Board 8 > Name a DC or Marvel character and I will rate them.

(+) Yeah! (+)

redrocket posted...

Rip Hunter

This write-up is for the Rip Hunter of right now, which is to say that the Rip Hunter of yesterday, which is the Rip Hunter of tomorrow, will be discounted for the criterion of this ranking since, although we are aware of the actions of said Rip Hunter, he actually has yet to come into existence, and as such, I am incapable of giving him the rating that is due him thanks to my lack of knowledge of his role in a time period which has yet to come to pass, even though, theoretically, I have seen his actions in my personal past, because, quite frankly, that timeline is in his future, and therefore all of my prior actions have not occurred in his own personal timeline, and until I catch up to his past, which is my future, my write-up about his past events which are my past but his future, have never come to pass. And a write-up about the future cannot exist, because the future has yet to occur, and therefore the write-up has not been written, at least in his future, which is my past, which means this write-up as well, which is in my present, is in his further future, and therefore means the present is the future, and only the future is the past, but because it would be my future, and Rip would be aware of that write-up, I would not be, and therefore I cannot share it with you at this time.

Rating: 80/100

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Fastbreak posted...

The Right Honorable Judge Harvey Dent

The fickle finger of fate is actually the thumb that propels the coin in the air, and while chance is all fine and good, destiny is an elusive but controlling mistress. It's fair to call the actions of Harvey Dent crazed ravings of a man obsessed with luck and chaos, but the unified string theory would suggest that Harvey Dent was always meant to flip a coin, and that coin was always meant to land heads or tails. The universe conspires to result in the consequences of any action taken, and therefore Two-Face's entire belief system is structured on inaccuracy. Of course, on the other hand, maybe chaos and chance is meant to be a physical manifestation of the theory of duality, the id and ego at odds with one another, the yin and yang of opposing forces, and nothing more. Chaos is an illusion - the natural laws of physics are at play in Two-Face's mind, and we're just along for the ride.

Rating: Maybe

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The Wonder Twins

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NFUN posted...

John Cooper Hawksmoor

The last time I visited Orlando, I took off my shoes and tried to have a conversation with it. I figured, if my ability to tap into the souls of cities existed, there was no better place to test it out than a town playing home to a powerful magical kingdom, a studio of the universe, and a center of... Epcot. I had nothing for that one. As it turns out, shouting at buildings barefoot in Orlando gets you questioned by overbearing police officers obsessed with quashing the unusual, and said officers weren't interested in hearing a recap of The Authority as an excuse for my behavior. Maybe they would have instead listened to my second favorite member of the team, Jack Hawksmoor, a man who is one part peak-Wildstorm, one part peak-British Invasion and two parts comic book perfection. The best characters are the ones with pragmatic attitudes and blase attitudes in the face of reality-altering threats. The cream of the crop come fully loaded with ridiculous abilities that sound less like superpowers and more like metaphors. Jack Hawksmoor ticks all of the boxes, and I defy you to find a single Marvel character with a power as cool as his.

Rating: 45th Floor

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Great_Paul posted...

Mysterio

Bruce Campbell did nothing except faithfully appear in three Spider-Man cameos. His reward? The cruel engine of Sony's capitalistic crud lurched forward, abandoning the Sam Raimi Experience in favor of hiring a director with the last name Webb. And what did Webb do? Prevent us from experience the Spider-Man endgame - a world where the phenomenal talents of Bruce Campbell would have been concentrated inside of the suit of a special effects guru hellbent on bending reality into Spidey's personal hell. God, what a gift that would have been! Instead, we got Andrew Garfield. Disgusting. And it's a shame, too, because as enjoyable as the Jakie G Mysterio ended up being, a more faithful adaptation to the comics source would actually have catered to my personal interests more. There was a brief moment of perfection where the film captured the whimsical and terrifying magic of special effects on steroids laced with acid, and that encapsulated what Mysterio could have been. After all, as my #2 Spider-Man villain, Mysterio makes it easy to see that I enjoy the small-scale career villains who explore a small but versatile niche in comics. I have less interest in the Andrew Garfield villains of the world, cardboard cut-outs designed to fill an hour while we lurch forward on the slow train to Gwen Stacy dying. And if you can't even make that scene feel satisfying (and really, Gwen's death should always be a moment of triumph for filmgoers), then what good are you, Mark Webb? What good are you?

Rating: Now You Don't

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Darkseid with his wicked omega beams. :D
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Is that John Hawksmoor story true? That's great if so!

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wheres my batgirl rting i posted here a while ago

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UltimaterializerX posted...

Thanos

I'm bored talking about Josh Brolin. We've spent too long talking about Josh Brolin like he invented the character of Thanos. The actual man behind the myth, the legend? That's my boy Jimmy Starlin, who put together the entire universe of the Marvel Cosmic. And whether it be Adam o' the Warlocks, or the Infinity Trilogy, or something featuring Quasar that makes slightly more sense than normal, Starlin defined the role of Marvel's resident Darkseid rip-off. And believe you me, Thanos is a Darkseid rip-off. Probably one of the greatest aspects to Thanos' character ever presented never happened in the comics - In Earth X, it was revealed that Thanos' unique appearance (at least in comparison to his race of Titan residents that spawned his bloodline) was actually the result of Skrull breeding in his family line. I always thought this was such a perfect change. The Skrulls have loyalty to nothing, and Thanos is anything but loyal to Mentor, Starfox and the rest of that brood. Furthermore, Thanos is adaptive and cagey in a way that Skrulls are and many other races in Marvel are not. It was such a brilliant move by the entire creative team on the Earth X trilogy that it's a shame that that really never got play in the Marvel Universe proper. In any event, Thanos is the center of the Infinity Trilogy in the 80s and 90s at Marvel, and that trilogy is phenomenally good. Go read it.

Rating: 6 Gems

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Mr. Bumpo

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Great_Paul posted...

Mr. Bumpo

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Apocalypse

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The Wall (Marvel)
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