Current Events > I don't mean to slutshame or anything but this dating strategy just sucks right

(+) Yeah! (+)

Friend of mine is upset that she is never taken seriously by guys. They always pump and dump. She gets "friendzoned". They date her for a while for the sex and then leave when feelings develop. She's really sad that she's never treated as a serious option to settle down with.

Here's the thing: her tinder bio says that she's "kinky" (one of three personality traits she put into the single sentence on it). Has a pic of her in latex catsuit, another at the beach in a bikini, and one of her face.

She tells guys that she's "looking for fun but would like a relationship if the right thing comes along if we click".

She NEVER goes out on dates. The dates are just the guy coming over to her house and they bang and maybe play videogames. This is literally the first date.

I'm sorry but this is prime fuckboy unicorn material surely. Like if you were a fuckboy this is EXACTLY the kind of girl you would look for...

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Sounds like she doesn't really want a relationship or at best is very indecisive of what she wants

Or she just has a severe lack of self awareness

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When you market yourself as such thats what youre going to draw attention from. People still havent realized that if you market yourself as quality youre going to get quality. Sigh.

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the actions don't align with the stated goals, at least.

It's covid-era so the ability to randomly go on a date somewhere in public is slightly diminished, but at least like, idk, cook dinner together or something.

Using hookups as a segue into a relationship usually ends poorly due to a mishmash of expectations. It can work, but being more upfront about coupling up will ward off some fuckboys and set up better odds for you.
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R/niceguys

How'd you get her tinder bio? Stalking much?
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bigbadharry posted...

R/niceguys

How'd you get her tinder bio? Stalking much?

If you spent more time hanging out with people in real life than you did on sad subreddits laughing at losers then you'd know it was pretty normal for friends to talk about their relationship problems with each other and compare tinder profiles

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Solid Snake07 posted...

Sounds like she doesn't really want a relationship or at best is very indecisive of what she wants

Or she just has a severe lack of self awareness

Or a lack of confidence? Some people dont want to take the risk of being turned down so will only put themselves in situations where you try and avoid that. Being open about being easy is one way to ensure youre going to get some attention in the short term. The problem is it doesnt attract people who want a long term relationship so shes kinda doing herself a disservice but when youre insecure and lonely then I guess a quick lay is better than nothing.

bigbadharry posted...

R/niceguys

How'd you get her tinder bio? Stalking much?

Is this a serious question? They are friends.

Sounds like she doesnt know how to date, sadly enough. She needs to develop a sense of self worth, figure out what she wants, and let that lead her. She cant have it both ways.

probs trying to lock guys over her league. Is she over weight? Also age?

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How old is this girl?

MildlyIrkedOwl posted...

If you spent more time hanging out with people in real life than you did on sad subreddits laughing at losers then you'd know it was pretty normal for friends to talk about their relationship problems with each other and compare tinder profiles

I'm not buying it. You just sound salty cause you've been friendzoned. She's allowed to vent without you judging her.
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I had a friend with benefits in college like this

FWB til she caught feelings then hate the guy for not also catching feelings. Over and over...

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Ruvan22 posted...

How old is this girl?

This but only because I feel like it will help solve the situation.

She either seems to mistake sex for love, OR sex for feelings of romantic attraction. People can sleep together without dating. I feel like there's a super long rant here about putting out what you're expecting. If you're expecting to date someone maybe don't bang them after you've played video games with them for an hour or two. Not saying that it doesn't lead to relationships, but if you advertise yourself as "i'll do whatever until prince charming comes around" you'll get a whole lot less princes than actually getting some.

Moral of the story: It's 100 percent cool to sleep around, it's 100 percent cool to not sleep around. It's 100 percent cool to be waiting for a boyfriend, and 100 percent cool to not be. I don't judge either way. But if you want to be serious with someone having them over for Mario and to fuck quick isn't a great way to do it. And if you keep doing the same move and people keep fucking you and leaving, something is probably being done wrong. My guess is communication is lacking somewhere.

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