Current Events > I'm a XX year old virgin and not sure who to talk to about my issues...

(+) Yeah! (+)

Like it feels weird bringing up intimacy issues with therapists. And I never want to talk about sexuality, so like who can I even talk to about that?

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I wish I knew

I don't feel like anyone would really understand it

CE will listen

Have you ever been through the drive-thru of a Burger King, and used your credit card in their card reader? Sex is something like that.

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A horny girl, duh.

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Therapists will most likely tell you that it's not a big deal and the biggest % of people wish they waited til they got married in hindsight. The whole like sleep around so you don't mess up with the one is a myth because there are actually very very small % of couples that actually break up due to sexual differences.

Just find a nice girl, fuck sex frankly because it's really just bumping uglies together

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legendarylemur posted...

Therapists will most likely tell you that it's not a big deal and the biggest % of people wish they waited til they got married in hindsight. The whole like sleep around so you don't mess up with the one is a myth because there are actually very very small % of couples that actually break up due to sexual differences.

Just find a nice girl, fuck sex frankly because it's really just bumping uglies together

I want to look up your percentages, but I'm not sure how to word that.

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it's not so much that I care about sex, it's that going long enough without physical intimacy messes with your head.

But I feel like anybody I talk to about it is going to be like "wtf you have a messed up head."

I already had a friend upset with me when I opened up. I was in the wrong in using my friend as a therapist, but still idk who I can possibly talk to about my issues in that realm.

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LivingLegend posted...

Did you just dismiss post #6?

You know the saying... You can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink...

It's decent advice, but anytime I'm completely isolated with my issues/grief it seems to make things worse. The idea that the only safe space for me to express my issues is to myself in silence in a place nobody will ever see IMO validates the idea that I'm beyond hope.

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DarthAragorn posted...

I wish I knew

I don't feel like anyone would really understand it

joe40001 posted...

it's not so much that I care about sex, it's that going long enough without physical intimacy messes with your head.

I'm right there with you guys.

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EnvoyOfTheLight posted...

I want to look up your percentages, but I'm not sure how to word that.

Lol I tried to find the study that I specifically read at the time, couldn't find it, but a quick google shows that 71% of people agree one bad sex doesn't ruin a relationship. I guess if you suck at sex 4.5 times, there is a good chance you will break up, so you got that many chances to figure shit out, but I have no idea how reliable this particular research is. Can't link cuz it has sexual content, but it's like the 4th article down from some google search like does bad sex ruin relationship or some shit, the article written rather unprofessionally with only a sample size of 2000.

Also just on a logical basis, the study that I've read eons ago and cannot fucking find it, and also having talked to therapists myself, generally sex and a lack of experience doesn't ruin relationship because the actual reason for breaking up after multiple bad sex is merely a communication problem. As long as you give a shit about what they think, it won't take going through like 10-20 girls to figure it out. This is also like not talking about some flimsy teen relationship or anything.

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I think your way forward is through specialists, friend. In this case, a sex therapist. They cost about as much as a regular therapist and aren't covered through insurance.

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legendarylemur posted...

Lol I tried to find the study that I specifically read at the time, couldn't find it, but a quick google shows that 71% of people agree one bad sex doesn't ruin a relationship. I guess if you suck at sex 4.5 times, there is a good chance you will break up, so you got that many chances to figure shit out, but I have no idea how reliable this particular research is. Can't link cuz it has sexual content, but it's like the 4th article down from some google search like does bad sex ruin relationship or some shit, the article written rather unprofessionally with only a sample size of 2000.

Also just on a logical basis, the study that I've read eons ago and cannot fucking find it, and also having talked to therapists myself, generally sex and a lack of experience doesn't ruin relationship because the actual reason for breaking up after multiple bad sex is merely a communication problem. As long as you give a shit about what they think, it won't take going through like 10-20 girls to figure it out. This is also like not talking about some flimsy teen relationship or anything.

that's cool and all, but that has nothing to do with my issue

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Look on the bright side. You're not financially screwed with a kid you never meant to have, or have and STD with your dick falling off, or in one of those deluded marriages you may see others in.

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KaZooo posted...

Look on the bright side. You're not financially screwed with a kid you never meant to have, or have and STD with your dick falling off, or in one of those deluded marriages you may see others in.

Believe me, I do take comfort in this, and have 0 sympathy for anybody in such a situation or those who lucked out of not being in such a situation.

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legendarylemur posted...

Lol I tried to find the study that I specifically read at the time, couldn't find it, but a quick google shows that 71% of people agree one bad sex doesn't ruin a relationship. I guess if you suck at sex 4.5 times, there is a good chance you will break up, so you got that many chances to figure shit out, but I have no idea how reliable this particular research is. Can't link cuz it has sexual content, but it's like the 4th article down from some google search like does bad sex ruin relationship or some shit, the article written rather unprofessionally with only a sample size of 2000.

Also just on a logical basis, the study that I've read eons ago and cannot fucking find it, and also having talked to therapists myself, generally sex and a lack of experience doesn't ruin relationship because the actual reason for breaking up after multiple bad sex is merely a communication problem. As long as you give a shit about what they think, it won't take going through like 10-20 girls to figure it out. This is also like not talking about some flimsy teen relationship or anything.

This is quite a fair point. It's going to take some egregious factors to end a relationship via sexual conflicts.

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does your age in relation to never having sex hurt you the most mentality?

or more about how you look and the feeling you will never have sex because of this?

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SaccharineSmile posted...

does your age in relation to never having sex hurt you the most mentality?

or more about how you look and the feeling you will never have sex because of this?

It's more that some component of a guy's self worth is derived from getting to feel strong, powerful, desirable, and masculine, and at this point I've just had to internalize that I am and will never be any of those things.

The other thing that messes me up is complete lack of physical intimate affection. Not having sex is shitty, but never having cuddles is horrible.

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