now, I think I could within a few months, maybe even after I get my taxes back

So when I was at work yesterday my boss could see I wasn't in a good mood and talked to me about it. For reference he's probably in his early 30s, was a nerd with no friends when he was a kid until he got to hs and played football and wrestling (pretty relatable to me personally) and now he's got a family and a good job and everyone loves him because he's a great guy. So anyways talking to him really helped my day get better, but there was still this feeling of spinning my tires but I feel less lonely

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This is going to sound like poor advice but hear me out:

Try your best to be a positive person, the kind of person YOU'D want to be friends with. It may be tough to get into that mindset, but if you strive to be a person people want to hang out with and be around(positivity, friendliness, self respect, etc) people will want to hang out around you. It may seem like they don't, or nobody is noticing, but the longer you keep at it, it will eventually pay off.

I am a positive person. People have genuinely reciprocated that. However, sometimes people don't, but it isn't a big deal because I know I am doing it the right way.

Muscles posted...

I have started doing both 1 and 3 recently, it hasn't seemed to help much, which has only makes it even more disappointing

I don't hate humanity, I just hate the predatory side of it, like tyrants, sex traffickers, and bankers. I feel like a majority of people are at least somewhat good, but are still flawed and selfish beings that can easily be led to do terrible things (source: the Milgram experiment)

Therapy is definitely something I want to do, but it's not financially viable right now, I think I could within a few months, maybe even after I get my taxes back

So when I was at work yesterday my boss could see I wasn't in a good mood and talked to me about it. For reference he's probably in his early 30s, was a nerd with no friends when he was a kid until he got to hs and played football and wrestling (pretty relatable to me personally) and now he's got a family and a good job and everyone loves him because he's a great guy. So anyways talking to him really helped my day get better, but there was still this feeling of spinning my tires but I feel less lonely

That's dope, someone with that kind of empathetic sense is a good friend/coworker to have. He noticed you weren't feeling good! Don't attach everything to him though, and stay open to meeting other people like him.

I feel you on the 'lot of bad within humanity' but if associate with positive people and do positive things, things start to feel...more positive. idk simple little things make me happy like putting out a bird feeder. or learning more on my electric bass.

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argonautweakend posted...

This is going to sound like poor advice but hear me out:

Try your best to be a positive person, the kind of person YOU'D want to be friends with. It may be tough to get into that mindset, but if you strive to be a person people want to hang out with and be around(positivity, friendliness, self respect, etc) people will want to hang out around you. It may seem like they don't, or nobody is noticing, but the longer you keep at it, it will eventually pay off.

I am a positive person. People have genuinely reciprocated that. However, sometimes people don't, but it isn't a big deal because I know I am doing it the right way.

I can do that most days, but there are days like yesterday where I'm just in a hole, you know?

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argonautweakend posted...

This is going to sound like poor advice but hear me out:

Try your best to be a positive person, the kind of person YOU'D want to be friends with. It may be tough to get into that mindset, but if you strive to be a person people want to hang out with and be around(positivity, friendliness, self respect, etc) people will want to hang out around you. It may seem like they don't, or nobody is noticing, but the longer you keep at it, it will eventually pay off.

I am a positive person. People have genuinely reciprocated that. However, sometimes people don't, but it isn't a big deal because I know I am doing it the right way.

I suffer with daily depression, and always prefer positivity to negativity. A lot of people focus 24/7 on negative news stories and negative things in their life. I think there's usually a way of discussion those things in a slightly more positive light, and also discussing more positive things. The negative things exist, but changing this overarching negative structure is insurmountable. Doing small things can contribute to changing the big, and doing small positive things can make the world of difference in someone else's day. Just like Muscles' coworker!

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Muscles posted...

I can do that most days, but there are days like yesterday where I'm just in a hole, you know?

I try to tell people when I'm feeling like that, and usually they can get some positivity out of me. I'll say something like "I woke up feeling like I'm in a hole, and I don't want to burden you with that, but I just want you to know that I appreciate your conversation.". Sounds silly but I have reached more positive headspaces quicker by acknowledging how I feel to someone. We can acknowledge it and move on to other things oftentimes.

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Muscles posted...

I can do that most days, but there are days like yesterday where I'm just in a hole, you know?

Personally I fucking hate toxic positivity because it feels invalidating and like it's coming from a place that just can't relate or doesn't see me.

So things I've learned in therapy have a different take.

My therapist is like you can't tell someone who has had their house burn down that it's unlikely their house will burn down again. It happened.

So like. Acknowledge that things suck sometimes. Sit with that. It sucks. And know you can get through it.

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Muscles posted...

1. Hit the gym
2. Diet
3. Lift your fucking head up
4. Flirt with every girl behind every counter(for practice not for results, although if theyre really receptive feel free to go to the next level)
5. Have a 5 year plan; make more money and be able to show off your stability

I did all that. Now life is boring.

Muscles posted...

I have started doing both 1 and 3 recently, it hasn't seemed to help much, which has only makes it even more disappointing

no offense muscles, but diet is more important in your case, ok?

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Good diet definitely improves your mood.
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grimhilde00 posted...

Personally I fucking hate toxic positivity because it feels invalidating and like it's coming from a place that just can't relate or doesn't see me.

So things I've learned in therapy have a different take.

My therapist is like you can't tell someone who has had their house burn down that it's unlikely their house will burn down again. It happened.

So like. Acknowledge that things suck sometimes. Sit with that. It sucks. And know you can get through it.

I know I said be positive, but I do avoid toxic positivity, if you'll believe that :p

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my most well-received poem was inspired by depression and toxic positivity so sometimes good things arise from not good things

ReturnOfFa posted...

I know I said be positive, but I do avoid toxic positivity, if you'll believe that :p

Lol sorry didn't mean to sound like I was speaking about you but I see how it could come off that way lol just meant to offer another perspective


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Muscles posted...

How do I get out of this?

Be the way you want the world to be.

Sunny comes in right on cue after the anti-toxic positivity post lol

I don't know about making friends because I just act like myself and too many people want to be friends to the point where I acquaintance-zone everyone. As for advice on girls I'm not guy to ask either but yes life is unfair the best thing you can do is try to improve yourself physically, emotionally and mentally. If you can't self teach yourself through self improvement videos then try going to a therapist.

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CoorsLight posted...

Sunny comes in right on cue after the anti-toxic positivity post lol

How is what I said toxic positivity?

Want the world to be kinder? Be more kind yourself.
Want the world to be more helpful? Be more helpful yourself.
Want the world to be friendlier? Be friendlier yourself.

You can't change other people but you can definitely change yourself. By being what you want from the world, you can change the world.

grimhilde00 posted...

Lol sorry didn't mean to sound like I was speaking about you but I see how it could come off that way lol just meant to offer another perspective

Haha don't worry, just thought I'd talk about it. I forgot to mention how some forms of positivity can be toxic and unhelpful. I've worked in those types of workplaces where actual problems are ignored and you're told to 'be positive'.

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UnknownNobody posted...

How is what I said toxic positivity?

Want the world to be kinder? Be more kind yourself.
Want the world to be more helpful? Be more helpful yourself.
Want the world to be friendlier? Be friendlier yourself.

You can't change other people but you can definitely change yourself. By being what you want from the world, you can change the world.

Because it's not only incredibly reductive, it doesn't even make sense. One person alone can't make a difference. It doesn't mean you should give up and be a shitty person instead, but the world isn't going to "give back". You'll probably find better luck in your day to day interactions, yes, but it isn't going to change a lot of the more existential things that depress people.

CoorsLight posted...

One person alone can't make a difference.

I disagree.

I sometimes feel that way.

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