Current Events > Your girlfriend turns out to secretly be half-giant scorpion princess.

(+) Yeah! (+)

This is a hypothetical scenario.

You're at home with your girlfriend one day watching TV when suddenly you hear a rumbling and then a giant hugely muscular half-man, half-scorpion emerges from the ground. You're shocked and scream in terror but your girlfriend just looks surprised and annoyed.

"Neil! What are you doing here!? You can't be here!" Your girlfriend yells

"You know why I am here Princess. I've let you play at being human long enough. But it's time to listen to your big brother and help solve the crisis." Neil says

"I'm not playing! I'm happy here as a woman. I have friends and a job and a home. This is my life now. This is my boyfriend right here. I love him. I don't belong with you anymore." she replies.

Neil looks you and sizes you up like a puppy in a dog show "This 'woman' is my sister Rithiana, princess of the subterranean realms. She's been lying to you this whole time, she's no human. She just assumed the form because she fell in love with you." he says the word 'love' with complete derision.

"You can't make me go with you Neil! I want to stay here! I'm happy with my life. I chose to live here" your girlfriend says

"Actually little sis, I can. Our people need you and you don't belong here. Let me prove it." he wiggles his stinger and suddenly wobbly magic energy emerges from it.

"No don't!" your girlfriend yells but it's too late. The energy surrounds her and reveals her true form, transforming her into a giant monsterous half-scoprion

https://i.imgur.com/Li5R4AD.png

She then looks at you teary eyed "I was going to tell you, truly I was, I swear. Just.... Not like this."

"You think he will still accept you now? You're a freak to them. This is reality. Stop living a fantasy and come back to where you belong with me now. The Queen is worried sick." Neil says angrily.

How would you react?
Could you still date her?
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Yes. That would be fucking radscorpion.

ftfy

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So yes, is what I'm saying

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I meant to click "Yes. That would be fucking rad." but slipped and hit Other.

I'd never have to worry about a home intrusion ever again. Although.. she probably should go help her people... can I tag along?

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So banging a half lady half scorpion would be off my bucket list

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Just call me Grifforzer.
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SolidShadow3 posted...

Although.. she probably should go help her people... can I tag along?

I mean... you could, but the laws of narrative convention mean that you'd spend two thirds of the story being bumbling comic relief and making the situation worse, probably getting dumped by your missus in the process, only to re-emerge in the finale to do something proper heroic that gets you mortally wounded.

It's all good, though, because your sacrifice will have earned Neil's respect, so he'll save you at the last second by turning you into a scorpion boy, which will be serve as both a heartwarming moment and also a cowardly but convenient way to avoid having to address the every day issues and prejudices that arise from interspecies romance.

So... Actually, yeah, tag along, that sounds fucking awesome. Go earn your stinger you magnificent bastard.

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So you're a Princess then. Does that mean I am a Prince, or just a concubine?

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Tom Clark posted...

I mean... you could, but the laws of narrative convention mean that you'd spend two thirds of the story being bumbling comic relief and making the situation worse, probably getting dumped by your missus in the process, only to re-emerge in the finale to do something proper heroic that gets you mortally wounded.

It's all good, though, because your sacrifice will have earned Neil's respect, so he'll save you at the last second by turning you into a scorpion boy, which will be serve as both a heartwarming moment and also a cowardly but convenient way to avoid having to address the every day issues and prejudices that arise from interspecies romance.

So... Actually, yeah, tag along, that sounds fucking awesome. Go earn your stinger you magnificent bastard.

Fuck yea, totally down now!

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Isn't this a Path of Exile quest?

Oh a boss from ds2?
Sure

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UnfairRepresent posted...

"You think he will still accept you now? You're a freak to them. This is reality. Stop living a fantasy and come back to where you belong with me now. The Queen is worried sick." Neil says angrily.

I love Scorpion fatalities...but not like this... Not like this...

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SolidShadow3 posted...
Although.. she probably should go help her people... can I tag along?

That might be a mistake.

Not only are you a puny human in the realm of giant half Scorpions but its also a matriarchal society where men have less rights and freedoms than women.

So going there as the weakest man in the land might not end well. Especially considering the only one on your side is the princess
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half-giant?

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UnfairRepresent posted...

That might be a mistake.

Not only are you a puny human in the realm of giant half Scorpions but its also a matriarchal society where men have less rights and freedoms than women.

So going there as the weakest man in the land might not end well. Especially considering the only one on your side is the princess

Yea, but what @Tom_Clark said.

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Is she brave, strong, and loyal? And does she give great hugs?

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having half human half radioactive scorpion children??

only a fool would pass on that opportunity.

Tom Clark posted...

I mean... you could, but the laws of narrative convention mean that you'd spend two thirds of the story being bumbling comic relief and making the situation worse, probably getting dumped by your missus in the process, only to re-emerge in the finale to do something proper heroic that gets you mortally wounded.

It's all good, though, because your sacrifice will have earned Neil's respect, so he'll save you at the last second by turning you into a scorpion boy, which will be serve as both a heartwarming moment and also a cowardly but convenient way to avoid having to address the every day issues and prejudices that arise from interspecies romance.

So... Actually, yeah, tag along, that sounds fucking awesome. Go earn your stinger you magnificent bastard.

Came in expecting to vote no.

Now I have no choice but to vote yes.

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UnfairRepresent posted...

That might be a mistake.

Not only are you a puny human in the realm of giant half Scorpions but its also a matriarchal society where men have less rights and freedoms than women.

So going there as the weakest man in the land might not end well. Especially considering the only one on your side is the princess

Matriarchal? Then why is she taking orders from this asshole?

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....can i have Lamia or slime gurl or horse gurl or spider gurl instead?

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPSx283jpJE&t=36

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ZeroX91 posted...

....can i have Lamia or slime gurl or horse gurl or spider gurl instead?

Somebody's been watching Monster Musume. No mermaid?

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So the perfect woman then?

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so, um, scorpion females often kill their mates after sex and then eat them...

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ZevLoveDOOM posted...

having half human half radioactive scorpion children??

only a fool would pass on that opportunity.

Assuming you could have children they would be 3/4s human, 1/4s giant scorpion

Not half

Also why are you calling them Radioactive? No one said anything about them being radioactive.

They're not.

It's borderline racism to say someone has to be radioactive to be half giant scorpion.
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UnfairRepresent posted...

Also why are you calling them Radioactive? No one said anything about them being radioactive.

They're not.

It's borderline racism to say someone has to be radioactive to be half giant scorpion.

Would somebody please think of the half-giant scorpions?


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What the fuck is wrong with you?
You come here and ruin my perfectly fine floor and then reveal her big secret that she wasnt ready to talk about yet, your own goddamn sister, and then you want her to leave her whole life just like that?
What kind of asshole brother are you?
And the floor wont fix itself, would you just leave me with a hole in both my heart and my floor?
You can come back in two days when me and my girlfriend have had a talk and we will listen to what you will have to say, but use the goddamn door instead of ruining my floor again, now get the fuck out of here!

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Foppe posted...

What the fuck is wrong with you?
You come here and ruin my perfectly fine floor and then reveal her big secret that she wasnt ready to talk about yet, your own goddamn sister, and then you want her to leave her whole life just like that?
What kind of asshole brother are you?
And the floor wont fix itself, would you just leave me with a hole in both my heart and my floor?
You can come back in two days when me and my girlfriend have had a talk and we will listen to what you will have to say, but use the goddamn door instead of ruining my floor again, now get the fuck out of here!

You know thats actually a pretty valid reply

Assuming Neil doesn't just penetrate your face or something
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Keep your fetish in your pocket.

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jumi posted...

Matriarchal? Then why is she taking orders from this asshole?

Same reason you live in a patriarchal society and yet you might "take orders " from your nagging older sister or mom.
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It would explain a lot

Both Foppe and Tom Clark posts are pretty good points - I'd say a lot depends on what my girlfriend said next, as while I don't like people commanding people I care about, I also like to know that the people I care about think of more than themselves. I don't know the whole reason why she left, but I'd be a bit disappointed if it was just "I want to be happy and do my own thing, I don't care about other people's plight"

UnfairRepresent posted...

Assuming you could have children they would be 3/4s human, 1/4s giant scorpion

Not half

Also why are you calling them Radioactive? No one said anything about them being radioactive.

They're not.

It's borderline racism to say someone has to be radioactive to be half giant scorpion.

i know. i just thought it would be cooler if they were... >_>

The cooler quelaag.

Id hit it.

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jumi posted...

Somebody's been watching Monster Musume. No mermaid?

Ehh fish tastes gross.

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Ruvan22 posted...

Both Foppe and Tom Clark posts are pretty good points - I'd say a lot depends on what my girlfriend said next, as while I don't like people commanding people I care about, I also like to know that the people I care about think of more than themselves. I don't know the whole reason why she left, but I'd be a bit disappointed if it was just "I want to be happy and do my own thing, I don't care about other people's plight"

I don't see you rushing to fix other people's plight
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I tell her that she should probably go help her people solve whatever crisis they're having. If its meant to be between us, then we can pick things up later...

But once she's gone, I'm looking into moving immediately. Even in a good relationship, you can get into arguments & if she ever turns abusive, I'll be dead. No thanks.

Plus, even if I were into 'monster chicks' it would only be with those who are still humanoid.

yeah i love monster girls, though far from one of my top types


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pfh1001 posted...

I tell her that she should probably go help her people solve whatever crisis they're having. If its meant to be between us, then we can pick things up later...

But once she's gone, I'm looking into moving immediately.

Kinda douchey to lie to her like that
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But why is his name Neil?

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GeneralKenobi85 posted...

But why is his name Neil?

That's the part you focus on?

That's just what his mama called him
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GeneralKenobi85 posted...

But why is his name Neil?

It's short for Neil Before The Fucking Scorpion Prince

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That would be "rad".

Is her dad Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson?

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UnfairRepresent posted...

Kinda douchey to lie to her like that

Kinda douchey of you to cut off my post explaining why.

Wii_Shaker posted...

That would be "rad".

Is her dad Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson?

Well her father was the Scorpion King
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UnfairRepresent posted...

I don't see you rushing to fix other people's plight

A) I do at work
B) I wasn't born into a family whose are responsible for an entire race

So, can she turn back into a human? Like, I assume she's magical, a shapeshifter or something, right? If she can, then I'd still be down. Otherwise, sorry, not into monster chicks.

What's the problem here exactly? Just imagine getting pegged by her scorpion tail, it'd be so much better than any toy.

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garan posted...

So, can she turn back into a human? Like, I assume she's magical, a shapeshifter or something, right? If she can, then I'd still be down. Otherwise, sorry, not into monster chicks.

garan posted...

So, can she turn back into a human? Like, I assume she's magical, a shapeshifter or something, right? If she can, then I'd still be down. Otherwise, sorry, not into monster chicks.

She will always be a giant half scorpion but she can use magic to assume an illusionary human form that will fool your senses
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Pass then.